Heartbroken
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well you're not the only one. I've experienced similiar before. All I can say is, you have to let go of the "her" you still see in your mind, because she is no longer the same "her" you still hold on to mentally.Originally posted by SpecOps87:I really cannot comprehend, how someone can be so totally heartless at doing something like this. Its totally shocking. -
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u must see, it still doesnt solve anything, it doesnt change anything. control yourself. believe me it will slowly get dangerous. you must train yourself to have an open mind. i may talk a lot here but the thing is u must properly absorb and process it in your mind. its all psychological. its all up to you.Originally posted by HENG@:i think the problem is, when it comes to my personal upsets, i've cried for so long, the tears have dried up. I have a phrase, im not even sure if i made it up or i heard it somewhere. It goes like this:
When the tears have dried up, blood flows next. -
don't worry. its my blood, not other people's blood. someday it might be, but right now, it's only my blood.Originally posted by browniebaobao:so scary!~ gee~ -
i know it doesn't change anything. but it lets me vent the explosive feelings inside, like the safety valve on a pressure cooker, allows me more time to work on solving my problems. The last time I had to vent was back in marh or april this year, since then things have been flowing along better and I've been able to tackle some problems. No doubt if i hadn't vented, it would have built up to an extent where i'll do something totally out of my control and maybe i wouldn't be around to solve my problems anymore.Originally posted by anhydrouscoppersulphate:u must see, it still doesnt solve anything, it doesnt change anything. control yourself. believe me it will slowly get dangerous. you must train yourself to have an open mind. i may talk a lot here but the thing is u must properly absorb and process it in your mind. its all psychological. its all up to you. -
sama sama.. haizOriginally posted by HENG@:don't worry. its my blood, not other people's blood. someday it might be, but right now, it's only my blood. -
Originally posted by SpecOps87:
firstly, i am sorry to hear that you just broke up. Do cheer up, because if you are down, who is going to pick you up? You ought to stand up by yrself. Dont let a r/s get over you.
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My gf broke up with me 3mths back, and we are not on talking terms. Deep inside me, I still miss her and all, and am willing to change just so that I can be with her.
Passed it to my friend to ask her to help me pass to my ex
We do not know in what circumstance you and yr ex broke up. So, i cant explain much on her reaction towards you. There are a few scenario to it..
1) you all broke up in bad terms. And she didn want to get back to you at all. So, even if she receives your present, she doesnt wan to accept it, for fear that you might get the wrong idea that she is ok with you already
2) she might be seeing some1 already, or another guy is aftering her. So, she didn wan the guy to think that she still has something for you.
3)you are simply not sincere at all...fancy passing it to your fren. You shld be brave like a real man. Meet her and pass to her. If she dun like it and returns to you on the spot, accept it graciously, or either that, say that you are really giving it to her as a fren (though u still like her). Save some face for yourself.
I think if you still like her, give each other time..i know by doing so, you are in danger that she might jus fall for some1 else. But thats the risk to take, since in the first place, u 2 broke up..
Cheer up...nothing beats having a happy life....Live happily.
Merry xmas to you in advance -
people can do what they like we cant control. the sun rise and sun set, environment we also cant control. so what the hell can we control? u yourself.Originally posted by SpecOps87:I really cannot comprehend, how someone can be so totally heartless at doing something like this. Its totally shocking.
are you going to take this as a hinderance of u chasing. no frankly speaking, if you love her. people change because of other people and environment. like i've said above u cant change others n environment. so you yourself have to change. if i were you, i will treat myself as a new beginning. treat her like someone new on the streets. know her as a friend then a good friend. slwoly work out. i know its bloody shocking or watever fcuk, u can complain or whatever bullsh!t but its still doesnt solve ur above prob. its all about you -
ya i will agree on this. once bitten twice shy. what i scared of people is that they jump of the building and die and they dont get a chance to be "shy". yo know how to think. good for you.Originally posted by HENG@:i know it doesn't change anything. but it lets me vent the explosive feelings inside, like the safety valve on a pressure cooker, allows me more time to work on solving my problems. The last time I had to vent was back in marh or april this year, since then things have been flowing along better and I've been able to tackle some problems. No doubt if i hadn't vented, it would have built up to an extent where i'll do something totally out of my control and maybe i wouldn't be around to solve my problems anymore. -
Thanks for the sound advice and encouragement. I can assure you guys that I will not do anything foolish. But seriously...I feel numb at all the abuse she has thrown at me, after she broke off with me. And yet, when she did what she did, i just totally went blank.
By nature, I'm someone who's thickskinned and really direct. and really, is it possible for someone to be so heartless in just a split second? My close guy friends suggest me to get back at her. My heart tells me that no, its not worth it and neither is it gentlemanly.But the brain tells me to do it, make it good and hit her where it hurts most. I feel seriously sad, as i feel used, as her friends in poly always ask me to help them buy stuff, of which I can get at Staff Price. And in the end, its like I'm slapping myself.
Sometimes, I feel that I should be like one of my guy friend who had sex with the then girlfriend, and then aft that break up and move on to a new girl.Its a bastardly thing to do, but now I really wished that I could have the ability to do that. So that I'm not the one hurt, and she would be the one crying. -
you are youself. you dont have to follow your friend. its your own style. the SpecOps87 style. i may be 2 yrs younger than you but i see more. so if you are still confused. take a walk. go through carefully. time is the best solution. the answer will come. take a look in the outside world. u may get a surprise if u meet someone better. let time tick. meantime do enjoy yourself. go army make more friends. do the things you like to do. believe me, time will be the answer.Originally posted by SpecOps87:Thanks for the sound advice and encouragement. I can assure you guys that I will not do anything foolish. But seriously...I feel numb at all the abuse she has thrown at me, after she broke off with me. And yet, when she did what she did, i just totally went blank.
By nature, I'm someone who's thickskinned and really direct. and really, is it possible for someone to be so heartless in just a split second? My close guy friends suggest me to get back at her. My heart tells me that no, its not worth it and neither is it gentlemanly.But the brain tells me to do it, make it good and hit her where it hurts most. I feel seriously sad, as i feel used, as her friends in poly always ask me to help them buy stuff, of which I can get at Staff Price. And in the end, its like I'm slapping myself.
Sometimes, I feel that I should be like one of my guy friend who had sex with the then girlfriend, and then aft that break up and move on to a new girl.Its a bastardly thing to do, but now I really wished that I could have the ability to do that. So that I'm not the one hurt, and she would be the one crying. -
Now, for the 1st time in my life, I truly feel how painful and torturous it is to be hurt by someone held so dearly
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i totally agree with this statement..Originally posted by HENG@:i think the problem is, when it comes to my personal upsets, i've cried for so long, the tears have dried up. I have a phrase, im not even sure if i made it up or i heard it somewhere. It goes like this:
When the tears have dried up, blood flows next.
this is normally how it goes..
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life is full of ups and downs. look on the bright sideOriginally posted by SpecOps87:Now, for the 1st time in my life, I truly feel how painful and torturous it is to be hurt by someone held so dearly
at least u've experienced it while some people dont. its another sign to show that you've grown up. like they say, breakup is good, at least you've loved someone b4. -
regardless what.. this is really unusual.. i guess the incident resulting in ur break up is this extreme bah.Originally posted by SpecOps87:Sighz,I really need someone to talk to, anyone at this moment would be a god-sent.
My gf broke up with me 3mths back, and we are not on talking terms. Deep inside me, I still miss her and all, and am willing to change just so that I can be with her.
Recently, just on Wednesday, I went to Suntec to shop for X'mas gifts for my friends, and as I was returning, passed by this shop at CityLink selling notebooks etc. Went in, and after spending 1/2 hr in the shop, chose to buy my ex a diary/planner for 2006 as an X'mas gift. Went home hopping that she would accept it, wrapped it all up nicely and all.
Passed it to my friend to ask her to help me pass to my ex. Later in the day, my friend smsed me, saying that my ex have accepted it and have got me sumthing as well. I was obviously delighted, not because I'm a step closer to reconcilation or anything.But at least this shows that we can still be friends.
So today, I arranged to meet with my friend at Novena Square's Spinelli. My friend came and handed me the gift,I opened the wrapping and my mind went blank.She had taken two pieces of wood from her school's workshop and sandwiched the diary/planner I gave her and re-wrapped the whole thing with another wrapping paper and asked my friend to passed it to me.
My heart was totally torned up. How is it that someone, whom you know for 6yrs and whom you have been in a relationship with for 2.5yrs do this to you?Someone please help me...I just feel like crying, but i can't bring myself to. I'm really really torned up.
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I'm a vengeful person. I believe in karma and retribution, and hope that it ill befall on her friends.Every single one of them who gave her such ideas.
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haha ok. most impt thing is yourself ok? cheers. good that you know.Originally posted by SpecOps87:I'm a vengeful person. I believe in karma and retribution, and hope that it ill befall on her friends.Every single one of them who gave her such ideas. -
aha, she has become materialistic. try and forget about her then; she's not worth your time. it's ok to cry, but the important thing is to move on with life.Originally posted by SpecOps87:She does not answer my calls, nor smses. And although Temasek Poly is not big, its not easy to meet someone either.To be frank, she wasn't like this before, she was a real sweet person when we were in the same class in Sec.1. But eversince she came to Poly, she has changed, her friends are all those rich spoilt brats who have rich spoilt brat boyfriends. And i work for my expenses, I cannot afford to give her what they give their gfs. And she's become more material.
I'm really at a total complete lost.I just wish that someone would take me outta my misery. -
SpecOps,
IÂ’m not going to suggest how you can win her back.
I believe that there is not much left to salvage in this relationship. But if you want to know how you can move on from hereÂ…what I wrote here might be able to help you along the way.
First of all, you have to understand that no one can take you out of your misery.Originally posted by SpecOps87:I'm really at a total complete lost.I just wish that someone would take me outta my misery.
You need time to forget. You need the right mentality to move on from here.
WILL POWER.
She is still controlling your mind. She is probably the only thing you can think of right now.
After all, you have invested more than 2 years of your time, your feelings, emotion and all your effort on her. Eventually, you did not get what you want from all that investment. That is why it is so difficult to let go.
But you have to understand thisÂ…
She is only the cause of your pain. She is not the solution!
You will not find the remedy by thinking about her. The more you think about her, the more investment you are making.
And the more difficult it will be to let go.
Keep telling yourself:
“This is a vicious cycle that must stop! She is not the solution to my problems!”
You have to run away from her. Do not seek her anymore.
Use your will power. Time will be your friend who will help you recover.
What you can learn from this
You made her your whole world. And when she left you, you felt like the whole world collapsed. You are nothing but an empty shell now.
You have to learn to protect your heart from now on.
A lot of women out there instinctively look at a man as an entire “package”.
When they consider a long term relationship, they want to know what is going on in your world. Then they decide whether they want to be a part of it.
And different women will focus on different things in that package. You for instance, selected a woman who views the financial aspect as the most important element in that package.
DonÂ’t let your life turn into an endless journey of meeting her expectations. You will never be truly happy!
There is an important lesson you can learn here; You can protect your heart from feeling this pain again.
Start creating a world. YOUR world.
You are going to build your world not based on a womanÂ’s expectations.
Start perusing your own dreams. Your passions in life. Incorporate all these into your reality.
This world that you create will be one that can truly give you happiness. A world you can live in for the rest of your life.
After you have created a world that can bring you joy, you invite a woman into it.
If her expectations are different from yours, she cannot live in the world you createÂ…you will have to find another one. Keep trying and one day you will have a woman who is just as happy as you to live in your world.
A woman is not meant to be your world. She is meant to be a part of it.
Good luck. -
I try to give u suggestion.. from my point of view ok...
Originally posted by SpecOps87:
Sighz,I really need someone to talk to, anyone at this moment would be a god-sent.
My gf broke up with me 3mths back, and we are not on talking terms. Deep inside me, I still miss her and all, and am willing to change just so that I can be with her.
Recently, just on Wednesday, I went to Suntec to shop for X'mas gifts for my friends, and as I was returning, passed by this shop at CityLink selling notebooks etc. Went in, and after spending 1/2 hr in the shop, chose to buy my ex a diary/planner for 2006 as an X'mas gift. Went home hopping that she would accept it, wrapped it all up nicely and all.
Passed it to my friend to ask her to help me pass to my ex. Later in the day, my friend smsed me, saying that my ex have accepted it and have got me sumthing as well. I was obviously delighted, not because I'm a step closer to reconcilation or anything.But at least this shows that we can still be friends.
So today, I arranged to meet with my friend at Novena Square's Spinelli. My friend came and handed me the gift,I opened the wrapping and my mind went blank.She had taken two pieces of wood from her school's workshop and sandwiched the diary/planner I gave her and re-wrapped the whole thing with another wrapping paper and asked my friend to passed it to me.
>>> I think you shouldn't expect too much anymore.. She can't even be a friend... Eventhough u respect her... She didn't respect you at all.. and she is not worth ur respect..You have tried to maintain to be friend with her. In return she return ur gift, sarcastically.. Whatever you are doing.. please just stop, before you lose ur self respect more... while she may talk bad about u and do some other surprises to punish you
My heart was totally torned up. How is it that someone, whom you know for 6yrs and whom you have been in a relationship with for 2.5yrs do this to you?Someone please help me...I just feel like crying, but i can't bring myself to. I'm really really torned up.
>>> anyway... maybe it will be difficult for u.. but u have to move on... I know u have been with her after such a long period of relationship. But if she punished u by doing that won't work as long term partner or even a friend. Take care of urself before she drag u lower n lower...
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I want to cry, my heart tells me to cry as a form of release. But my mind tells me not to, its a sure sign of weakness.An utter sign of complete weakness
>>> It's ok to be cry and express it... "Be a man" doesn't mean u have to ban urself from crying and expressing ur emotion... Being a man is more towards whether u can grow up, taking things in ur life as lifelong lessons... taking care of yourself and your future long term partner
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She does not answer my calls, nor smses. And although Temasek Poly is not big, its not easy to meet someone either.To be frank, she wasn't like this before, she was a real sweet person when we were in the same class in Sec.1. But eversince she came to Poly, she has changed, her friends are all those rich spoilt brats who have rich spoilt brat boyfriends. And i work for my expenses, I cannot afford to give her what they give their gfs. And she's become more material.
I'm really at a total complete lost.I just wish that someone would take me outta my misery.
>>> yah.. she changes a lot.. but u can't stop her right..? If she really loves u since beginning, not just for ur gifts, she shouldn't mind about ur financial conditions at this point in time... She should be happy to be with u..Try to think this way... how if she's leaving you for her richer bfs..?
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I wanna chase her back. I love her for who she is and I love her for the flaws she have. But I'm not perfect.Try as I might, don't you guys think that its really hurtful to do something like that? Its like a big slap to the face, not that I'm egoistic or the value of my face is more impt. then being with her. I would rather posses nothing in the world, but still be able to hold her hand and see her smile. Thats what matters to me most.
>>> I wanna suggest u for your own good... DON'T chase her back... at this point in time she doesn't respect u at all.. she just wanna punish u, and do unexpected things to u if u try to do something good for her.. U will only end up getting low n low of mental state... while she laugh among all her rich brat friends... seriously.. If u really want to be a man.. take this as a lesson, be more careful and think about your future...
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Honestly,frankly, I wish that i could just pour my tears out and then feel better.Now infront of my laptop, i just keep punching the wall next to me. I'm just so torn up.
>>> it's ok to cry.. .. u face the difficult time now about ur relationship.. but out of that u learn more n u r growing up emotionally earlier than u thought.. u r now brave enough to ask for ppl in this forum for help... just express when u r sad, but DON'T hurt yourself... remember she won't even care any single thing.. but u make ur parents n friends worry...think about it..
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A man shld have their pride nt wavered by the wind...
well...if she hurt ur pride,bcome rich n den despice her -
Dear SpecOps87,
ppl with different experiences (maybe some has similar one) in this forum have given u suggestions... mostly support u n mentioned that u should continue n carry on with ur life. Forget about her... just learn from this but don't let urself down all the time ok... ? so the rest is up for u to decide.. -
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hm take some time off and cry your heart out, maybe u will feel better .....
hm i also believe in karma
what goes round comes around -
But, i think self harm is still not a good idea....i believe there are one thousand and one way to vent your anger/sadness.Originally posted by anhydrouscoppersulphate:ya i will agree on this. once bitten twice shy. what i scared of people is that they jump of the building and die and they dont get a chance to be "shy". yo know how to think. good for you.