how do re-establish contact with an old crush?
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what if it didnt change?Originally posted by skeujin:hello... you havnt met her in a long time. people's charecteristics do change. if she can be read so easliy in the 1st place. ud b with her in the past. n probly still b w her now
geez i wonderr if u r even listening to yrslf
there cud be many reasons why contact was broken off between the 2 people. situations beyond yr control. -
lotsa wat ifs ya?Originally posted by The Count of Monte-Cristo:what if it didnt change?
geez. u wana contact her thn just give her a call. chat awhile n see how her response is.
if she seems like she cant wait to put down the phone. then it maybe for the following reasons.
1) she doesnt like you. she rather u didnt call
2) shes attached n the BF doesnt like stange calls
3) she bz w work. shcool stuff. or out w her frens.
2 & 3 means stay away. nvrtheless. b nice. leave her yr contacts n mildly encourage her to keep in touch. if she is in the least bit interested. she will call.
if yr conversation goes well. you chat for hours. take hints from the conversation of her recent likes. things she wana do r vry important. b it school, work or hobbys. hopefully there are things ther for you to use as excuses to call her next time.
finally before you hang up. suggest tt mayb you could meet up for a coffee or there a nice movie u wana watch but u cant find anyone tt hasnt watched it already.
dont ever hint u miss her n crap unless she initiates n keep the pics n stuff at home lah. -
I need more positive guidance like this. negative is good too to avoid pitfalls..Originally posted by skeujin:lotsa wat ifs ya?
geez. u wana contact her thn just give her a call. chat awhile n see how her response is.
if she seems like she cant wait to put down the phone. then it maybe for the following reasons.
1) she doesnt like you. she rather u didnt call
2) shes attached n the BF doesnt like stange calls
3) she bz w work. shcool stuff. or out w her frens.
2 & 3 means stay away. nvrtheless. b nice. leave her yr contacts n mildly encourage her to keep in touch. if she is in the least bit interested. she will call.
if yr conversation goes well. you chat for hours. take hints from the conversation of her recent likes. things she wana do r vry important. b it school, work or hobbys. hopefully there are things ther for you to use as excuses to call her next time.
finally before you hang up. suggest tt mayb you could meet up for a coffee or there a nice movie u wana watch but u cant find anyone tt hasnt watched it already.
dont ever hint u miss her n crap unless she initiates n keep the pics n stuff at home lah. -
if u wana prepare yrslf tt well. mite as well com up with a list.Originally posted by The Count of Monte-Cristo:I need more positive guidance like this. negative is good too to avoid pitfalls..
things u mite wana find out n topics to discuss in case the conversation comes to a stalemate. -
I'do like to hear real experiences of other people.
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well, its also how mature both parties are
if both are willing to b honest n open, able to put e past behind them and treat each other like friends, then i think its okie lo..
i'm okie w my guyfriends coming back to me..but tis time round really only buddy buddy kind of treatment...given that he's already over me, or not going to chase me (even if he still likes me or not)...i will b willing to keep in contact etc
if i were u, since u know her whereabouts, jus msg her or something...see how's her replies lor...take it slowly from there..if she's not comfy w u ard, then maybe u shld really take one step back le.. -
What have you done/work on in this love interest so far?Originally posted by The Count of Monte-Cristo:If u once had a crush on someone or a failed love interest of yours which never materialise becos of some problems involving a third party (eg.backstabbed u) , difference in opinion, fear,shyness or failure to declare your love in the nick of time (eg.your love interest left to other countries ), But years down the road u cant forget him or her....But choose to wait for the right time (your career stable ectt) and then try for a 2nd shot at the situation...How will u approach the person and talk to him or her, when the time u know is ripe?
Cheers -
Start with a call/letter? Ask her how she's doing, & blah blah blah, & would she like to have coffee some time.
Coffee is less intimidating than dinner or lunch, & it wouldn't be so awkward if she runs outta things to say, since it's only for a short while. Later on, lunch or dinner may be more acceptable to her.
FeowFeowOriginally posted by The Count of Monte-Cristo:If u once had a crush on someone or a failed love interest of yours which never materialise becos of some problems involving a third party (eg.backstabbed u) , difference in opinion, fear,shyness or failure to declare your love in the nick of time (eg.your love interest left to other countries ), But years down the road u cant forget him or her....But choose to wait for the right time (your career stable ectt) and then try for a 2nd shot at the situation...How will u approach the person and talk to him or her, when the time u know is ripe? -
Anticipation: Her shield will be up when you initiate contact.Originally posted by The Count of Monte-Cristo:Anticipation, planning and execution and some gut level feeling is the key my friend.
Ever received a call from an old friend whom you havenÂ’t heard from for ages?
You will wonder what her intention is. To make her more receptive to your approach, you will probably have to soften the impact on her.
Planning: Make use of the shared history you have with her.
I assume you know this. The initial contact is a delicate task. If you are too aggressive, she will freak out.
Drop an email and make use of that shared history with her to create rapport. Think about the previous conversations you had with her. Anything you can make use of?
What are her interests and hobbies? Was there some funny incidents you can think of that can help you break the ice?
How you can incorporate them smoothly to convince her you are contacting her to reminisce that shared history and nothing more at this point?
Execution: An example.
After a short introductionÂ…
Eg:
“Currently, I am making preparations for my back packing trip to Egypt 2 weeks later.
I was sorting out my old photos when I suddenly remembered you telling me some time ago that your “wildest” fantasy is to kiss a mummy in a pyramid some day!
I guess I’ll do that on your behalf and let you know how that feels when I get back!”
Then ask her about what is going on in her life right now. Mention some common friends whom you have not contacted for years and ask her whether she is still keeping contact with them.
Some thing you should think about:
If she did not initiate any contact with you all these years. It shows that her interest level is probably LOW all along.
Are you sure you are not trying to “rekindle” something that wasn’t there in the first place? -
Originally posted by curiousOrange:
If she did not initiate any contact with you all these years. It shows that her interest level is probably LOW all along.- I do not agree with it because there could a hundred reasons wh she did not. Like i said before....situations like:-
[b]Anticipation: Her shield will be up when you initiate contact.
Ever received a call from an old friend whom you haven’t heard from for ages?
You will wonder what her intention is. To make her more receptive to your approach, you will probably have to soften the impact on her.
Planning: Make use of the shared history you have with her.
I assume you know this. The initial contact is a delicate task. If you are too aggressive, she will freak out.
Drop an email and make use of that shared history with her to create rapport. Think about the previous conversations you had with her. Anything you can make use of?
What are her interests and hobbies? Was there some funny incidents you can think of that can help you break the ice?
How you can incorporate them smoothly to convince her you are contacting her to reminisce that shared history and nothing more at this point?
Execution: An example.
After a short introduction…
Eg:
“Currently, I am making preparations for my back packing trip to Egypt 2 weeks later.
I was sorting out my old photos when I suddenly remembered you telling me some time ago that your “wildest” fantasy is to kiss a mummy in a pyramid some day!
I guess I’ll do that on your behalf and let you know how that feels when I get back!”
Then ask her about what is going on in her life right now. Mention some common friends whom you have not contacted for years and ask her whether she is still keeping contact with them.
Some thing you should think about:
If she did not initiate any contact with you all these years. It shows that her interest level is probably LOW all along.
Are you sure you are not trying to “rekindle” something that wasn’t there in the first place?
[/b]
Parent or sibling pass away
parents strict
financial problem
sorting out their own life
busy in building career headstart
studies
....list can go on... -
For the info i wish to share: Girls usually hide their feeling, and when some guy they regret not choosing , they will rather wait for that guy to show up.
Men are the wooers, women are the wooed. natural order predetermined by GOD but at times a few exceptions....that's about all......... -
You've got your thought. What and why are you still asking for advise?Originally posted by The Count of Monte-Cristo:For the info i wish to share: Girls usually hide their feeling, and when some guy they regret not choosing , they will rather wait for that guy to show up.
Men are the wooers, women are the wooed. natural order predetermined by GOD but at times a few exceptions....that's about all.........
Go ahead and do your stuff.
I admit, this is getting quite irritating.
Cheers -
I am doing it for confirmation as to what i believe is shared , viewed the same way from others.Originally posted by M©+square:You've got your thought. What and why are you still asking for advise?
Go ahead and do your stuff.
I admit, this is getting quite irritating.
Cheers -
Originally posted by The Count of Monte-Cristo:I am doing it for confirmation as to what i believe is shared , viewed the same way from others.
Ok.
Cheers -
So again, I do like to re-emphasize.
"better to try and fail than fail to try. -
..BUT try smart.
Cheerz..... -
List? Flowchart maybe for problem solving?Originally posted by skeujin:if u wana prepare yrslf tt well. mite as well com up with a list.
things u mite wana find out n topics to discuss in case the conversation comes to a stalemate. -
But there is a difference between wooing and banging your head against a brick wall. I just donÂ’t want you to fall into the latter category. Protect your heart first and foremost.Originally posted by The Count of Monte-Cristo:For the info i wish to share: Girls usually hide their feeling, and when some guy they regret not choosing , they will rather wait for that guy to show up.
Men are the wooers, women are the wooed. natural order predetermined by GOD but at times a few exceptions....that's about all.........
Do girls hide their feelings? Sure.
Is it part of wooing to decipher their feelings? No way. We arenÂ’t programmed to think the way they do.
And there you are cracking your head and thinking of all sorts of reasons as to why she might be attracted to you but failed to keep in contact all these yearsÂ…
Seriously, you really think that she can be so busy with her studies or career that she couldnÂ’t even find time to contact someone she is attracted to all these YEARS?
Read that list you made again. The reasons you gave are rather delusional I feel (we are talking about years here!).
I have a feeling that the reason for your own lack of action all these years is hiding somewhere in that list.
Maybe a rival in love who back-stabbed you?
Please tell me that isnÂ’t the caseÂ…
For IF it is, you have a much more serious problem;
Your fear of failure is driving you to make excuses for your lack of action (contacting her) all these years. The battle will be lost before you even contact her.
But I agree with what you wrote. Which is why I suggested something you can try.
I certainly agree that it is better to try than regret.
But just donÂ’t raise your hopes and expectations too high.
Good luck. -
I will try trying not to fail to my best....
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Have you even taken your 1st simple step yet?Originally posted by The Count of Monte-Cristo:If u once had a crush on someone or a failed love interest of yours which never materialise becos of some problems involving a third party (eg.backstabbed u) , difference in opinion, fear,shyness or failure to declare your love in the nick of time (eg.your love interest left to other countries ), But years down the road u cant forget him or her....But choose to wait for the right time (your career stable ectt) and then try for a 2nd shot at the situation...How will u approach the person and talk to him or her, when the time u know is ripe? -
You're not totally correct to say that... Because afterall, we're still living in the PRESENT...Originally posted by The Count of Monte-Cristo:I do not believe that old memories will get wiped out. Old memories are old and they have nothing to do with present, am i correct to say this?..... -
That would be quite LAME. Have you done anything to her which needs you to resort to that?Originally posted by The Count of Monte-Cristo:or should u get someone example yr parents or friends to talk to that person on yr behalf? -
I'm not sure about your case... But in many cases, so what if you can prove of your existence...?Originally posted by The Count of Monte-Cristo:how can the person deny yr existence when u have old photos or gifts from her still wif u? -
And so what if you make her malu? Is that your purpose and intention?Originally posted by The Count of Monte-Cristo:what happens when u show hom or her those things? they will get malu first -
If you're really thinking of true love, you won't so much as to see it a blind one....Originally posted by The Count of Monte-Cristo:Blind love is true love.