Relationship problem
-
I've been with my girlfriend for 9 months.
Things were going quite okay, till recently a guy came into the picture.
At first my girlfriend were just messaging him. And I didn't really mind. Then I saw his messages to her - "Love ya" and etc. My girlfriend explained that he was just joking (And his messages after that did verify her explainations).
But they continued messaging. All this while, she did not mention to him that she was attached. I got very angry, needless to talk. We went into an argument, but she promised me she would tell him that she would tell him. She messaged me saying she said it to him, later that night, but no proof. I trusted her, though.
Then just now, she mentioned that he confessed to her, asking if he has any chances. And we went into an argument again.
What I'm so mad about it, she could have mentioned that she was attached at the very start (two weeks ago), but she did it only yesterday. I felt disappointed and betrayed.
What should I do.. ? -
What did she say to him after he confessed to her?
-
She only wants a brother - sister relationship.
-
leave her and move on ....Originally posted by binarynwitz:I've been with my girlfriend for 9 months.
Things were going quite okay, till recently a guy came into the picture.
At first my girlfriend were just messaging him. And I didn't really mind. Then I saw his messages to her - "Love ya" and etc. My girlfriend explained that he was just joking (And his messages after that did verify her explainations).
But they continued messaging. All this while, she did not mention to him that she was attached. I got very angry, needless to talk. We went into an argument, but she promised me she would tell him that she would tell him. She messaged me saying she said it to him, later that night, but no proof. I trusted her, though.
Then just now, she mentioned that he confessed to her, asking if he has any chances. And we went into an argument again.
What I'm so mad about it, she could have mentioned that she was attached at the very start (two weeks ago), but she did it only yesterday. I felt disappointed and betrayed.
What should I do.. ?
because:
1. if she's got a roving eye, then sooner or later, someone else's going to sweep her away anyways ....
2. if she's not straying because of her nature, then obviously you can't make it her anymore ....
she's a lost cause .... get over it .... -
yeah right ......Originally posted by binarynwitz:She only wants a brother - sister relationship.
that's just a code for "Keep-in-View cos I'm currently attached" .......
-
Shes not very zhong xin to u leh.. perhaps find out wat she told the guy after he confessed?
-
I replied what she replied to that guy. My second post.
-
I think she's just flattered that someone else is after her. Since she's frank with you, I believe she still loves you. Give her some time and see how things go. There's nothing you can do to stop that guy liking your gf, so you can only trust her. Trust and communication are very important.
You're 16 this year? You have a long way to go, young man!
-
wa u onli stead wif ur 4 9 mon and she already hav found a standby
u better watch lor... -
Stead sounds like a horse. I hate that word. Please don't use that word to describle me.
Thank you all for your replies.. but i think i need more opinions... -
is that guy a close fren of hers?
it could be that she dun want to hurt him.
i think it's ok to sms, as long as there's no intimacy in the messages.
even if she told him 2 weeks ago, and he still don't want to give up, can u blame her? -
Sadly, based on previous observations and analysis of similar situations, the end result is always the same. The lack of trust issue will be brought up and the r/s will become sour. try as much as you can to maintain the harmony in the r/s and hope for the best. But its also best if you prepare for her leaving you one day. Good luck my friend.Originally posted by binarynwitz:I've been with my girlfriend for 9 months.
Things were going quite okay, till recently a guy came into the picture.
At first my girlfriend were just messaging him. And I didn't really mind. Then I saw his messages to her - "Love ya" and etc. My girlfriend explained that he was just joking (And his messages after that did verify her explainations).
But they continued messaging. All this while, she did not mention to him that she was attached. I got very angry, needless to talk. We went into an argument, but she promised me she would tell him that she would tell him. She messaged me saying she said it to him, later that night, but no proof. I trusted her, though.
Then just now, she mentioned that he confessed to her, asking if he has any chances. And we went into an argument again.
What I'm so mad about it, she could have mentioned that she was attached at the very start (two weeks ago), but she did it only yesterday. I felt disappointed and betrayed.
What should I do.. ? -
well look at it from this POV, she told him she only wanted a brother-sister relationship. although that's rather vague.. but think positive.
are you sure that's all she told him? she must had had given the guy some ideas that she was available or he wouldnt ask.. -
you should find another girl . noob .
-
o ya tt simple, she don love u, she not loyal to u, she going to put a green hat on ur head. she like other ppl goin after her, maybe she tot tt's fun and she jus enjoy to be chased, she tot it is ok since she love u only. but who noe may be tml another guy exchange with her number again, then they sms and this time she jus couldnt control herself but fall in love with him.
break with her la break with her la break with her la
break la break la break la
break break break
breakkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk -
Hey...hi there...Originally posted by binarynwitz:I've been with my girlfriend for 9 months.
Things were going quite okay, till recently a guy came into the picture.
At first my girlfriend were just messaging him. And I didn't really mind. Then I saw his messages to her - "Love ya" and etc. My girlfriend explained that he was just joking (And his messages after that did verify her explainations).
But they continued messaging. All this while, she did not mention to him that she was attached. I got very angry, needless to talk. We went into an argument, but she promised me she would tell him that she would tell him. She messaged me saying she said it to him, later that night, but no proof. I trusted her, though.
Then just now, she mentioned that he confessed to her, asking if he has any chances. And we went into an argument again.
What I'm so mad about it, she could have mentioned that she was attached at the very start (two weeks ago), but she did it only yesterday. I felt disappointed and betrayed.
What should I do.. ?
I've experienced the almost similar case as you..but abit more "ingredients" than your case, i.e. it involves her ex-bf n a colleague in her office...
Yup..her ex-bf knows she has a bf which is me..but yet keep calling/sms/msn her..and my gf did not reject his calls/sms/msn...well..i'm ok with it..coz she got tell me about it..after 2~3days later....but it's ok..
As for her colleague, he doesn't know my gf's attached...and he showed interest in my gf, by walking pass by her cubicle n had a little chit chat with her n it's well known to almost everyone in her office that that guy likes my gf...however, my gf did not reveal that she's attached...Only when one of her colleague "slipped" her mouth saying that my gf's attached...that guy, after that day onwards, did not walk pass by my gf's cubicle n chit chat with her...oh well...again, i'm still ok abt it that she didn't reveal or tell that guy that's she's attached becoz my gf got tell me about this guy colleague of hers...
What i'm trying to say is that your gf still loves you...becoz she didn't hide such things from you, in fact, she told you about it...
Just have a little talk (not a nasty or heated) with her...let her know your thoughts n feelings abt it...i'm sure she'll understand.....and of coz, if she doesn't....u'll know what to do by then... -
dcx: I admire your big-heartedness. I wish I could do the same.
Update on the situation:
That guy asked my girlfriend to go to a study group which he is organising. Sure enough, there are other people around, but I feel that if she really loves me, she wouldn't even think of going. The sad thing is, she is thinking of going. She decided not to go, but not because she realised going would hurt me, but (I THINK) because she cannot handle the stress she had if she is going (meaning, i feel that she decides not to go because of STRESS, not because of ME).
I want her to go because she would be unhappy if she doesn't go.
I don't want her to go because she would be yet giving another chance and I frankly don't like her to go. -
Originally posted by binarynwitz:
There's no guarantee as to whether your gf would really leave you for the other guy... Besides... We're just outsiders... Shouldn't you be getting a closer picture than us...? Or is it simply because you're TOO CLOSE.....?
[b]dcx: I admire your big-heartedness. I wish I could do the same.
Update on the situation:
That guy asked my girlfriend to go to a study group which he is organising. Sure enough, there are other people around, but I feel that if she really loves me, she wouldn't even think of going. The sad thing is, she is thinking of going. She decided not to go, but not because she realised going would hurt me, but (I THINK) because she cannot handle the stress she had if she is going (meaning, i feel that she decides not to go because of STRESS, not because of ME).
I want her to go because she would be unhappy if she doesn't go.
I don't want her to go because she would be yet giving another chance and I frankly don't like her to go.[/b]
If you DON'T TRUST her.... Why sneak around in this relationship... Watch it SINKS with your DECAYING THOUGHTS...? End of the day, it won't even matter if the guy's still interested in your gf... It won't matter if your gf is interested in him... Won't matter if she decides to stay for the better of you... Because your relationship is SIMPLY WEAK... Wouldn't even be able to take a single punch from HIM... From her(?)... From YOURSELF... Or ANYWHERE ELSE....
If your gf's really trustworthy, have you realised that you've just allowed a guy who's interested in your girl... So EASILY getting his way...? Because this girl's bf is not capable enough to keep his mind cool...? -
Originally posted by binarynwitz:
Practically, we, guys shld take a little step behind on such things...try not to be too narrow-minded n protective over your gf...Possesiveness shld not be maintained at HIGH level...A little bit of possesiveness is healthy in a relationship..but too much of it, kills the relationship...
[b]dcx: I admire your big-heartedness. I wish I could do the same.
Update on the situation:
That guy asked my girlfriend to go to a study group which he is organising. Sure enough, there are other people around, but I feel that if she really loves me, she wouldn't even think of going. The sad thing is, she is thinking of going. She decided not to go, but not because she realised going would hurt me, but (I THINK) because she cannot handle the stress she had if she is going (meaning, i feel that she decides not to go because of STRESS, not because of ME).
I want her to go because she would be unhappy if she doesn't go.
I don't want her to go because she would be yet giving another chance and I frankly don't like her to go.[/b]
Be open-minded abt it...if she wanna go for the study group, then just let her go...you can't stop her for it's her choice, not yours..furthermore, it's her studies...Even though if that guy'll to ask her out, let him be...u can't stop that guy for doing such things...in the end, whether your gf wanna meet him or see him, it's her choice...again, you can't stop her....
If she'll to tell you that this guy asked her out or watsoever, it means something....it means that she doesn't wanna hide anything from you and she's honest with you so as to maintain a healthy relationship...
Whether she wanna let known of her status...i.e. attached or not...is really not a big issue or concern...it's a minor....
Most importantly, you must be postive in your gf...have faith n trust in her...since she's willingly to tell you so much, it already means that you're important to her, otherwise, why the heck would she wanna tell u all these things....she could jolly-well just lie to you all the way... -
Have faith in you gf. If you dont have faith in her, who will?
I know a friend keep msg n calling my then gf last time, and ask for msn, etc even though he knows she's attached to me. He did all this behind my back. What kind of friend is this right? But I did not say anything and left it to my gf to decide how she will respond.
A friend of mine has a gf. One guy keep msging her, emailing her, calling her. Asking her out, etc..even though he knows she's already attached. But my friend did not do anything. I asked him why? is he okay with it? All he said was 'Im confident with myself' -
aisay, i'm a guy. i know even if a girl is attached, i'll still try my best to get into her pants. for the fun of it. see how easily i can break down her resolve. yes, i'm a bastard, but i like to have fun with attached girls. but then if you think about it, if the girl is really strong in her relationship, you cant break her down.
-
break la break la break la
-
I have understood your circumstances.
Don't try to be possessive and try to control her as it is not bring you good and more advantage to your competitor.
1) Be open with her and have regular chats with her that she understand how you feel.
2) Be willing sweeter to her, caring and show your affection as much as you, It will bring you guys closer and close in any gaps between your relationship
3) Be there for her when she need you anytime. -
think think think........ your r/s is built on trust? You shld know her better than us do right?
if she wants to go study gp, let her go...y keep pulling her back or letting her go in a sarcastic manner? she will not be happy too...
at least, you can go and fetch her after her meeting ends..and show it to that guy that YOU ARE AROUND..DONT TOUCH MY GAL.......
i understand your unhappiness that she revealed it late she is in a r/s..
let her know why she shldnt do it instead of flaring up.. of cse we dont feel good if it was in our own shoes, but sometimes, other people might not know..so put it across to her and explain lah..anyway, your r/s still young, room for improvement..hehe...
sometimes, i still dun understand why, there are pp who will still go around snatching other pp's partners...hmn......these pp, next time, their own partner will fly them aeroplane too..haha -
Thanks, everyone.
All of you guys' replies were basically the same as what my GF's close friend said (she's a good friend of mine).
Before that guy's appearance, she was under great stress, and I was all along counselling her etc. But after that guy appeared, I somehow became one of her stress factors too. By that, I'm letting that guy in.
And yeah, I'm a rather possessive guy, but I'm trying my best to tame that beast within me.
Thanks, everyone, for your advices. I know what to do - wish me luck.