how to let him know nicely..
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how do u let your other half know nicely *without causing any unhappiness* that u'r upset and disappointed?
eg.
he tells u the night b4 to wake him up so that he'll be coming over to meet u and so eager to see u etc. but the next day, u 2 duno where to go(no programs), end up he stay home, u stay home.
he claims he misses u, but juz never seems to comply to your definition of "missing-you" actions.
how...
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first answer: cryOriginally posted by smallcloud:how do u let your other half know nicely *without causing any unhappiness* that u'r upset and disappointed?
eg.
he tells u the night b4 to wake him up so that he'll be coming over to meet u and so eager to see u etc. but the next day, u 2 duno where to go(no programs), end up he stay home, u stay home.
he claims he misses u, but juz never seems to comply to your definition of "missing-you" actions.
how...
second answer: not sure if he is missing you?try talking on the phone ...u can hear a guys intention from phone conversation... -
Theres no subsitute for saying it out loud. Just say it, you'll feel better and he'll feel awkward. In the end you 2 can kiss and make up. I hate it when girls like to beat around the bush trying to display hints and riddles for me to solve. Just farking say it directly...Originally posted by smallcloud:how do u let your other half know nicely *without causing any unhappiness* that u'r upset and disappointed?
eg.
he tells u the night b4 to wake him up so that he'll be coming over to meet u and so eager to see u etc. but the next day, u 2 duno where to go(no programs), end up he stay home, u stay home.
he claims he misses u, but juz never seems to comply to your definition of "missing-you" actions.
how...
No ofence eh. -
stimes their hints also turn out to be mixed signals wo..Originally posted by nullifi3d:Theres no subsitute for saying it out loud. Just say it, you'll feel better and he'll feel awkward. In the end you 2 can kiss and make up. I hate it when girls like to beat around the bush trying to display hints and riddles for me to solve. Just farking say it directly...
No ofence eh. -
write him a card. never use the cold-war trick.
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when a guy say "i miss you", it depends on what he misses you in (emotionally, physically or psychologically...and worse just say for the sake of saying to please you). know this first hand and foremost.Originally posted by smallcloud:how do u let your other half know nicely *without causing any unhappiness* that u'r upset and disappointed?
eg.
he tells u the night b4 to wake him up so that he'll be coming over to meet u and so eager to see u etc. but the next day, u 2 duno where to go(no programs), end up he stay home, u stay home.
he claims he misses u, but juz never seems to comply to your definition of "missing-you" actions.
how...
missing a person will result in an action. either calling to talk over the phone or just hop over to your place and do something; either a simple coffee/tea session, reading a book (separately or together) or just enjoying each other's company, period.
dunno what to do etc is a result of poor planning and perhaps a hint of being 'sianz' with each other. you don't get this kind of treatment during the first few weeks of courtship, do you? if you do, time to rethink if both of you are suitable with one another or work it out.
to tell him you are disappointed, it can be achieved by plain tactful saying it out. never beat around the bush. just be straight about your unhappiness but be sincere and truthful. never have the intention to insult, injure the feelings or worse, get into a quarrel over this matter. resolve it peacefully.
most likely you will be able to hear from the tone of his voice with his answers.
cheers. -
sms him telling him u needs his warm hug. maybe can works maybe can't. but no harm trying.
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ltr he reply : *hug dear tight tight*Originally posted by Manager433:sms him telling him u needs his warm hug. maybe can works maybe can't. but no harm trying.
i tink i'll kill him if he does dat... -
so in short you dun believe he miss you. r you sayng he is lying? what's he supposed to do?Originally posted by smallcloud:he claims he misses u, but juz never seems to comply to your definition of "missing-you" actions.
how...
stop guessing and start talking. -
u'll end up showing u're angry but refusing to say why right?
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unhapi? go sort it out directly or jz get use to it... if he no idea go where do wat, then u jz suggest it lo since u not hapi... stupid to jz get angry over things... got any problems jz talk over it and carry on the next, cos get angry and petty over things is jz waste of time... u might actually spend tat time enjoying with him rather than angry over this and that... sort it out...Originally posted by smallcloud:how do u let your other half know nicely *without causing any unhappiness* that u'r upset and disappointed?
eg.
he tells u the night b4 to wake him up so that he'll be coming over to meet u and so eager to see u etc. but the next day, u 2 duno where to go(no programs), end up he stay home, u stay home.
he claims he misses u, but juz never seems to comply to your definition of "missing-you" actions.
how... -
no.. i don't become angry.. i juz get very upset and moody.. and often when it happens,. i'm more sensitive and take his words and actions more personally..and i end up tearing or crying very easily. which made him uneasy and sort of frightens him. he feels that all these are small matters.Originally posted by Ito_^:u'll end up showing u're angry but refusing to say why right?
i don't mean to become like that..but i duno how to talk to him. he'll always be right some how. to him, i'm always the more immature party coz i've not stepped into the full-time work force. and to him,. i'm always not understanding. when i ask him to explain, he juz says he's tired of explaining.
i'm not this, i'm not that.
now i'm so upset that the relationship seems to be getting dull. i'm still missing him very much *even more now*, being the lovey-dovey one, whereas for him,.. i guess he no longer feels thats neccessary.
i'm trying to get used to it. but it'll need me to give my attention to others. i wan to give him all my attention, but from what i see, its too much for him to take.Originally posted by BrUtUs:unhapi? go sort it out directly or jz get use to it... if he no idea go where do wat, then u jz suggest it lo since u not hapi... stupid to jz get angry over things... got any problems jz talk over it and carry on the next, cos get angry and petty over things is jz waste of time... u might actually spend tat time enjoying with him rather than angry over this and that... sort it out...
i really enjoy being with him. and i really wan to learn to be understanding. but it'll take time. and time is really not on my side.
from ur reply, i suppose u'r in the working force alrdy. correct me if i'm wrong. -
You know what? When I read you post, I felt as if I'm like the guy you just mentioned. The resemblance of my relationship and yours are quite similar but I don't think its as bad as what yours but nevertheless, from the guy point of view, hope it helps. I don't know about other guys but I don't actually like talking on the phone(with the gf). Its because I would run out of things to talk about but I would not think the relationship is getting dull when that happens. It's just me I guess. At first it affects her, but eventually she had learnt to understand and its no longer an issue.
I would be eager to meet my gf too but whenever we met up there's nothing to do. Actually quite a lot to do but because money is an issue, it ends up nothing to do. So its really quite dry everytime we go out. So sometimes I feel that its really a waste of her money and mine if we meet up but nothing to do but at the same time I feel that nothing is a waste of money just to see her face and have her presence is worth so much more than just monetory value. Eventually, I feel that the quote, "Absence makes the heart grows fonder" is really true. So don't hesitate to have a heart to heart talk with him. Talk things out. Do not hold on to the promises he will give you because anyone can promise you anything. Hold on to his willingness to do some adaptations to both your characters and I believe you should to. Characters are hard to change and habits die hard. Do some discussion with him. Might worth a shot.
Sorry if I'm long winded.. =p -
You have a very practical mindset. I'm sorry your gf dosen't see it.Originally posted by dinky1409:You know what? When I read you post, I felt as if I'm like the guy you just mentioned. The resemblance of my relationship and yours are quite similar but I don't think its as bad as what yours but nevertheless, from the guy point of view, hope it helps. I don't know about other guys but I don't actually like talking on the phone(with the gf). Its because I would run out of things to talk about but I would not think the relationship is getting dull when that happens. It's just me I guess. At first it affects her, but eventually she had learnt to understand and its no longer an issue.
I would be eager to meet my gf too but whenever we met up there's nothing to do. Actually quite a lot to do but because money is an issue, it ends up nothing to do. So its really quite dry everytime we go out. So sometimes I feel that its really a waste of her money and mine if we meet up but nothing to do but at the same time I feel that nothing is a waste of money just to see her face and have her presence is worth so much more than just monetory value. Eventually, I feel that the quote, "Absence makes the heart grows fonder" is really true. So don't hesitate to have a heart to heart talk with him. Talk things out. Do not hold on to the promises he will give you because anyone can promise you anything. Hold on to his willingness to do some adaptations to both your characters and I believe you should to. Characters are hard to change and habits die hard. Do some discussion with him. Might worth a shot.
Sorry if I'm long winded.. =p -
You know, yr boyfriend sounds exactly like me. Do, I just take it from the boyfriend's pov first.Originally posted by smallcloud:i'm trying to get used to it. but it'll need me to give my attention to others. i wan to give him all my attention, but from what i see, its too much for him to take.
i really enjoy being with him. and i really wan to learn to be understanding. but it'll take time. and time is really not on my side.
from ur reply, i suppose u'r in the working force alrdy. correct me if i'm wrong.
1) cost of transport, to and fro. Imagine the cab fare from sengkang to Yishun and vice versa
2) Sports day, activity day. Does your bf do a certain sport or activity? Do you understand it or can try to participate in it?
3) Lack of communication. You might give him hints, but he might not detect. I know I am one.
I suggest doing something he likes and enjoys. Also, try not to hint, and do not try to command, what you 2 can do. Like taking a new thing, roller blading for example. Both can learn to fall and fall to learn together if both are noobs.
Plan to do something. Something interesting that both can enjoy. And as for the missing part, just tell him if you miss me why don't you come and visit? Most of the time, I will come out with some lame excuses, try to pacify first, then plan part B. He might do the same, so don't push it too far.
2 Cents. -
jobless now... but anyway, live for happiness and be truthful on how u feel wif ur guy... good luck...Originally posted by smallcloud:i'm trying to get used to it. but it'll need me to give my attention to others. i wan to give him all my attention, but from what i see, its too much for him to take.
i really enjoy being with him. and i really wan to learn to be understanding. but it'll take time. and time is really not on my side.
from ur reply, i suppose u'r in the working force alrdy. correct me if i'm wrong. -
Originally posted by shrekho:
point 1
You know, yr boyfriend sounds exactly like me. Do, I just take it from the boyfriend's pov first.
1) cost of transport, to and fro. Imagine the cab fare from sengkang to Yishun and vice versa
2) Sports day, activity day. Does your bf do a certain sport or activity? Do you understand it or can try to participate in it?
3) Lack of communication. You might give him hints, but he might not detect. I know I am one.
I suggest doing something he likes and enjoys. Also, try not to hint, and do not try to command, what you 2 can do. Like taking a new thing, roller blading for example. Both can learn to fall and fall to learn together if both are noobs.
Plan to do something. Something interesting that both can enjoy. And as for the missing part, just tell him if you miss me why don't you come and visit? Most of the time, I will come out with some lame excuses, try to pacify first, then plan part B. He might do the same, so don't push it too far.
2 Cents.
[b][/b]
we both live pretty near each other. cab fare less than $5. and i've not insisted that he muz send me home each time. i drive sometimes, so it'll b me sending him home instead.
point 2
i've tried to learn every thing that he's interested in. from things like fishing, to playing dota, so juz that i can company him in his activities.
point 3
its prolly the lack of communication we're talking about here. sometimes i'm so stressed out about my school work and stuff, i juz wanted to see him. its like, juz being with him takes my stress away kind of thing. i know it sounds silly coz its only temporary. but even so, it helps me regain focus.
prolly its becoz i can't juz tell him directly that "hey boyfriend, u are my pillar of moral support. i need to pass my burden to u to carry for awhile. can?"
and when i can't get to see him, all the disappointment builds up.
maybe its juz a difference between females and males.
when the male is stressed out, the last person he'll turn to is his gf. whereas when the female is stressed out, the first person she'll turn to, is her bf.
juz my lil point of view. -
maybe u can show disinterest in him for a change.
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actually some guys need extra help so its ok to tell that to him.... or else he wun know...Originally posted by smallcloud:...
point 3
its prolly the lack of communication we're talking about here. sometimes i'm so stressed out about my school work and stuff, i juz wanted to see him. its like, juz being with him takes my stress away kind of thing. i know it sounds silly coz its only temporary. but even so, it helps me regain focus.
prolly its becoz i can't juz tell him directly that "hey boyfriend, u are my pillar of moral support. i need to pass my burden to u to carry for awhile. can?"
and when i can't get to see him, all the disappointment builds up.
maybe its juz a difference between females and males.
when the male is stressed out, the last person he'll turn to is his gf. whereas when the female is stressed out, the first person she'll turn to, is her bf.
juz my lil point of view. -
be firm. he dosent get it if ur nice
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(1) If you two dunno where to go then you have to shoulder part of the responsibility too. Even though he is a guy it is not his job to come up with ideas to entertain you all the time. If the essential thing is to spend time together as a couple, then learn to enjoy doing the mundane stuff or doing nothing together, like just hang out at each other's house and watch tv. That is still better than spending time apart. After some time it's not possible for every date to be an exciting one.
(2) It is obvious that YOUR definition of "missing-you" actions is different from HIS definition of "missing-you" actions. Having different definitions is expected when you have two different people - you can't read each other's minds, you're not clones.
With everything you should try to reach a compromise. Let him know YOUR definitions and ask that he does some. But it is also important for you to recognise HIS definitions and appreciate them when he does it his way.Originally posted by smallcloud:(1) he tells u the night b4 to wake him up so that he'll be coming over to meet u and so eager to see u etc. but the next day, u 2 duno where to go(no programs), end up he stay home, u stay home.
(2) he claims he misses u, but juz never seems to comply to your definition of "missing-you" actions.
how... -
Shuckz! That's what I always do!! <Originally posted by aHGer^83:ltr he reply : *hug dear tight tight*
i tink i'll kill him if he does dat...
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Nowhere to go...? Maybe both of you can go nowhere but just sit down and have a leisure chat for a while...? Sounds like to me you both lack much communications for a good foundation.... Don't bother about the 'who is right/ who is wrong' thingy.. Just casual talks to speak out each other's minds without a motive to convince the other party or 'win' anything...Originally posted by smallcloud:how do u let your other half know nicely *without causing any unhappiness* that u'r upset and disappointed?
eg.
he tells u the night b4 to wake him up so that he'll be coming over to meet u and so eager to see u etc. but the next day, u 2 duno where to go(no programs), end up he stay home, u stay home.
he claims he misses u, but juz never seems to comply to your definition of "missing-you" actions.
how...
And both of you should really be getting your own lives... Friends... So that your relationship can be balanced off with your own lives.... -
you should take your clothes off & let him play your neh neh. then he will every time guai guai listen to your words...
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wtf?Originally posted by mahai_gotbigballs:you should take your clothes off & let him play your neh neh. then he will every time guai guai listen to your words... 