Relationship problem

• dokono

  25 Mar 06, 23:05

  Originally posted by binarynwitz:

  Thanks, everyone.
  
  All of you guys' replies were basically the same as what my GF's close friend said (she's a good friend of mine).
  
  Before that guy's appearance, she was under great stress, and I was all along counselling her etc. But after that guy appeared, I somehow became one of her stress factors too. By that, I'm letting that guy in.
  
  And yeah, I'm a rather possessive guy, but I'm trying my best to tame that beast within me.
  
  Thanks, everyone, for your advices. I know what to do - wish me luck.

  You sure you know what to do? Instead of focusing too much on her, focus on yourself instead. Instead of showing your insecurities(which in this case is possessiveness and jealousy) to her, show confidence in this r/s by not being too concerned about the guy snatching your girlfriend. Deep down you are just fearful your girlfriend will be taken away. It's normal, everyone has fears. Get rid of this fear and don't show it anymore, especially in front of her. Relax. By showing your composure, you actually gained her respect. To quote from a movie scene from the Godfather series: "Keep your friends close but your enemies closer."
  
  Another thing you have to understand is that no matter how much charm you have over your gf or how long the r/s is, there will always be some girls who will not be loyal and looking for the best partner available. So, relax. There's always someone better to look forward. Always forsee cock-ups along the way even if u think the r/s is perfect. Oh well...the cons of being attached.
  
  [/b]
• headset

  28 Mar 06, 15:08

  Originally posted by binarynwitz:

  I've been with my girlfriend for 9 months.
  
  Things were going quite okay, till recently a guy came into the picture.
  
  At first my girlfriend were just messaging him. And I didn't really mind. Then I saw his messages to her - "Love ya" and etc. My girlfriend explained that he was just joking (And his messages after that did verify her explainations).
  
  But they continued messaging. All this while, she did not mention to him that she was attached. I got very angry, needless to talk. We went into an argument, but she promised me she would tell him that she would tell him. She messaged me saying she said it to him, later that night, but no proof. I trusted her, though.
  
  Then just now, she mentioned that he confessed to her, asking if he has any chances. And we went into an argument again.
  
  What I'm so mad about it, she could have mentioned that she was attached at the very start (two weeks ago), but she did it only yesterday. I felt disappointed and betrayed.
  
  What should I do.. ?

  My dear friend...this is an all too familiar story to me... ive been there more times than i should have......
  
  Simple..:
  She likes the guy. She wont say it but she does. She hopes to someday pursue something with him. SHe knows u are attached to her so she wont do anything now.. but she also wont stop feeding his interest. What happens now is dependent on u. Stop feeling .. and start thinking. u have to manipulate her. See if u keep arguing with her she will be more likely to leave u or find u unreasonable hence opening a door for ur competitor. Do this. bring her away on a trip. completely consume her time. take her away and do ramantic bullshit. pay no heed to teh guy. and the situation.
  meet her family and spend time with her family.
  well do all this if u want to keep her and if she is that important to u.
  my advice is that she isnt a gal ud wanna sttle down with cuz she obviously isnt serious about commitment. from what u say i gatehr that she is no older that 21. these are experimental times for gals. Use her and leave her.. men have the upper hand as time goes on..
  
  this gal is bad news for ur heart man... leave.
• smudgey

  28 Mar 06, 16:18

  i dunno what to say...
  but sometimes I tend to leave that fact out too, reason being... a lot of guys, tend to treat you diff when they know you are attached,
  
  and I don't mean diff in a way "i'll not woo her" different
  
  I mean diff in a way that we will never be able to progress from hi-bye friends to good/close friends...
  
  that's just what I think.
  
  Talk to your gal, and try to keep an open mind abt it.