Can someone advise me or analyse this?
-
hi all,
I have some bfs last time and they always give me the freedom to go out with who i want even alone with other guys. But now my current bf, he allows but he really shows that he hate it and becomes sad. I have talked to him about it and even alone with guy friends really friends only that kind he also do not quite like. He says why go out with them alone when i have him. He say that its like i want to know them better but i have him already. I know that he loves me alot and wants to protect me. I would have long broke up with him if it were the last time me. But now i understand his intentions thus i'm trying to change for him. Dun know is this the right thing cos i have changed super alot for him. We are doing on well but its always this thing that makes us unhappy. Its because of my past and character that he's so afriad to lose me i think. But i dono sometimes i really think he is too possessive yet i know he just cares abt me.
Any advise? -
Hi PiggieMouse,
Your bf may be feeling insecure about his standing with you. Sometimes it's less an issue of trust than 1 of insecurity. He may Not understand what the other guys' intentions are in wanting to go out with you alone.
I'm Not saying that every girl should be like this, but my priority would always lie with my guy. If he's really insecure, I would stop, I love him too much to have him feel that he's any less important to me than he really is. Perhaps you may want your bf to know those guy friends of yours. Once he's put at ease by the fact that those guy friends of yours are really just platonic friends, he may feel secure enough to let you go out with them alone.
FeowFeowOriginally posted by piggiemouse:hi all,
I have some bfs last time and they always give me the freedom to go out with who i want even alone with other guys. But now my current bf, he allows but he really shows that he hate it and becomes sad. I have talked to him about it and even alone with guy friends really friends only that kind he also do not quite like. He says why go out with them alone when i have him. He say that its like i want to know them better but i have him already. I know that he loves me alot and wants to protect me. I would have long broke up with him if it were the last time me. But now i understand his intentions thus i'm trying to change for him. Dun know is this the right thing cos i have changed super alot for him. We are doing on well but its always this thing that makes us unhappy. Its because of my past and character that he's so afriad to lose me i think. But i dono sometimes i really think he is too possessive yet i know he just cares abt me.
Any advise? -
Just ask yourself and you probably know what to do.
Is it ok with you to have a bf going out alone with his ex-gfs or other girl friends? -
maybe he doesn't know him very well.. my advise is maybe u can bring ur boyfriend out with ur friend together more often.. At least until he's less suspicious of ur friend..
-
You could have answered your own question!!!Originally posted by piggiemouse:hi all,
I have some bfs last time and they always give me the freedom to go out with who i want even alone with other guys. But now my current bf, he allows but he really shows that he hate it and becomes sad. I have talked to him about it and even alone with guy friends really friends only that kind he also do not quite like. He says why go out with them alone when i have him. He say that its like i want to know them better but i have him already. I know that he loves me alot and wants to protect me. I would have long broke up with him if it were the last time me. But now i understand his intentions thus i'm trying to change for him. Dun know is this the right thing cos i have changed super alot for him. We are doing on well but its always this thing that makes us unhappy. Its because of my past and character that he's so afriad to lose me i think. But i dono sometimes i really think he is too possessive yet i know he just cares abt me.
Any advise?
Past doings affects people around you and ultimately your own r/s.
Hmm...Put in MC's KIV list.
cheers -
Just putting it the other way round.... would you feel nothing if he did the same thing of going out alone with gals??
I wouldnt say he's over-possesive at this point of time... probably just over protective.... It's the insecurity that he's feeling here you see....
It all depends on how much you love him... since you alreadi said you had changed a lot for him... think you shld let him know....you have taken a step in making this a better R/S...
Maybe you could talk to him and discuss this topic of going out with guys alone with him.... Let him know your intentions of doing it so that he's more aware of wat's going on and would understand you better in the process -
It shows that he loves you and that he is insecure, he doesn't want to lose you.
I would be glad if my bf (if I had one) would be "possesisve and protective" because it would mean he doesn't want to lose me. I think this a correct level of "possession" , it would be not good when he would forbid you to meet your friends and be angry becasue of this.
Introduce him to your friends, once he knows them and sees they are no "danger" for him, he should feel less insecure. Also when your frieds know him and like him, they will be less likely to try to "get you" becasue they will respect your relationship. They will do that only if they are your true friends.
Try to ensure him that he is the one who you love, no matter with how many guys you will go out. You must often ensure him that you love him and that there is no competition for him. You must show him that he is your priority, your number one.
Good luck!
-
sure you can change, but no point changing yourself if your bf don't understand how you feel...try to talk to him and get him to understand you or trust you more...love is about trust...Originally posted by piggiemouse:hi all,
I have some bfs last time and they always give me the freedom to go out with who i want even alone with other guys. But now my current bf, he allows but he really shows that he hate it and becomes sad. I have talked to him about it and even alone with guy friends really friends only that kind he also do not quite like. He says why go out with them alone when i have him. He say that its like i want to know them better but i have him already. I know that he loves me alot and wants to protect me. I would have long broke up with him if it were the last time me. But now i understand his intentions thus i'm trying to change for him. Dun know is this the right thing cos i have changed super alot for him. We are doing on well but its always this thing that makes us unhappy. Its because of my past and character that he's so afriad to lose me i think. But i dono sometimes i really think he is too possessive yet i know he just cares abt me.
Any advise?
if he is really protective of you...tell him how you feel then..
from a guy's perspective, its natural that guys will be jealous...its born inside...but there are also guys who are okay with this things...
last time i have had one incident whereby the bf was too protective til the moment when my female fren pass me her hp to talk to her bf, her bf scold lots of cheesebum and other stuffs till she also trying to break...
whereas recently in my class, i have this female fren whom has a super understanding bf, who trust her...seriously ask no questions....
if you wanna stay with ur state...dun change for him, get him to understand you and let him change for you...your already very good...trying to change for him, but you have to know that the fault is with him, NOT you...so just keep him informed of the things...if he is still unsecure of u meeting with ur guy frenz, then organize one group meeting with ur frenz and maybe that will lessen the insecurity inside him...
for me personally, i will choose to believe...if there is no trust...then why still go on...try to get him to understand this ba..but not too direct...if not he will feel u don't like him, guys have their Man de 'strong ego'...slowly break this to him from time to time and get him to understand it..
i hope you have a long lasting relationship with him..good luck and all the best... -
Why don't you intro your bf to your friends and occassionally arrange to go out together so that he can get to know them better? In a way he'll be able to know more friends from your social circle and he can get to know them better which will eventually give him more security when you do go out with them alone cause he already know that they meant no threat?Originally posted by FeowFeow:Hi PiggieMouse,
Your bf may be feeling insecure about his standing with you. Sometimes it's less an issue of trust than 1 of insecurity. He may Not understand what the other guys' intentions are in wanting to go out with you alone.
I'm Not saying that every girl should be like this, but my priority would always lie with my guy. If he's really insecure, I would stop, I love him too much to have him feel that he's any less important to me than he really is. Perhaps you may want your bf to know those guy friends of yours. Once he's put at ease by the fact that those guy friends of yours are really just platonic friends, he may feel secure enough to let you go out with them alone.
FeowFeow
Let him understand a point in life is that although it's true that you have him, but let him know that he should understand that you can't just lead a life with him alone.
Put it this way, if he's more comfortable with you going out with girls, what if one day you decide that you like girls more than him, is he going to stop you from going out with anyone at all?
Is this the kind of life that you want to lead? I'm not suggesting that you should dump him. It's rather obvious that he cares alot for you (maybe a bit too much) but give him enough assurance that other than him, the rest of the guys holds no position in your heart other than just being friends. -
Eh, Xian Sheng
You advising me, izzit?
FeowFeowOriginally posted by laosu:Why don't you intro your bf to your friends and occassionally arrange to go out together so that he can get to know them better? In a way he'll be able to know more friends from your social circle and he can get to know them better which will eventually give him more security when you do go out with them alone cause he already know that they meant no threat?
Let him understand a point in life is that although it's true that you have him, but let him know that he should understand that you can't just lead a life with him alone.
Put it this way, if he's more comfortable with you going out with girls, what if one day you decide that you like girls more than him, is he going to stop you from going out with anyone at all?
Is this the kind of life that you want to lead? I'm not suggesting that you should dump him. It's rather obvious that he cares alot for you (maybe a bit too much) but give him enough assurance that other than him, the rest of the guys holds no position in your heart other than just being friends. -
me thinks he talking to PiggieMouseOriginally posted by FeowFeow:Eh, Xian Sheng
You advising me, izzit?
FeowFeow
and u also
-
I think one should have a personal private life even while in a relationship. And trust between the both of you is important . He may be insecure and protective but it's not a blanket excuse to control you.
I recommend that you be completely open to your boyfriend about your male friends, who they are, what they do, how did you know them, etc. Introduce your boyfriend to your friends. Be honest and accountable when you're outside, let your boyfriend know where you are, who you're with. Your boyfriend has to learn to trust you; you have to be responsible, and show him that you are behaving responsibly, when out with friends. -
I don't have this problem with Hammy lah He knows that the moment he gets upset over a guy friend, I'll do whatever it takes to erase that No issues here lorr
FeowFeowOriginally posted by StarPuppy:me thinks he talking to PiggieMouse
and u also -
My gal does it sometimes,Originally posted by piggiemouse:hi all,
I have some bfs last time and they always give me the freedom to go out with who i want even alone with other guys. But now my current bf, he allows but he really shows that he hate it and becomes sad. I have talked to him about it and even alone with guy friends really friends only that kind he also do not quite like. He says why go out with them alone when i have him. He say that its like i want to know them better but i have him already. I know that he loves me alot and wants to protect me. I would have long broke up with him if it were the last time me. But now i understand his intentions thus i'm trying to change for him. Dun know is this the right thing cos i have changed super alot for him. We are doing on well but its always this thing that makes us unhappy. Its because of my past and character that he's so afriad to lose me i think. But i dono sometimes i really think he is too possessive yet i know he just cares abt me.
Any advise?
And Yea I do admit i get edgy and a little jealous,
Because, most of the guys she goes out with have confess to her before.
Like Sometimes I try to get possessive and restrict her, i can't.
I don have the heart to.
I know she has her own friends, she needs her own time.
During the start of our relationship, she does complain why I'm not jealous about spending time alone with her male friends and allows her to go out alone.
I told her i was, sometimes a little upset, but i couldn't had the heart to tell her. Spend more time talking with him, understanding him.
Me and my gf cleared this issue up, though it took us around 2 to 3 months.
Have Faith... -
It's HARD to change a Leopard's spots. To what extent are you doing things? To what extent is he?Originally posted by piggiemouse:hi all,
I have some bfs last time and they always give me the freedom to go out with who i want even alone with other guys. But now my current bf, he allows but he really shows that he hate it and becomes sad. I have talked to him about it and even alone with guy friends really friends only that kind he also do not quite like. He says why go out with them alone when i have him. He say that its like i want to know them better but i have him already. I know that he loves me alot and wants to protect me. I would have long broke up with him if it were the last time me. But now i understand his intentions thus i'm trying to change for him. Dun know is this the right thing cos i have changed super alot for him. We are doing on well but its always this thing that makes us unhappy. Its because of my past and character that he's so afriad to lose me i think. But i dono sometimes i really think he is too possessive yet i know he just cares abt me.
Any advise?
It's more about UNDERSTANDING and NEGOTIATION... Why try to change someone into you LIKE TO HAVE and not someone you ORIGINALLY LOVE
-
I recommend this book for you
-
Originally posted by piggiemouse:hi all,
I have some bfs last time and they always give me the freedom to go out with who i want even alone with other guys. But now my current bf, he allows but he really shows that he hate it and becomes sad. I have talked to him about it and even alone with guy friends really friends only that kind he also do not quite like. He says why go out with them alone when i have him. He say that its like i want to know them better but i have him already. I know that he loves me alot and wants to protect me. I would have long broke up with him if it were the last time me. But now i understand his intentions thus i'm trying to change for him. Dun know is this the right thing cos i have changed super alot for him. We are doing on well but its always this thing that makes us unhappy. Its because of my past and character that he's so afriad to lose me i think. But i dono sometimes i really think he is too possessive yet i know he just cares abt me.
Any advise? Possessiveness kills relationship like how one attempt suicide with carton monoxide - it kills unconsciously. Usually, it is not just problems that derive from POSSESSIVENESS itself; rather, it is the integration of mindset, attitude and experience which developed the possessive tendency/personality in the relationship that inflict intensity into your Love.
Possessiveness is 'negative' care with 'positive' intention. To me, it's pure rubbish when someone tries to justify possessiveness AS love. In astrology, when Venus is afflicted, it produces much petty jealousy and possessiveness. Therefore this Venus is no longer the Venus we thought all beautiful and loving. God can be a God of Justice or a merciful, loving God... there are always two sides.
Have you ever seen newspaper article/s, about one murdering his/her other partner, in name of Love? More often than not, possessiveness/jealousy is the crucial element involved in the reason WHY the tragedy happened.
The tighter you grip the relationship, the easier for you to puncture a bleeding hole.
Only the unenlightened sees Love as a commodity, as simply being together or merely our own needs.
Love is freedom.
And only through freedom will a relationship blossom beyond your imagination.
Cheers -
deleted
-
break up la... mai tu liao... ur gal cheating on you...!!!!!!!!!!!
BREAKUP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 -
Originally posted by FeowFeow:Eh, Xian Sheng
You advising me, izzit?
FeowFeow
Talking about myself.
I always make an effort to intro my gf to my groups of friends cause most of them are gals. Although she had 100% faith in me that I won't stray but then again she's afterall "she" and "she" usually are rather sensitive towards this issue.
By involving her in my social circle is good too so that she can go out with me when I'm out with my friends and I won't have to worry that she'll feel that I'm neglecting her or anything. -
Well, I'm not sure about other guys but I felt real insecure when my gf puts 100% faith in me. It never bothers her whom I go out with or what I do outside and she only make sure I text her when I reach home irregardless the time.Originally posted by Sekundes:My gal does it sometimes,
And Yea I do admit i get edgy and a little jealous,
Because, most of the guys she goes out with have confess to her before.
Like Sometimes I try to get possessive and restrict her, i can't.
I don have the heart to.
I know she has her own friends, she needs her own time.
During the start of our relationship, she does complain why I'm not jealous about spending time alone with her male friends and allows her to go out alone.
I told her i was, sometimes a little upset, but i couldn't had the heart to tell her. Spend more time talking with him, understanding him.
Me and my gf cleared this issue up, though it took us around 2 to 3 months.
Have Faith...
I used to ask her how come she never ask me who I go out with or never shown a bit of jealousy that I'm always out with my female friends. All she answer is she knows that one has to kill me to stray. I go totally speachless. -
Put it this way, when you honestly love someone, there'll be certain things about yourself that will change on it's own. If you have to make an effort to change, then it's not you anymore.Originally posted by Devil1976:It's HARD to change a Leopard's spots. To what extent are you doing things? To what extent is he?
It's more about UNDERSTANDING and NEGOTIATION... Why try to change someone into you LIKE TO HAVE and not someone you ORIGINALLY LOVE
On the other hand, if he ask you to change, then ask him why in the first place he love you?
My gf has all kinds of bad habits and certain things that I don't like but then again it's just what she is and I know I love her for that. I know it sounds a bit contridicting here but who in this world is perfect. I myself has a lot of flaws which she too accepts and never demand me to change.
She used to ask me why I love her when there are so many other girls out there better than her. I told her honestly that it's true that there are thousands and millions of other girls out there who are more beautiful than her, smarter than her and much better than her in many ways but it's just her that I love and it's only her that managed to capture my heart. If I have to choose a nicer girl as my gf, does that mean that I have to change my gf everytime I met a more nicer one? I don't like to be that busy!
No one has to change for anyone. -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
Loving someone is a profound skill and a skill that needs constant practice till the end. It's like fishing. Pull the line too tight it'll snap. Let it on too loose you'll lose the bait and the fish as well. Possessiveness kills relationship like how one attempt suicide with carton monoxide - it kills unconsciously. Usually, it is not just problems that derive from POSSESSIVENESS itself; rather, it is the integration of mindset, attitude and experience which developed the possessive tendency/personality in the relationship that inflict intensity into your Love.
Possessiveness is 'negative' care with 'positive' intention. To me, it's pure rubbish when someone tries to justify possessiveness AS love. In astrology, when Venus is afflicted, it produces much petty jealousy and possessiveness. Therefore this Venus is no longer the Venus we thought all beautiful and loving. God can be a God of Justice or a merciful, loving God... there are always two sides.
Have you ever seen newspaper article/s, about one murdering his/her other partner, in name of Love? More often than not, possessiveness/jealousy is the crucial element involved in the reason WHY the tragedy happened.
The tighter you grip the relationship, the easier for you to puncture a bleeding hole.
Only the unenlightened sees Love as a commodity, as simply being together or merely our own needs.
[b]Love is freedom.
And only through freedom will a relationship blossom beyond your imagination.
Cheers [/b] -
I read your post until my eyes crossed!!Originally posted by ChengYong:i consider myself an over protective guy. i'm wif my gf for 5 months now. and we used to have a male friend with us. we three were best friends. even after me and my gf started off, we were still close wif the guy. the guy calls himself our guardian angel. everytime me and my gf quarrels, my gf wun tell him wad happened. i do feel weird and angry bout she doin that. so one day i told her bout dat and she changed. frankly speakin the guy din help at all. instead he caused us to hav more problems. like friendship problems. i was jealous when he did all those stuffs. he msg my gf almost everyday. in class he looks at her secretly. and during change of periods hewill approach her and jokes ard. i was jealous and angry. my gf and i quarreled lots of times bout him. and my gf changed alot for me. she used to be very close to guys. dat's the reason she felt weird when i told her bout dat. but she stopped entertainin the guy by not jokin ard wif him. but the guy became more persistent. i had talked to him bout how i feel. and he said it was all a misunderstandin. i forgave him lots of times. even my friends say they tink he like my gf. and when we stopped tellin him things bout us. he got jealous and gave faces. we were frustrated but did not want to lose a friend. but all his acts made me jealous. at first when i told my gf bout me being jealous, she was shocked but did not change. but when i reason wif her and tellin her wad if i was so close wif a gal, she agreed and changed. recently our friendship wif the guy ended because i told him i was not okay wif his acts and he did not keep up to his promise by changing. and now i tink back, i feel dat i was maybe too over protective because one of my friends told me i shld gib her freedom by lettin her have her own rights to make friends. i felt bad but my gf is okay bout changin for me. personally i don't get close wif other gals. because i feel weird when dey approach me and i will walk away. after de guy left. we were much more happy. BTW my gf and i used to quarrel alot even till now. is this okay? because i don wanna lose her and she don wan to lose me either. oh ya! the guy started to like the things i like. my idols, things and all stuffs. and thats the reason i was afraid he likes my gf and start doin more things when he gets more persistent. he changed alot and began to be like me. LOL. the things i like became his interest even though he dislike them at first.
okay enough of my stories. bac to the topic. whenever she goes out wif her girl friends i will get worried. because now i know der are lots of bad guys out there. i din knew till i stead with he used to get approached by guys who ask her for her contacts. she doesn't noe how to handle all this but she doesn't them her number. sometimes she don even noe it when she zao geng. haha. and whenever she go out wif her female cousins or friends, they wuld play till too extreme and zao geng without knowin. so i get very worried and tells her to take care. and whenever she goes out wif me, i will tell her not to do this and that to prevent zg. but i noe it is very xin ku as she has to be careful this and that. and i even told her to wear a pants if she wears skirt. because i am very afraid that she will zg. but is this too over protective? i'm afraid she is too xin ku. and btw, she changed alot for me. she used to be very vulgar and bao dao as her relationships last time were the guys who apologize even though she was at fault. now she apologize to me even though i was at wrong sometimes. i noe she treasures me. but i jus scared that my over protectiveness will slowly lose her and causes her to lose more friends. she is my first one and i nv had experience. i jus hope that i can be more secure when she goes out with others. i don wanna lose her
You already know your problem so what's the problem now?
Don't keep looking at the problems and start thinking of the solution and don't think too long.
Honestly, if I'm your gf, I would have left you long ago. One moment you ask her to treat your guy friend better just because he's your best friend and another moment you get jealous over it cause they become closer. -
deleted...duplicate post