Advice Needed ....
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She wasnt like that when we are studying together ....it was a nearly 180 degree total change , what was wrong , what's really wrong ?
We just started working as temp , while the meantime to secure and looking for perm position. She started to become cold towards me , it wasnt like that when she was working. Her superior demanded her to work OT ...I told her off ...I told to stop work OT until late nite , I commented on her superior as a selfish and mean superior who doesnt care about subordinate . I admit I was incorrect to say this . Of course , we took our stand and had a fight . After some thinking, I apologize to her....
The above wasnt the worst , sad to say , we had another fight recently, it was worst fight we ever had since we hv be going out for the 6 months . I yelled at her , asking her what she wanted. She was annoyed at my friend who said something who is unpleasant on both of us...I thought she kept mun when I spoke to her ...it was clearly an communication not only btw me and her , but also btw my friends ...I shouldnt be greedy to ask my gf and friends togther...She question me why did I yell at her only when her friends are in the wrong too....
I reprimanded my friends without her knowing ...she thought i will not do this ..yes I did.. I also reprimanded myself .....why did I yell at her ...she told me she sacrifaced her time to accompany me with my friends rather than her family , she broke down crying ....
I was guilty , terribly guilty , why did I yell at her ? Why didnt I think of her situation instead of yelling at her ? I feel like exploding rite now ... this thing has been in my mind for the past few days , cant think of a way to solve it ..
Although the things have calmed, I can sense her coldness towards me , she tried to heat up things ...but apparently something is wrong , i can sense ...I have apologised to her already ...I dun know what more can I do ....I begin to doubt myself ... -
What done cannot be undone... What's undone needs to be made up for...
After you shown your sincere regrets and let her know of how you really feel, both of you should really learn to let 'minor' things like these go... Not to downplay the whole thing but in a relationship which is prepared to go a long and stable way.. Such things should strengthen your ties and not just test your foundation...
Currently you should really make up to her by giving her more love in return... But don't 'overdo' it too in short bursts where you can't maintain and are just doing things for the sake of making up...
Learn to love and appreciates each other again.. Let her understand that it's through 'mistakes' like these where a couple can really learn to appreciate and treasure each other more.. Benefit from the experience and let it not be wasted... Learn from your own mistake and hope it should not be repeated... Now that you know... Moments of anger can easily destroy a relationship... However it should seems, fragile it may be.... -
Simple problem ---> Simple solutionOriginally posted by Mudslide:She wasnt like that when we are studying together ....it was a nearly 180 degree total change , what was wrong , what's really wrong ?
We just started working as temp , while the meantime to secure and looking for perm position. She started to become cold towards me , it wasnt like that when she was working. Her superior demanded her to work OT ...I told her off ...I told to stop work OT until late nite , I commented on her superior as a selfish and mean superior who doesnt care about subordinate . I admit I was incorrect to say this . Of course , we took our stand and had a fight . After some thinking, I apologize to her....
The above wasnt the worst , sad to say , we had another fight recently, it was worst fight we ever had since we hv be going out for the 6 months . I yelled at her , asking her what she wanted. She was annoyed at my friend who said something who is unpleasant on both of us...I thought she kept mun when I spoke to her ...it was clearly an communication not only btw me and her , but also btw my friends ...I shouldnt be greedy to ask my gf and friends togther...She question me why did I yell at her only when her friends are in the wrong too....
I reprimanded my friends without her knowing ...she thought i will not do this ..yes I did.. I also reprimanded myself .....why did I yell at her ...she told me she sacrifaced her time to accompany me with my friends rather than her family , she broke down crying ....
I was guilty , terribly guilty , why did I yell at her ? Why didnt I think of her situation instead of yelling at her ? I feel like exploding rite now ... this thing has been in my mind for the past few days , cant think of a way to solve it ..
Although the things have calmed, I can sense her coldness towards me , she tried to heat up things ...but apparently something is wrong , i can sense ...I have apologised to her already ...I dun know what more can I do ....I begin to doubt myself ...
Do you really want her back?
If yes, pls proceed.(In your own ways)
If no, rest it. -
Well said .Originally posted by Devil1976:What done cannot be undone... What's undone needs to be made up for...
After you shown your sincere regrets and let her know of how you really feel, both of you should really learn to let 'minor' things like these go... Not to downplay the whole thing but in a relationship which is prepared to go a long and stable way.. Such things should strengthen your ties and not just test your foundation...
Currently you should really make up to her by giving her more love in return... But don't 'overdo' it too in short bursts where you can't maintain and are just doing things for the sake of making up...
Learn to love and appreciates each other again.. Let her understand that it's through 'mistakes' like these where a couple can really learn to appreciate and treasure each other more.. Benefit from the experience and let it not be wasted... Learn from your own mistake and hope it should not be repeated... Now that you know... Moments of anger can easily destroy a relationship... However it should seems, fragile it may be....
I already been doing so since day 1 , I want to show her / tell her she is special but maybe sometimes , she might take me for granted . The things she hate me to do , she is actually commiting to do it herself ....
What should I do ? commit , I have been commiting , giving in ...
Till the last incident , I exploded and yell at her ....Fill with mixed feeling of guilt , hurt and anger , I apologized to her. I hope both of us can understand each better through this quarrel but her coldness towards me is making me irritating ...I dunno what to do , I am so losed ....I tried to talk to her, she told me nothing has happened , just try to pass off as normal ...you know murphy's law ....something is very wrong...
I hope we will last till the end... weeps -
Do you want to quarrel again?Originally posted by Mudslide:Well said .
I already been doing so since day 1 , I want to show her / tell her she is special but maybe sometimes , she might take me for granted . The things she hate me to do , she is actually commiting to do it herself ....
What should I do ? commit , I have been commiting , giving in ...
Till the last incident , I exploded and yell at her ....Fill with mixed feeling of guilt , hurt and anger , I apologized to her. I hope both of us can understand each better through this quarrel but her coldness towards me is making me irritating ...I dunno what to do , I am so losed ....I tried to talk to her, she told me nothing has happened , just try to pass off as normal ...you know murphy's law ....something is very wrong...
I hope we will last till the end... weeps
Thats the problem she is slowly letting the incident go but is you who refuse to let it go.
Is normal for gals to be cold towards guys after a quarrel. They want their bf to hong them and give in to them.
If you keep forcing her to talk about it, it will only led to more quarrels.
So please do not force her to say anymore. If you really want the relationship to last please work on it. DO not ask her anymore about it. 1 -
wat's wrong? have you asked yourself b4 asking others? do you forgive yourself for what you did b4 asking her to forgive you.Originally posted by Mudslide:She wasnt like that when we are studying together ....it was a nearly 180 degree total change , what was wrong , what's really wrong ?
We just started working as temp , while the meantime to secure and looking for perm position. She started to become cold towards me , it wasnt like that when she was working. Her superior demanded her to work OT ...I told her off ...I told to stop work OT until late nite , I commented on her superior as a selfish and mean superior who doesnt care about subordinate . I admit I was incorrect to say this . Of course , we took our stand and had a fight . After some thinking, I apologize to her....
The above wasnt the worst , sad to say , we had another fight recently, it was worst fight we ever had since we hv be going out for the 6 months . I yelled at her , asking her what she wanted. She was annoyed at my friend who said something who is unpleasant on both of us...I thought she kept mun when I spoke to her ...it was clearly an communication not only btw me and her , but also btw my friends ...I shouldnt be greedy to ask my gf and friends togther...She question me why did I yell at her only when her friends are in the wrong too....
I reprimanded my friends without her knowing ...she thought i will not do this ..yes I did.. I also reprimanded myself .....why did I yell at her ...she told me she sacrifaced her time to accompany me with my friends rather than her family , she broke down crying ....
I was guilty , terribly guilty , why did I yell at her ? Why didnt I think of her situation instead of yelling at her ? I feel like exploding rite now ... this thing has been in my mind for the past few days , cant think of a way to solve it ..
Although the things have calmed, I can sense her coldness towards me , she tried to heat up things ...but apparently something is wrong , i can sense ...I have apologised to her already ...I dun know what more can I do ....I begin to doubt myself ...
i think you may not have appreciate her as much as she wish you could. you need to show her that. and when you are out with her, do be out with her then out with her and ur bunch of frenz that she hates.
hope you steer correctly. for it is often said that when you see light at the end of a tunnel, it may well be an oncoming train. -
if you want to clarify with her, and is afraid that you will blow you top at her again...then just write your thoughts on a piece of paper, write down how you feel...then meet her out and let her read it...if she has anything she want to discuss with you...she will ask you (if she herself also want to save this relationship)
if she just read and say nothing....nothing changed....for a couple of weeks...then maybe its time to get onto a new relationship then... (of course i hope this will not happen to you la)..touchwood*..
next time, before you say anything, go through your mind first, don't say things on impulse, it will not help in anyway...Originally posted by Mudslide:Well said .
I already been doing so since day 1 , I want to show her / tell her she is special but maybe sometimes , she might take me for granted . The things she hate me to do , she is actually commiting to do it herself ....
What should I do ? commit , I have been commiting , giving in ...
Till the last incident , I exploded and yell at her ....Fill with mixed feeling of guilt , hurt and anger , I apologized to her. I hope both of us can understand each better through this quarrel but her coldness towards me is making me irritating ...I dunno what to do , I am so losed ....I tried to talk to her, she told me nothing has happened , just try to pass off as normal ...you know murphy's law ....something is very wrong...
I hope we will last till the end... weeps -
Let's go through the checklist.Originally posted by Mudslide:Well said .
I already been doing so since day 1 , I want to show her / tell her she is special but maybe sometimes , she might take me for granted . The things she hate me to do , she is actually commiting to do it herself ....
What should I do ? commit , I have been commiting , giving in ...
Till the last incident , I exploded and yell at her ....Fill with mixed feeling of guilt , hurt and anger , I apologized to her. I hope both of us can understand each better through this quarrel but her coldness towards me is making me irritating ...I dunno what to do , I am so losed ....I tried to talk to her, she told me nothing has happened , just try to pass off as normal ...you know murphy's law ....something is very wrong...
I hope we will last till the end... weeps
You've been commiting
Been giving in (to what extend?)
You felt guilty
Felt Hurt
Felt angry
You've apologized
You seek to understand
She's cold...
You've tried to talk to her
You feel lost.
Something's wrong. But you're unable to put your finger to the exact problem.
In situation like this. You've tried(if whatever you mentioned in this thread is true) your best, and truly there is no other way to regain back to the 'happy days' unless she is willing.
It is either you allow this relationship to deteriorate, 'go with the flow' till it meets it's end inevitably. Let the end reveal in due time.
OR
You can choose to give yourself and her a window period to think through. Do not think you've to bear the full responsiblity of this unknown standing in this relationship.
If you've done what you should. Take a step back and think through.
Is this kind of relationship really what you want?
Make a choice, or choose to stay lost?
Hai
Cheers -
ditch her
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Offer her $500 as "apology money"
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I dun want the relationship to end . I have been making descisions, an undecisive gal she is , my decisions was challenged by her many options ...Originally posted by M©+square:Let's go through the checklist.
You've been commiting
Been giving in (to what extend?)
You felt guilty
Felt Hurt
Felt angry
You've apologized
You seek to understand
She's cold...
You've tried to talk to her
You feel lost.
Something's wrong. But you're unable to put your finger to the exact problem.
In situation like this. You've tried(if whatever you mentioned in this thread is true) your best, and truly there is no other way to regain back to the 'happy days' unless she is willing.
It is either you allow this relationship to deteriorate, 'go with the flow' till it meets it's end inevitably. Let the end reveal in due time.
OR
You can choose to give yourself and her a window period to think through. Do not think you've to bear the full responsiblity of this unknown standing in this relationship.
If you've done what you should. Take a step back and think through.
Is this kind of relationship really what you want?
Make a choice, or choose to stay lost?
Hai
Cheers
I didnt bear the responsibility of pointing who's white or black ...I let her know she will share some responsibilty as well ....
When it comes to understand her or woman , its hard to decipher what she think sometimes ...I have my own reasons for doing things , been the motive in priority of her ...but sometimes my motive seen to be mistaken for another motive by her....
I have tried my best to my ability to let the relatioship grow , in a better way , I tried , the hardest , until I am even surprised at myself .Sometimes she wants this , sometimes she wants that ...what can I do . -
hey bro.hold her hands,smile slightly..look into her eyes deeply..caringly..
tell her that u love her for who she is and wish her to be happy..there's no need to sacrifice her personal time for u.. -
1 thing that nel do everytime we feel upset or sth..
1 big hugz for a loooooooooong time
after that we're ok again =)
tat's when we wanna make up and say forget the unpleasant stuff..
(most of teh time its just some misunderstanding or miscommunication =X) -
You read my post but lack understanding.Originally posted by Mudslide:I dun want the relationship to end . I have been making descisions, an undecisive gal she is , my decisions was challenged by her many options ...
I didnt bear the responsibility of pointing who's white or black ...
I let her know she will share some responsibilty as well ....
When it comes to understand her or woman , its hard to decipher what she think sometimes ...I have my own reasons for doing things , been the motive in priority of her ...but sometimes my motive seen to be mistaken for another motive by her.... I have tried my best to my ability to let the relatioship grow , in a better way , I tried , the hardest , until I am even surprised at myself . Sometimes she wants this , sometimes she wants that ...what can I do .
Seems to me that you're going to continue trying for some time.
If i'm not wrong. One sided doings will happen.
Try to have open communication about this relationship and gain trust.
Get to the root problem instead of hearing her say 'nothing'.
When you've tried too hard, your respect from her might be lost. When a relationship is truly growing(healthy), you don't have to try too hard, you just do your part.
Cheers -
Question: Is she a willing to nature the relationship with you?
Cheers -
What's her star sign?Originally posted by Mudslide:Well said .
I already been doing so since day 1 , I want to show her / tell her she is special but maybe sometimes , she might take me for granted . The things she hate me to do , she is actually commiting to do it herself ....
What should I do ? commit , I have been commiting , giving in ...
Till the last incident , I exploded and yell at her ....Fill with mixed feeling of guilt , hurt and anger , I apologized to her. I hope both of us can understand each better through this quarrel but her coldness towards me is making me irritating ...I dunno what to do , I am so losed ....I tried to talk to her, she told me nothing has happened , just try to pass off as normal ...you know murphy's law ....something is very wrong...
I hope we will last till the end... weeps
Find out about her stand in a relaxed or indirect manner... All these could probably only mean that...
1. She has already given up. OR
2. She have not fully understood and choose to benefit from this experience... OR
3. She have not decide to forgive you so easily for what you've done to her. -
Well uuh... I'm wondering if the problem is the way you communicate with each other. Because I have difficulties understanding what you post
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It is Communication dude. I agree with ya.Originally posted by choco B:Well uuh... I'm wondering if the problem is the way you communicate with each other. Because I have difficulties understanding what you post -
ohh , apologises guys , please do tell me what you dun understand .Originally posted by choco B:Well uuh... I'm wondering if the problem is the way you communicate with each other. Because I have difficulties understanding what you post -
since its a communication problem..then don't speak then....write on papers....or poerty....
if at times communication doesn't work, then use actions...romantic actions...like doing something that she likes....things that cannot be bought...if she still holds the same reaction to you...
then forget about her and get a new gf then...Originally posted by M©+square:It is Communication dude. I agree with ya. -
Leo .Originally posted by Devil1976:What's her star sign?
Find out about her stand in a relaxed or indirect manner... All these could probably only mean that...
1. She has already given up. OR
2. She have not fully understood and choose to benefit from this experience... OR
3. She have not decide to forgive you so easily for what you've done to her.
1 . < I dont know.
2. Maybe
3. Already forgiven.
I feel so disheartening sometimes ...getting lots of negative response lots of time . Especially , when we began to work , my primary guess it was due to stress at work , she told me no .
But she told her friends she was stressed out in work....
why were there double sayings ..??? -
I suggest he shouldn't go too far, otherwise she'll siam faster.Originally posted by weijian:since its a communication problem..then don't speak then....write on papers....or poerty....
if at times communication doesn't work, then use actions...romantic actions...like doing something that she likes....things that cannot be bought...if she still holds the same reaction to you...
then forget about her and get a new gf then...
Anyway, he won't give up on her one.
Cheers -
Can't agree more. Work on your communicaiton skills and anger management. You sound like a young punk/bull who thinks that to be a man is to be decisive and rash. WRONG WRONG WRONG.Originally posted by choco B:Well uuh... I'm wondering if the problem is the way you communicate with each other. Because I have difficulties understanding what you post
In contrast to the other postings, I would not ditch the girl. Despite her tight schedule, she still makes time for you at the expense of family time. What's the point of asking her why she is still acting cold? What you need to do is on your part, figure out why you are so rash and work out a way to change your temperament. I can never understand mixing girlfriend with friends. Can't have quality time together if you have a third party around. Do something to cheer her up! -
thanks for the sound advice ..guys ..
I wanna u guys to take note , most of the time I end up apologizing even I might not be in the wrong.... -
