Marry For Comfort??
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i've got a fren,shes actually my supervisor at work.shes a divorcee and had 3 children,but all her children go with her ex husband.nw she had a bf who really treat her very well.the guy is realli rich and dote her 3 children.
this sunday shes going to ROM with him, but today she told me she act has no feelings for her current bf.shes still very much in love with her ex husband.
when i asked her then y she still wana married to her bf, she said its bcoz her bf is able to provide her with a gd life,she can get watever she want.
i was realli shocked by her ans.dun pple get married becoz they truly loved each other??
wat u pple think?
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As LoNg As I SHaLL LiVe
I'LL HoLd U dEaR
AnD I wILL rEMiNiScE
Of OuR LoVe ALL ThRoUgH
ThE YeArS.... -
selfish sow... she will regret later...
sorryz, but I really dislike this kind of people to the core. it's like u are playing wif pple's feelings to get wat u want... someday she will get it...
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well she might not regret it in future too...
feelings for someone can grow.... but wat i feel personnally is...she is one irresponsible person... i mean how can she bring herself to cheat someones feelings?? now this type of people i hate.. i feel tt their selfishness ARE their minds...
she juz betrayed herself for the greed of materialisticness(if there is such a word) -
It seems that all of you who replied are standing in the shoes of her husband to be. Have you ever considered her feelings? After one failed marriage, it is not easy to put your feelings into another. Maybe what she wants now is just a stable life. Just like many people will rather choose the person that loves them rather than the person they love.
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http://www.delphi.com/sg_frenz/start -
So i guess that once her new hubby is out of a job,she will leave him since it's only money and a good life she is after and not love when it comes to marriage?ehehe
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Theory Of Relativity
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Waiting for Diablo 2 Add-on -
"After one failed marriage, it is not easy to put your feelings into another. Maybe what she wants now is just a stable life. Just like many people will rather choose the person that loves them rather than the person they love."
agree w crysania w tt.. mayB aft a failed marriage, she no longer trust tt true love exists anymore.. aft sucha setback, she mt b afraid 2 commit again..
once bitten twice shy.. =)
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I think your colleague is a very practical person. Having 3 children to look after is not an easy affair, even with alimony from her ex-husband.
On the other hand she might not regret it as most women will sober up to know that looks and adventure from a good-looking guy is never stable. Fun but not good for herself and for family. What most women wants (I think) is someone to provide for her and family, at the same time a man that's stable in his thoughts and care for family. I hope your colleague will learn to love this man... one day. That's all folks.
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Being practical serves its values but lying to your own self is another issue.
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ask u something...will u marry for love or sercurity for life(example: money)? i m looking from a normal person's view..... marriage is for life...love for spouse.... and certainly not bcoz of can't forget yr ex husband...or bcoz he can provide for u... if so y get married??it may be hard for her... but must she pull another party into the story??is this really fair to the other guy she is marrying?gurls u can't juz think abt the females in these situations.... we guys HAVE feelings too!Originally posted by Crysania:It seems that all of you who replied are standing in the shoes of her husband to be. Have you ever considered her feelings? After one failed marriage, it is not easy to put your feelings into another. Maybe what she wants now is just a stable life. Just like many people will rather choose the person that loves them rather than the person they love.
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http://www.delphi.com/sg_frenz/start
[This message has been edited by [[|vaN De TeR|B|E]] (edited 20 June 2001).] -
In her colleague's point, its marrying for security. As long as she doesn't fool around his back and performs her duty as wife its good enough for him. And for her to have a man around the house to look after the kids is a good thing. Think about the children will you, living or growing up with a single parent is a very sad thing...Originally posted by [[|vaN De TeR|B|E]]:ask u something...will u marry for love or sercurity for life(example: money)? i m looking from a normal person's view..... marriage is for life...love for spouse.... and certainly not bcoz of can't forget yr ex husband...or bcoz he can provide for u... if so y get married??it may be hard for her... but must she pull another party into the story??is this really fair to the other guy she is marrying?gurls u can't juz think abt the females in these situations.... we guys HAVE feelings too!
[This message has been edited by [[|vaN De TeR|B|E]] (edited 20 June 2001).]
Both will win, in the case of this man... If no one tells him he won't know and may live life happily blinded by his ignorance.
Most marriages are not built on love. That's why 1 in 8 marriages end up in divorce. That guy has feelings, Agreed. But how many times have you heard of rich businessmen having affairs while being married. Never? I've already seen 2-3 cases in the past few years. Their wives don't have feelings too? Stop kidding yourselves. Go and ask Jackie Chan's wife then. heehee :p
In the ideal world, man and woman will be married and go forth and populate the world and remain happily married to each other until Death do them part. Now? There are always such cases, so its about time we accept these things as they are. We cannot change the whole world.
What's more woman are biologically and traditional taught to be family makers. A man has a higher sex drive because he needs to populate the world and can fool around. The woman cannot because if she fools around she might get pregnant. 9 months is not an easy thing, caring and feeding kids without a man is difficult but not impossible.
Okie... don't know if I make sense. That's how I see it. -
well... i don't think i will change my thinking..not bcoz i m selfish or whatsoever...but bcoz..in my thinking ... if u wanna get married..to someone u like... even if he or she IS not the love of yr life...AT LEAST u must haf feelings for him/her..... u haf to fair to both parties rite?Originally posted by Klactovak:In her colleague's point, its marrying for security. As long as she doesn't fool around his back and performs her duty as wife its good enough for him. And for her to have a man around the house to look after the kids is a good thing. Think about the children will you, living or growing up with a single parent is a very sad thing... Both will win, in the case of this man... If no one tells him he won't know and may live life happily blinded by his ignorance.
Most marriages are not built on love. That's why 1 in 8 marriages end up in divorce. That guy has feelings, Agreed. But how many times have you heard of rich businessmen having affairs while being married. Never? I've already seen 2-3 cases in the past few years. Their wives don't have feelings too? Stop kidding yourselves. Go and ask Jackie Chan's wife then. heehee :p
In the ideal world, man and woman will be married and go forth and populate the world and remain happily married to each other until Death do them part. Now? There are always such cases, so its about time we accept these things as they are. We cannot change the whole world.
What's more woman are biologically and traditional taught to be family makers. A man has a higher sex drive because he needs to populate the world and can fool around. The woman cannot because if she fools around she might get pregnant. 9 months is not an easy thing, caring and feeding kids without a man is difficult but not impossible.
Okie... don't know if I make sense. That's how I see it.
maybe the words i used juz now were too harsh...i apologise..but tt's hao i feel..juz tt i should say it in a softer approach... sorrie abt tt though...i hope u can understand y i react this way.. -
I'm just trying to justify her actions. I did not say what she did is right. I myself will not marry for the sake of security, as I believe even without man I can take care of myself. But put yourself in her shoes. Have u ever had a failed marriage? Do you know how hard it is to go through that? Probably in her first marriage she had the thinking of marrying for love. But in the end what happened? Not everyone is as strong to pick up the pieces again.Originally posted by [[|vaN De TeR|B|E]]:ask u something...will u marry for love or sercurity for life(example: money)? i m looking from a normal person's view..... marriage is for life...love for spouse.... and certainly not bcoz of can't forget yr ex husband...or bcoz he can provide for u... if so y get married??it may be hard for her... but must she pull another party into the story??is this really fair to the other guy she is marrying?gurls u can't juz think abt the females in these situations.... we guys HAVE feelings too!
[This message has been edited by [[|vaN De TeR|B|E]] (edited 20 June 2001).]
Yes, her husband to be is the most innocent victim. But it is his decision to marry her.
Who ask him to love her? But who knows, maybe they might have a happy ending...
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be with me in the morning...be with me in the nite...with me when its dark out...with me when its light...
I want u to be with me...no matter what we do...just keep this reminder...of how much I love u...** -
i think once bitten twice shy should not b the excuse. so wat if u haf a failed marriage? learn from it! it's juz another mistake u made in life. the problem is she's marrying a guy for the sake of money n not love n that's really ... ( i dunno how to describe) if that's the case y did she divorced?
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sorrie for my strong words...k? ;pOriginally posted by Crysania:I'm just trying to justify her actions. I did not say what she did is right. I myself will not marry for the sake of security, as I believe even without man I can take care of myself. But put yourself in her shoes. Have u ever had a failed marriage? Do you know how hard it is to go through that? Probably in her first marriage she had the thinking of marrying for love. But in the end what happened? Not everyone is as strong to pick up the pieces again.
Yes, her husband to be is the most innocent victim. But it is his decision to marry her.
Who ask him to love her? But who knows, maybe they might have a happy ending... -
U go Gur|! bahaahaahaaOriginally posted by yolanda_tan:i think once bitten twice shy should not b the excuse. so wat if u haf a failed marriage? learn from it! it's juz another mistake u made in life. the problem is she's marrying a guy for the sake of money n not love n that's really ... ( i dunno how to describe) if that's the case y did she divorced? -
Like that hor, must ask what her first husband was like... Maybe she married for love, than the whole thing sour up because the man cannot provide lor, everyday go cheong... come back make baby then cheong again. Otherwise how come got 3 kids? Khekhekhekhekhe....
So she finally realise that loving a man for love is stupid because she love him more then he loves her. It's sound strange but it happened before. This girl I know wants to marry someone who loves her more than she loves him. Then she will be happy. Poor guy don't want to be in his shoes. Heehee... I think that's what her colleague is doing. Selfish colleague, Poor DumGuy! Oh well.... -
i juz thought of this...ermm.. maybe she isafraid of beening alone during old age?
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'i've got a fren,shes actually my supervisor at work.shes a divorcee and had 3 children,but all her children go with her ex husband.nw she had a bf who really treat her very well.the guy is realli rich and dote her 3 children.
this sunday shes going to ROM with him, but today she told me she act has no feelings for her current bf.shes still very much in love with her ex husband.
when i asked her then y she still wana married to her bf, she said its bcoz her bf is able to provide her with a gd life,she can get watever she want.
i was realli shocked by her ans.dun pple get married becoz they truly loved each other??'
i've got a qn to ask. Did she divorce her ex-husband juz to marry this guy or was she divorced sometime ago?
According to yolanda_tan she commented that u can't use once bitten twice shy as an excuse. i do agree to a certain extent. however, we are all humans with feelings. There are also other externalities u would never know had happened to her, which made her decide to leave her ex husband and now marrying this guy.
If she is willing to lie to herself, y not? Alot of pple are lying to themselves nowadays. An eg would be the jobs that pple are holding, it might not be the one they are most interested in. but they still work coz they wan the monetary returns. who is to decide or comment on what kinda person she is, when in actual fact, we are lying to ourselves in some other areas?
'ThE pRice oF grEatNEss Is ReSponSIbILITy.' -
'If she is willing to lie to herself, y not?'
'who is to decide or comment on what kinda person she is,'
look... i donno abt the others but...if she wanna lie to herself.....fine go ahead!
but y must she lie to someone who cares and loves her?? thn wat abt him?? is it fair to him??
comment?hmm.... well....i was juz saying out hao i feel... ;p ;p ;p -
but to sum up the whole thing, she is juz a woman wif a bit of principles. rite or wrong?
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her ex husband is realli like dat!everytime go cheong,leave the responsibilities of taking care of the house n the children to my supervisor.he is oso quite MCP.but still she loves him.sigh,sad isnt it??Originally posted by Klactovak:Like that hor, must ask what her first husband was like... Maybe she married for love, than the whole thing sour up because the man cannot provide lor, everyday go cheong... come back make baby then cheong again. Otherwise how come got 3 kids? Khekhekhekhekhe....
So she finally realise that loving a man for love is stupid because she love him more then he loves her. It's sound strange but it happened before. This girl I know wants to marry someone who loves her more than she loves him. Then she will be happy. Poor guy don't want to be in his shoes. Heehee... I think that's what her colleague is doing. Selfish colleague, Poor DumGuy! Oh well....
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As LoNg As I SHaLL LiVe
I'LL HoLd U dEaR
AnD I wILL rEMiNiScE
Of OuR LoVe ALL ThRoUgH
ThE YeArS.... -
ohh... like tt ar... *embarrassed*
her husband fucked up....really fucked up sia...but still she shouldn't haf done it rite?(rom wif tt guy) agree? principals? yes she haf.....i now feel so bad saying those things abt her....her ex husband....hope he rots in hell...as for her...i really really hope she can bring herself to love that guy wif all her heart...like tt hor at least not as bad as don like him at all rite? i donno y..but now i haf this guilty feeling ... -
Quoted by ApPlE_PiE:
her ex husband is realli like dat!everytime go cheong,leave the responsibilities of taking care of the house n the children to my supervisor.he is oso quite MCP.but still she loves him.sigh,sad isnt it??
Quoted by ^TzM 53^:
look... i donno abt the others but...if she wanna lie to herself.....fine go ahead!
but y must she lie to someone who cares and loves her?? thn wat abt him?? is it fair to him??
i guess apple pie has answered ur qn. however, even if the husband isn't like such a jerk, i would still say tt it isn't up to any1 to decide 'y must she lie to some1 who cares and loves her.' afterall, the issue abt fairness is somewat comparable to equality. it's never absolutely fair or equal, in terms of intangible stuffs. Moreover, when she lies to herself, it doesn't mean that he's the onli one who's gonna feel the pain and sadness. She also had to sacrifice her love and bear the pain, agony and all.
'To err is man.' -
Originally posted by p|gGyPeN:
i think u never see my latest post...
Quoted by ApPlE_PiE:
[b]her ex husband is realli like dat!everytime go cheong,leave the responsibilities of taking care of the house n the children to my supervisor.he is oso quite MCP.but still she loves him.sigh,sad isnt it??
Quoted by ^TzM 53^:
look... i donno abt the others but...if she wanna lie to herself.....fine go ahead!
but y must she lie to someone who cares and loves her?? thn wat abt him?? is it fair to him??
i guess apple pie has answered ur qn. however, even if the husband isn't like such a jerk, i would still say tt it isn't up to any1 to decide 'y must she lie to some1 who cares and loves her.' afterall, the issue abt fairness is somewat comparable to equality. it's never absolutely fair or equal, in terms of intangible stuffs. Moreover, when she lies to herself, it doesn't mean that he's the onli one who's gonna feel the pain and sadness. She also had to sacrifice her love and bear the pain, agony and all.
'To err is man.'
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ok ok maybe i was thinking of something else when i typed out the post...but i feel...wat she is doing is not correct lor...do u noe hao bad it hurts...to noe tt someone has been lying to u the whole while? esp. when u love tt person whole heartedly? i donno abt u guys but i noe i can't accept it lor..it will be a big big blow for me... -
^TzM 53^: i read ur last msg tt's y i said, "even if her husband not a jerk ..."
regarding wat u said, i believe that alot of others can't take it, so u'r not an exception.
Moreover, i believe that she wasn't lying ALL the while coz she loves him. Love hurts(to a certain extent), even when a couple is happily together. Its juz that the happy parts seem to overcome the sad ones more, which is y they seem more positive than negative abt the whole thing.
'wAt u Do 2dAy, dETerMiNEs wHo u'Ll bE iN fUtUre.'