Heartbroken
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When a relationship turned sour, such unexpected/unbelievable behavior are possible, accept it and make sure you don't do the same.Originally posted by SpecOps87:Now, for the 1st time in my life, I truly feel how painful and torturous it is to be hurt by someone held so dearly -
Thanks alot for all the help which you guys have given me. I've tried turning to her friends for help, and they gave me total crap. I really appericate it alot. I'm gonna live strong, fight strong and never ever allow myself to fall into this state ever again. I will show the world the new born me!
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Good thinking, pal. You've went into the sea, tested the temperature. It might be seemed colder now, but at least you know you should wear something that keeps your temperature next time.
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see wad i mean?when the sgforums dudes lend out their hands..nth is unsolveable..
cheers dude!
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real friends help you out.Originally posted by SpecOps87:Thanks alot for all the help which you guys have given me. I've tried turning to her friends for help, and they gave me total crap. I really appericate it alot. I'm gonna live strong, fight strong and never ever allow myself to fall into this state ever again. I will show the world the new born me! -
I am in the same situation before... Someone whom I known for 8 years and together for 2.5 years also left me. Indeed, she was all so nice and sweet. And like in your case, she changed. Somehow, I am no longer part of her life long plan.Originally posted by browniebaobao:some pple can be v heartless.. or even ruthless.. dun care whether u live or die. I'm also a victim. I understand how u feel. pat pat*
And she was pretty heartless. The reason the DUMPER is heartless is that they do not want u to haf false hopes. U must understand... I been tru more hell than u. Can u imagine my ex-gf got her friends to scold me right in front of public. That's painful.
I was like u been so foolish and waiting for reconcilation one day. But when a woman has made up her mind or her heart changes, it is very hard to change that. Even God can't help. Take your time to process what everyone has say here. I am here to help u to tide tru. It wasn't easy in the first place but U just got to take the first step. Even till now, I am not fully recovered. -
err.. is this post meant for me?Originally posted by AnimalArmy:I am in the same situation before... Someone whom I known for 8 years and together for 2.5 years also left me. Indeed, she was all so nice and sweet. And like in your case, she changed. Somehow, I am no longer part of her life long plan.
And she was pretty heartless. The reason the DUMPER is heartless is that they do not want u to haf false hopes. U must understand... I been tru more hell than u. Can u imagine my ex-gf got her friends to scold me right in front of public. That's painful.
I was like u been so foolish and waiting for reconcilation one day. But when a woman has made up her mind or her heart changes, it is very hard to change that. Even God can't help. Take your time to process what everyone has say here. I am here to help u to tide tru. It wasn't easy in the first place but U just got to take the first step. Even till now, I am not fully recovered.
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oh my, what did u do to her (when u guys were together) which made her dislike u so much and do this..? anyway we understand that yr intentions of giving her the diary planner were good... but some stuff cant b helped.. plus its rather hard to maintain as friends after a failed relationship.. move on bah... *pats*
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i've yet to know why my gf left me.
on a lighter note, u shudnt waste ur time if she doesnt appreciate ur presence at all. -
why not? u might think there are 1001 ways but when all of them no longer effectively help u vent anything, self harm becomes effective. its either self harm, or fatal self harm. whats your pick?Originally posted by pepemis:But, i think self harm is still not a good idea....i believe there are one thousand and one way to vent your anger/sadness. -
Originally posted by SpecOps87:
take care of ur firearm and it will take care of you.But if one day you become careless,u let it rust,u throw it about,u neglect to maintain it and it jams when you're in combat,getting you killed...then there is nobody to blame but yourself.
How is it that someone, whom you know for 6yrs and whom you have been in a relationship with for 2.5yrs do this to you?[/b]
But girls are not like hardware...no matter how you take care of them,they are still human,they can be fickle and some of them cannot be trusted like the way you can trust a well maintained vehicle to always start and not break down on you.
ayah...borrow colin cheong's words,
"...a woman's heart is fickle. If your motorcycle kills you, it is because of something you did or did not do. But the woman... how can you tell? What can you do that is right? How can you ever be sure that all has been taken care of? "
so...don't be down for too long. -
I got a few things which I feel I should point out.Originally posted by SpecOps87:Sighz,I really need someone to talk to, anyone at this moment would be a god-sent.
My gf broke up with me 3mths back, and we are not on talking terms. Deep inside me, I still miss her and all, and am willing to change just so that I can be with her.
Recently, just on Wednesday, I went to Suntec to shop for X'mas gifts for my friends, and as I was returning, passed by this shop at CityLink selling notebooks etc. Went in, and after spending 1/2 hr in the shop, chose to buy my ex a diary/planner for 2006 as an X'mas gift. Went home hopping that she would accept it, wrapped it all up nicely and all.
Passed it to my friend to ask her to help me pass to my ex. Later in the day, my friend smsed me, saying that my ex have accepted it and have got me sumthing as well. I was obviously delighted, not because I'm a step closer to reconcilation or anything.But at least this shows that we can still be friends.
So today, I arranged to meet with my friend at Novena Square's Spinelli. My friend came and handed me the gift,I opened the wrapping and my mind went blank.She had taken two pieces of wood from her school's workshop and sandwiched the diary/planner I gave her and re-wrapped the whole thing with another wrapping paper and asked my friend to passed it to me.
My heart was totally torned up. How is it that someone, whom you know for 6yrs and whom you have been in a relationship with for 2.5yrs do this to you?Someone please help me...I just feel like crying, but i can't bring myself to. I'm really really torned up.
1) Do you know that by returning the gift to you is already a very kind act?
I have seen people gifts smash into pieces in front of them and the gal scolded the guy in front of crowd. Trust me man you have not seen the worst thing a gal can do.
She at least try to wrap it up nicely for you and return it back. Others just hack care and throw it away on the spot.
2) Grow up lar this is your first gf only ma. Like that cannot stand liao. Have seen people who put in far more effort , time and love then you and still kena rejected too..
3) We live in a real world where money is important. If your gf is that pure and strong willed person she will never look down on you. But sadly it seems like she cannot take the temptation which is not wrong, I mean who can? Who will not want to be living comfortably enjoy life. If you are her, I am very sure you will chose the same path.
4) I am a bit puzzle after so many posting you have not even mention why you had broken up? You have only say how bad she become but it seems like is a one sided story. What lead to the break up? Are you sure she is the only one at fault.
5) Stop saying her friends is using you to buy things at staff price. They have never force you and you are a willing party. Why complain and blame others only when your relationship is over ?
Stop living in a fantasy world where people who are kind and sweet will not change. Thats life and it makes each person unqiue. She have already chosen the path to leave you and you cannot do anything about it.
The ball is in your court now. You can complain on and on or grow up and be more mature.
my suggestion on how to tackle your problem.
a) First thank her for returning your gift and say that it was kind of her to return it so nicely.
b) Pass the massge to her through your friend that you understand her intentions for the break up and is willing to accept it gracefully.
c) next thank her for the good times you and her had but is time for you to let go.
d) Next go out with friends and enjoy life. You are born alone why should you be tie down by a gal who does not love you at all? Instead go out to the real world and experience life.
Take care and have fun. -
forrget her, u will feel better...
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Originally posted by SpecOps87:Thanks alot for all the help which you guys have given me. I've tried turning to her friends for help, and they gave me total crap. I really appericate it alot. I'm gonna live strong, fight strong and never ever allow myself to fall into this state ever again. I will show the world the new born me!
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Originally posted by browniebaobao:err.. is this post meant for me?
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Reply to point (1):
Agreed. I have thrown away gifts from exes on the spot. OR, I would simply REFUSE to meet them to accept.
Reply to point (2): Agreed. It's only by standing up after the fall that you become a stronger, more mature, & more sophisticated person. 1 fall give up already, is kinda wimpy.
Reply to point (3): No, I did Not. You also know that my darling Hamster earns less than me. I've Not dumped Hamster for richer/more ambitious guys. It depends on what is most important to the girl.
Reply to point (4): It always takes 2 hands to clap. But stronger-minded people will acknowledge that both contributed to a split. It's the weaker-minded ones who prefer to portray themselves as victims, No offence intended.
Reply to point (5): Playing victim symptoms.
The rest of your advice is great, & need No modification.
FeowFeowOriginally posted by drx:I got a few things which I feel I should point out.
1) Do you know that by returning the gift to you is already a very kind act?
I have seen people gifts smash into pieces in front of them and the gal scolded the guy in front of crowd. Trust me man you have not seen the worst thing a gal can do.
She at least try to wrap it up nicely for you and return it back. Others just hack care and throw it away on the spot.
2) Grow up lar this is your first gf only ma. Like that cannot stand liao. Have seen people who put in far more effort , time and love then you and still kena rejected too..
3) We live in a real world where money is important. If your gf is that pure and strong willed person she will never look down on you. But sadly it seems like she cannot take the temptation which is not wrong, I mean who can? Who will not want to be living comfortably enjoy life. If you are her, I am very sure you will chose the same path.
4) I am a bit puzzle after so many posting you have not even mention why you had broken up? You have only say how bad she become but it seems like is a one sided story. What lead to the break up? Are you sure she is the only one at fault.
5) Stop saying her friends is using you to buy things at staff price. They have never force you and you are a willing party. Why complain and blame others only when your relationship is over ?
Stop living in a fantasy world where people who are kind and sweet will not change. Thats life and it makes each person unqiue. She have already chosen the path to leave you and you cannot do anything about it.
The ball is in your court now. You can complain on and on or grow up and be more mature.
my suggestion on how to tackle your problem.
a) First thank her for returning your gift and say that it was kind of her to return it so nicely.
b) Pass the massge to her through your friend that you understand her intentions for the break up and is willing to accept it gracefully.
c) next thank her for the good times you and her had but is time for you to let go.
d) Next go out with friends and enjoy life. You are born alone why should you be tie down by a gal who does not love you at all? Instead go out to the real world and experience life.
Take care and have fun. -
No doubt it takes two hands to clap, but the only thing which I felt I've wronged is that I neglected her when I work. She complains about it, but no reasoning works, imagine this, she likes those ex. stuff, I work so as to give her the material means.She complains that we are unlike other young couples, can go out on weekends as I'm working.So I took off, 2 weekends, and she told me that her parents don't allow her to go out on weekends, how siah? On top of that, at the age of 18, she has a curfew of 1800hrs, how is it possible to go out on weekdays even when I want to when we end class at like 1600hrs in the afternoon?
She once told me that she admires guys who work, but earn little, yet can give their girlfriends the world, how is that possible? I mean, she wants material stuff, but don't want me to earn alot. Don't make sense doesn't it? -
Haha honestly as a girl I am just as puzzled as you are how come some of my gender expects the guy to be there for her 24/7. Yet in other cases it's the girl who is at the beck and call and control of the guy, who goes around being the social butterfly. Sad to say, some of us are just like that. When we realise the influence of material things, things change. I agree with points 2 and 3 posted by drx.
You know what's the problem with all these relationships nowadays? We keep looking for love, and long-lasting love, that we have in our minds a type of lifestyle that marriage provides. Financial stability, a car to drive around and romance to keep the girl happy. But at this age guys are not financially stable enough to provide all these, yet the girl expects it. That is when all the conflicts and complaints about not spending enough time with each other comes about. If you are really busy, your partner should be reasonable enough to understand. So I believe that to meet up to te expectations of a 'girl like that', you have to wait until you settle your own life first. Stand on your own two feet strongly first man! But it is totally alright to vent. A guy who I was very close with nearly got ran over by a car cuz he was skating recklessly on the road after I told him I wasn't mature enough to handle a relationship. I felt so bad, but no matter how bad I felt, I still gave him the cold shoulder becuz I didn't wanna hurt him even more by leading him on. And he has since forgotten about everything and we are still close friends. (Don't worry I know he has gotten over it cuz i recognise the signs.)
So give yourself a new beginning. I believe you are stronger than that, and the fact that you came here to seek solace shows that you wish to get out of this misery right. The hardest but most effective thing to do is let go. Gambate! -
Bro,
Forget about her. Girls are like that one. When they want to break up with you especially when they got another person with her or they really tired with you, that is what they will do.
To them, break means break and they really dont want to have anything else involving with you, not even taking your gift. Actually she is quite steady, I've seen some break already still accepting their ex gift and even asking for something else. That will give their ex a false hope that he still have the chance with her.
So to conclude, move on with your life and find a better girl than her. Cheers.. -
Its no longer about the R-ship since my last 3 posts. I really feel v.sad as once we are all friends, fooling around in school, laughing and stuff,but the next moment, she just hates me. What I wish to salvage from the totally wrecked Relationship is just that I hope to find a newborn friendship, thats it.
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Just try not to think so much.Originally posted by SpecOps87:Its no longer about the R-ship since my last 3 posts. I really feel v.sad as once we are all friends, fooling around in school, laughing and stuff,but the next moment, she just hates me. What I wish to salvage from the totally wrecked Relationship is just that I hope to find a newborn friendship, thats it.
You did your very best for her but is always not enough for her.
It takes time for a friendship to be reborn so is best to let natural take is course. -
Can some of u gurls tell me this...is the way she's treating me partly to do with what we did? We had sex already and I'm her 1st guy. Is there a possibility thats why she hates me that much now?
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Quite unlikely, unless you did something terrible to her in the process or for the achieval of it.Originally posted by SpecOps87:Can some of u gurls tell me this...is the way she's treating me partly to do with what we did? We had sex already and I'm her 1st guy. Is there a possibility thats why she hates me that much now? -
No. We were both consenting. And we were both sober.
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Then I don't see how that would be the cause to such extent?Originally posted by SpecOps87:No. We were both consenting. And we were both sober.