A complicated relationship
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I'm in a long distance relationship with another forum member. She's a white girl living in Europe. We've known each other for about one-and-a-half years and have been a couple for more than 6 months, keeping in contact via the Net (including Skype and IM) and SMS very frequently.
Trouble is, my family doesn't approve of our relationship. Since summer I've been asking my parents to let me fly there to visit her. The response from Mum has been a flat-out 'No', while my father has been making excuses not to visit her any season.
They aren't interested in getting to know her better either; they say 'no' when I ask them to talk to her over the Net phone or IM. Due to the time difference, I talk to her at night, staying up if I have nothing important the next day, but Mum often does everything short of tripping the power to chase me away. They also tried to get my relatives to convince me not to carry on. And my elder sister has been calling her a b|tch too, when I've been sometimes reluctant to let the former use the computer for leisure while I'm in the middle of one of our conversations.
It's obvious to both of us that she's not welcome in my home, while I can't pay her a visit without rebelling. Each of us knows that the other exists for real, we love each other deeply and we aren't planning to let go of this relationship. I know I'm not going to live here forever (for other reasons). I need to know where I can take this.
Ask us anything if it'll help...thanks for listening. -
hello,
I am not sure if you know of my r/s with my ai ai...which is also a long distance and an online r/s so far. I will be going back next year to meet him and my parents havent even known about him yet. We have been "together" for almost 8 months now, and yet, I have not had the courage to tell my parents about us.
Though I believe that an online r/s can only be real once the couple take the initiative to bring it into the "real" life. It will never survive if both of you just rely on talking through the phone or on instant messenger. Besides that, you will need to meet her physically to judge if the chemistry is present. Not to say that you do not know that now, but meeting in reality will enable both of you to judge more accurately how suited you are for each other.
So, I guess even as your family forbids you to meet her, you have to find a way to go to her. And how much you are willing to do is up to you. I am not sure of how old are you, but is it possible for you to take a trip to where she is? Or ask her to come over to Singapore? Once your parents have met her and see that she is real, maybe they will be convinced to let you stay in this r/s.
Being in a r/s is always hard. A long distance one makes it even harder a trial. Add to the facts that it is also an online r/s...you have got yourself a huge hurdle to cross. But have faith and take everything as a test, knowing that if both of you manage to go through this safely and come out of it still as close as ever, it will be a very strong r/s.
Good luck
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erm. jz to check, u saw her pic and got seen her live through video conference? are u working now? if yes at least u can plan a trip to europe and visit her with your own $$$... but since 2 of u love each other so much then set a goal to visit each other when possible. its quite impossible to change your parent's ideas now so if she comes here in person and let your parent see her then maybe they might change their mind abt her.. so till then u haveto carry on like this with your love for her.... good luck...
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wow rainee now then i know wassup with u and emperor. hmm sounds interesting.
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long distance r/s are hard to maintain..but im surprised u two can hold out for so long!
have the two of u met?thru video chats or conference?
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when love is there, everything is possibleOriginally posted by yuko-ogura:long distance r/s are hard to maintain..but im surprised u two can hold out for so long!
have the two of u met?thru video chats or conference? 
But when love is no longer there, even something possible will become a chore -
rainee..how abt u and ur ai ai?where is he from?
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he is from SingaporeOriginally posted by yuko-ogura:rainee..how abt u and ur ai ai?where is he from? -
eh..so he flew overseas to work?Originally posted by rainee:he is from Singapore -
no la, I am the one who is overseas nowOriginally posted by yuko-ogura:eh..so he flew overseas to work?
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will be back soon right?Originally posted by rainee:no la, I am the one who is overseas now -
Getting out of point dude...?Originally posted by beavan:will be back soon right?
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6 months might not be too long a time to tell.Originally posted by Kuali Baba:I'm in a long distance relationship with another forum member. She's a white girl living in Europe. We've known each other for about one-and-a-half years and have been a couple for more than 6 months, keeping in contact via the Net (including Skype and IM) and SMS very frequently.
Trouble is, my family doesn't approve of our relationship. Since summer I've been asking my parents to let me fly there to visit her. The response from Mum has been a flat-out 'No', while my father has been making excuses not to visit her any season.
They aren't interested in getting to know her better either; they say 'no' when I ask them to talk to her over the Net phone or IM. Due to the time difference, I talk to her at night, staying up if I have nothing important the next day, but Mum often does everything short of tripping the power to chase me away. They also tried to get my relatives to convince me not to carry on. And my elder sister has been calling her a b|tch too, when I've been sometimes reluctant to let the former use the computer for leisure while I'm in the middle of one of our conversations.
It's obvious to both of us that she's not welcome in my home, while I can't pay her a visit without rebelling. Each of us knows that the other exists for real, we love each other deeply and we aren't planning to let go of this relationship. I know I'm not going to live here forever (for other reasons). I need to know where I can take this.
Ask us anything if it'll help...thanks for listening.
I personally think you might be 'too high over things' at the present moment... Not to doubt your love for each other, but how true it is would have to depend on alot of other factors which might come in later... Have you both met before?
I think your parents might think you're 'overdoing' it too... Your sis... I think she's just upset that she's sacrificed...?
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Originally posted by Kuali Baba:I'm in a long distance relationship with another forum member. She's a white girl living in Europe. We've known each other for about one-and-a-half years and have been a couple for more than 6 months, keeping in contact via the Net (including Skype and IM) and SMS very frequently.
Trouble is, my family doesn't approve of our relationship. Since summer I've been asking my parents to let me fly there to visit her. The response from Mum has been a flat-out 'No', while my father has been making excuses not to visit her any season.
They aren't interested in getting to know her better either; they say 'no' when I ask them to talk to her over the Net phone or IM. Due to the time difference, I talk to her at night, staying up if I have nothing important the next day, but Mum often does everything short of tripping the power to chase me away. They also tried to get my relatives to convince me not to carry on. And my elder sister has been calling her a b|tch too, when I've been sometimes reluctant to let the former use the computer for leisure while I'm in the middle of one of our conversations.
It's obvious to both of us that she's not welcome in my home, while I can't pay her a visit without rebelling. Each of us knows that the other exists for real, we love each other deeply and we aren't planning to let go of this relationship. I know I'm not going to live here forever (for other reasons). I need to know where I can take this.
Ask us anything if it'll help...thanks for listening.
i believe ur parents are worried for you. they're afraid that u might get doped, abducted for all kinds of reasons... and it is possible leh... why dont u get the white girl over. and say u will pay for her airfares.... try not to be at the disadvantage side when u do things mah...
jus my 2 cents worth. -
Thanks for the encouragement, rainee. I had already planned to go a few times, and was asking for the green light from my parents...you've read their responses.Originally posted by rainee:So, I guess even as your family forbids you to meet her, you have to find a way to go to her. And how much you are willing to do is up to you. I am not sure of how old are you, but is it possible for you to take a trip to where she is? Or ask her to come over to Singapore? Once your parents have met her and see that she is real, maybe they will be convinced to let you stay in this r/s.
She hasn't told her mum about me yet either. We aren't very old - I'm almost 20 and she's 18.
Brutus: We've seen each other over the webcam. And I get NS allowance.
Devil: Certainly never more than a fleeting moment. And I've never paid my elder sister much attention - so there was hardly anything to sacrifice. I'm very certain that she isn't someone else in disguise. We can't keep the relationship at this level for too long, as rainee said - there's the desire to see what the other person is like in reality. -
ah okok, then now u can try save up on your NS allowance then use this excuse that when u ORD u gng to europe with your platoonmates.... then u can make your way there liaoOriginally posted by Kuali Baba:Thanks for the encouragement, rainee. I had already planned to go a few times, and was asking for the green light from my parents...you've read their responses.
She hasn't told her mum about me yet either. We aren't very old - I'm almost 20 and she's 18.
Brutus: We've seen each other over the webcam. And I get NS allowance.
Devil: Certainly never more than a fleeting moment. And I've never paid my elder sister much attention - so there was hardly anything to sacrifice. I'm very certain that she isn't someone else in disguise. We can't keep the relationship at this level for too long, as rainee said - there's the desire to see what the other person is like in reality. -
Just wonderin, why did you mention she is a white girl? Does your family object to having europeans in the family or something? Well, worse comes to worse, you could always move out from your family and live your own life. Your 21yr edi right? An adult by legal right if Im not mistaken.Originally posted by Kuali Baba:I'm in a long distance relationship with another forum member. She's a white girl living in Europe. We've known each other for about one-and-a-half years and have been a couple for more than 6 months, keeping in contact via the Net (including Skype and IM) and SMS very frequently.
Trouble is, my family doesn't approve of our relationship. Since summer I've been asking my parents to let me fly there to visit her. The response from Mum has been a flat-out 'No', while my father has been making excuses not to visit her any season.
They aren't interested in getting to know her better either; they say 'no' when I ask them to talk to her over the Net phone or IM. Due to the time difference, I talk to her at night, staying up if I have nothing important the next day, but Mum often does everything short of tripping the power to chase me away. They also tried to get my relatives to convince me not to carry on. And my elder sister has been calling her a b|tch too, when I've been sometimes reluctant to let the former use the computer for leisure while I'm in the middle of one of our conversations.
It's obvious to both of us that she's not welcome in my home, while I can't pay her a visit without rebelling. Each of us knows that the other exists for real, we love each other deeply and we aren't planning to let go of this relationship. I know I'm not going to live here forever (for other reasons). I need to know where I can take this.
Ask us anything if it'll help...thanks for listening. -
i believe in eloping
Love, Me - Collin Raye anyone? -
That's a good 13-odd months away.Originally posted by BrUtUs:ah okok, then now u can try save up on your NS allowance then use this excuse that when u ORD u gng to europe with your platoonmates.... then u can make your way there liao 
Alex: Well, they didn't comment on my cousin marrying a German lad, or my uncle marrying an Englishwoman. But I mentioned it because it's not the same as having a local gf who goes abroad for studies. -
yr parents scared u might be abducted and sold away.
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jus wondering..ru the youngest child? or only son? maybe ur parents r jus being over protective of uOriginally posted by Kuali Baba:That's a good 13-odd months away.
Alex: Well, they didn't comment on my cousin marrying a German lad, or my uncle marrying an Englishwoman. But I mentioned it because it's not the same as having a local gf who goes abroad for studies. -
long term relationships never hold for long, its afterall a teenage romance. you'd end up hurting yourself in the end. i know how you feel cause its actually happening to me now. i've been like crying everynight before she leaves and after she comes back for another 2 more days she actually told me she's confused whether she still likes me or not. we been together for 6 months too. its like i've never met someone like her, 5 mins to end everything. a lifetime to forget her.
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Kuali.. what devil says make sense.. sounds logical to me too..
my point of view is..
like what one guy here say before.. u take 6 months to know her well.. and it take 5 mins to finish everything..
although there are cases where people who know each other online, fly over to some country, met and get married, most of those seldom last...
ultimately.. u make the decisions.. do wat u think fit nia~
cheers. -
both of u are so young. It's very hard to sustain a long term r/s, not to mention u two still have a long way ahead. There are many other things awaiting you.
Your parents and relatives care for you. If u two have never met, it's considered a virtual relationship.. tho u might have seen each other on web cam etc.. but it's v different from getting along with someone in real life, everyday, breathing the same air.. -
We hope to find that out, by meeting in real life, and thus see if there's chemistry between us. The truth could be a fairy tale or a harsh fact, but it's better to face it sooner rather than later - we've been honest to each other about everything.Originally posted by browniebaobao:both of u are so young. It's very hard to sustain a long term r/s, not to mention u two still have a long way ahead. There are many other things awaiting you.
Your parents and relatives care for you. If u two have never met, it's considered a virtual relationship.. tho u might have seen each other on web cam etc.. but it's v different from getting along with someone in real life, everyday, breathing the same air..