Don't know who to choose
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threadstarter, my heart goes out to you..
if i were you, i too wouldnt know what to do.. you can make any decision you want, but you MUST make sure something..
YOU MUST NOT HAVE ANY REGRETS REGARDING YOUR DECISION..
all the best to you.. regardless of which you chose, make sure you treat her doubly well.. -
Personal advice for you would be to choose one and explain the whole situation to the other...Originally posted by TrU PeAce (^0*)v:To make it simple, I had been with this girl for 6 years, and planning to get married. At that time, i always like to gamble soccer. So got 1 day, I lost alot, until I need to borrow money from loan shark...the amount...not to mention, it is near 42K.
In my first 2 months, i have no problem paying the installment, however my colleagues realized I often use the company computer for soccer betting, as a result, i lost my job. The loan shark was extremely harsh, and I cant pay. That point of time, i had a lot of arguement with my galfren. We are engaged, she still have the engagement diamond ring, so i asked her to sell it to pay my debt. Instead, it caused much of arguement, and 3 weeks of heated arguement, she left.
At that point of time, i hated her so much and I cursed her, leaving me when i am in such a trouble, when i needed somebody the most.
4 years past. much had changed. I am a new life. Stead job, quit smoking, not to mention gambling. I am now going happily steady with a gal, going to get marry soon. She was my source of inspiration these few years. I still hate my ex-gal fren until One day....
One day when i was walking down Raffles City, i saw her!!. I really wanted to go over to scold her, ( coz last time no chance, she changed her address and her mobile number, even her workplace). When i was about to open my mouth, i was shocked, she is still wearing my engagement ring. I sacarsitically
asked her, "wah, still wearing my ring". She didnt notice who i was until she turned her head behind. Tears when dripping her eyes. I turned serious, and began to talk to her.
I was shocked to that she
1) is still paying my loan shark money (left back 2000)
2) inform the loan shark not too look for me, if not she will not pay a single cent, becoz she knew i am guy who needs alot of face, from friend and family
3) she never wanted to sell away the engagement ring
She never ask for anything in return. She is turning 29 years old now, still single. She also dun wan to give me her mobile number, only a hotmail address, as she knows i am going to get married soon. ( She saw my ring)
Hate turn into luv and guilt. On that day she left, I luv her so much that it took me 1 year to forget her.
i thought it was my parents who called the police and settle the loan shark case, i didnt know........ Since no one bug me for money...still care meh that time!!!.
Suddenly i feel like going back with her, she had done so much for me and the reason i hate her and to forget about her in the past, is becoming the reason why i should luv her more.
But, BUT, my current galfren also did not do anything wrong to me, and had been supportive to me throughout all these 3 years. How...who should i choose.
I love both of them now, but now i got an extra guilty feeling to my first love. HOW?? i am soo confused...
If u r me, who will u choose? i dun wan to hurt anyone
If I'm in your shoes and only allow to choose one, I'll probably just carry on my life with my current gf... Though I would probably try to remind as friends with that ex.... And try to make up for things if I could...?
If you could handle it (and think that they can handle it), you might like to let them know the whole situation before you make your decision too...? (though might not really be advisable...)
If you would like to talk more about your situation with me, pls PM me....? -
classic LPPL situation. hai.. why do such things happen eh?
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Whatever you do, you're the arsehole... whichever path you go, make amends with the other party cause you're in both their debts for a long long time...
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wa seh...never knew could be this dramatic...
one question though...she still paying for your loan shark? or the cops have caught them already? -
liew ur story like straight outa movie!
cant help u cos i'd b lost too lol -
my heart goes out to the ex galfren so self sacrificial and did all those things without letting threadstarter know.. very touchedOriginally posted by HolySniper:threadstarter, my heart goes out to you.. if i were you, i too wouldnt know what to do.. you can make any decision you want, but you MUST make sure something..
YOU MUST NOT HAVE ANY REGRETS REGARDING YOUR DECISION..
all the best to you.. regardless of which you chose, make sure you treat her doubly well..
it is not our place to advise you whom to choose
just trying to speak on the ex behalf, she chose not to let you know, chose not to keep in contact with you perhaps because she din want to carry on anymore. while she is helping you with all your problems, the r/s might be too painful for her to want to start over...
so if u luv her, set her free, dun tangle her into this downward spiral again.
if u r grateful to her for all that she has done for you, then be a man, start repaying your own debts and/or pay her back little by little what she has repaid for you in the past...
after all these, should learn to be responsible: to yourself, to your loved ones (current), be responsible for your actions (dun be confused and end up hurting 2 women)...
jus my tots... -
Try to look at things in balance perspective?Originally posted by browniebaobao:I dun see why u should hate ur ex gf in the first place.
If I were her, I would leave too. If u owed debts bcos of a business failure, then it's a different story. But u owed those debts bcos u were a gambler! And u were so damn irresponsible!
She must be very hurt when you said that to her. I feel sorry for her. I think if you really loved a person, you would not ask her to sell/pawn away her jewellery, especially the engagement/wedding ring.
Now that you know, shouldn't you clear up the debts yourself and set her free?
You dun deserve her. It's not for you to choose. -
Exact words in my heart. Sigh.Originally posted by Yunhaier:
OMG! This karmic relationship truly stirs my heart. This incredible woman actually heed CloUdiSm fourth Law - Law of Greater Good - to such foolish extend. She truly understand what love means without the structure of a relationship - someone who gives because of Love and not because of a relationship.
[b]'...Having to Love is to make the other person happy, even if it means you are out of the picture ultimately...'
Sigh.
Your discovery revealed a new truth, but the feelings that is racing through your heart is more of sympathy than love. Should you have any moral conscience, the least you could do to compensate her is to return her the sum of money she had painstakingly earn to repay your bad debts.
Actually this is the few sort of scenario that would stun me and leave me lost if it happens on me. Usually when I reply to AA post, I didn't hesitate to key in my words so much like this post.
Still...
You cannot afford to give her a relationship because decision and fate has made it such a way. It is fated that the situation has turned out to be this way; you have no choice but to live with your decision. Your gambling has COST you a different route in life for if that didn't happen, you would have been happily married long ago.
If you were to choose to pursue a relationship with her, you will create another regret scenario with your current girlfriend and would probably have to live with it for the rest of your life.
You have no win-win solution, you can only make a painful decision of recognising either's affection, suppress your tears and let it roll when you are alone.
P.S: Sigh...
Cheers
Foolish ex girlfriend indeed...sigh... -
Stay with ur current gf.. and pay ur ex gf back the money which she has settled for u.
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She had seen yr true colour and get over liao, even if you want to go back to her do you think she want? Maybe you think too much.
Make it simple, Love can die off after so many years. Learn to let go and remember the mistake you made. Don't repeat this to yr current gf.
Life is too short to go round and round. -
I'm quite sure this will be a turning point as well as haunting.
No matter what decisions is made. It is waiting to unfold. -
Most importantly, you'd better return the money that your ex forked out on your behalf
As for going back to your ex, I think not. What's left after 4 years apart? Are you going back to her out of pity or gratitude?
I think the best thing you can do for your ex is to totally release her from any obligations to you... that means paying back every cent that you owe her for starters. -
goodness.. i will be so touched by wat ur ex did
i wonder if there are any girls who can do what she can do
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interesting and sad story...
well, ultimately you've got to face yourself so just choose something that you will not regret for the rest of your life.
its a lose-lose situation as i see it. -
I disagree with you. The fact that she is still wearing the engagement ring shows how much she still treasures the relationship.Originally posted by T.Ryousuke:She had seen yr true colour and get over liao, even if you want to go back to her do you think she want? Maybe you think too much.
Make it simple, Love can die off after so many years. Learn to let go and remember the mistake you made. Don't repeat this to yr current gf.
Life is too short to go round and round.
to the original poster, during my years of guiding others, I like to use this method and ask you to answer a question:
- Who do you love?
Simple question, and you probably think "both". But be true to yourself. Who was the 1st that came into your thoughts? That is probably the true answer from the heart. All other latter thoughts are controlled by logic and reasoning. If you have one name already, then more or less you already know the answer deep within yourself and you know what to do.
I believe he can be grateful to both (one in loving him so much she took his burden, the other for changing him), but there is only one which he will love more than the other.
Be fair to both gals, you cannot possibly love both and marry both, but u should choose the one that is deeper in your heart. -
Seriously, no one here can actually give you the best advice or decision, its all up to you,
Who do you love more?
, i must said your ex indeed truly love you, else at the first place she would have ran away get into another relationship life moves on, but she choose not to and rather helped you in clearing ur debt and in fact wearing your engagement ring, i would said such girls are indeed hard to find, she could even scrifice her happiness just to make sure your happy and have a peaceful life, i guess she had already planned to ran away from you to free you from the agony your suffering and let her carry it along with her,
On the other hand,
Your girlfriend has been supporting you for 3 years, it wont be fair to her if you were to give up the relationship between you and her,
Your a fortunate guy having 2 girls who truly loves you, but you din't cherish the first one.
Close your eyes and think carefully, who the person who will appeared in ur mind, you will find your answer eventually,
Remember, no one here can actually decide for you or wadsoever, i just hope you make the last decison carefully and having no regrets at all, here i pray for the very best of you and wish you good luck.
*cheers* -
ni de galfriend very wei da
i hope you feel like a jerk now
treasure her -
6yrs of relationship and you treated her for granted whereas, she've been holding you in her 1st priority in her life...why? becoz of the engagement ring....by any means, do you know what's an engagment ring? And do you know how much of importance the engagement ring is to her? Do you know the sigificance of the engagement ring to her? What's the significance of the engagement ting means to you? To you, it doesn't seem important as long as by selling that e.ring will be able to tide you away from your debts for a time being...Originally posted by TrU PeAce (^0*)v:To make it simple, I had been with this girl for 6 years, and planning to get married. At that time, i always like to gamble soccer. So got 1 day, I lost alot, until I need to borrow money from loan shark...the amount...not to mention, it is near 42K.
In my first 2 months, i have no problem paying the installment, however my colleagues realized I often use the company computer for soccer betting, as a result, i lost my job. The loan shark was extremely harsh, and I cant pay. That point of time, i had a lot of arguement with my galfren. We are engaged, she still have the engagement diamond ring, so i asked her to sell it to pay my debt. Instead, it caused much of arguement, and 3 weeks of heated arguement, she left.
At that point of time, i hated her so much and I cursed her, leaving me when i am in such a trouble, when i needed somebody the most.
4 years past. much had changed. I am a new life. Stead job, quit smoking, not to mention gambling. I am now going happily steady with a gal, going to get marry soon. She was my source of inspiration these few years. I still hate my ex-gal fren until One day....
One day when i was walking down Raffles City, i saw her!!. I really wanted to go over to scold her, ( coz last time no chance, she changed her address and her mobile number, even her workplace). When i was about to open my mouth, i was shocked, she is still wearing my engagement ring. I sacarsitically
asked her, "wah, still wearing my ring". She didnt notice who i was until she turned her head behind. Tears when dripping her eyes. I turned serious, and began to talk to her.
I was shocked to that she
1) is still paying my loan shark money (left back 2000)
2) inform the loan shark not too look for me, if not she will not pay a single cent, becoz she knew i am guy who needs alot of face, from friend and family
3) she never wanted to sell away the engagement ring
She never ask for anything in return. She is turning 29 years old now, still single. She also dun wan to give me her mobile number, only a hotmail address, as she knows i am going to get married soon. ( She saw my ring)
Hate turn into luv and guilt. On that day she left, I luv her so much that it took me 1 year to forget her.
i thought it was my parents who called the police and settle the loan shark case, i didnt know........ Since no one bug me for money...still care meh that time!!!.
Suddenly i feel like going back with her, she had done so much for me and the reason i hate her and to forget about her in the past, is becoming the reason why i should luv her more.
But, BUT, my current galfren also did not do anything wrong to me, and had been supportive to me throughout all these 3 years. How...who should i choose.
I love both of them now, but now i got an extra guilty feeling to my first love. HOW?? i am soo confused...
If u r me, who will u choose? i dun wan to hurt anyone
Enough of "lecturings"...Time for some analysis...
Till today, your ex-gf (to you, she's your Ex, but not to her, why? Coz she still hold you at her most important place), still helping you to settle the debt...
29yrs old...it seems that you've indirectly or rather, directly affected and wasted her youth for many years...whereas, you've continued your happy life since then...
Have a good talk with your "ex-gf" and "current gf"...be fair to both...under such circumstances, you're selfish coz you want either one of them but do not want any of them to be hurt..including you, yourself...
I believe your current gf shld be quite young..say, 25++ or <29?..if so, let your current gf knows your feelings and thoughts..if i'll you, be it means of repaying back to your ex-gf, i sugguest, you shld end your ties with yoru current gf and re-build your relationship with your ex-gf, for she has done damn fcuking alot sacrifices for you....you've to slog your damn life to support her and take good care and love her...what she needs now most, is not your pitiful for her...what she needs now most is a guy whom she've always carrying with in her heart n mind...is it the current you? I don't know, but it's definetely the "7~9yrs ago you"....
Either one of them will be hurt.......no horse run.... -
If you don't truly love your ex , then I don't think you're doing her any favours by taking her back. What can you offer her, gratitude?? That wears out after a few years, I doubt the motivation to be a martyr will continue for long. Would you be able to commit 100% to her without regrets or remorse , when you've already committed to your new girlfriend ? If you take her back just to make yourself feel less guilty, is this doing right by her ?
What you had once with the ex was in the past, there's no way you can replicate how things were back then, you've both changed ... you've obviously moved on , the best thing you can do is help HER move on. -
if i were you i will turn gay and not choose any of them,,,
haha
well.... why not ask bot of them sit down and talk...
right now... i guess you are just going to get back to her as a form of " repaying her" -
NO.. he is touched that the ex is still paying the debts that he is owing...Originally posted by yongboyboy:if i were you i will turn gay and not choose any of them,,,
haha
well.... why not ask bot of them sit down and talk...
right now... i guess you are just going to get back to her as a form of " repaying her" -
im really amazed and touched by wat your ex did. well its your choice. but for me. i think i would choose the ex-girlfriend. becoz she did so much for u and wanted nothing back. well its your own choice. even if im u i sure dunno wat to do.
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if he has obviously moved on, then I don't think he will have such a headache like now.Originally posted by choco B:If you don't truly love your ex , then I don't think you're doing her any favours by taking her back. What can you offer her, gratitude?? That wears out after a few years, I doubt the motivation to be a martyr will continue for long. Would you be able to commit 100% to her without regrets or remorse , when you've already committed to your new girlfriend ? If you take her back just to make yourself feel less guilty, is this doing right by her ?
What you had once with the ex was in the past, there's no way you can replicate how things were back then, you've both changed ... you've obviously moved on , the best thing you can do is help HER move on.
I believe there is something called responsibility as well. You a compulsive gambler, caused a gal's youth, which cannot be turned back. Just an apology is sufficient? I don't want to start scolding you, coz I think you should know what you have done.
Ultimately, it is your choice, but like another user has added, your ex is 29yo, your current may be 25+yo. That may be one factor as well. Think carefully what you intend to do.
You are one bloody lucky idiot who nearly wasted your life away, but having 2gals who cared about you. Maybe your previous life you were a really good man. Pls be a good person from now on. -
Originally posted by ¡ÚTearsofTheMoon¡Ú:Close your eyes and think carefully, who the person who will appeared in ur mind, you will find your answer eventually,
*cheers*
Cheers