Love vs Marriage
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I am married and i fall in love with a married woman. Dont want to go into the detail. But in this situation, am i selfish to give up my marriage just to be together with my love? Or rather is it better off if she and i go back to our respective legal partner?
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Originally posted by HougangBoy:
I am married and i fall in love with a married woman. Dont want to go into the detail. But in this situation, am i selfish to give up my marriage just to be together with my love? Or rather is it better off if she and i go back to our respective legal partner?
Don't mind me asking. I am just curious....What made you marry your wife in the first place? What went wrong in the marriage?
Don't mind me saying. Please don't get offended. I feel that you're already selfish to have another lover as there are some parts in you that have given up on the marriage.
I believe in talking things out. -
Actually before marriage i already have some feeling for this gal but at that time, i didnt do anything cos my wife has been together with me for quite a long time. In the end, i lose contact with this gal till i get married. Then we start chatting again and over the time, we confess our feeling to each other. And i think my feeling for this gal overshadow my feeling for my wife now.Originally posted by dunamis: -
So U gt married becoz of obligation?...
And now U r trying to forsake Ur responsibility?...
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I not trying to forsake my responsibility. I just wondering what is the correct or normal behaviour. give up on love or give up on responsibility?
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Correct behaviour? If U r talking abt morals, pls rem Ur vows when U gt married.Originally posted by HougangBoy:I not trying to forsake my responsibility. I just wondering what is the correct or normal behaviour. give up on love or give up on responsibility?
Normal behaviour? If most of the guys did wrong to their family and it is considered the norm will U follow suit?... -
I just want to get some views on what would u people choose when in this situation? Was feeling quite lost now. Dont wish to explain or cover up my mistake.
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Are you sure the grass is greener at the other side? Think further.. will you be happy with her in your life??? Will she be as perfectly as what you have thought of her? Can you stand her short-coming?Vice visa... If your ans is 'yes' ...of course the decision is clear..but will your current wife agrees to it???
For me, marriage is not a game. -
I know...Originally posted by HougangBoy:I just want to get some views on what would u people choose when in this situation? Was feeling quite lost now. Dont wish to explain or cover up my mistake.
Sometimes, its better to rational in this kind of cases...
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Bro, I will go back to my wife.
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You are selfish if you give up your marriage to be with her.Originally posted by HougangBoy:I am married and i fall in love with a married woman. Dont want to go into the detail. But in this situation, am i selfish to give up my marriage just to be together with my love? Or rather is it better off if she and i go back to our respective legal partner?
And 2 people will be hurted in the process..
Think about your wife and her husband too.
Marriage is not a game. -
Originally posted by HougangBoy:
You seem to me as a sentimental person, and yet uncertain in what you want in a girl. You claimed that you think your feelings for this gal overshadowed those for your wife and the fact that you are still compromising to leave or stay by your wife, tells me that you don't know which gal you want yet. Marriage is a serious commitment, a covenant. Divorce is more troublesome to handle than break-up.
Actually before marriage i already have some feeling for this gal but at that time, i didnt do anything cos my wife has been together with me for quite a long time. In the end, i lose contact with this gal till i get married. Then we start chatting again and over the time, we confess our feeling to each other. And i think my feeling for this gal overshadow my feeling for my wife now.
Perhaps, the following questions might shed some light into your situation.
Who comes first into your mind?
Do you have any idea of who means the most to you?
Ask yourself this question and answer it honestly.
"When you are happy, which gal would you want to share your happiness with?" The one you think of is someone you love.
Ask yourself another question and answer it honestly!
"When you are sad, which gal you want to share your burden with?"
The one you think of is also someone you love.
If you think of the same gal when you are happy sad, that's the most perfect.
But if you don't think of the same gal, I would advise you to chose the one you are willing to share your sadness with because in life, there are more sorrows than happiness. If you live your life happily, you can also enjoy it alone. In sadness, however, there are not many people willing to share your burden with you.
I hope the woman you think of, is your wife. Afterall, you didn't make the effort to stay in touch with the girl (neither did she) and in the end, you chose to marry your wife. It's something we should not live in regrets. I'll just take it that we are not destined to marry each other.
My mum once told me, to marry the man whom I cannot live without with, not whom I can live with.
Hope it helps.
Cheers! -
What makes you attracted to her??Originally posted by HougangBoy:I am married and i fall in love with a married woman. Dont want to go into the detail. But in this situation, am i selfish to give up my marriage just to be together with my love? Or rather is it better off if she and i go back to our respective legal partner? -
One word................ STOP before you end up losing both. Cheating on wife ought to be CASTRATED & SHOT.Originally posted by HougangBoy:I am married and i fall in love with a married woman. Dont want to go into the detail. But in this situation, am i selfish to give up my marriage just to be together with my love? Or rather is it better off if she and i go back to our respective legal partner?
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I have hear most of the comment that most of you mention.
Comment such as...
1) Im a selfish person
2) Im too emotional...i should be rational
3) I should go back to my wife
4) I dont know that gal well
All these comments are all direct to choosing my wife.
Very minor, would tell me to choose the one who i really like now. Hence i very confuse as to the importance of love over responsibility. -
Originally posted by HougangBoy:Actually before marriage i already have some feeling for this gal but at that time, i didnt do anything cos my wife has been together with me for quite a long time. In the end, i lose contact with this gal till i get married. Then we start chatting again and over the time, we confess our feeling to each other. And i think my feeling for this gal overshadow my feeling for my wife now.
You are overpowered by regrets, not by Love.
Your regret is based on the fact that this girl didn't have any beginning with you and thus this malicious regret lived in you all these while - before AND after marriage. And when you give it a chance to blossom, the suppression creates a tremendous amount of emotional energy, which you thought that this 'love' overshadowed the feelings for your wife.
It is very simple to discern this kind of scenario from those who lost faith in their current relationship and falling for someone else completely. Chances are, you still love your wife, but somehow, your emotions are flowing all directions, which cease your ability to think, feel and understand.
And to think that you have lost your love for your wife to pursue what 'your heart seeks'... you will come to an understanding that in the end, your relationship with her will likely to fail because you realise that this woman isn't as perfect as you thought she would be when reality sinks in. This is the Love theory of Fantasy, as the facade crumbles when reality is introduced.
This is, in fact, one of the several dimensions in karmic love. CloUdiSm termed it as Fifth of Cups.
P.S: Please make use of time to exercise self enlightenment. There has never been a better opportunity to get to know yourself. To employ haste and to judge your decision wholly based on your current emotional confusion will only serve to fulfil this karmic debt.
Cheers -
Is your mum the intellectually hot-looking type?Originally posted by dunamis:
My mum once told me, to marry the man whom I cannot live without with, not whom I can live with.
Cheers!
By the way, she gave you good advice.(Grammar is not her strongest point though)
HougangBoy,
Spare some consideration for that new girl in your life as well.
A lot of women out there are herd creatures...when one woman in her group has a bad opinion of her, others will start to follow suit. She WILL feel isolated.
What the society thinks of them matters a lot more to them.
She might be feeling you right now but she might not be able to handle something long-term.
Can she overcome the guilt of forsaking her husband?
Can she ignore what others will say?
If she cannot handle all the pressure, she will start feeling insecure and might want to call it off or she will start to be very possessive because of her insecurity. You have to be mentally prepared for a unhealthy long term relationship.
So you see, I'm speaking not from a moral point of view.
About responsibility and love
You asked, "Is responsibilty more important than love?" Your sense of responsibility stems from your values and upbringing. No one can answer that for you.
Stop asking that question about responsibility. The moment when you declared your feelings to that new girl, you have already lost your sense of responsibility to your wife.
A more important question right now is...
" Can I handle going against what the society demands. Society demands me to do something morally correct...can I ignore what the others will think about me?"
If you really want to be with her, ask yourself how you are going to help her when she starts feeling all the pressure.
If you've made up your mind that she is the right one and you will do your best to help her along the way...my advice would be to take the risk
The greatest risk in life is to not take any risk at all.
Think about it. -
the question u have to ask yourself is, are u sure u love her?
if its a yes, then things definately won't be so clear cut. because we have to ask if giving up on love is the right thing to do for sure. If humans were rational creatures all the time, we won't have crimes, bigotry and divorce etc in this world. -
I feel tat you are not exactly asking for who to choose.. Pardon mi for being harsh.. But Rather.. U are waiting for plp to justify ur feelings.. To give you the go ahead to choose your love rather than ur wife..Originally posted by HougangBoy:I have hear most of the comment that most of you mention.
Comment such as...
1) Im a selfish person
2) Im too emotional...i should be rational
3) I should go back to my wife
4) I dont know that gal well
All these comments are all direct to choosing my wife.
Very minor, would tell me to choose the one who i really like now. Hence i very confuse as to the importance of love over responsibility.
Whom to choose is not up to us to make the decison.. The decison lies in you. All we that we can do is to voice out our view.. Usually when we are blinded by this confusion, we are unable to see clearly for ourselves what we actually want..
What alot others had to say is true.. The grass is greener on the other side..
When 2 plp live tog everydae, there are bound to be alot of conflicts.. Be it how loving a couple may be.. Marriage is about commitment, to give and to take..
Wheneva there is conflicts.. And there happens to be a new source of love out there.. Most plp are tempted to try it out.. Doesn't it always happen with new love? In the beginning of each new r/s.. It is so called the Honey moon period.. Both partners are extremely sweet to each other.. Blinded by each other faults..
Onli when 2 plp start to get closer & closer.. The love tat once blinded both are fading.. They starts to see each other faults..
Of coz when u mak a comparision.. The other party is bound to be beta in mani ways.. Why? Coz of the excitment of a new love.. And tat she is someone unattainable in the past.. It gives rise to the challenge.. And a boost to a guy's ego tat.. Hey.. She likes mi now!
It isn fair to both parties.. Your wife and your love.. Follow your heart.. Think and come to a decision.. Do you still love your wife? Who is it that u love more? For your love.. Is she reali the one that you love? Will you two be happy and that tis is reali the decision that you both want and won't regret?
I wish u all the best.. -
haha. orbi. nvr think clearly who u like then marry ur wife. treat marriage like nth.Originally posted by HougangBoy:I am married and i fall in love with a married woman. Dont want to go into the detail. But in this situation, am i selfish to give up my marriage just to be together with my love? Or rather is it better off if she and i go back to our respective legal partner? -
Originally posted by HougangBoy:
I have hear most of the comment that most of you mention.
Comment such as...
1) Im a selfish person
2) Im too emotional...i should be rational
3) I should go back to my wife
4) I dont know that gal well
All these comments are all direct to choosing my wife.
Very minor, would tell me to choose the one who i really like now. Hence i very confuse as to the importance of love over responsibility.
I wanted to ask you questions like, "You don't love your wife anymore?" Because you label her as your responsibility or "Will you encourage your children to cheat next time?" but I think these questions will be irrelevant because I am somewhat convinced that you'll choose your love.
It's Ok. Divorce cases are always on the rise. Adultery becomes a norm in this society. I have seen married man dating married woman in my office too. It became so common that noone raised their eyebrows anymore. So, I guess how society sees you is not much of a concern. What matters most to you now, I feel, is to find your true love and happiness (which we most likely can guess who will that be).
I am sure you know that courtship and living together is a totally different experience. I know of some couples who broke up after co-habitation and some who got married after that. Living together will reveal the little details of one another.
It's harder for girls to let go of relationships because we are more emotional. Just wondering if your love will throw away all emotional baggages of her previous marriage and sleep peacefully beside you, not thinking about him.
It's humans nature to look for greener pastures once their current situation seems boring, uninteresting or dull. However, once they tasted the 'greener pastures', they may think the previous pastures are better. I was trying to say that we tend to take our partner for granted and not count our blessings.
It's a risk you're taking. Whatever your decision maybe, I sincerely hope you won't regret it in future. All of us want happiness.
Cheers! -
Originally posted by curiousOrange:
Oh. My mum is 47 this year. Looking as hot as ever.
Is your mum the intellectually hot-looking type?
By the way, she gave you good advice.(Grammar is not her strongest point though)
Why? You curious about my mum? She has been a wonderful mum.
It's not her grammer, it's mine because I don't know how to translate from Chinese to English. haha...
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Originally posted by dunamis:
Amen to that. Life will be so beautiful.
What matters most to you now, I feel, is to find your true love and happiness (which we most likely can guess who will that be).
All of us want happiness.
Also look at it this way, if you (Hougang boy) have someone else in your mind but decides to stay on. You are stopping your wife from finding true love and happiness. That, in my opnion, is selfish. -
First of all, do you remember the commitment you've made to the one you have chose to married ?Originally posted by HougangBoy:I am married and i fall in love with a married woman. Dont want to go into the detail. But in this situation, am i selfish to give up my marriage just to be together with my love? Or rather is it better off if she and i go back to our respective legal partner?
Why did you marry her with still a doubt in your heart ?
From what you're saying, the woman is also married or attached.
If she could do that to her partner, he could do it to you too.
Don't live your life regretting a mistake that was so obviously commited.
Do you throw away your responsibility?
Why is your wife not the one you truely love ? -
it all depends on yourself.Originally posted by HougangBoy:I have hear most of the comment that most of you mention.
Comment such as...
1) Im a selfish person
2) Im too emotional...i should be rational
3) I should go back to my wife
4) I dont know that gal well
All these comments are all direct to choosing my wife.
Very minor, would tell me to choose the one who i really like now. Hence i very confuse as to the importance of love over responsibility.
you have to listen to yourself to make the decision.
No one can decide for you.
You need nobody approval to your decision bcos it is your own happiness.
I guess if you are unhappy of your marriage, your wife might not be happy in the relationship too.
true love or love over responsibility? It is your choice.