Lost of empathy - depression n personality disorder sufferer
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Stumbled on this page while browsing through the net and thought of signing up for an account to post a reply.
Losers - A term used by inferior people to make themselves feel superior by making people who are feeling down feel worse.
Online chatrooms and forums have made this even much easier for them to post degrading remarks of others behind the safety of their monitor.
Do not take their words to heart. Life's not fair, but there's nothing much we can do abt that except to stay happy and work to improve it. If any of u guys condition is really seriously affecting your ability to live your life in a fulfilling manner, do seek medical attention. There's nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone has the right to be happy. =)
Cheers!
PS. I was once a guest of IMH too. -
He already overstep.Originally posted by M©+square:People, please do not be offended by the Angel99 boy.
I suggest we do not feed him with attention - don't reply to his post unless it makes SENSE.
The mods will handle him if he goes overboard.
Cheers -
deleted
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Hmm.. Kinda harsh?Originally posted by curiousOrange:I look at your post and I'm thinking...
What exactly have you actually been through??
What exactly have you survived???
All your pains are self-inflicted!
All the dramas in your life...are those you create for yourself!
Can't stand the way people used and dumped you? Well that's life!
Everybody faces similiar problems you did ...sh!t jobs, lousy people who disrespect them sometimes, complicated relationship problems.
But they don't run away and hide the way you did. Don't beautify yourself...you behave like a coward when you face obstacles so don't abuse the word "survive". That word is reserved for people who fight and overcome obstacles instead of escape from reality.
You look back and you don't regret?
Of course you don't...because you are still hiding.
And I should say... Quite very inappropriate in this thread....
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You got to understand that different people have different ways of handling things... Different ways of survival and surviving...Originally posted by curiousOrange:I look at your post and I'm thinking...
What exactly have you actually been through??
What exactly have you survived???
All your pains are self-inflicted!
All the dramas in your life...are those you create for yourself!
Can't stand the way people used and dumped you? Well that's life!
Everybody faces similiar problems you did ...sh!t jobs, lousy people who disrespect them sometimes, complicated relationship problems.
But they don't run away and hide the way you did. Don't beautify yourself...you behave like a coward when you face obstacles so don't abuse the word "survive". That word is reserved for people who fight and overcome obstacles instead of escape from reality.
You look back and you don't regret?
Of course you don't...because you are still hiding.
You can't simply insist that the others use your method or reach your standard then they can be considered as a 'survivor'.... -
You'll grow up one day and get to enjoy your deserved freedom... When the time is RIPE, just ENJOY YOUR LIFE...Originally posted by nikeX:Hey~ Cheer up~ At least you are better than someone who drinks dettol at home and post craps because they're already losers even in forums~
Anyway, here's my story. I've a similar case to you and I'm also feeling the same as you .. but I tried to make myself happy. Listening to music, playing MMORPG =P (make friends too) and learning guitar~
When I was young (Pri1 -4), I was quite a .. "popular" person in school. I was the top few students in the class. I excel in Maths, and Arts (I'm pursuing designing diploma now =D)
In school, people always looked for me to eat, for group works and such. I was very happy back then, also being a "smart kid" . (guai hai zi lolz)
Pri 5, my life changed. I turned out to be the worst in the class.. I went to EM2, being the only person, I had trouble coping with the new class. I got bullied, so lonely during recess ..
Then I got to know this friend. He's a very good friend. He always try to introduce me around since he's an "active" person in the class. Soon, I began to get comfortable in the new class. And those friends from my previous class NEVER EVER contacted me again.
However, I was very controlled by my parents. My mum actually.
Because this friend of mine, his mother is quite rich, my mother hate her (My father side family is wealthy last time and cocky.. so she hates rich brats) . So my mum dont allow me to go to his house, dont want me to be his friend etc. (childish ..)
Soon, I knew a group of kids who're more to inclined to playing than studying.
I like them actually. At least I dont have to study and study and study .. but what my mum did? Bring me away from them and isolate me .. in the end, I had no friends in the class ..
Sec 1-2. A new environment. New friends. Similar stuffs again .. Sec 2 know a group of basketball mates and we're together till Sec 3 when the tragic comes. Since most of them are good friends (better relationship than I was with them), I was not taken into regard in all the matches we play. I was basically an outcast. Asking me to defend a GIRL since I was short (wtf..). And during matches, even if someone is so called weaker than me gets a chance on the court. But I was not. I was asked to be a water boy...
Yea .. what friends were these .. soon I left the team and never touch basketball ever since ..
And also another reason was my mum wasnt approved of me playing basketball and want me to FUGGING STUDY!!!
Sec 3-4. The time when I slowly get worst in acadamic studies. A new class again since I chose a different class from my classmates. I get to know a group of friends, who're engaged in card games, computer games .. basically playing. How do I get to know them? Simple~ They were the ones who bullied me during the first day i get into the class.. and somehow we became "good friends" after a few days.
Now, the tragic comes again .. the group of "friends" were friends of people of the other class. And there's this rich man son who managed to get the whole class to outcast me, all because of a game. (duh..) He was flooding the chat window, and all I asked him to do was shut up for a minute ..
But this group of friends did not do so. They still continue to take me as a friend. But how good indeed are they? They're really "GOOD FRIENDS".
I wasn't asked to go for a movie even though they asked each other RIGHT AT MY FACE. I mean, I can't be that thick skin to ask "Eh! I want to GO also!!".
This crap happens for 2 yrs .. and as time passed, I slowly drift furthur from them. And after the O's .. we were never in contact .
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So after all this shit these 17 years .. what did i get in return? Good grades? No. Good friends? Zero . I wasted my life for this 17 yrs ..
It may seem idiotic, but truely, I have no friends from my pri and sec currently. Seriously.. when people say Sec sch is a good time to make good friends, I got none.
I was only allowed a handphone this yr .. and I entered poly. How many contacts do I have ? less than 50. Sounds stupid but true. I never had my handphone touched by my polymates since I'm very scared that they'll laugh at me ..
At least some of you have good relationship with your parents. I dont have. I hate my mother. She is the one which cause so many hatred in me. Controlling my life, my friends .. I had NO SOCIAL LIFE ok .. if I get home at 5pm during secondary school , I get slapped ! Wtf.. I mean .. seriously, even while typing this, I feel so much hatred for her controlling my life .. wanting me to study and study ... in the end I ended up with totally nothing ..
No relationship till now since my mum always forbid me to.
And frankly, I never dare to chat to girls, and it only started this yr , when I entered poly (since most of my classmates are girls) and they're very matured in their thinking.. that's a fact I believed.
At least, now my poly mates are quite good. They won't leave out me.. since it's a 20 people class, we're quite united and we have gatherings once in a while if we dont have any projects to rush on. I never told anyone about my past except 4 of them, which are matured enough in that sense that they wont spread it around or make sacastic remarks.. they really listen, which I'm very happy .. not even my mum know anything about this, and she still thinks she's right..
To sum it up, what I'm trying to say is, no matter how bad your life is, never broad over it. I seldom smile, and it makes my relationship with people real bad .. But try not to think of unhappy things. They're lots of good people around. Try to speak up more~ I was not close to the class beside ours (poly), but after speaking up a few times for presentation and joking craps around, I got to know a new bunch of friends from the other class. =) So just speak up~ And if people are trying to be jerks, ignore them.
I'm still very introvert now .. and i understand how you all feel when nobody contacts you (me too.. even during christmas period. . not even a greeting ..)
but .. yea.. dont think so much into it~ You'll be happier~
Just be yourself~ If people dont like you, then just dont be with them~ Dont wear fake masks and try to accomadate people. Friends are only true if they accept the true you =)
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My definition is different.Originally posted by Devil1976:You got to understand that different people have different ways of handling things... Different ways of survival and surviving...
You can't simply insist that the others use your method or reach your standard then they can be considered as a 'survivor'....
People who hide and run away from their problems are never going to be happy. That's the purpose of that post.
The more he hides, the more his self-esteem will be affected.
feel free to delete my post if you think it is unnecessary (cos I don't know how to delete a post).
But I would like him to see it and respond though....how he can claim that he is happy now when he has been running all his life... -
Originally posted by curiousOrange:
slightly off topic:
My definition is different.
People who hide and run away from their problems are never going to be happy. That's the purpose of that post.
The more he hides, the more his self-esteem will be affected.
[b]feel free to delete my post if you think it is unnecessary (cos I don't know how to delete a post).
But I would like him to see it and respond though....how he can claim that he is happy now when he has been running all his life...
[/b]
Orange, press "edit" button abover your post and just remove the words.
Ok, let's get back to topic to help this guy out.
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you should have told me I need to write something...i'm an I.T idiot.Originally posted by redstone:slightly off topic:
Orange, press "edit" button abover your post and just remove the words.
Ok, let's get back to topic to help this guy out. -
Originally posted by curiousOrange:
Nay.. I understand your stand. But it's just not really appropriate in this context, especially if you've been following and reading what is going on in this thread... I should still say you had been too harsh? If not, the approach wasn't quite appropriate....
My definition is different.
People who hide and run away from their problems are never going to be happy. That's the purpose of that post.
The more he hides, the more his self-esteem will be affected.
[b]feel free to delete my post if you think it is unnecessary (cos I don't know how to delete a post).
But I would like him to see it and respond though....how he can claim that he is happy now when he has been running all his life...
[/b]
Besides.. You can't simply insist that others accept your way of defining things for always now... Can you..? -
see a doctor if you suspect you have depression.............dun play play........
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curiousOrange,
No doubt you feel perhaps for the better of laosu. But (alot of) people don't simply change and make it for the better overnight...
From the way I see it, he seems to be slowly appreciating things and making progress towards a change in attitude towards life.. Don't rush.. Don't burst his reach for a better self...? -
nikeX are you a clone of mine? your story sounds almost exactly like mine. and i'm 17 this yr also.Originally posted by nikeX:Hey~ Cheer up~ At least you are better than someone who drinks dettol at home and post craps because they're already losers even in forums~
Anyway, here's my story. I've a similar case to you and I'm also feeling the same as you .. but I tried to make myself happy. Listening to music, playing MMORPG =P (make friends too) and learning guitar~
When I was young (Pri1 -4), I was quite a .. "popular" person in school. I was the top few students in the class. I excel in Maths, and Arts (I'm pursuing designing diploma now =D)
In school, people always looked for me to eat, for group works and such. I was very happy back then, also being a "smart kid" . (guai hai zi lolz)
Pri 5, my life changed. I turned out to be the worst in the class.. I went to EM2, being the only person, I had trouble coping with the new class. I got bullied, so lonely during recess ..
Then I got to know this friend. He's a very good friend. He always try to introduce me around since he's an "active" person in the class. Soon, I began to get comfortable in the new class. And those friends from my previous class NEVER EVER contacted me again.
However, I was very controlled by my parents. My mum actually.
Because this friend of mine, his mother is quite rich, my mother hate her (My father side family is wealthy last time and cocky.. so she hates rich brats) . So my mum dont allow me to go to his house, dont want me to be his friend etc. (childish ..)
Soon, I knew a group of kids who're more to inclined to playing than studying.
I like them actually. At least I dont have to study and study and study .. but what my mum did? Bring me away from them and isolate me .. in the end, I had no friends in the class ..
Sec 1-2. A new environment. New friends. Similar stuffs again .. Sec 2 know a group of basketball mates and we're together till Sec 3 when the tragic comes. Since most of them are good friends (better relationship than I was with them), I was not taken into regard in all the matches we play. I was basically an outcast. Asking me to defend a GIRL since I was short (wtf..). And during matches, even if someone is so called weaker than me gets a chance on the court. But I was not. I was asked to be a water boy...
Yea .. what friends were these .. soon I left the team and never touch basketball ever since ..
And also another reason was my mum wasnt approved of me playing basketball and want me to FUGGING STUDY!!!
Sec 3-4. The time when I slowly get worst in acadamic studies. A new class again since I chose a different class from my classmates. I get to know a group of friends, who're engaged in card games, computer games .. basically playing. How do I get to know them? Simple~ They were the ones who bullied me during the first day i get into the class.. and somehow we became "good friends" after a few days.
Now, the tragic comes again .. the group of "friends" were friends of people of the other class. And there's this rich man son who managed to get the whole class to outcast me, all because of a game. (duh..) He was flooding the chat window, and all I asked him to do was shut up for a minute ..
But this group of friends did not do so. They still continue to take me as a friend. But how good indeed are they? They're really "GOOD FRIENDS".
I wasn't asked to go for a movie even though they asked each other RIGHT AT MY FACE. I mean, I can't be that thick skin to ask "Eh! I want to GO also!!".
This crap happens for 2 yrs .. and as time passed, I slowly drift furthur from them. And after the O's .. we were never in contact .
------------------
So after all this shit these 17 years .. what did i get in return? Good grades? No. Good friends? Zero . I wasted my life for this 17 yrs ..
It may seem idiotic, but truely, I have no friends from my pri and sec currently. Seriously.. when people say Sec sch is a good time to make good friends, I got none.
I was only allowed a handphone this yr .. and I entered poly. How many contacts do I have ? less than 50. Sounds stupid but true. I never had my handphone touched by my polymates since I'm very scared that they'll laugh at me ..
At least some of you have good relationship with your parents. I dont have. I hate my mother. She is the one which cause so many hatred in me. Controlling my life, my friends .. I had NO SOCIAL LIFE ok .. if I get home at 5pm during secondary school , I get slapped ! Wtf.. I mean .. seriously, even while typing this, I feel so much hatred for her controlling my life .. wanting me to study and study ... in the end I ended up with totally nothing ..
No relationship till now since my mum always forbid me to.
And frankly, I never dare to chat to girls, and it only started this yr , when I entered poly (since most of my classmates are girls) and they're very matured in their thinking.. that's a fact I believed.
At least, now my poly mates are quite good. They won't leave out me.. since it's a 20 people class, we're quite united and we have gatherings once in a while if we dont have any projects to rush on. I never told anyone about my past except 4 of them, which are matured enough in that sense that they wont spread it around or make sacastic remarks.. they really listen, which I'm very happy .. not even my mum know anything about this, and she still thinks she's right..
To sum it up, what I'm trying to say is, no matter how bad your life is, never broad over it. I seldom smile, and it makes my relationship with people real bad .. But try not to think of unhappy things. They're lots of good people around. Try to speak up more~ I was not close to the class beside ours (poly), but after speaking up a few times for presentation and joking craps around, I got to know a new bunch of friends from the other class. =) So just speak up~ And if people are trying to be jerks, ignore them.
I'm still very introvert now .. and i understand how you all feel when nobody contacts you (me too.. even during christmas period. . not even a greeting ..)
but .. yea.. dont think so much into it~ You'll be happier~
Just be yourself~ If people dont like you, then just dont be with them~ Dont wear fake masks and try to accomadate people. Friends are only true if they accept the true you =)
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Dear Zombiefield,Originally posted by zombiefied:laosu: I admire your determination. Thx for sharing.
alfagal: I had seen the psychiatrist there...but its hard to explain why it doesnt work. But I would like to hear from different people out there in this forum as well.
shade343: I am an artist anyway. And I used to be a heavy metal guitarist. I find that I can connect with the music better than connecting with people. I stopped being a musician because I've lost interest in almost everything in life. The kind of art and music I play around with, is not necessary beneficial actually. They are always related to the dark side of life.
Thx to all...
Since u understd that its the emotional baggage that is affecting you then its high time u learn to let go of everything that is "bagging" you...
It may seem easier said that done but I went thru alot of unhappiness for the past 2 yrs... but things jus keep crushing down on me n suffocating me...
I'm in the process of letting go now... its a tough route but its the only way to redeem urself n live life afresh...
As for the part on making frens n keep all kinds of relationship work, jus let nature take its own cause... u wil find ur own group of frens which wil click and treasure u in time to come... Jus rmb, we dont nid to have tons of frens, jus some frens in nid is more than enuff, cos great frens r hard to come by...
I wish u n those who r feeling depress now all the best for the New Year... For a start, please dont torture urselves anymore... been there done that...
Jus learn to treasure urself more n watever u hav now at present
Cheers,
Blueskyz -
Originally posted by curiousOrange:
Curious Orange,
I look at your post and I'm thinking...
What exactly have you actually been through??
What exactly have you survived???
All your pains are self-inflicted!
All the dramas in your life...are those you create for yourself!
Can't stand the way people used and dumped you? Well that's life!
Everybody faces similiar problems you did ...sh!t jobs, lousy people who disrespect them sometimes, complicated relationship problems.
But they don't run away and hide the way you did. Don't beautify yourself...you behave like a coward when you face obstacles so don't abuse the word "survive". That word is reserved for people who fight and overcome obstacles instead of escape from reality.
You look back and you don't regret?
Of course you don't...because you are still hiding.
Before you start accusing, please read again in details that what I mentioned was who I was years back. If I'm hiding still, will I be here telling this story of mine to others who are now facing the same problem as I did before?
So what if I did run away and hide last time? I've already put my past behind me when you are still going back there to dig my old wounds? You are simply just wasting your time doing that.
The only reason I never regreted my past is that I learn a precious lesson from it. It doesn't make me a more evil person but on the contary it make me a better person to the people around me.
If you think I'm still running and hiding then I guess you are the one who is really doing that. Who is the one now who can't accept facts?
Before you start pointing fingers at me, please use your brain and think of your own words and actions. -
Originally posted by curiousOrange:
Who's the one running? Who are you to assume that I'm running still? Who are you to judge if I'm really happy or not? If I'm hiding, will you see me post here in the first place?
My definition is different.
People who hide and run away from their problems are never going to be happy. That's the purpose of that post.
The more he hides, the more his self-esteem will be affected.
[b]feel free to delete my post if you think it is unnecessary (cos I don't know how to delete a post).
But I would like him to see it and respond though....how he can claim that he is happy now when he has been running all his life...
[/b] -
First of all, my salute for u guys to share pieces of ur lifestory here. Very courageous of u.
In my opinion, everyone have their ups and downs in their life. We laugh, we cry, we shout for joy and sometimes, we blow our temper. To me, we shld act brave, or rather be brave in every cicumstances that occur to us. Never look down on our fate, try our best to brave the storms.
Making new frenZ is part and parcel of our lives, we shld not keep to ourselves, and shld open our doors continuously to receive new frenZ, who some of them, i believe will be real and true frenZ that u will need in the future. Does'nt mean u have no good frenZ now will not conclude u wont have any in the future. Keep trying and never give up in seeking real friendship.
If u believe in fate, sometimes, it's fated when u r at lowest point in life, a fren may just come and offer his help. To me personally, i believe, although frenZ whom u contact frequently or hang out always may not even be ur real fren, as they stand with u only at ur happy times.
To me, although there are some frenZ whom i dun meet often(i havent see them for a yr or more till recently), but i believe their personality, who will stand by when i request their help.
My apologises if my topic is not co-related with this thread, but from i see and what i want to say is fren is all around us and they maybe the best way to bring us out of any depression and personality disorder. We shld start giving first just like what laosu has said earlier. Offer our first handshake and let them know u existed.
Maybe my suggestion is try make frenZ with people in this thread, as u share the common goals and problems and definitely easier to click together.
Maybe true frenZ stay and celebrate the joys and sorrow together. -
I read a lot of your posts in the past because your posts reminded me of my younger cousin.
Including the one you talked about your current girlfriend.
“Hiding Away. Signs of running away from reality…” four pages of pain and agony.
I wonder what is the point of you making that post if you did not contemplate running away from reality again.
Another of your postÂ…
When your ex-girlfriend cheated on you by sleeping with another manÂ…
You said you forgave her. ThatÂ’s touching.
But arenÂ’t you also running away from reality? You love her yes Â…but you know more than I do that she doesnÂ’t love you....are you not running away from reality?
You inflicted much more pain on yourself than anyone else did on you. FACT.
CanÂ’t get along with your classmates?
You can find new friends. Develop social skills. No, you did none of that. You ran because of your silly pride. They hurt your pride so you choose to hate them.
“Nevermind…I can eat alone…I can shut myself out completely…I don’t need friends anyways”
That is the beginning of the bad habit.
From then now, every time you face obstacles, you choose to run.
Did you stay and fight for your place when they decide to promote someone more experienced than you? After all, they did tell you you are capable.
No, you drop into self-pittance mode again and you ran because of your pride. Five times! The story repeats itself, you resort to hating.
You are the one who has stabbed yourself again and again all these years.
What about right now?
And you said you really donÂ’t regret doing any of thatÂ…because you learn some lessons in life you want to shareÂ…
This is what you are feeling nowÂ…PAIN AND HATRED
And this is the lesson you want to teachÂ…LOVEOriginally posted by laosu:Work life suc[k]s and my love life and friendship isn't any better. Betrayals were all the things I've faced. My heart, being stabbed again and again without mercy. Many times I almost surrender to death. I just want to end it all and end my sufferings and all the pain I'm going through. To me, this is an ugly world filled with masks and schemings.
That lesson is great.Originally posted by laosu:Recieve with open arms for all to come into my life. I realised one thing. What you want from others, give it to them first.
But it is something you canÂ’t achieve unless you can let go of that hatred you have been hiding!
How can someone who views the world as a ugly and scheming place and feels so victimized, “receive with open arms” and “give to others first what they themselves want?”
Your posts are always self contradictory because you have too much anger and grievance in you. You are just hiding and suppressing them carefully.
Like what you said about your parents,
“What they saw was what I want them to see and not the real me.”
I sense that in so many of your posts.
They all have a common theme laosu
In a lot of your posts, you will talk about how happy you are right now.
But when I continue reading the rest of the postsÂ…I sense the pain and misery you are going through. Maybe you yourself didnÂ’t realize it. Look at what you yourself wrote up thereÂ…your version of how the world looks like and you will know what I mean.
Your outlook remained constant all along. You will still be that kid who isolated himself during lunch time many years ago because you didn't let go of your hatred after all these years. You just hide them.
You came here to release that pain. The internet is not the answer. Changing your outlook in life is the only answer.
I myself have been talking to my young cousin who suffers from depression for three years but I couldnÂ’t change his outlook.
“no job, no money, only a great gf who believe in me and I'm still a happy person.”
Sounded like him talking to me.
You know what, his girl left him last year. He attempted suicide twice.
Where will you go if (touch wood) your girl leaves you one day?
I hope you will not shut yourself out completely again. It is too easy to do so.
Calling you a coward in the last post is a mistake on my part. That word is too strong. I apologize for that. The rest of the posts still stand.
Sorry to the threadstarter. This is the last time I hijack the post.
PS: Paiseh Devil, despite your warnings I cannot resist. This will be my last post here.
Laosu, if you want to continue debating, start another thread or PM me. -
Originally posted by curiousOrange:
I read a lot of your posts in the past because your posts reminded me of my younger cousin.
[b]Laosu: One thing for sure...I'm not your younger cousin.
Including the one you talked about your current girlfriend.
“Hiding Away. Signs of running away from reality…” four pages of pain and agony.
I wonder what is the point of you making that post if you did not contemplate running away from reality again.
Laosu: Contemplate? I'm a human not yet a saint and I don't think I'll be one either. Yes, I do see signs of myself "wanting" to run away again and hide but I'm not there yet and I don't want to be any inch near it.
Another of your postÂ…
When your ex-girlfriend cheated on you by sleeping with another manÂ…
You said you forgave her. ThatÂ’s touching.
But arenÂ’t you also running away from reality? You love her yes Â…but you know more than I do that she doesnÂ’t love you....are you not running away from reality?
Laosu: No, I don't see that as me running away from reality. In reality, it's a fact that I do love her and to a stage whereby I'm more than willing to forgive her for a mistake she had done and shows repentance (pardon my spelling if I'm wrong). You call that running away from reality? Sir, I'm a human too and I make mistakes too and when I did, I sure do hope that the person will forgive me. So why can't I forgive her? I gave her my trust in hoping that she won't betrayed it but in the end she still did for the second time and since she claims that she don't love me, there isn't much I can do about it right? If I ever am running away from reality, then I probably won't be in another relationship now knowing that it'll open me from yet another injury. But think about it, my current gf never did anything wrong to me so why should I carry my hurt from the past and inflict it on her? It's not fair to either of us.
You inflicted much more pain on yourself than anyone else did on you. FACT.
Laosu: Oh yah, I do admit that I inflict more pain on myself more than anyone else did but that's because I don't want to hurt anyone. It's just not me to do that. At least that's the difference between what I am now and what I am then. When I'm younger, I admit that in order for me not to feel hurt anymore, I don't go near anyone. That way no one can hurt me. But now I gave everyone elses and myself a chance for a new friendship. So is that running away? If I'm really running away, I probably won't even be coming to this forum and post my past stories. I share my stories with anyone in hope to give them new hopes in life which I've found and still practicing it. At least I've done it and still doing it. You just need the faith and constant reminders that things can be better still. Is that sign of running away?
CanÂ’t get along with your classmates?
You can find new friends. Develop social skills. No, you did none of that. You ran because of your silly pride. They hurt your pride so you choose to hate them.
Laosu: No, I never did that in the past and I choose to run away and take the easy way out. Why use my past to condemn me now when it's already over for me? I've got plenty of friends who turn to me for a listening ear and seeks opinions from me now. I've got friends who I call them buddies and I've got friends who let go of their pride and cry in front of me. I've got friends who goes bowling with me and fight side by side with me to win the league. I've got friends who stretches out their hands for me to hold on to when I fall. I have a gf who loves me and she's also a soulmate even before we are together. So is that same as what I am before? Is that a sign of running away? No. I'm a blessed person and I have everything in the world. I wanna share that with everyone. I'm a sign myself, a sign of new hopes. But be reminded again, I'm still human and I'm still bound by emotions. There'll be times when I'll be real down, but honestly, at the age of 28 if I'm still running away I probably have chosen the ultimate easy way out by seeking death but I"m still alive to tell you my story.
“Nevermind…I can eat alone…I can shut myself out completely…I don’t need friends anyways”
That is the beginning of the bad habit.
From then now, every time you face obstacles, you choose to run.
Did you stay and fight for your place when they decide to promote someone more experienced than you? After all, they did tell you you are capable.
No, you drop into self-pittance mode again and you ran because of your pride. Five times! The story repeats itself, you resort to hating.
Laosu: "Hate" is a too strong word to use.
You are the one who has stabbed yourself again and again all these years.
What about right now?
And you said you really donÂ’t regret doing any of thatÂ…because you learn some lessons in life you want to shareÂ…
This is what you are feeling nowÂ…PAIN AND HATRED
Laosu: Yes, I do still feel pain now but not on the past issue. The "Pain" from the past is more likely a memory but not a feeling anymore. "Hatred", if there's anyone I hate, that person is more likely myself but then again, I feel no hatred not even towards my ex who betrayed me.
That lesson is great.
But it is something you canÂ’t achieve unless you can let go of that hatred you have been hiding!
How can someone who views the world as a ugly and scheming place and feels so victimized, “receive with open arms” and “give to others first what they themselves want?”
Your posts are always self contradictory because you have too much anger and grievance in you. You are just hiding and suppressing them carefully.
Like what you said about your parents,
“What they saw was what I want them to see and not the real me.”
I sense that in so many of your posts.
They all have a common theme laosu
In a lot of your posts, you will talk about how happy you are right now.
But when I continue reading the rest of the postsÂ…I sense the pain and misery you are going through. Maybe you yourself didnÂ’t realize it. Look at what you yourself wrote up thereÂ…your version of how the world looks like and you will know what I mean.
Your outlook remained constant all along. You will still be that kid who isolated himself during lunch time many years ago because you didn't let go of your hatred after all these years. You just hide them.
You came here to release that pain. The internet is not the answer. Changing your outlook in life is the only answer.
I myself have been talking to my young cousin who suffers from depression for three years but I couldnÂ’t change his outlook.
“no job, no money, only a great gf who believe in me and I'm still a happy person.”
Sounded like him talking to me.
You know what, his girl left him last year. He attempted suicide twice.
Where will you go if (touch wood) your girl leaves you one day?
Laosu: Honest reply from me? Facing all the problems that we both have to go through, I more or less is preparing myself that she'll leave me one day and I believe soon but that doesn't make me love her less. If you see that as another sign of running away from reality, then you probably had belittle our love for each other. I"m not trying to sound great but then I knew even if this r/s don't work out, our love for each other will always remain true. The complications behind us both is too much to tell and I will suggest that you don't assume that I'm trying to convince myself that she love me. The bond between my gf and I are unspeakable and we know we will cherish each others existance till the day we die even if we can't be together.
I hope you will not shut yourself out completely again. It is too easy to do so.
Laosu: Honestly I might shut myself out completely again but for a short while. I need time to rest. It's like sleeping. You spend many sleepless night rushing for a project and when it's done, the first thing to do is to sleep and rest the body but eventually you'll still need to wake up and start to get things done again but at least you know you'll be well rested.
Calling you a coward in the last post is a mistake on my part. That word is too strong. I apologize for that. The rest of the posts still stand.
Sorry to the threadstarter. This is the last time I hijack the post.
PS: Paiseh Devil, despite your warnings I cannot resist. This will be my last post here.
Laosu, if you want to continue debating, start another thread or PM me.
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Thanks a million Devil.Originally posted by Devil1976:curiousOrange,
No doubt you feel perhaps for the better of laosu. But (alot of) people don't simply change and make it for the better overnight...
From the way I see it, he seems to be slowly appreciating things and making progress towards a change in attitude towards life.. Don't rush.. Don't burst his reach for a better self...?
There's no doubt that in this world there's a lot of ugly sights to it. No two humans are identical.
Actually I could have ignored what curiousorange said but I supposed that I have the obligation to defend my own efforts all these years to be a better person and like what you say, to appreciate the finer things in life instead of just looking at things from the ugly angle.
Sometimes I do still inflict pain on myself but that's to trying to understand the pain that others are going through. Again, I'm not trying to sound great here. But who am I to give opinions or advises to others if I have 0% understandings of their pain? How would you know a colour is Black if you have never see Black before?
It'll probably take me a lifetime to learn but I know deep in my heart that I'm learning everyday from my own mistakes and from others. -
hi i think i have this prob too u r not alone ;P
i think for most ppl, this personality prob arises because u r not comfortable or sastified with something about yrself or simply hate yrself , being yr looks, a minor defects etc etc etc...
for me haiz...cause i have excema , i have freq rashes, my lips are pale too due to lower than normal wbc count, as such i dont look as good..i tried to dress well, style hair etc but still useless cause those defects still can be seen..because of this my self confidence dip tremendously low especially during my late teens where looks r very important, i alawys feel that someone is looking at me n thus tend to avoid eye contact..n naturally gals will be turned off by my looks...
i also have this s1uttering problem where i so called repeat my words..fortunately mine is not so bad, this only flare up occasionally n when i do presentations.. i did all i can to solve this prob, for e,g speaking slowly, thinking before u speak , speaking to more ppl etc...my prob did improve a little but still there..i just cant continue/start/end conversations appropirately
because of this 2 .. i tend to be very quiet..n have few friends, friends that i have r also relatively quiet..i just CANT mix with those extrovert guys around n gals especially cause i will s1utter, i will often decline outings cause i just cant accept the way i look..naturally i have few friends, almost never went out with friends..other than occasiona meetingd for proj etc..
I tried many ways to address my prob..i tried opening up and talk more , i tried changing my looks, i tried to take a hobby n i can say taking a hobby is the most effective way of socialising is taking a hobby n joining a club...just last yr , i planned to take up weightllifting n running as my hobby, as such i started joining a gym n do my regualr runs outside..n i can say i talk more there rather than in school cause the ppl u r with share similiar interest..not only that my physique improved quite alot after all this, n this helps to a certain extent to improve my confidence..at least i bothered to go out...
so my suggestion is take up a hobby n join a club.. -
Okay, people. Let it be over... Nothing personal, especially for this NEW YEAR AHEAD...
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well i agree partially only...
since its a new year, and i agree that we shld start a new begining, but...if the old problems aren't solved...how can we start a new year without any worries...Originally posted by Devil1976:Okay, people. Let it be over... Nothing personal, especially for this NEW YEAR AHEAD... -
Like I've said, some things take time...Originally posted by weijian:well i agree partially only...
since its a new year, and i agree that we shld start a new begining, but...if the old problems aren't solved...how can we start a new year without any worries...
If you're not willing to 'let go', how can you be free of the past in order to receive the future....? -
hmm, make senseOriginally posted by Devil1976:Like I've said, some things take time...
If you're not willing to 'let go', how can you be free of the past in order to receive the future....?