Lost of empathy - depression n personality disorder sufferer
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CNY coming soon~
So just try to forgot everything and relax during this festival season~
Yeah, I hate my looks, myself too. I've very low self esteem and very few friends ..
But sometimes I think too deep into everything and made me unhappy . .
So I guess we'll just have to move on and try not to think about the past and make use of the precious time now to obtain better memories (which is what i;m doing now =) )
Saw my pri sch friend on the way home .. The kind of feeling when someone so long ago actually remembers you .. is so joyful .. =) guess that's a good start for the year =) -
I, too, share a negative outlook into life. But I use the negativity as a source of strength to push myself on. My hatred against the world in general push me to excel. I don't like the people around me, so through work/study, I prove that these people are indeed like s-h-i-t.
It doesn't matter if you are loner now, because you still have the rest of your life to find like-minded people. -
i wonder how old you people are?
dont be so negative, especially if you are still in the 20s. you can still change for the better.
just work on it. -
I am in a top university now. My grades last year were equivalent to first class honours. dragg, if you are in my shoes, people won't think that I need to be better. Negativity can be a strength, but it must be balanced with some degree of positivity to prevent one's self-esteem to dwindle into non-existence.
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So what you are in the top university now and your grades are excellent? Time changes and situations changes and the demands from society are constantly rising.Originally posted by geodome:I am in a top university now. My grades last year were equivalent to first class honours. dragg, if you are in my shoes, people won't think that I need to be better. Negativity can be a strength, but it must be balanced with some degree of positivity to prevent one's self-esteem to dwindle into non-existence.
Negativity can be a strength if you know how to convert it and keep the determination. Negativity has changed me for the better throughout all these years but there are times when I'll almost fall to the wrong side of sanity. -
Relax... I don't suppose that is against you...?Originally posted by laosu:So what you are in the top university now and your grades are excellent? Time changes and situations changes and the demands from society are constantly rising.
Negativity can be a strength if you know how to convert it and keep the determination. Negativity has changed me for the better throughout all these years but there are times when I'll almost fall to the wrong side of sanity.
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The gist is negativity helps to prevent one from being complacent.Originally posted by geodome:Negativity can be a strength, but it must be balanced with some degree of positivity to prevent one's self-esteem to dwindle into non-existence.
Laosu agrees with me that negavity can improve oneself.Originally posted by laosu:Negativity has changed me for the better throughout all these year
That's the downside of using negativity as a source of motivation. I think the wuxia shows (or jin yong novels) have a term for it - zhou huo lu mo. LOL.Originally posted by laosu:but there are times when I'll almost fall to the wrong side of sanity. -
Haha..devil..dun worry yah...I'm not saying that he's against me or anything. Just my 10 cent worth of thought.Originally posted by Devil1976:Relax... I don't suppose that is against you...?
What I meant to say is that one should always aim for the higher ground and not stop just because you are at a position higher than others cause there are always others that's above you. (And my "you" in this statement means everyone in general and not meant to pinpoint anyone)
RELAX!!!!
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quote:
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Originally posted by geodome:
Negativity can be a strength, but it must be balanced with some degree of positivity to prevent one's self-esteem to dwindle into non-existence.
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The gist is negativity helps to prevent one from being complacent.
quote:
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Originally posted by laosu:
Negativity has changed me for the better throughout all these year
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Laosu agrees with me that negavity can improve oneself.
quote:
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Originally posted by laosu:
but there are times when I'll almost fall to the wrong side of sanity.
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That's the downside of using negativity as a source of motivation. I think the wuxia shows (or jin yong novels) have a term for it - zhou huo lu mo. LOL.
Put it this way, I've always like to use black and white as a guideline to my will power to move ahead to higher grounds. One will not know White if he/she doesn't know the colour of Black.
It's a dangerous choice to use negative as the source of motivation. It requires strong willpower and believe. I might have fallen, sat there and cried but I've never failed to stand up again and move forward. It'll be the same for the rest of my journey in life.
We are humans and we are entitled to emotions. Life is full of unpredictable events. -
each time i fall and recover, i become stronger. my hatred against the world also increase. consequently, i adjusted my judgement system to accomodate negativity. I have long abandoned the black-white (right-wrong) system. I am helpful to everyone in general, but I do not hesitate to strike an enemy down at every opportunity.Originally posted by laosu:It's a dangerous choice to use negative as the source of motivation. It requires strong willpower and believe. I might have fallen, sat there and cried but I've never failed to stand up again and move forward. It'll be the same for the rest of my journey in life. -
hi..sorri to hear abt ur guys..but if I may offer my 2cents.Originally posted by zombiefied:laosu: I admire your determination. Thx for sharing.
alfagal: I had seen the psychiatrist there...but its hard to explain why it doesnt work. But I would like to hear from different people out there in this forum as well.
shade343: I am an artist anyway. And I used to be a heavy metal guitarist. I find that I can connect with the music better than connecting with people. I stopped being a musician because I've lost interest in almost everything in life. The kind of art and music I play around with, is not necessary beneficial actually. They are always related to the dark side of life.
Thx to all...
I dun oe if u are guys are havin depression or schitz.this inability to connect wz pple..dun think its autism but u guys need profesional help lar. Go to IMH n seriously get treated..tell ur family members n freinds.they shd support u guys..
I know sumtimes its got away n ppletend to concentrate on their pain n gripe abt it w/o no plans of recovery..but U guys can be as happi and as productive as the nex "normal" person ( i think we all weird one way or another).
The world is still bright n beautiful...be happi,think happi n be postive!
All de best n sorri if my words appear insenstive...but Iwish u guys n all the depressed pple.out there n best..DO SUMTHINGABT IT>>SEEK proper help. -
Dear laosu
I feel so sad upon reading your story.. and I really wish to curse your stupid maths teacher for passing such a stupid and harsh comment. Instead of encouraging you, instead of believing and helping you, say something like that. I hate this kind of teacher, but they still exist in this world.. If i am parent and my child tell me that, I will complain to the school, write to forum, complain to moe..
Anyway, sometimes I also isolate myself and switch off handphone.. but 2 weeks being a bit too long..
I also have been to depression around late teenage. During secondary school first 2 years i also don't have friends, then till later 2 years manage to find friends, but I realised also those I found are not true friends. I have to be hurt again and again by their wierd and hot temper. But because of this, my tolerance level for people are better than others. Now when people do bad things to me, I get hurt and angry and cursed, but when I calm down after a few hours, I will remember of the good things they do, say to others, altho not me, but I appreciate the efforts they made for others, so I think afterall they may not be that bad ! It is wierd.. haha
Depression can be cure and so does all types of personalities disorder. It is better to discover it early and do something. Had it not been for depression, and low self esteem I may not have to repeat year during poly and how i try also never really do well in school. I cannot tell u how it happen, but it is a very sick case of low self esteem. I cannot even leave my house, i need a few hours to prepare myself. And to make things worst, it worsen when a classmate pass a very evil remark and depression goes on for a few years, after that simple remark, maybe it was more than once.. hurt a pretty more times.. haha.. now i no longer hate that person because the scar have healed. Time really heals the heart..but sometimes, is not days or months, for this thing, it took me entirely 4-5 years.. but initial symptoms happened when i was in childhood and to primary school and to secondary school. Because i was not aware this is not normal and thus no action taken and thus when discovered, it can come as a big setback..
Actually, life can be good. Now, i although hold a job i don like and stress me alot, but i appreciate it is still a job and give me an income and money to slowly save money for my dream. So to me, i really try to focus on the good points in those tricky situations. Now i may not have many friends, but i have a true and good friend. I really enjoy meeting nice people and being helpful to people. When i meet bad people.. i really wish they will die faster.. haha.. but come to think of it, should i really be angry over them? damage my health and make more wrinkles on my face? I don't bother about them ! At least i know, there are truely good people in this world, so life is still good, at least there are good people to neutralise the evil people...
I hope to all those troubled by personalities disorder or depression to be able to overcome the crisis and continue to improve their life.. I understand how u all feel because i also have a similar life. I would encourage people with problems to take multi vitamins, like B and etc... I take them frequently.. I believe that vitamins can help to improve the feelings of depression. It can help abit, but you must also try to think positive, and slowly slowly look at the world with different angles.. and I believe with determination, life slowly improves.. Seeing a psychiatrist or counsellor or telling a really good friend helps to lighten the burdens. ultimately it takes time to feel better and free from it..
Believe and it will happen. Don't believe and it won't happen !
Hugs,
hamster -
Nah...dun curse her. In fact I should thanks her instead. If not for her harsh words, I probably would have ended my studies when I'm in Sec 3 and never even complete my N Levels. I do admit that I really do hate her during my first half of my sec 3 when she starts teaching me but when I got my first ever A1 for my mid year exams, I really feel gratitude towards her.Originally posted by hamster_milo:Dear laosu
I feel so sad upon reading your story.. and I really wish to curse your stupid maths teacher for passing such a stupid and harsh comment. Instead of encouraging you, instead of believing and helping you, say something like that. I hate this kind of teacher, but they still exist in this world.. If i am parent and my child tell me that, I will complain to the school, write to forum, complain to moe..
Anyway, sometimes I also isolate myself and switch off handphone.. but 2 weeks being a bit too long..
I also have been to depression around late teenage. During secondary school first 2 years i also don't have friends, then till later 2 years manage to find friends, but I realised also those I found are not true friends. I have to be hurt again and again by their wierd and hot temper. But because of this, my tolerance level for people are better than others. Now when people do bad things to me, I get hurt and angry and cursed, but when I calm down after a few hours, I will remember of the good things they do, say to others, altho not me, but I appreciate the efforts they made for others, so I think afterall they may not be that bad ! It is wierd.. haha
Depression can be cure and so does all types of personalities disorder. It is better to discover it early and do something. Had it not been for depression, and low self esteem I may not have to repeat year during poly and how i try also never really do well in school. I cannot tell u how it happen, but it is a very sick case of low self esteem. I cannot even leave my house, i need a few hours to prepare myself. And to make things worst, it worsen when a classmate pass a very evil remark and depression goes on for a few years, after that simple remark, maybe it was more than once.. hurt a pretty more times.. haha.. now i no longer hate that person because the scar have healed. Time really heals the heart..but sometimes, is not days or months, for this thing, it took me entirely 4-5 years.. but initial symptoms happened when i was in childhood and to primary school and to secondary school. Because i was not aware this is not normal and thus no action taken and thus when discovered, it can come as a big setback..
Actually, life can be good. Now, i although hold a job i don like and stress me alot, but i appreciate it is still a job and give me an income and money to slowly save money for my dream. So to me, i really try to focus on the good points in those tricky situations. Now i may not have many friends, but i have a true and good friend. I really enjoy meeting nice people and being helpful to people. When i meet bad people.. i really wish they will die faster.. haha.. but come to think of it, should i really be angry over them? damage my health and make more wrinkles on my face? I don't bother about them ! At least i know, there are truely good people in this world, so life is still good, at least there are good people to neutralise the evil people...
I hope to all those troubled by personalities disorder or depression to be able to overcome the crisis and continue to improve their life.. I understand how u all feel because i also have a similar life. I would encourage people with problems to take multi vitamins, like B and etc... I take them frequently.. I believe that vitamins can help to improve the feelings of depression. It can help abit, but you must also try to think positive, and slowly slowly look at the world with different angles.. and I believe with determination, life slowly improves.. Seeing a psychiatrist or counsellor or telling a really good friend helps to lighten the burdens. ultimately it takes time to feel better and free from it..
Believe and it will happen. Don't believe and it won't happen !
Hugs,
hamster
I can't remember her full name but I do remember her as Ms Chong and she continue to be my maths teacher for the next two years till O Levels. It was her who reminds me that in life, nothing is impossible if you make an effort and believe in yourself. Although she's a bit bitchy, she's really a very good teacher who won't hestitate to teach you till you know how to do it.
Now to think back, I actually am quite lucky to have a few really good teachers around to help me pull through my secondary school life and they really taught me a lot more than the books can teach. Full salute to them!! -
Originally posted by hamster_milo:Dear laosu
I feel so sad upon reading your story.. and I really wish to curse your stupid maths teacher for passing such a stupid and harsh comment. Instead of encouraging you, instead of believing and helping you, say something like that. I hate this kind of teacher, but they still exist in this world.. If i am parent and my child tell me that, I will complain to the school, write to forum, complain to moe..
Anyway, sometimes I also isolate myself and switch off handphone.. but 2 weeks being a bit too long..
Haha...I isolate myself for two years. Come to think of it, it's actually a big experience but I don't think I can do that now.
I also have been to depression around late teenage. During secondary school first 2 years i also don't have friends, then till later 2 years manage to find friends, but I realised also those I found are not true friends. I have to be hurt again and again by their wierd and hot temper. But because of this, my tolerance level for people are better than others. Now when people do bad things to me, I get hurt and angry and cursed, but when I calm down after a few hours, I will remember of the good things they do, say to others, altho not me, but I appreciate the efforts they made for others, so I think afterall they may not be that bad ! It is wierd.. haha
Believe it or not, I find it hard to hate anyone now. Angry yes but not hate and even anger is just for a short moment (ok..blame it on my short temper but I cool down fast).
Depression can be cure and so does all types of personalities disorder. It is better to discover it early and do something. Had it not been for depression, and low self esteem I may not have to repeat year during poly and how i try also never really do well in school. I cannot tell u how it happen, but it is a very sick case of low self esteem. I cannot even leave my house, i need a few hours to prepare myself. And to make things worst, it worsen when a classmate pass a very evil remark and depression goes on for a few years, after that simple remark, maybe it was more than once.. hurt a pretty more times.. haha.. now i no longer hate that person because the scar have healed. Time really heals the heart..but sometimes, is not days or months, for this thing, it took me entirely 4-5 years.. but initial symptoms happened when i was in childhood and to primary school and to secondary school. Because i was not aware this is not normal and thus no action taken and thus when discovered, it can come as a big setback..
Sad to say, usually people don't realised that they are under depression. Only the people around there will sense the changes. Low self esteem is something we build up inside us as times goes by. I used to have very low self esteem but at the same time I have extremely high pride which kinda compensate for my LSE. We got to learn to believe in ourselves. You need to strike a balance in everything you do in life. Easier to say then done and I'm still constantly practicing it.
What I experience in my Sec sch life is just one of the setbacks I've been through and there's several other more and trust me, it's almost enough to kill me then. But I'm glad I've survived.
Actually, life can be good. Now, i although hold a job i don like and stress me alot, but i appreciate it is still a job and give me an income and money to slowly save money for my dream. So to me, i really try to focus on the good points in those tricky situations. Now i may not have many friends, but i have a true and good friend. I really enjoy meeting nice people and being helpful to people. When i meet bad people.. i really wish they will die faster.. haha.. but come to think of it, should i really be angry over them? damage my health and make more wrinkles on my face? I don't bother about them ! At least i know, there are truely good people in this world, so life is still good, at least there are good people to neutralise the evil people...
I hope to all those troubled by personalities disorder or depression to be able to overcome the crisis and continue to improve their life.. I understand how u all feel because i also have a similar life. I would encourage people with problems to take multi vitamins, like B and etc... I take them frequently.. I believe that vitamins can help to improve the feelings of depression. It can help abit, but you must also try to think positive, and slowly slowly look at the world with different angles.. and I believe with determination, life slowly improves.. Seeing a psychiatrist or counsellor or telling a really good friend helps to lighten the burdens. ultimately it takes time to feel better and free from it..
I'm not god and neither am I a saint but if my past experience and my survival story can become a motivation for those experiencing similar situations, I'm more than willing to share but honestly, for one to survive the ordeal, that person has to believe in themselves and wanted to get out of the mess.
Believe and it will happen. Don't believe and it won't happen !
TOTALLY AGREE!!!
Hugs,
hamster -
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[quote]Originally posted by weijian:
[b]
HA !! HA!!
are you speaking for yourself??
IRONIC....IF Your a Winner like you said, you shldn't have post so many posts already...some kind of WINNER huh...interesting...
when did i say i am a winner? dont jump to conclusion!!! -
I personall felt u courageous person managed to overcome many problem.Originally posted by laosu:So what you are in the top university now and your grades are excellent? Time changes and situations changes and the demands from society are constantly rising.
Negativity can be a strength if you know how to convert it and keep the determination. Negativity has changed me for the better throughout all these years but there are times when I'll almost fall to the wrong side of sanity. -
omg ... who is that angelo09 guy , when he made those comments i really feel like killing him lol.
i realised something.... ppl like him d@mn powerful .... few words from him can send 1 person to hell for that day . haha d@mn power.... -
yo, since we are all here in this forum, that means life is still good.
was sure I can jump off 40th floor since I have jump out of a plane before.
sad...... not courage enough to do it.
end up that night in IMH with a help of a friend.
system shut down completely, not eating, not drinking for 4 days.
not want to wash but the nurse there very fierce, they will ensure you at least wash (don't play play with them)
every morning a panel of doctors will come to the ward and interview the patient. I keep to myself and the doctor will always encourage me to speak up, but if I insist they leave me alone.
on the 5th day, a friend brough me a book name : "Traveling Light" by the author Max Lucado. the next day I started to eat small meal.
10 days later, I am out of IMH.
I went back twice as out-patient. But I don't think the doctor there help me much as most of the time they listen to you, give you a few word of encouragement and there is no close relationship. well I shouldn't expect much from them.
6 month later - today, I still work as usual, but other then that I resemble a hermit crap. Read book, watch TV, watch movie on my own, jogging... mostly leisure activities which can be done along. I have no problem with others - only in my job as i am in sales. but personal life, I just keep to myself.
Conclusion -- end of the drama, I realised who I am (how many of you know yourself?) I admit to myself that I am who I am, I am not a superman, I am not a hero, I am not a new age sensivtive guy. I can ony do this much and I will do this much. and I understand that I can never live up to others expectation or actually I don't have to live up to others expectation. I do my best and I feel great if I did it, I will fell sad if I failed. But I never think it is anthing shame to fail. Failure and rejection is just part of life, just like sunrise and sunset.
You will know who you are when you are not bothered with how others judge you or profile you.
Once again, since we are all here in this forum, that is something worth to celerbrate. cheers! -
sometime..it's not about being courageous. It's more about constantly believing that tomorrow will be better and also I've realised the importance of this saying "you can't just sit there do nothing and expect things to change". You can stop to rest for a while but never end the journey halfway.Originally posted by will4:I personall felt u courageous person managed to overcome many problem.
Life is a long tiring journey and our ultimate destination is the day we die. We walk, run, skip, fell and meet obsticles along the way but no matter what, we have to move on. It's like when you just started jogging, you'll find that you are breathless and can managed only 100m but as you run everyday and train up, you'll be increasing your distant from 100m to 200m and goes on. Life is still as bad but once we have been through it and practice, the journey will be much smoother despit all the hurdles. -
the book my psychiatrist introduced to me.. really very useful.. recommended for those who have problems and dont have the will to go see a psychiatrist
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0380810336/qid=1138753605/sr=8-1/ref=pd_bbs_1/002-5382415-7096809?n=507846&s=books&v=glance -
U ineed have faced a tough challenge n many people also suffered same situation in NS. Which unit u went to?Originally posted by laosu:sometime..it's not about being courageous. It's more about constantly believing that tomorrow will be better and also I've realised the importance of this saying "you can't just sit there do nothing and expect things to change". You can stop to rest for a while but never end the journey halfway.
Life is a long tiring journey and our ultimate destination is the day we die. We walk, run, skip, fell and meet obsticles along the way but no matter what, we have to move on. It's like when you just started jogging, you'll find that you are breathless and can managed only 100m but as you run everyday and train up, you'll be increasing your distant from 100m to 200m and goes on. Life is still as bad but once we have been through it and practice, the journey will be much smoother despit all the hurdles. -
was reading other forums when i stagger into this thread.
i suffer from split personality, freq mood swing.
come from poor family, dad dont work mom work hard to support family.
dispite poor me and my sister dont give mom problems and pass successfully everyyear till sec 4(express).
O level results good. but family poor so had to sign on army to further studies in poly.
hated military, but had to endure 9 years in there. cant break bond coz cant afford to pay and need income to support family.
till then i have lotsa guy friends but never pop with gals as i was shy.
like a gal but she play me out, use me as a bait to reconcile with her ex bf.
badly hurt .
change myself and outlookg and out for revenge. play feeling with manygals, enjoy seeing them get hurt. when home, i stil good and responsible son who take care of family.
left army after contract, start working in private sector. found a gf . she uni grad. i only poly grads. got mob a few times by her UNI friends(auditors working in big 5), decide to left her for good. hate myself good for nothing.
work in sales after army, fail terribly, low self resteem. low morale. left company after a year. stop working for 6 mths. and spent another 3 mths searching for job. lower morale and more hatred towards society.
finally got a job. work hard. got married. kinda bad marriage because of freq arguement. blame myself.
promoted 3 times in 4 year. career look bright, but recently suspect wife having affair. low morale in work, short temper, and stop talking in house. act happy in office. hatred return. start to blame whatever not happy to the society. indulge in gambling shares, spent time with friends than family.
i think i could have mental problems. but yet when come to work i think rationally and perform well. but when home, stop talking and spent time alone makingmodel kits and reading history books. told myself, i over suspicious my wife and she cant be. but cant get it off head. the more i think, the morei frustrated.
am i sick or what? -
Ok...this may sounds easy, but this is what I think is best and fastest way for you to regain your empathy for the human race and cure zombie(phoenix down) yourself.Originally posted by zombiefied:I am a sufferer of depression(as well as some sort of a hybrid personality disorder with narcissism and paranoia) as told by doctors frm IMH and other specialists I've seen over these years. I have a hell lot of problems caused by depression. But right now I just want to talk about this issue of me losing empathy.
I can't connect with other people anymore even if I do make an effort to socialize and learn. And of course, I can and have never be in a successful romantic relationship before. I can't understand people, and I tend to have conflicts with people. I get frustrated with people. And it caused me to keep away from people. But the more I keep away from people, the less I am able to understand and connect. Its a vicious cycle if you understand what's happening.
I am currently trying my best to keep a positive attitude and I'm treating the depression itself, as well as trying to get my empathy back and stop being a zombie anymore. I have thought of getting/borrowing books on romantic relationships(human psychology, conflicts, understanding emotional needs) but I'm not too sure. Any recommendations? Also, if you pple have an idea of how I can help myself, please do share with me and help me fight it. Thanks a hell lot.
Go watch as much movie and listen to as much songs as you can. Not all in one shot of course. But...do those 2 things as often as you desires or when you're still hard as a zombie. However, I must ask you to strictly follow these rules. Watch movies that are NOT violent, sad, porngraphy or immoral. <- Remember this rule
Also, listen to songs that are NOT heavy, alternative, racist, vulgar, fast or meaningless. Try some sentimental, slow or soft songs...like oldies perhaps?
Keep yourself as happy as possible...not in such an excitable state where you're high all the time. Feel good and feeling good about yourself is the KEY.
Read books or comics if you prefer...but rules for choice of books and comics must strictly follow the same as movie.
Lastly, sleep early and eat minimum meat with plenty of vegetables. Drink beyond the point of thirst and consume at least one fruit every meal. Not kidding you, but too much meat in your diet affects your moods and temper.
I think you should be fine within a month or earlier if you've followed strictly.
Oh...and exercise is good too...but no competitive sports till you recover.
Good luck and welcome back to the happy earth. -
Does it matter?Originally posted by will4:U ineed have faced a tough challenge n many people also suffered same situation in NS. Which unit u went to?