Need advice on martial problem
-
Indeed, you have made some mistakes. Now, it is the time to move on and stop making any more mistakes.
Usually, I would try to see if a couple can reconcilate. But if your statements are true, then it would be best for you and your child to move on without him.
Jeff gave good advice, but you might also want to file a police report and have him criminally charged for assault and abuse on you. This fella is thinking he get away with such atrocious behaviour without any repurcussions. Dun give him that lee way and let him suffer for all the wrong doings he's been perpetrating.
In addition, I suggest you to seek counselling, not only about you baby but with regards about yourself. The decision of what to with the baby is a momentous one, and not one to be decided immediately or from advice given over this forum.
Factors to consider keeping the child or giving up for adoption include your financial status, supportive family as well as your overall capability to raise a child.
Someone may have mentioned that other adoptive parents can raise the child better than you can, but note that the example cited is a far extreme, and many orphans are not so well off. No one wants to be raised apart from their true parent(s).
Another thing you must consider is his role in your kid's future. Do you want to allow him to participate? Given what I heard, the divorce proceedings should progress to prevent him from seeking contact with the child. Overall, it may be harsh, but your description of him may show that this is the best for the kid. -
How a husband & wife should be with each other is not a simple matter. Sometimes circumstances conspire in a strange way, so that wealth or an easy life can actually drive a couple apart, whereas what looks like a mountain of problems to an outsider can be the time of greatest happiness that draws the two closer together.
Unlike the kind of trust that wavers depending on the situation, true love, in the deepest sense of a bond between two people, is something that develops in the face of rough seas. But this does not mean that one partner has to always give in to the other, or that the happiness of one can be built on the suffering of the other.
The husband is not the centre of the relationship, nor is the wife. It is not a question of who is the leader or who must make himself or herself a sacrifice for the otherÂ’s success & happiness. Just like a song is a marriage of music & lyrics, husband & wife are equal individuals who, at the same time, perform a single melody of life together. What is important, is how beautiful a song these two life partners can create together.
In order to achieve a deep & harmonious relationship, the two most important ingredients are a sense of gratitude & a common goal.
In todayÂ’s society, perhaps a family could be thought of as an aeroplane. Buffeted by the winds of change, the two co-pilots have the responsibility of assuring safe arrival. The stability of an aeroplane in flight requires clear direction, momentum & constant effort. And a successful flight requires that the co-pilots keep the same destination in sight.
One English proverb says: “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage & half shut afterwards.” Both husband & wife must try to be tolerant, & have a big heart which forgives minor faults & mistakes by the other. If you are being constantly scrutinized & criticized, you will not feel like trying to change, even of you know that what has been pointed is out true.
Love takes a thousand different forms. Sometimes the husband may appear to be impossibly domineering to outsiders; yet a couple manages to get along with a surprising degree of harmony. On the other hand, there are cases where the wife seems to have her way in everything, but still an atmosphere of peace prevails. It is not, in fact, the outward appearance that matters. When a couple has shared the joys & sorrows of life over a long period of time, a deep tie develops between them that cannot be severed by outside forces. This is not the kind of open, direct love we might see amongst young couples. It is something broad & deep, a sense of shared destiny.
There are couples who seem to possess this power. You will find such couples of the tedious, whining talk of some old people. And, although many of them have not lived easy lives, there is no gloom in their expressions. You will find only the sense of deep self-sufficiency that come when two people have successfully made their way over lifeÂ’s rough places together. Along with an appreciation of the preciousness of their remaining time together. -
Hi thanks choco B for your advice. I am now keeping a record of everything. Hmmm last sun he tried to force me out of home n also tried to keep baby boy away from me. so frustrated....but i was very determined not to leave/walk out yet till i hv my son in my arm.Originally posted by choco B:chgal78
Suggest you go to Aware for help
http://www.aware.org.sg/cms/content/view/207/89/
To facilitate your divorce proceedings, please keep a record of past and present situation in your marriage, E.g. financial situation at home, financial support from husband, records of phsyical abuse (e.g. medical reports from doctors / clinics, police report), evidence of his infidelity. -
Originally posted by jeffning:
Thanks jeff for this advice. I wil take note of these points.
Look like you have 2 grounds of divorce, namely adulterly and unreasonable behaviour, against your husband. However, as your marriage is less than 3 year, you have to apply to court for special permission to initiate divorce proceedings if you can prove that you had suffered exceptional hardship. So, the court will consider the possibility of reconciliation and interest of your son in granting the permission.
Divorce is a very complicated and delicate situation that pose great impact to your son and yourself. The following web resources should shade lights to your predicament:
[b]Legal Aid Scheme
http://app.minlaw.gov.sg/lab/info.asp
FAQ on Divorce
http://www.familycourtofsingapore.gov.sg/principles/FAQ_ThinkingDivorce.htm
On personal notes, I suggest the following:
1) Consult a doctor for probable post-natal depression, aka baby blue.
2) Make police reports against your husband and the fraudulent transactions made at Courts and the telco companies involved. This is a serious criminal act that should not be ignored.
3) Collect and maintain records of payments, bills, receipts, and other documents to establish that you are financially capable on your own. At the same time, prepare your balance sheet of assets and liabilities plus the income and expenditure items.
4) Get a Personal Protection Order or Restraining Order for your husband.
5) Seek professional help for your son and yourself.
For the rest of us, learn the lesson here. chgal78, you have to be strong for your son and perservere. Take good care of yourself.[/b]
In btw, hubby said i was too oversensitive n nowadays keep too close tabs on his movements taht made him felt very suffocated. I asked him to try to be in my shoes, how do i feel after being betrayed n being made use for everything, etc. Recently i screamed at him the moment i saw a female name in his msn, then the shouting match begun. Dunno why i suddenly had the strong urge to walk out n smash his car up at the car park. Hmm am i such childish to think like that? but i cant stand lots of resentment towards my hubby for causing me embarassments with the companies n these isses that involves the sexual harassment towards my sis n friend.
How i wish i have the courages to bash my hubby up, or make him cuckold or even worse i want to smash his car up n let him feel the pain of seeing his favourite car being damaged heavily n the heavy finanicla burden for repairing car.
I hv already got in touch with the lawyer n now advisin me what to do. Hubby dunno yet abt my in touch with the lawyer. -
Got. My friend's hubby handles divorce cases. I'll pm you his contact info.Originally posted by chgal78:Hi to alls, wonder if anyone fo u can help recommend any solicitor or lawyer that handle divorce or separation cases. do recommend to me asap.
I am married for less than a year n yet i suffered so much burdens on my shoulder n also worry constantly abt my husband two-timing or seek another extra marital relationship outside. i can't take it anymore n want out of the marriage. i also dunno if i shd give up my son (only 9 mths) to him or take him away n bring him up single-handed. please do advise. -
Originally posted by patlee71:want to play must knw how to play it safe.. at such a age still not mature in thinking nad prevention... dun blame the guy
In Red...what're you trying to say??Originally posted by patlee71:I think i am really a frog in the well.. cos i never heard of frong in the well... anyway.. i am saying that both party is to blame.. cant be some gal came in here..post some stories and all try to sympathise.. to me.. the root of the problem is if she has taken precautions..all these things wont happen... if she can have shotgun before marriage..what makes her so innocent that all must sympathise with her for the wrong she ahs done too? Anyway..some question mark on the story..all of us konw that its impossilble to apply for phoneline using other's IC
I pressume you're born in 1971, yeah??? -
Be careful with what you're saying....Originally posted by chgal78:Thanks jeff for this advice. I wil take note of these points.
In btw, hubby said i was too oversensitive n nowadays keep too close tabs on his movements taht made him felt very suffocated. I asked him to try to be in my shoes, how do i feel after being betrayed n being made use for everything, etc. Recently i screamed at him the moment i saw a female name in his msn, then the shouting match begun. Dunno why i suddenly had the strong urge to walk out n smash his car up at the car park. Hmm am i such childish to think like that? but i cant stand lots of resentment towards my hubby for causing me embarassments with the companies n these isses that involves the sexual harassment towards my sis n friend.
How i wish i have the courages to bash my hubby up, or make him cuckold or even worse i want to smash his car up n let him feel the pain of seeing his favourite car being damaged heavily n the heavy finanicla burden for repairing car.
I hv already got in touch with the lawyer n now advisin me what to do. Hubby dunno yet abt my in touch with the lawyer.
Alot of PMs will be Q-ing up in your mailbox.. -
Originally posted by dcx:Be careful with what you're saying....
Alot of PMs will be Q-ing up in your mailbox.. -
Oops!! sorry but i wanna vent out my frustrations in here... i dun mean to make him cuckold seriously but what i really want to do very seriously is smash his car up only as i know he sayang his car so much n very passionately.Originally posted by dcx:Be careful with what you're saying....
Alot of PMs will be Q-ing up in your mailbox..
So now i think i know what i want to do is let my heart rule over my head..hmmm i am losing confidence in this relationship slowly n might want to leave the marriage. As for teh consquences n many factors that might occur in the future, i am prepared to face them on my own n take care of my son single-handedly. My own family gives me full supports in this issue. so now i am adopting this attitude of wait n see.... -
trust mi...there are pple like that. I have seen it happen before.Originally posted by patlee71:very unbelievable story...no man or woman will change so drastically in such a sort period of time -
Good luck!Originally posted by chgal78:Oops!! sorry but i wanna vent out my frustrations in here... i dun mean to make him cuckold seriously but what i really want to do very seriously is smash his car up only as i know he sayang his car so much n very passionately.
So now i think i know what i want to do is let my heart rule over my head..hmmm i am losing confidence in this relationship slowly n might want to leave the marriage. As for teh consquences n many factors that might occur in the future, i am prepared to face them on my own n take care of my son single-handedly. My own family gives me full supports in this issue. so now i am adopting this attitude of wait n see....
And always come back and chat with us or update us...?
-
Huh u meant that there is such ppl like my hubby here in sg. I thought many sporeans guy here wil be faithful once married.. OMG!!!!! how can i be so blind to rush into marriage without knowing him enough. sigh i am so stupid not to listen to the intutitions..now too late.....my fate is sealed...Originally posted by icebaby0:trust mi...there are pple like that. I have seen it happen before.
. -
its not too late, u can find a new life. ur fate is nvr sealed unless you think so.Originally posted by chgal78:Huh u meant that there is such ppl like my hubby here in sg. I thought many sporeans guy here wil be faithful once married.. OMG!!!!! how can i be so blind to rush into marriage without knowing him enough. sigh i am so stupid not to listen to the intutitions..now too late.....my fate is sealed... . -
sigh.....i do know of many man who are veri much like yr husband....... it almost make me lose faith in marriage .....Originally posted by chgal78:Huh u meant that there is such ppl like my hubby here in sg. I thought many sporeans guy here wil be faithful once married.. OMG!!!!! how can i be so blind to rush into marriage without knowing him enough. sigh i am so stupid not to listen to the intutitions..now too late.....my fate is sealed... .
but i guess, its all abt meeting the right one.......so a veri good warning to gals out there...... be careful when choosing
a life partner.....marriage is for life and not for fun........ AND some gals do get marry for the sake of getting married....
when i learn of it....all i do is shake my head...and wish they are making the right choice
-
why did you marry him in the first place?Originally posted by chgal78:Hi to alls, wonder if anyone fo u can help recommend any solicitor or lawyer that handle divorce or separation cases. do recommend to me asap.
I am married for less than a year n yet i suffered so much burdens on my shoulder n also worry constantly abt my husband two-timing or seek another extra marital relationship outside. i can't take it anymore n want out of the marriage. i also dunno if i shd give up my son (only 9 mths) to him or take him away n bring him up single-handed. please do advise.
was he very handsome? Or RIch? -
It was a shot gun marriage lah... how can he be rich if he "steals" her money; try to proposition her sister and friend?Originally posted by zeny:why did you marry him in the first place?
was he very handsome? Or RIch?
-
nah, he is not handsome or rich. ok. it was a shotgun typical. As i said i knew him barely for two to three months b4 the shoptgun.Originally posted by zeny:why did you marry him in the first place?
was he very handsome? Or RIch?
sigh, i know what is nt supposed to be done is done n i heavily regret over my current marriage. -
file a police report n make a statement b4 proceeding to subourdinate court
make the police report first else the person at magistrate complain wun bother attenting to u..
I know cuz im in a court case now
chow