developing a liking for ur female buddy
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wat if.. things are more complicated... meaning that my guy buddy and i haf common friends and we're a grp of 4 good friends who get together for a gathering every 6 months tat sort...
if confess liao and kena rejected ah.. wah i duno how siah in the future... like everybody will know about it and it'll be pretty embarrassing at the next gathering
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.....See what is the reasons he rejected you lor. Sometimes first rejection doesn't meant its the end. As for wat your friends might think, worry about that later.Originally posted by elektra:wat if.. things are more complicated... meaning that my guy buddy and i haf common friends and we're a grp of 4 good friends who get together for a gathering every 6 months tat sort...
if confess liao and kena rejected ah.. wah i duno how siah in the future... like everybody will know about it and it'll be pretty embarrassing at the next gathering 
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elektra: do u happen to know the thread-starter courseclerk personally?Originally posted by elektra:me too -- similar problem.. but is to my male buddy. he duno yet.. however i every week will receive 1 "friends forever / gdnight" sms frm him ... argh.. how how?
That's why I maintain an emotional and physical distance away from my female buddy. We are very close yet I still choose not to discuss somethings or do somethings with her, to remind myself (and her) we are buddies. When I miss her badly (sometimes), I just tell her that I am too used to having her around me all the time.Originally posted by dragg:dont confuse lust or loneliness with love.
it tends to happen when one gets too close to a opposite sex.
just a word of caution.
This is my #1 deterence. From past experiences, it was more emotionally devastating for me to loose a close female buddy than the shallow friendship of a girl I fancy. I treasure the companionship.Originally posted by elektra:if confess liao and kena rejected ah.. wah i duno how siah in the future... like everybody will know about it and it'll be pretty embarrassing at the next gathering -
This post reminds me of the wierd situation I am in now though. She has been "extra nice" to me since I agreed to tour China with her. She has been making meals for me. We were making plans to watch a musical together, but scrapped the idea because the tickets cost 50pounds each. However, she is in favour of having lunch together on a river cruise along river thames. I didn't object to the proposal because it is 40% cheaper. I like the attention and the fact we can share our thoughts so easily and like to spend alot of time together. It seems she fancies me, but there are 3 things that stop my thoughts from progressing into that area.
Firstly, I am once bitten, twice shy. I don't want history to repeat itself. I lost my ex-girlfriend and my best friend (female buddy) when she and I split apart. My ex-girlfriend was my best friend before we got together. We had been best mates for over 1yr before we got together. It was devastating enough to loose my girlfriend. It was more devastating to not have the listening ear a best friend can offer! I had nobody very close to share my emotional pains then.
Secondly, past experiences tells me when I fancy a girl, I usually have this urge to chase them. I have this loud voice inside my head that tells me I want the girl. I don't have this urge towards my best friend. However, there are times whereby I miss her badly despite the fact I haven't been talking to her for about 3days. It is things like that that make me wonder if I actually fancy her, and dragg's quote regarding the confusion between loneliness and love pretty much resolve this situation.
Thirdly, she has always been nice to me since I knew her. When I first knew her, she used to make me tea eggs. I also know the extent she is willing to go, for the sake of her friends. I have been there for her - when she cries over the emotional insecurity regarding her ex-boyfriend's "affairs" (when she was dating him), when they finally broke up, and when she had family problems. I have been taking care of her. Why shouldn't she be nice to me? I must admit that her ex-boyfriend used to complain he can't see why she cooks for me, but not for him. However, that is because he has been sleeping around - she doesn't feel safe and secure with him, but she still liked him anyway. Fortunate bas-tard! -
hi geodome, i doubt i know courseclerk.. hahaa.. unless he is 21 this yr.
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u two are reali good buddies for each other it seems... doing nice things for each other and being there when one is down.Originally posted by geodome:This post reminds me of the wierd situation I am in now though. She has been "extra nice" to me since I agreed to tour China with her. She has been making meals for me. We were making plans to watch a musical together, but scrapped the idea because the tickets cost 50pounds each. However, she is in favour of having lunch together on a river cruise along river thames. I didn't object to the proposal because it is 40% cheaper. I like the attention and the fact we can share our thoughts so easily and like to spend alot of time together. It seems she fancies me, but there are 3 things that stop my thoughts from progressing into that area.
Thirdly, she has always been nice to me since I knew her. When I first knew her, she used to make me tea eggs. I also know the extent she is willing to go, for the sake of her friends. I have been there for her - when she cries over the emotional insecurity regarding her ex-boyfriend's "affairs" (when she was dating him), when they finally broke up, and when she had family problems. I have been taking care of her. Why shouldn't she be nice to me? I must admit that her ex-boyfriend used to complain he can't see why she cooks for me, but not for him. However, that is because he has been sleeping around - she doesn't feel safe and secure with him, but she still liked him anyway. Fortunate bas-tard!
i'm curious... but is there a mutual attraction or any examples that show that the 2 of u compliment each other? -
I DEVELOP A LIKING AND WANT TO BANG ALL MY FEMALE FRIENDS AND I AM VERY PERVERTIC. PLS REMEMBER THATOriginally posted by courseclerk:everything was going on fine as real buddies, sharing platonic true frenships, but once i realised that i have developed a liking for her, everything started to change
she got to knew bout it, though there's mutual hao gan, but yet, it juz dosent feel right, its like can there ever be a tinge of liking ( in the love sense) for ur buddy?
now.. its like we r trying hard to find topics to tok bout when it wasnt like that, looking at each other with a feeling that ' could we rewind back to the days of being juz buddies ' , told ourselves that perhaps we shld juz forget bout everything and go back to the past. but its hard, doubt its tt easy to forget wadever that has been said and discovered
wad shld i do man. there's no closed door either, juz tt it din seem right. and i also wanna go back to the good old days. can i realli pretend that nutting happened and go back to the previously crazy old buddy buddy frenzship> has it been done b4?
sigh... confused~
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haha.. double edge sword..Originally posted by R3SsH|n:ya know sometimes...best of frens might not make the best lovers...one problem is...you are too familiar with each other...the romance is hard to create...no surprise nor excitement...cos u can kind of expect what is the next move of your partner...
on the other hand...i would suggest you give it a try...maybe you can say something like...give yourself and her sometime...try going into a relationship...if it works well...great...but promise each other there wont be any animosity if you two really cannot be lovers... -
poor gals.......Originally posted by CHRIS DORAI:I DEVELOP A LIKING AND WANT TO BANG ALL MY FEMALE FRIENDS AND I AM VERY PERVERTIC. PLS REMEMBER THAT -
had this situation for a long, long time le...basically if a girl and a guy (esp those who are single) remain together for a long time, the closeness between them will grow. It is always great to find someone you can share everything with, and sooner or later, one or both of them will develop some sort of attraction.
But I guess, once the confession is out, it is really hard to become friends again...I tried it before and thought it would work, but then there is always the realization on the other party's part that you like him/her, so when loneliness becomes overwhelming, both might succumb to desire.
Which is something I regret right now, cos after that stage of desire, nothing can go back to the way it was le. And how I miss those times when we can talk about everything under the sun
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Courseclerk, are you 21 this year?Originally posted by elektra:hi geodome, i doubt i know courseclerk.. hahaa.. unless he is 21 this yr.
Haha.. I am just teasing elektra. It will be an eye-opener if both are you are describing each other.
I am the type of guy who loves my food. It isn't hard to make my day.Originally posted by elektra:u two are reali good buddies for each other it seems... doing nice things for each other and being there when one is down.
i'm curious... but is there a mutual attraction or any examples that show that the 2 of u compliment each other?
Elektra, you like your male buddy, and thus you are looking for signs to indicate mutual attraction. We all become like that when we like someone.
Imagine yourself in my senario. I broke up with my ex-girlfriend not long after I arrived in England. Being alone in a foreign country, I had nobody to turn to in England. Then, a perfect stranger crashed into my life, nursed my broken heart, helped me pick up the pieces of my life, and became my best friend. Why would I not want to take care of her?
She makes food for me. I do like the "gourmet" attention alot. She knows it too. The only thing that I find wierd nowadays is the increase in frequency. I am sick of hearing my friends describing her as my "wife" because they all regard girls do not prepare food for guys unless the girl is interested in the guy. It is a stereotype!
The current state of affairs between she and I is nice. She makes me food, make packet lunches for me. When she needs my company, I will just be there. When i need her company, she will just smile and seats beside me. We study together. We take care of each other. The arrangement is nice. Each of us is free to date anyone else, yet still assured of each other's company at times of need. She's a bonus in my life now - the best gem even money can't buy. Who in the right mind would want to disrupt this arrangement?
Moreover, we made it clear to each other a year ago that we will not date, ever. I told her that I look out for her well-being out of grattitude. She told me preparing food for me is not a hint that she fancies me. That's how things will always stay between us. I can't see any mutual attraction. -
i understand u geodome... having a friend of the opposite sex doing nice things for u and the other way round. and promise not to date each other or not going to like each other. manz.. this sucks.
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Life sucks. Nobody can make such a promise. I didn't promise her anything. Back then, her ex-boyfriend was suspecting if there was anything going on between she and I. I had to make an official stance. Dating her will be my emotional downfall in England. I rather have her around as my buddy, and another girl for proper dating. I am quite worried that I might fall for her eventually. Flashes from the past keeps haunting me. I don't want history to repeat itself.Originally posted by elektra:i understand u geodome... having a friend of the opposite sex doing nice things for u and the other way round. and promise not to date each other or not going to like each other. manz.. this sucks.
BTW the China tour seems to be going into a bad twist. I am fine if she get friends or people around our age, but she is considering to ask her parents to join us. What will her parents think if they see me? This is getting bad to worse. I am thinking of getting another girl to join us in China already, else I ought to back out from the China trip. I already voiced out my protest, but she only replied "first see how.." -
why do you worry so much if you really dun have feelings for her? If you really dun feel anything for her, you dun need to struggle to try to block it out...Originally posted by geodome:Life sucks. Nobody can make such a promise. I didn't promise her anything. Back then, her ex-boyfriend was suspecting if there was anything going on between she and I. I had to make an official stance. Dating her will be my emotional downfall in England. I rather have her around as my buddy, and another girl for proper dating. I am quite worried that I might fall for her eventually. Flashes from the past keeps haunting me. I don't want history to repeat itself.
BTW the China tour seems to be going into a bad twist. I am fine if she get friends or people around our age, but she is considering to ask her parents to join us. What will her parents think if they see me? This is getting bad to worse. I am thinking of getting another girl to join us in China already, else I ought to back out from the China trip. I already voiced out my protest, but she only replied "first see how.." -
Would you still find it awkward to join someone's family tour?Originally posted by rainee:why do you worry so much if you really dun have feelings for her? If you really dun feel anything for her, you dun need to struggle to try to block it out... -
well i wudnt if the family extends the invitation to me, as in I am close enuff to them to know them personally.Originally posted by geodome:Would you still find it awkward to join someone's family tour? -
I find it awkward to join someone's family on a tour, on the basis that I only know their daughter: I have zero interaction with the parents. I wouldn't mind to go on tour with the family if I already know both the parents.Originally posted by rainee:well i wudnt if the family extends the invitation to me, as in I am close enuff to them to know them personally. -
geodome, if ur best friend is a guy, people might think u two have this 'special' relationship? i kid, i kid
I think it's no big deal to get to know ur best friend's parent. You 'had' zero interaction with her parents, but that doesn't mean you can't get to know them.
Remember, past experience does not determine the future. It is what you do now and how you do it that determine the future.
Come to think of it, a good friend who is a girl, asked me to go on a tour with her family, but then later cancelled it when she got herself a bf -
some how i am the type who thinks it's hard for opposite sexes to maintain jux friends or buddies relationship....
of izzit that i m jux too immature in thiking??
someone plz enlighten this thinking of mine??
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i think... for those who had experienced this buddy relationship that turned into a liking... will find ur statement not silly
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it is very hard...maybe not if both already have a relationship.Originally posted by falling_stars:some how i am the type who thinks it's hard for opposite sexes to maintain jux friends or buddies relationship....
of izzit that i m jux too immature in thiking??
someone plz enlighten this thinking of mine??
And I am talking abt having relationship where the bf/gf will be there for them...
otherwise, when loneliness sets in, then it is really hard to not turn the friendship into something more... -
I wouldn't mind your situation to fall on me. It saves me from awkward situation. Come to think of it, she asked me to tour spain with her last december. I turned her down because I thought it was awkward/strange that a girl and a guy who are not attached to each other should tour together. I ended up touring Spain during her proposed period with a very close male friend. I only told her about my Spain trip 3days before the trip. HAHA..Originally posted by moongster:Come to think of it, a good friend who is a girl, asked me to go on a tour with her family, but then later cancelled it when she got herself a bf
Brokeback Mountain?Originally posted by moongster:geodome, if ur best friend is a guy, people might think u two have this 'special' relationship? i kid, i kid -
I decided to back out from the China trip.
I also asked her to stop cooking for me.
I told her we are close friends but I think the nice things she do over-step the border of what I define friends shouldn't do. I told her since she does not fancy me, don't do things that may tempt me to like her, including making long term plans to do PhD together after we graduate.
It's not worth it to jeopardise the friendship.
Now I feel so clear-headed about things between me and her.
Elektra: how are you? -
What's her response?Originally posted by geodome:I decided to back out from the China trip.
I also asked her to stop cooking for me.
I told her we are close friends but I think the nice things she do over-step the border of what I define friends shouldn't do. I told her since she does not fancy me, don't do things that may tempt me to like her, including making long term plans to do PhD together after we graduate.
It's not worth it to jeopardise the friendship.
Now I feel so clear-headed about things between me and her.
Elektra: how are you? -
I like the way u put it.Originally posted by rainee:.. but then there is always the realization on the other party's part that you like him/her, so when loneliness becomes overwhelming, both might succumb to desire..
Once made known, the heart feels liberated but wild & not controlable.