'Unsolvable' - Wu Jie.
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I think money has always been quite a sensitive issue. Especially during time like these, it's more of so...
Recently... Someone quite close to me asked me for a loan. Quite a sum to me. Not a trival matter. Been days and I still can't settle on a decision. Hardly like myself.
This person whom I really wish to help and almost all I've asked advised me not to... (they either asked me not to help or they just kept quiet) Been telling me lies... Usual things.. Things about the loan also... Partial truth... Partial lies... Even despite the fact that after I've told that person NOT to lie to me or it'll just result in the lack of trust in each other... The person can still continue to LIE without blinking even the eyes once... Even after I REPEATEDLY PROMPTED... SAD is the case...
Logics tell me that I shouldn't fork out that $... People around me speaks of the same..
But even though a person lies, doesn't mean that that person is not genuinely in need of such a help... In which my decision could make quite a vital change in the whole situation... OR.. I could be so easily giving a chance for myself to be cheated once again... Of the $ and trust... And the troubles I might have invited for myself....
Blind belief itself doesn't work... I wish to help... But... Why all the lies...? Why ask "You can't trust me..?? I'm so disappointed in you..." To top the truth, I'm equally if not more disappointed than you are... How to TRUST with the LOOP HOLES and REPEAT LYINGS...?
Maybe I should just 'close the case'? -
lend money dun expect get back
lie to u = u already know what happen?
if the matter is urgent..den lend loh -
if i were u i wld jus lend tat person the amt of money where i can afford to, w.o upsetting my budget.
but my attitude towards lending pple money it tat, i am prepared that e money i lent out might not come back to me again. so its more of like really doing that person a favour thatz all.
many pple felt that if i were e one who lent him e money, all e more that i need to know e reason and how he is going to spend e money on. i jus felt tat okie lor i wld jus give him e benefit of e doubt that after e money issue is settled, it wld at least help him feel better.
if he chose to lie to me then too bad lor, at least i know my conscience is clear, i din lie to anyone, and din do anything wrong.... jus tat tis friend is no longer trustable and realiable...
i wont let that person take me for granted that everytime he needs money he can come to me..there wld b a limit where i can lend to him...
jus wat i feel lar.. -
Matter is quite urgent and would lead to consequences...Originally posted by BufPuf:lend money dun expect get back
lie to u = u already know what happen?
if the matter is urgent..den lend loh
But like you've said... Lies already still lend...? On top, I still have to borrow $ to chip up the amount...
Mmm... Headache... Why can't I just believe like a pure-breed Devil...? -
lend what u can afford loh like the previous poster say
At least better than rejecting straight away..
Jin Li Er Wei -
Have you given it a thought before? It's because of people like you that's why some people always go around borrowing $... Trying their luck around... People who are like leeches and prey on the 'willings'...?Originally posted by alfagal:if i were u i wld jus lend tat person the amt of money where i can afford to, w.o upsetting my budget.
but my attitude towards lending pple money it tat, i am prepared that e money i lent out might not come back to me again. so its more of like really doing that person a favour thatz all.
many pple felt that if i were e one who lent him e money, all e more that i need to know e reason and how he is going to spend e money on. i jus felt tat okie lor i wld jus give him e benefit of e doubt that after e money issue is settled, it wld at least help him feel better.
if he chose to lie to me then too bad lor, at least i know my conscience is clear, i din lie to anyone, and din do anything wrong.... jus tat tis friend is no longer trustable and realiable...
i wont let that person take me for granted that everytime he needs money he can come to me..there wld b a limit where i can lend to him...
jus wat i feel lar.. -
My personal opinion.Originally posted by Devil1976:Matter is quite urgent and would lead to consequences...
But like you've said... Lies already still lend...? On top, I still have to borrow $ to chip up the amount...
Mmm... Headache... Why can't I just believe like a pure-breed Devil...?
It will be much better to lend if your friend tells you the truth instead of lying just to borrow money. Especially dislike the way he uses friendship saying that you have no trust in him when he himself cannot trust you enough to tell you what's the real problem
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Almost the same thought i have with Alfagal.Originally posted by alfagal:if i were u i wld jus lend tat person the amt of money where i can afford to, w.o upsetting my budget.
but my attitude towards lending pple money it tat, i am prepared that e money i lent out might not come back to me again. so its more of like really doing that person a favour thatz all.
many pple felt that if i were e one who lent him e money, all e more that i need to know e reason and how he is going to spend e money on. i jus felt tat okie lor i wld jus give him e benefit of e doubt that after e money issue is settled, it wld at least help him feel better.
if he chose to lie to me then too bad lor, at least i know my conscience is clear, i din lie to anyone, and din do anything wrong.... jus tat tis friend is no longer trustable and realiable...
i wont let that person take me for granted that everytime he needs money he can come to me..there wld b a limit where i can lend to him...
jus wat i feel lar..
Yup, even though i know this friendship is calling it's end. I still will fork out what i think is comfortable for me.
If that much money is going to prove the worth of friendship. So be it.
Cheers -
But the person doesn't really seems appreciative?Originally posted by BufPuf:lend what u can afford loh like the previous poster say
At least better than rejecting straight away..
Jin Li Er Wei
If 'lend what you can', the person might even be reprimanding..? Besides.. Might not solve the problem if it's a genuine case? -
Somehow I feel the same... But is that good enough a reason for me to reject because the situational truth is not explicitly explained...? Risking the fact that it could be a genuine case..?Originally posted by NekoRin:My personal opinion.
It will be much better to lend if your friend tells you the truth instead of lying just to borrow money. Especially dislike the way he uses friendship saying that you have no trust in him when he himself cannot trust you enough to tell you what's the real problem
Too many lies.. Somehow I couldn't make out what's real and what's not from that person anymore... -
Unappreciative + all the lies.... (what kinda friend is this?)
I wouldn't lend such a person a cent if i were you....
When you lend someone a huge sum of money... never expect to get it back...
So if you really don't feel like lending, comeon, stick to your feelings...
or you'll regret....
But if u ever lend him the $$.. remember to ask him to sign an IOU..
i got a feeling such a person can't be trusted at all... -
if you lend him/her the money do not expect to get it back... ultimately it's on urself. if you think that he/she is a true friend and his/her reasons are genuine, then go ahead...
but that being said, don't go over your head. let's say he/she wants to borrow $100, but you know you cant afford that amount, tell him/her how much you can contribute (eg. $80) and ask him/her to find away to raise the rest...
don't go into debt yourself just to help out a friend (who lies to you). -
What if it's gonna take more than 'what you're comfortable with'?Originally posted by M©+square:Almost the same thought i have with Alfagal.
Yup, even though i know this friendship is calling it's end. I still will fork out what i think is comfortable for me.
If that much money is going to prove the worth of friendship. So be it.
Cheers
And the fact that if you're betrayed could turn the whole sh|t table around and SINK you DEEP...
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It all depends how worthy is this friend and if he will truly change.Originally posted by Devil1976:What if it's gonna take more than 'what you're comfortable with'?
And the fact that if you're betrayed could turn the whole sh|t table around and SINK you DEEP...
Cheers -
Well, it's your hard-earned money. Money don't just grow from trees, we slogged and earn hard for it. I feel it's to be justified when I lend money to a friend. Just remember it's not about not wanting to help out, but it's more on whether the friend you helping will appreciate you as his friend and not treating like one other money shaking trees. =XOriginally posted by Devil1976:Somehow I feel the same... But is that good enough a reason for me to reject because the situational truth is not explicitly explained...? Risking the fact that it could be a genuine case..?
Too many lies.. Somehow I couldn't make out what's real and what's not from that person anymore...
Ask him out and talk to him. Tell him your stand. Things may turn sour during the conversation but do highlight to him the least he needs to have trust in you first before you can entrust him with your money. -
I won't lend.
I had a bad experience once, luckily the amt is small
it is easy to lend ppl money but difficult to get it back
best is not to talk about money btw friends, it might ruin the friendship
jiang qian shang gan qing -
A person with an attitude... If it has been anybody else, I would have VERY WELL says in the person's face that he / she is the one who NEEDS HELP... TAKE IT or LEAVE IT...Originally posted by silv3rgal:Unappreciative + all the lies.... (what kinda friend is this?)
I wouldn't lend such a person a cent if i were you....
When you lend someone a huge sum of money... never expect to get it back...
So if you really don't feel like lending, comeon, stick to your feelings...
or you'll regret....
But if u ever lend him the $$.. remember to ask him to sign an IOU..
i got a feeling such a person can't be trusted at all...
Signing an IOU? I thought of that before... But that also show how much trust I can have in that person... Probably be reprimanded.. In that case, I would rather not lend a cent.... -
The person has limited resources... It's very unlikely that the problem can be solved except through me...Originally posted by smudgey:if you lend him/her the money do not expect to get it back... ultimately it's on urself. if you think that he/she is a true friend and his/her reasons are genuine, then go ahead...
but that being said, don't go over your head. let's say he/she wants to borrow $100, but you know you cant afford that amount, tell him/her how much you can contribute (eg. $80) and ask him/her to find away to raise the rest...
don't go into debt yourself just to help out a friend (who lies to you).
There are other methods, but they would give the person other problems.. Somehow I feel that the person rather have the stake on me than otherwise..
And one thing which is really kinda pissed me off is that when I told the person I don't have the budget to help but can only source and borrow from others to top up, the person actually feels that I'm trying to make excuses and lying (when in fact the person is the one who has been telling me lies...)...
I reprimanded the person on this part, saying that how can you expect me to trust you when you can't even trust me... The reply came was... "Whatever lah... So long as you can help me...." -
Sometimes there just isn't a sure way to tell. When you accept the pick up and is willing to face the consequences, only time can tell you your story...Originally posted by M©+square:It all depends how worthy is this friend and if he will truly change.
Cheers
This is also another reason why I posted this up in AA with the topic... Sometimes in life, either way you walk.. You won't know which way comes to a dead end... Or perhaps they all leads to nowhere...? Happens like in the dilemma of others' stories... -
Hmm, he still not willing to share what's his problem?Originally posted by Devil1976:The person has limited resources... It's very unlikely that the problem can be solved except through me...
There are other methods, but they would give the person other problems.. Somehow I feel that the person rather have the stake on me than otherwise..
And one thing which is really kinda pissed me off is that when I told the person I don't have the budget to help but can only source and borrow from others to top up, the person actually feels that I'm trying to make excuses and lying (when in fact the person is the one who has been telling me lies...)...
I reprimanded the person on this part, saying that how can you expect me to trust you when you can't even trust me... The reply came was... "Whatever lah... So long as you can help me...." -
The 'heck care' attitude sickens me... Somehow it's like what you've said... Coming out with hard-earned money and I won't even be surprised if that person doesn't return me the money, but only surprise as to why I still do it when it's quite obviously(?) that the money won't be returned as promised..?Originally posted by NekoRin:Well, it's your hard-earned money. Money don't just grow from trees, we slogged and earn hard for it. I feel it's to be justified when I lend money to a friend. Just remember it's not about not wanting to help out, but it's more on whether the friend you helping will appreciate you as his friend and not treating like one other money shaking trees. =X
Ask him out and talk to him. Tell him your stand. Things may turn sour during the conversation but do highlight to him the least he needs to have trust in you first before you can entrust him with your money.
Somehow I kinda expect the person to change job, change address (rental) and change contact number ONCE the money gets into hand.... -
sometimes....
by lending someone money might make that person 'ye xian ye sheng' (fall deeper) (depending on the person's character) in watever that person is doing be it a lost in biz etc
....sometime even a failed biz is best left failed cos it might be actually just a big 'hole' that will ended up only sucking up more and more money and nothing else?
i think you have made yourself 'easy prey' to this person, and so much so...taken you for granted....
and by 'spoiling' this person is definitely not doing that person a favour cos din learn to appreciate , money seems to come easy....anytime can fall on you for help.....
then again...when concern friendship...i realized esp for guys....its tough for some to say no... -
since u already know, still want to 'ill treat' yourself??Originally posted by Devil1976:The 'heck care' attitude sickens me... Somehow it's like what you've said... Coming out with hard-earned money and I won't even be surprised if that person doesn't return me the money, but only surprise as to why I still do it when it's quite obviously(?) that the money won't be returned as promised..?
Somehow I kinda expect the person to change job, change address (rental) and change contact number ONCE the money gets into hand....
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base on the above highlighted statement, I will harden my heart and not help that person.Originally posted by Devil1976:The person has limited resources... It's very unlikely that the problem can be solved except through me...
There are other methods, but they would give the person other problems.. Somehow I feel that the person rather have the stake on me than otherwise..
And one thing which is really kinda pissed me off is that when I told the person I don't have the budget to help but can only source and borrow from others to top up, the person actually feels that I'm trying to make excuses and lying (when in fact the person is the one who has been telling me lies...)...
I reprimanded the person on this part, saying that how can you expect me to trust you when you can't even trust me... The reply came was... "Whatever lah... So long as you can help me...."
He/she is not appreciative at all... and is probably only using you.
think twice before handing the money over.
I really think that person is not worth putting yourself into debt just so you can help him/her.
he made his bed. let him sleep in it! -
Jiang qian shang gan qing... Somehow I very much agree with this saying... Not that such things cannot happen, but also depends on that person's attitude and whether the person can be trusted..?Originally posted by Kenashi:I won't lend.
I had a bad experience once, luckily the amt is small
it is easy to lend ppl money but difficult to get it back
best is not to talk about money btw friends, it might ruin the friendship
jiang qian shang gan qing
Let me share with you my own experiences..
Like you, I had been cheated too... Once by an ex. The moment the money went over, the person just vanishes into thin air... It's not just the money somehow. But the trust and belief.. And just makes you feel 'cheap' somehow...? Betrayed.. Just for that kinda money...? I'm the kinda person who... When you have a problem, we sit down and try to figure out a solution together... Not through digging from a hole just to cover another...
Some time after that, I was borrowed money by a friend again... Somehow I just didn't learn my lesson hard enough... Yup... Was a 'set up'... So when this person asked of me, I somehow just have LOTS of 'flashbacks'..... Knowing how STUPID I SHOULD be to AGREE... Just like a mad man running his way off a cliff... Is there no sure way to tell? But ALMOST all things POINTS to 'NO'. Why HESITATE? Why still so many QUESTIONS and DOUBTS? Why can't the things I've said to the person be taken SERIOUSLY? WHY RETURNED with LIES..? Then which FOLLOWS... WHY QUESTION my REJECTION then I KNOW WHAT YOU NEED, BUT WHY CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND MY STAND and SIMPLE ENGLISH...??
...... Why ask?
Another experience is when I was in sh|t.... DEBT and some STUPID MESSED UP CREDIT PROBLEMS which was really dealt up because of the provider's system faults... My BUDDIES GOT ME OUT OF IT.... That kinda TRUST and HELP... Just 2 QUESTIONS from them (btw, they're not very rich people and it wasn't a small sum...) They simply asked...
1. "How much you need?"
2. "When you need it...?"
After which they just asked me to give them some time to help me get the MONEY.... You KNOW HOW it FELT...?