Don't know who to choose
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To make it simple, I had been with this girl for 6 years, and planning to get married. At that time, i always like to gamble soccer. So got 1 day, I lost alot, until I need to borrow money from loan shark...the amount...not to mention, it is near 42K.
In my first 2 months, i have no problem paying the installment, however my colleagues realized I often use the company computer for soccer betting, as a result, i lost my job. The loan shark was extremely harsh, and I cant pay. That point of time, i had a lot of arguement with my galfren. We are engaged, she still have the engagement diamond ring, so i asked her to sell it to pay my debt. Instead, it caused much of arguement, and 3 weeks of heated arguement, she left.
At that point of time, i hated her so much and I cursed her, leaving me when i am in such a trouble, when i needed somebody the most.
4 years past. much had changed. I am a new life. Stead job, quit smoking, not to mention gambling. I am now going happily steady with a gal, going to get marry soon. She was my source of inspiration these few years. I still hate my ex-gal fren until One day....
One day when i was walking down Raffles City, i saw her!!. I really wanted to go over to scold her, ( coz last time no chance, she changed her address and her mobile number, even her workplace). When i was about to open my mouth, i was shocked, she is still wearing my engagement ring. I sacarsitically
asked her, "wah, still wearing my ring". She didnt notice who i was until she turned her head behind. Tears when dripping her eyes. I turned serious, and began to talk to her.
I was shocked to that she
1) is still paying my loan shark money (left back 2000)
2) inform the loan shark not too look for me, if not she will not pay a single cent, becoz she knew i am guy who needs alot of face, from friend and family
3) she never wanted to sell away the engagement ring
She never ask for anything in return. She is turning 29 years old now, still single. She also dun wan to give me her mobile number, only a hotmail address, as she knows i am going to get married soon. ( She saw my ring)
Hate turn into luv and guilt. On that day she left, I luv her so much that it took me 1 year to forget her.
i thought it was my parents who called the police and settle the loan shark case, i didnt know........ Since no one bug me for money...still care meh that time!!!.
Suddenly i feel like going back with her, she had done so much for me and the reason i hate her and to forget about her in the past, is becoming the reason why i should luv her more.
But, BUT, my current galfren also did not do anything wrong to me, and had been supportive to me throughout all these 3 years. How...who should i choose.
I love both of them now, but now i got an extra guilty feeling to my first love. HOW?? i am soo confused...
If u r me, who will u choose? i dun wan to hurt anyone
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brave galfriend
but i the problems was there was miscommunication between u guys
there was no clean break[no explaination and so for...not to mention she did not tell u of her paying ur debt]
but then,u cant hate her for leavign u in the first palce..u gusy were engaged and probaly needs a sum of $ for housing and othr related expenses
as to who u wanna be with...
i feel tis betetr to return to ur ex
still ur lfie ur choice -
The problem is, my current engaged galfren still smiles to me like how she used to , she is patient and kind as well.
She pick me up, and patient to me, slowly and strongly supported me to quit smoking, and all my other bad habits. She changed me alot. My present, if would not be her, i am no where now.
I cant bear to say goodbye to her as well, i still luv her also. ,... -
Wow.. I'm deeply touched by what your ex did, it shows that she really loves you alot. In this situation, everybody will get hurt. If you are going to get back with her, let her know that it is not just because you are grateful to her, but because you truly love her.
Hmm, but why did you have to take 1 year to forget her, and not get back with her then? -
Have u told ur current gf bout ur past n the situation now???
How old is ur current gf now?? Does she love u alot as well??
Ur ex had sacrificed alot for u....n i dun think u can just ask her to luv sbd else rite??
but.....if u break up wif u current gf...she's quite pitiful oso....
anyway....it's ur choice...
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maybe ur love towards your ex is more of guilt than love? got consider this point?
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i must say this is a very tough decision for u.
firstly, there wasn't a clean break.
in fact i would agree that there was a miscommunication between u and ur ex. well, and the reason u hated her brought about ur downfall. she's not in the fault. u were at fault. u gambled. u messed up ur life.
and the reason why u hated her is because u wanted to sell smth very precious away while it means alot to her. there are other ways i'm sure, but because u were desperate and desperation leads u to wrong decisions.
i admire the courage and the passion ur ex has for u. but because u messed up, u ended up having another gf and about to get married. are u going to mess this current r/s up as well?
i'm sure u wouldn't.
so, let the past be the past. just be grateful to ur ex for all she'd done. my advice... is to stick with ur current r/s.
i know it's cruel to ur ex and nothing u can do is going to replace the effort she managed to put in to pay ur loans. accept the reality that u've moved on and a close companion had paid the price for u. treat her like a sister, if u r willing to.
that said, i leave it to u to decide. -
I agree with Gwangetto.
Anyway, all this are fated. If you are not able to be with her, at least, treat her well as a friend. Return what you should return. Let her knows that she is still your treasured friend.
She is really great. I admire what she has endured. -
if you need to consider that means you dont love any one of them.
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he doesn't need to consider. he needs to make up his mind for he's in a confused state right now.Originally posted by dragg:if you need to consider that means you dont love any one of them. -
The fact that he is considering shows that he has a heart and feelings, and that he is not a cold-hearted person.Originally posted by dragg:if you need to consider that means you dont love any one of them. -
prob its time u slowly repay ur ex gf e money she has been forking out...
at least...its more fair to her...and something u can do... -
Why do women like jerks?
Right, seriously, I'd disagree with some things others have suggested here, but ultimately, you have to decide for yourself - and live with your decision for better or worse.
Without knowing who you love more(your ex when you were with her or your current girlfriend at this point in time), I'd say what your ex has done has surpassed what most reasonable girls would ever do. The fact she was reluctant to sell the engagement ring to raise money to repay your debt, in my view, does not so much represent the sentimental value of the ring to her as much as her love for you. Moreover, I think the fact she actually bothered to lend you a helping hand(and to even do so behind your back) despite you two already not being together("clean break" or not, it's quite clear both you and your ex have established a tacit and implicit understanding that your relationship is over) merely reinforces that point as far as I can see.
No disrespect to your current girlfriend, but I suppose there's some reservation about her which has prompted you to even consider getting back with your ex to begin with - quite simply, you do not know how much hardship your current girlfriend is, or will ever be, prepared to go through with you. Subconsciously, whether you would want to admit to it or not, you know this is playing on your mind somewhat and - I could be wrong here though - someday when things go wrong(be it a tiff or whatever) with your current girlfriend, you're bound to draw comparisons between her and your ex. Should this be the case, then I think you should quite readily acknowledge at the back of your mind that it's still your ex whom you love more and against whom all your other girlfriends(be it your current one or future ones if things don't work out with the current one
) will be benchmarked against.
At the end of the day, my only advice is to make a decision with your heart - if it's your ex you truly love, but remain unsure simply because you wouldn't like to break up with your current girlfriend because she has done nothing wrong and has been nice to you over the 3 years you've been together, then go back to your ex. It might sound cruel and harsh to your girlfriend, but I suppose you know better than most that's for the best in the long run. However, if you are only pondering this issue out of gratitude for your ex, then you're obviously better off staying in your current relationship. In essence, you should make a decision based on what you feel is best for yourself and disregard the interests of both women in the process - this may sound cruel, but I suppose it's the only way for you to truly find an answer to your question.
Nevertheless, just remember to bear in mind that whatever you decide to do, it's a decision you'll have to live with...
Good Luck!
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I cannot say now i have 0 feeling for my first....been with her for 6 years...6 years, in the relationship, no major arguement....now all the flash back, she was really a nice gal fren.
My current galfren , should i even tell her about this situation, shd I be honest to her, i promised her to never hide anything from her. These few years, no matter how bad things are, i tell her. She is very understanding gal and always stand for me. But this time is different, shd i tell her the current situation. Is just matter of time she finds out that there is something wrong with me.
Can i say, i love both of them. I cannot say i only feel guilty for my first. Even if i need to pay her back the money, is the money that me and my current galfren had saved all these years, surely she need to know, if not she thinks i gamble and leave me !!!...sigh..
I really luv both of them. money , i spoke to my 1st, she said " if money was the think i want back, i wouldnt decide to pay for u in the 1st place. SHE DOESNT WANT ANYTHING BACK. -
Sounds really drama to me..but still sorry to hear that.
To summarise, you feel love for your current gf. And then, you feel gratitude to your ex...but then again, guilt comes in between after you found out what she had been doing for you..in the end, u r in dilemma..
I doubt pp can really advise you who you shld choose because like what you said, whoever you choose, you will be letting the other down....
Ask yourself who you really loves, and not who you have let down.
If you still loves your ex more, go back to her and let your present down.
if you loves your present more, tell your ex how sorry you are towards her.
DONT TELL ME YOU LOVE BOTH EQUALLY....sorry dude..you cant have the best of both world..
Whoever you choose, the first person you have to confess to, is your current gf..because i think it is fair for her to know it before anyone else does. -
My god...so dramatic event. Well in any case, If i were you, i would choose the current gf tat u have now. I mean... both u and ur ex had was in the past. u already moved on. so has she i presume. It wont be fair to ur current gf rite? she is not at fault here. So dun break another person's heart.
Anyway, if she do not want you to return back the money...at the very least... start repaying the loanshark on ur own now! i hope tats wad u had did when u met her. u shld tell her to stop paying and let u urself continue the payment. how could u still let her pay right?...
also... keep in touch with her. u shld feel grateful to her for what she has done. and once u finish paying the loanshark... start paying her back. whether she wants it or not to let her know how grateful u r. -
I dun see why u should hate ur ex gf in the first place.
If I were her, I would leave too. If u owed debts bcos of a business failure, then it's a different story. But u owed those debts bcos u were a gambler! And u were so damn irresponsible!
She must be very hurt when you said that to her. I feel sorry for her. I think if you really loved a person, you would not ask her to sell/pawn away her jewellery, especially the engagement/wedding ring.
Now that you know, shouldn't you clear up the debts yourself and set her free?
You dun deserve her. It's not for you to choose. -
come on, everyone makes mistake in the past. More importantly, is ppl dare to face his past, and stand up and changed. This is what guts is all about.Originally posted by browniebaobao:I dun see why u should hate ur ex gf in the first place.
If I were her, I would leave too. If u owed debts bcos of a business failure, then it's a different story. But u owed those debts bcos u were a gambler! And u were so damn irresponsible!
She must be very hurt when you said that to her. I feel sorry for her. I think if you really loved a person, you would not ask her to sell/pawn away her jewellery, especially the engagement/wedding ring.
Now that you know, shouldn't you clear up the debts yourself and set her free?
You dun deserve her. It's not for you to choose.
U think to quit smoking no need determination. let bygone be bygone. Dont scold him liao lah, he also sibeh jialat now. -
Originally posted by TrU PeAce (^0*)v:To make it simple, I had been with this girl for 6 years, and planning to get married. At that time, i always like to gamble soccer. So got 1 day, I lost alot, until I need to borrow money from loan shark...the amount...not to mention, it is near 42K.
In my first 2 months, i have no problem paying the installment, however my colleagues realized I often use the company computer for soccer betting, as a result, i lost my job. The loan shark was extremely harsh, and I cant pay. That point of time, i had a lot of arguement with my galfren. We are engaged, she still have the engagement diamond ring, so i asked her to sell it to pay my debt. Instead, it caused much of arguement, and 3 weeks of heated arguement, she left.
At that point of time, i hated her so much and I cursed her, leaving me when i am in such a trouble, when i needed somebody the most.
4 years past. much had changed. I am a new life. Stead job, quit smoking, not to mention gambling. I am now going happily steady with a gal, going to get marry soon. She was my source of inspiration these few years. I still hate my ex-gal fren until One day....
One day when i was walking down Raffles City, i saw her!!. I really wanted to go over to scold her, ( coz last time no chance, she changed her address and her mobile number, even her workplace). When i was about to open my mouth, i was shocked, she is still wearing my engagement ring. I sacarsitically
asked her, "wah, still wearing my ring". She didnt notice who i was until she turned her head behind. Tears when dripping her eyes. I turned serious, and began to talk to her.
I was shocked to that she
1) is still paying my loan shark money (left back 2000)
2) inform the loan shark not too look for me, if not she will not pay a single cent, becoz she knew i am guy who needs alot of face, from friend and family
3) she never wanted to sell away the engagement ring
She never ask for anything in return. She is turning 29 years old now, still single. She also dun wan to give me her mobile number, only a hotmail address, as she knows i am going to get married soon. ( She saw my ring)
Hate turn into luv and guilt. On that day she left, I luv her so much that it took me 1 year to forget her.
i thought it was my parents who called the police and settle the loan shark case, i didnt know........ Since no one bug me for money...still care meh that time!!!.
Suddenly i feel like going back with her, she had done so much for me and the reason i hate her and to forget about her in the past, is becoming the reason why i should luv her more.
But, BUT, my current galfren also did not do anything wrong to me, and had been supportive to me throughout all these 3 years. How...who should i choose.
I love both of them now, but now i got an extra guilty feeling to my first love. HOW?? i am soo confused...
If u r me, who will u choose? i dun wan to hurt anyone Ur x is so..... -
i agree. no point adding oil.Originally posted by AMD2004:come on, everyone makes mistake in the past. More importantly, is ppl dare to face his past, and stand up and changed. This is what guts is all about.
U think to quit smoking no need determination. let bygone be bygone. Dont scold him liao lah, he also sibeh jialat now.
if anyone notice, i din tok cok this time.
ok. juz did. -
the loan sharks actually listened to wat she said and DID NOT pester u for the huge amount of money but instead gave her 4 long years to pay them back?! when did the loan sharks become charity organisations?Originally posted by TrU PeAce (^0*)v:I was shocked to that she
1) is still paying my loan shark money (left back 2000)
2) inform the loan shark not too look for me, if not she will not pay a single cent, becoz she knew i am guy who needs alot of face, from friend and family -
you think they got so much time to hang pig head at people's house meh.. furthermore they are already being paid...Originally posted by UandMe:the loan sharks actually listened to wat she said and DID NOT pester u for the huge amount of money but instead gave her 4 long years to pay them back?! when did the loan sharks become charity organisations?
trupeace, you must pray... -
4 long years man. if people could take years to pay back loansharks there wouldn't be so many cases of loansharks pestering people on the newspaper.Originally posted by SingaporeMacross:you think they got so much time to hang pig head at people's house meh.. furthermore they are already being paid...
trupeace, you must pray... -
Originally posted by TrU PeAce (^0*)v:To make it simple, I had been with this girl for 6 years, and planning to get married. At that time, i always like to gamble soccer. So got 1 day, I lost alot, until I need to borrow money from loan shark...the amount...not to mention, it is near 42K.
In my first 2 months, i have no problem paying the installment, however my colleagues realized I often use the company computer for soccer betting, as a result, i lost my job. The loan shark was extremely harsh, and I cant pay. That point of time, i had a lot of arguement with my galfren. We are engaged, she still have the engagement diamond ring, so i asked her to sell it to pay my debt. Instead, it caused much of arguement, and 3 weeks of heated arguement, she left.
At that point of time, i hated her so much and I cursed her, leaving me when i am in such a trouble, when i needed somebody the most.
4 years past. much had changed. I am a new life. Stead job, quit smoking, not to mention gambling. I am now going happily steady with a gal, going to get marry soon. She was my source of inspiration these few years. I still hate my ex-gal fren until One day....
One day when i was walking down Raffles City, i saw her!!. I really wanted to go over to scold her, ( coz last time no chance, she changed her address and her mobile number, even her workplace). When i was about to open my mouth, i was shocked, she is still wearing my engagement ring. I sacarsitically
asked her, "wah, still wearing my ring". She didnt notice who i was until she turned her head behind. Tears when dripping her eyes. I turned serious, and began to talk to her.
I was shocked to that she
1) is still paying my loan shark money (left back 2000)
2) inform the loan shark not too look for me, if not she will not pay a single cent, becoz she knew i am guy who needs alot of face, from friend and family
3) she never wanted to sell away the engagement ring
She never ask for anything in return. She is turning 29 years old now, still single. She also dun wan to give me her mobile number, only a hotmail address, as she knows i am going to get married soon. ( She saw my ring)
Hate turn into luv and guilt. On that day she left, I luv her so much that it took me 1 year to forget her.
i thought it was my parents who called the police and settle the loan shark case, i didnt know........ Since no one bug me for money...still care meh that time!!!.
Suddenly i feel like going back with her, she had done so much for me and the reason i hate her and to forget about her in the past, is becoming the reason why i should luv her more.
But, BUT, my current galfren also did not do anything wrong to me, and had been supportive to me throughout all these 3 years. How...who should i choose.
I love both of them now, but now i got an extra guilty feeling to my first love. HOW?? i am soo confused...
If u r me, who will u choose? i dun wan to hurt anyone
OMG! This karmic relationship truly stirs my heart. This incredible woman actually heed CloUdiSm fourth Law - Law of Greater Good - to such foolish extend. She truly understand what love means without the structure of a relationship - someone who gives because of Love and not because of a relationship.
'...Having to Love is to make the other person happy, even if it means you are out of the picture ultimately...'
Sigh.
Your discovery revealed a new truth, but the feelings that is racing through your heart is more of sympathy than love. Should you have any moral conscience, the least you could do to compensate her is to return her the sum of money she had painstakingly earn to repay your bad debts.
Actually this is the few sort of scenario that would stun me and leave me lost if it happens on me. Usually when I reply to AA post, I didn't hesitate to key in my words so much like this post.
Still...
You cannot afford to give her a relationship because decision and fate has made it such a way. It is fated that the situation has turned out to be this way; you have no choice but to live with your decision. Your gambling has COST you a different route in life for if that didn't happen, you would have been happily married long ago.
If you were to choose to pursue a relationship with her, you will create another regret scenario with your current girlfriend and would probably have to live with it for the rest of your life.
You have no win-win solution, you can only make a painful decision of recognising either's affection, suppress your tears and let it roll when you are alone.
P.S: Sigh...
Cheers -
aiyo, as long as principle is paid within certain amount of time, the rest interest leh, i am not sure lah. loan shark also afraid of police mah. got steady income still wan to make noise meh? anyway this is not the issue here.Originally posted by UandMe:4 long years man. if people could take years to pay back loansharks there wouldn't be so many cases of loansharks pestering people on the newspaper.