Need advice on martial problem
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I dun think its funny if this story is true
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Then i suggest she complained to Courts..Originally posted by elindra:From what I see she is asking for advise not sympathy.
It's up to people to sympathise with her anyway.
You can apply for a phoneline or even Courts hire purchase plan if you have friends working for those companies and they do it for you because you are a friend.
Not supposed to and they will likely get into deep shit if that is really the case. -
She's asking on how to get out of her marriage. Of course there is a reason to it.Originally posted by patlee71:then who is she complaining on? Another shotgun guy? Wake Up Elindra!
Anyway why are you so defensive about the guy she mentioned? Are you the one? Or were you caught in a similar situation?
She has done her part in taking responsibility for her actions. Of course there is always a flip side of the coin.
Right now, no one is talking about who is right or wrong, she is asking for advise on how to get out of her marriage and she can't decide if she should take the child with her.
I suggest that you read the questions properly before making any comments -
i am totally innocent... when people ask..she dun have to ellaborate what happen... you dare say now you dun "hate" and "blame" that guy based on what she said?
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your son is 9mths old, and you are married for less than a year. Which means, during pregnancy, you are not married to him yet right? Since he abused you during your pregancy, why did you still get married to him??
Whatever the degree of truthfulness in this story, if you want to divorce him, get concrete evidence that he two-timed you, had martial affairs, abused you, so that you can win in court. If you think you can raise the child, keep him with you. If you think he will add on to your burden, and you think your husband is good-for-nothing, i suggest you give him up for adoption.
Tough decisions to make, but one move determine what lies ahead of you.
good luck -
have u tried sitting down and having a talk wif him to tell him bout how u feel when he abuses u?maybe he will understand bout it.ur child is still young.i am sure you do not want him/her to grow up in a single parent environment and he starts questioning where is his/her father in future rite?pple go for divorce only as the last resort.give it a serious consideration first to see if things can still be salvaged.god bless.
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Why not?Originally posted by chgal78:no how to make the police report when he first hit me just after ROM n i was five month pregnant. after that, he constantly hit or used any objects like knife or bag or bare hand to beat me. i really very hurt inside whenever i think of how he treated me for the past 13 months.
FILE at least a POLICE REPORT PLS... It's MOST NECESSARY... -
To all, esp patlee71
I am not asking for sympathy in here. I am only asking for some advice. I admit i was too rash to get married without giving it second thoughts to what wil happen to me after marriage. Only now i realised i made a mistake in entrusting my happines to my hubby who turned out to hit me everytime i confronted him abt two-timing n smsin other gals for sex favours behind my back. Initally he was good to me for first few months n everything was all right till i got shotgun. then after i married him. i was nearly 6 months pregnant n then gave birth pre-maturely at 8months. i am not blaming myself or him for the nightmare at all but just need some advice on how to file. I might hv enough of him n his unreasonable behaviour. As for the using my IC to apply for hp n hire-purchases, it was done within my full knowledge but unfortunately he defaulted on payments without my knowledge till the letters from the company's lawyers arrived n i was too shocked, Patlee71 do u understand n do not anyhow say bad things without understanding my full story.
As for my child, i am uncertain whether i shd let him hv my son or not but given his current situation, i doubt he can provide for my son so asking for advice too. but for adoption, i dun think so cos i love my son too much n i dun wish to let him be adopted by others. my hubby n i love our son alot but still fight and argue abt wanting our son to stay with me or him even if we decide to separate. dunno if it is worthy to give marriage another chance or go separate ways although my love for him alr died. -
Well, yes the only issue is the child but just bought 5I home recently. Right now the unit is rented out. Can u tell me how i can divide it btw us?Originally posted by casino_king:If you earn very little you can get free legal aid. Or you can do it yourself with the help from those free lawyers on how to go about doing it. Go to the high court and ask the civil registry for the forms... you don't sound like you have lots of property to divide and only the child is the issue... so I think you can do it yourself. -
ABortion is out of qn. YEs i know it was a mistake in hvg a shotgun but i dun want to kill my flesh n blood.Originally posted by patlee71:Since ur nick is chgal78... i guess u born in the yr 1978..which means already 27..which means u had shotgun at 26.. at 26 u still get shotgun? Arent u matured enough to knw the consequences? If u dunno him well y wanna marry? Why not abort? If he can shotgun with you or ons.. means he can do with anyone..and u too is not a decent gal.. dun come cry over here when u have urself to blame -
chgal78
Suggest you go to Aware for help
http://www.aware.org.sg/cms/content/view/207/89/
To facilitate your divorce proceedings, please keep a record of past and present situation in your marriage, E.g. financial situation at home, financial support from husband, records of phsyical abuse (e.g. medical reports from doctors / clinics, police report), evidence of his infidelity. -
post deleted.
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Pls take note of this post.Originally posted by choco B:chgal78
Suggest you go to Aware for help
http://www.aware.org.sg/cms/content/view/207/89/
To facilitate your divorce proceedings, please keep a record of past and present situation in your marriage, E.g. financial situation at home, financial support from husband, records of phsyical abuse (e.g. medical reports from doctors / clinics, police report), evidence of his infidelity. -
If you wish to make up, can try our some family counselling... For your case, if things work out fine with the counselling.. It can prove to be quite a new turn for things... Personally, I suggest at least giving it a shot...Originally posted by chgal78:To all, esp patlee71
I am not asking for sympathy in here. I am only asking for some advice. I admit i was too rash to get married without giving it second thoughts to what wil happen to me after marriage. Only now i realised i made a mistake in entrusting my happines to my hubby who turned out to hit me everytime i confronted him abt two-timing n smsin other gals for sex favours behind my back. Initally he was good to me for first few months n everything was all right till i got shotgun. then after i married him. i was nearly 6 months pregnant n then gave birth pre-maturely at 8months. i am not blaming myself or him for the nightmare at all but just need some advice on how to file. I might hv enough of him n his unreasonable behaviour. As for the using my IC to apply for hp n hire-purchases, it was done within my full knowledge but unfortunately he defaulted on payments without my knowledge till the letters from the company's lawyers arrived n i was too shocked, Patlee71 do u understand n do not anyhow say bad things without understanding my full story.
As for my child, i am uncertain whether i shd let him hv my son or not but given his current situation, i doubt he can provide for my son so asking for advice too. but for adoption, i dun think so cos i love my son too much n i dun wish to let him be adopted by others. my hubby n i love our son alot but still fight and argue abt wanting our son to stay with me or him even if we decide to separate. dunno if it is worthy to give marriage another chance or go separate ways although my love for him alr died.
Think of the child and how much both of you care for him... Certainly you both would want the best to come for him?
Think of how both of you used to be before everything happens... Don't be drown blindly by the arguements and disagreements alone... Don't let the HEATs take over conversations all the time.... -
chgal78
IMO , a wife abuser , a man who strays outside his marriage AND one who is a leech on his wife , isn't worth giving any chances . Has he shown any remorse or intent to make your marriage work?
However if you do decide to stay on and make things better, I don't believe you can do it alone. Try to get help from counsellors and support from both your families. -
1. try to recouncile/go for counseling?
2. think abt ur son
3. clear debt/terminate hp lines -
Yes, my husband is sex pervert n very cheeky to ask my own blood sister n close friend for sex favour. My sis felt sorry for me n even advised me to leave my husband n my brother n mum even knew my full story n could not understand why i am so blind n naive to marry him without knowing my husband very well. i at a big loss to decide what to do.Originally posted by choco B:chgal78
IMO , a wife abuser , a man who strays outside his marriage AND one who is a leech on his wife , isn't worth giving any chances . Has he shown any remorse or intent to make your marriage work?
However if you do decide to stay on and make things better, I don't believe you can do it alone. Try to get help from counsellors and support from both your families.
Recently my close friend again complained that my husband resumed to sms her to ask her to come n make love to him n also sayang him too. she can't stnd it so complained n asked me to take my hsband in hand but i caan't stop him from harassing her. as for my sister n another gal friend, my hsband alr stopped harassing them for sex after they went to make police reports against him. I actually allowed my sister n another gal friend to make police report against him for sexual harassment after they approached me for "OKsign". (iwthin my knowledge, ), so is it worthy for me to give him another chance???
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For 3. clear debt/terminate hp lines.-yes done liao. now i am clearing the debts which my husband accumlated in my name.Originally posted by tiggersgd:1. try to recouncile/go for counseling?
2. think abt ur son
3. clear debt/terminate hp lines
for the !, i have not think abt this yet. how to think to go for counselling when we are constanlty fighting daily at home, i am so tired of fighting with him .
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perhaps u* guys should live separately for the time being and go for counselling. should try to resolve problems together and both should try to give in. know its difficult but how else do u want to go abt it if both have not try out first?Originally posted by chgal78:For 3. clear debt/terminate hp lines.-yes done liao. now i am clearing the debts which my husband accumlated in my name.
for the !, i have not think abt this yet. how to think to go for counselling when we are constanlty fighting daily at home, i am so tired of fighting with him .
does his family care abt this situation? who in his family does he listen to most? u still care, else u won't be asking for help.
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Are you currently working?Originally posted by chgal78:Yes, my husband is sex pervert n very cheeky to ask my own blood sister n close friend for sex favour. My sis felt sorry for me n even advised me to leave my husband n my brother n mum even knew my full story n could not understand why i am so blind n naive to marry him without knowing my husband very well. i at a big loss to decide what to do.
Recently my close friend again complained that my husband resumed to sms her to ask her to come n make love to him n also sayang him too. she can't stnd it so complained n asked me to take my hsband in hand but i caan't stop him from harassing her. as for my sister n another gal friend, my hsband alr stopped harassing them for sex after they went to make police reports against him. I actually allowed my sister n another gal friend to make police report against him for sexual harassment after they approached me for "OKsign". (iwthin my knowledge, ), so is it worthy for me to give him another chance???
In the 1st place, you were the one who suggested to give him a chance? As much as I think if that happens, it's gonna be a complete turn in direction for the whole picture... But to be frank with you, it's really quite very unlikely to happen....
Get a SOLID grab of sexual harassments he've made on your close ones and the physical abuses (medical and police records)... PRESENT them to the court upon your divorce case... -
Good advice. In the meantime act correctly and responsibly. Whatever, don't give up your son. He is your hope for a meaningful life for the future.Originally posted by alexkusu:he wont be a responsible father..best u keep the son. Get the court to make him pay alimony/maintenanc to aid you in your son's upbringing. -
Look like you have 2 grounds of divorce, namely adulterly and unreasonable behaviour, against your husband. However, as your marriage is less than 3 year, you have to apply to court for special permission to initiate divorce proceedings if you can prove that you had suffered exceptional hardship. So, the court will consider the possibility of reconciliation and interest of your son in granting the permission.
Divorce is a very complicated and delicate situation that pose great impact to your son and yourself. The following web resources should shade lights to your predicament:
Legal Aid Scheme
http://app.minlaw.gov.sg/lab/info.asp
FAQ on Divorce
http://www.familycourtofsingapore.gov.sg/principles/FAQ_ThinkingDivorce.htm
On personal notes, I suggest the following:
1) Consult a doctor for probable post-natal depression, aka baby blue.
2) Make police reports against your husband and the fraudulent transactions made at Courts and the telco companies involved. This is a serious criminal act that should not be ignored.
3) Collect and maintain records of payments, bills, receipts, and other documents to establish that you are financially capable on your own. At the same time, prepare your balance sheet of assets and liabilities plus the income and expenditure items.
4) Get a Personal Protection Order or Restraining Order for your husband.
5) Seek professional help for your son and yourself.
For the rest of us, learn the lesson here. chgal78, you have to be strong for your son and perservere. Take good care of yourself. -
Originally posted by jeffning:
Look like you have 2 grounds of divorce, namely adulterly and unreasonable behaviour, against your husband. However, as your marriage is less than 3 year, you have to apply to court for special permission to initiate divorce proceedings if you can prove that you had suffered exceptional hardship. So, the court will consider the possibility of reconciliation and interest of your son in granting the permission.
Divorce is a very complicated and delicate situation that pose great impact to your son and yourself. The following web resources should shade lights to your predicament:
[b]Legal Aid Scheme
http://app.minlaw.gov.sg/lab/info.asp
FAQ on Divorce
http://www.familycourtofsingapore.gov.sg/principles/FAQ_ThinkingDivorce.htm
On personal notes, I suggest the following:
1) Consult a doctor for probable post-natal depression, aka baby blue.
2) Make police reports against your husband and the fraudulent transactions made at Courts and the telco companies involved. This is a serious criminal act that should not be ignored.
3) Collect and maintain records of payments, bills, receipts, and other documents to establish that you are financially capable on your own. At the same time, prepare your balance sheet of assets and liabilities plus the income and expenditure items.
4) Get a Personal Protection Order or Restraining Order for your husband.
5) Seek professional help for your son and yourself.
For the rest of us, learn the lesson here. chgal78, you have to be strong for your son and perservere. Take good care of yourself.[/b]
very hardworking.
Keep it up. -
for your child, i do suggest that YOU keep him. (its a him right? sorry if im wrong)
if your current husband is abusive towards you and goes around asking other women for sex even though he is still legally married to you, i dont think he will ever make a great father.
you seem to have a relatively supportive family who at least knows of your situation and therefore i think you should speak to them and ask for their opinions. if you dont have a job now, at least your family can help to support him until you can.
as for your husband...i do urge you to file a police report. i mean, come on, when there's knives and stuff involve and you have a kid around...those two things sure as hell dont go together. -
He beats her up, cheats her money and cheats on her and you want her to "talk?"Originally posted by valerieee:have u tried sitting down and having a talk wif him to tell him bout how u feel when he abuses u?maybe he will understand bout it.ur child is still young.i am sure you do not want him/her to grow up in a single parent environment and he starts questioning where is his/her father in future rite?pple go for divorce only as the last resort.give it a serious consideration first to see if things can still be salvaged.god bless.
wakie wakie and start living in the real world - stop living in a fantasy world.
She should get out as fast as she can....