Am I expecting too much???

• kopiosatu

  9 Feb 06, 09:25

  hai niao gen yu xiang ai, zhi shi yi chang yi wai
• nullifi3d

  9 Feb 06, 09:26

  Originally posted by Ariel_Ong:

  Hi I am new here,seeking some advise,hope you guys are able to shed some lights.My bf & I are together for close to 1yr & we are planning our marriage soon..or rather I am e one who is making all those arrangements while he is just following,not showing much concern.As e time is nearer,I find myself having doubts of really spending my entire life with him.Dun get me wrong,he is definitely a nice guy but somehow I can never be compared to his PC,his forums,his online games etc.Initially during wooing period,he can make e effort to meet me everyday & wait til e last bus to go hm & we'd call & chat with each other throughout e day til morning,seems like there are endless topics.But now he feels tat seeing me too much,I am too "Sticky" & he does not have enuf personal time.He gets irritated easily & always tells me not to call him too often.But when we meet up during e weekends he is as normal as any other gals' bf.All these are making me confused..makes me ponder in e long run,will things work?Will he neglect me(as he is doing now)even when we have a home of our own.Will he find facing me everyday very tiring etc.He is sometimes enthusiams as me when discussing abt marriage,sometimes giving a heck care attutide.Our "suppose" ROM is approaching in a few more mths & I really @ a loss of what to do..Am I expecting too much?Hope you guys are able to give me some advise.

  Sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk with him and ask him a very simple qns - does he really want to get married?
• Ariel_Ong

  9 Feb 06, 09:28

  Originally posted by qooorange:

  i think ur guy can find somebody else who appreciates him more. for heaven's sake, at least he is involve in some decent activities and not two-timing behind your back.. yet u are jealous of a non-animated object

  Maybe you haven cross across such thing when you hav to vie wif a "non-animated object" for attention,you can never understand e frustration.E last thing he see b4 he sleeps is his PC,e 1st time he wake up is oso to switch on his PC.I oso find myself ridiculous,by e way its double frustration to vie wif a object than a person cos sometimes can have e feeling I can't even be compared to a PC!!
• Ariel_Ong

  9 Feb 06, 09:36

  Originally posted by hopy:

  put it tt way.. @ least his passion is pc and not gambling?
  
  if u luv a person, accept all of him, dun try to change him or think tt marriage will change him, if there's going to be any change, it will only be for the worst..
  
  its precisely due to his flaw tt he cannot find someone better then u..
  
  so after all these, u hv to ask urself, can u live w/ tt?
  
  

  I never thought of changing him becos I strongly believe when I am tolerating other's faults,other's could be tolerating mine too.Becos this hobby thing I alrdy aware b4 our marriage so in e future I have no rights to stop him cos during quarrels,he'd definitely say "b4 marrying me you alrdy know this is my hobby"
• Ariel_Ong

  9 Feb 06, 09:51

  Originally posted by strikefreedom:

  http://www.singaporebrides.com/cgi-bin/forumboard/discus.cgi
  
  maybe you want to surf this website because i remember i came across issue with hubby/bf sticking to their computer like ur bf. anyway since you are preparing ur wedding, it a good site for wedding info too.

  Thk you..this webite is very useful..
• FeowFeow

  9 Feb 06, 09:52

  There also has to be a balance. I'm the kind who enjoys my personal space, to do my own things. If I hafta pander to someone else 24 hours a day, I'd go insane.
  
  Spending time with my guy is 1 thing, & I DO enjoy the romance. But he also respects my need to do the things I like sometimes.
  
  FeowFeow
  
  

  Originally posted by browniebaobao:

  erm.. i think all men will be obsessed or have a passion for some thing ba..
  
  and it's a hobby/habit that can last for a long time.
  
  be it computer games, xbox, ps2, soccer match, anime etc..
  
  if u cannot accept it, then ask urself, have u accepted him completely?
  
  he should have the freedom to do what he likes ba? like what hopy said, be glad that he is not a gambler.
  
  personally, im also v addicted to forums and surfing online etc.. look at it at the positive side, he's juz connecting to people, keeping himself updated of the happenings that take place everyday..
  
  i have not met the one yet.. maybe i dun believe that he exists ba. past r/s also nv last long.. disheartened.
  
  i think we cannot let ourselves be totally blind in love ba.. it's not wrong that u actually see his flaws.. perhaps u are juz being a bit more rational than others, and it's a gd thing.. coz it will be easier for u if u have to let go..

• gerrykoh

  9 Feb 06, 12:37

  Why don't u go for marriage preparation course?
  Can learn abt each other's expectation & the responsibilities involved in a marriage
  Also abt how to compromise & communicate.
  
• choco B

  9 Feb 06, 12:44

  No, love is not blind. That's bullsh|t.
  
  Committing to a marriage means you're able to accept and adept to the other person. Love is not about hoping that things will miraculously change for the better (your own definition of "better" ) .
  
  I don't think you're ready to get married.
  
  You have to resolve this issue of couple time vs personal space ASAP. There is no right or wrong - he deserves time to game, you also deserve attention. If you want him to sacrifice some gaming time, you must be willing to lower your expectations and appreciate his efforts too.
  
  Talk to him and seriously try to find a realistic compromise that will make you both happy.

  Originally posted by Ariel_Ong:

  This is e 1st time I am so sure of my feelings but not sure if I can live with his habits.Isn't love blind??thought pple are always saying when you love someone you tends to overlook his weakness/bad habits etc..Y do I mind so much?Anyone facing e same situation???

• Ariel_Ong

  9 Feb 06, 13:10

  Originally posted by gerrykoh:

  Why don't u go for marriage preparation course?
  Can learn abt each other's expectation & the responsibilities involved in a marriage
  Also abt how to compromise & communicate.
  

  Tats a very gd idea..never thought of tat b4..I'll try..thks
• Ariel_Ong

  9 Feb 06, 13:16

  Originally posted by FeowFeow:

  There also has to be a balance. I'm the kind who enjoys my personal space, to do my own things. If I hafta pander to someone else 24 hours a day, I'd go insane.
  
  Spending time with my guy is 1 thing, & I DO enjoy the romance. But he also respects my need to do the things I like sometimes.
  
  FeowFeow
  
  

  Will you forget to eat?surfnet til morning thn can't wake up in time to go work?Will you forget tat I am in e same room as you & oni remember until I complain?
• elindra

  9 Feb 06, 13:43

  What can I say. I have not read through everything the rest have posted but please expect this if you're going to marry him.
  
  I'm a gamer and I have friends (guys who are married) who game day in and out and their wives either start learning to play the game to spend time with them or they just do their own stuff.
  
  They do spend time with their family but there will always be dedicated time to their games etc. The thing about online games is that once you stop playing you lag behind everyone.
  
  Be prepared that he will keep weird hours (if he is playing on US servers) and that he would rather stay behind to run in-game with his guild than go out on a movie with you.
  
  
• hopy

  9 Feb 06, 17:05

  Originally posted by Ariel_Ong:

  How did you do that??..You must have love ur gal so much to do that right?

  tt's not a healthy thing to do.. come on lor.. how long can u tahan b4 u snap?
• CannyOng

  9 Feb 06, 18:46

  Originally posted by Ariel_Ong:

  How did you do that??..You must have love ur gal so much to do that right?

  If u really love a person,it is a natural thing to do that!
• CannyOng

  9 Feb 06, 18:55

  Originally posted by hopy:

  tt's not a healthy thing to do.. come on lor.. how long can u tahan b4 u snap?

  I think I can tahan forever...LOL!! Find new things to substain the love.Go for different park...different place to dine in,may be cheap or expensive...Take a stroll at different beach....Look for for special event and ask yr partner and u to participate...(taking a social dance course with her,Go for Aerospace Exhibition,Singapore Big walk,Go for NDP event(if u can get the tickets)) Every year go for a overseas trip.(thailand,HongKong,Taiwan.Japan).Do something special out of the blue once a while.(Like surprise her with a banquet of roses.A video or powerpoint presentation of yr past photo,videos of the special moment spent together! Present her a jig zaw puzzle of yr best photo taken together)
• Ariel_Ong

  9 Feb 06, 20:03

  Originally posted by CannyOng:

  I think I can tahan forever...LOL!! Find new things to substain the love.Go for different park...different place to dine in,may be cheap or expensive...Take a stroll at different beach....Look for for special event and ask yr partner and u to participate...(taking a social dance course with her,Go for Aerospace Exhibition,Singapore Big walk,Go for NDP event(if u can get the tickets)) Every year go for a overseas trip.(thailand,HongKong,Taiwan.Japan).Do something special out of the blue once a while.(Like surprise her with a banquet of roses.A video or powerpoint presentation of yr past photo,videos of the special moment spent together! Present her a jig zaw puzzle of yr best photo taken together)

  Tats very sweet...I am so happy for you..things must been going very well btw e 2 of you..keep it up & wish you all e best ya
  I dun expect my guy to do all these,just would be very happy if he'd spend more time wif me...
• Mr.McFedand

  9 Feb 06, 20:28

  Why so difficult? Forget about him, and ask him to marry his PC.
• hopy

  9 Feb 06, 20:58

  Originally posted by CannyOng:

  I think I can tahan forever...LOL!! Find new things to substain the love.Go for different park...different place to dine in,may be cheap or expensive...Take a stroll at different beach....Look for for special event and ask yr partner and u to participate...(taking a social dance course with her,Go for Aerospace Exhibition,Singapore Big walk,Go for NDP event(if u can get the tickets)) Every year go for a overseas trip.(thailand,HongKong,Taiwan.Japan).Do something special out of the blue once a while.(Like surprise her with a banquet of roses.A video or powerpoint presentation of yr past photo,videos of the special moment spent together! Present her a jig zaw puzzle of yr best photo taken together)

  ur gf is one lucky gal..
  
  but make sure u maintain it tt way hor!
• FeowFeow

  10 Feb 06, 12:29

  Ariel, No need to get all defensive here. Afterall, I don't know you nor your bf. I'm just commenting based on my own relationship. Moreover, there have also been others who've gone overboard in their "stickiness" what
  
  Sometimes, I DO forget to eat, especially when I really have something important to do, or something on my mind.
  
  I won't forget that my guy is in the same room as me, but it doesn't mean I HAFTA pay attention to him every time he is in the room. I'll give him a kiss, & we both do our own thing. Just knowing each other is there is enough. We need our space to do what we like.
  
  FeowFeow
  
  

  Originally posted by Ariel_Ong:

  Will you forget to eat?surfnet til morning thn can't wake up in time to go work?Will you forget tat I am in e same room as you & oni remember until I complain?

• BrUtUs

  10 Feb 06, 14:31

  Originally posted by CannyOng:

  I think I can tahan forever...LOL!! Find new things to substain the love.Go for different park...different place to dine in,may be cheap or expensive...Take a stroll at different beach....Look for for special event and ask yr partner and u to participate...(taking a social dance course with her,Go for Aerospace Exhibition,Singapore Big walk,Go for NDP event(if u can get the tickets)) Every year go for a overseas trip.(thailand,HongKong,Taiwan.Japan).Do something special out of the blue once a while.(Like surprise her with a banquet of roses.A video or powerpoint presentation of yr past photo,videos of the special moment spent together! Present her a jig zaw puzzle of yr best photo taken together)

  good for u... but it cant apply to every relationship la cos each person has his own passion other than jz his partner... u still need own time to update yourself on wats gng on/around other than spending 24/7 wif ur partner...
• Devil1976

  10 Feb 06, 14:55

  Originally posted by kopiosatu:

  how can a PC take up so much of his life... unless he's a sgForums mod

  
• macjoe

  10 Feb 06, 15:20

  
  Everybody has a biological clock that wakes us up to play, work, love and marry in certain years.
  
  Right now, his is play and yours marry.
  
  
  
  
• Xcert

  11 Feb 06, 01:48

  I think U should cancel ur ROM and re-evaluate ur options.
• M©+square

  11 Feb 06, 04:04

  Originally posted by Devil1976:

  

  He's talking about me.
  
  
  
  
  
  Cheers!~
• shiokmc

  11 Feb 06, 10:38

  Originally posted by Ariel_Ong:

  Hi I am new here,seeking some advise,hope you guys are able to shed some lights.My bf & I are together for close to 1yr & we are planning our marriage soon..or rather I am e one who is making all those arrangements while he is just following,not showing much concern.As e time is nearer,I find myself having doubts of really spending my entire life with him.Dun get me wrong,he is definitely a nice guy but somehow I can never be compared to his PC,his forums,his online games etc.Initially during wooing period,he can make e effort to meet me everyday & wait til e last bus to go hm & we'd call & chat with each other throughout e day til morning,seems like there are endless topics.But now he feels tat seeing me too much,I am too "Sticky" & he does not have enuf personal time.He gets irritated easily & always tells me not to call him too often.But when we meet up during e weekends he is as normal as any other gals' bf.All these are making me confused..makes me ponder in e long run,will things work?Will he neglect me(as he is doing now)even when we have a home of our own.Will he find facing me everyday very tiring etc.He is sometimes enthusiams as me when discussing abt marriage,sometimes giving a heck care attutide.Our "suppose" ROM is approaching in a few more mths & I really @ a loss of what to do..Am I expecting too much?Hope you guys are able to give me some advise.

  shit !! are you my WiFe ?!?!?!?!?
  
  well, i must admit im exactly like your hubby ... ! well, i was ..
  
  Before ROM - very patient very caring full of passion
  
  Prep-for-ROM and Customary marriage - i let her run the show .... all the arrangements