Does your gf impose curfew ?
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Some girls are just more possessive of their boyfriends. The only reason why she wants you home by 2230 is because she's feeling insecure and afraid that you're spending the night with another girl.
Perhaps what you can do is to invite her to your outings so that she'll get to know your friends as well as what you all do during these outings. Hopefully as time passes, she'll trust you more. -
what if she doesn't wanna go?Originally posted by cornyfish2000:Some girls are just more possessive of their boyfriends. The only reason why she wants you home by 2230 is because she's feeling insecure and afraid that you're spending the night with another girl.
Perhaps what you can do is to invite her to your outings so that she'll get to know your friends as well as what you all do during these outings. Hopefully as time passes, she'll trust you more. -
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this sounds ridiculous
i mean what will she do if you dont stick by the curfew? break up? quarrel? waste of time isn't it?
Pity you -
ok.. now we know when to ask u out for outings..hahahaOriginally posted by choco B:The trick is to go out when he is occupied.
Mine wouldn't even know I'm there or not if there's football on the telly on Saturday nights.
Thank goodness for EPL LOL Not a peep from him.
Next world cup also good hahahah -
go tell her that you dun go out so she cannot go out also lor. see she how
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Originally posted by ShrodingersCat:Be mean and make her break up with u lah... stop bathing and start digging ur nose when her friends are around and all that.
i think you forget such advise only works being given to women. I am sure i do not speak for myslf only when i say we men are not good at remembering past comments or wrongs done to us and we are definately not skilled at turning a fight around and winning.
4am? Wow such a heavy party girl. As sexist as it may sound but i would be worried if my girl stayed past 1am. Unless i know that a friend or herself will be driving home or me picking her up. -
LATEST UPDATE :
She apologized to me for the curfew set, though my all-guys gathering hasnt taken place yet.
She admitted she knew she was in the wrong as she wouldnt like a curfew to be set on herself too.
Kissed and make up
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cheersOriginally posted by Alleycat:LATEST UPDATE :
She apologized to me for the curfew set, though my all-guys gathering hasnt taken place yet.
She admitted she knew she was in the wrong as she wouldnt like a curfew to be set on herself too.
Kissed and make up
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Hmm....Originally posted by Alleycat:the last time round i tried to break up cos she indirectly caused me to lose my job as Flash developer by hogging my rest time after work.. sometimes i sleep 4 hrs a night. All because she wanted attention. My boss then disliked my quality and efficiency in work. Told me to leave.
I brought it up to her. then after the real big fight where she nearly tried to jump, i coaxed her to come down. We then really tried to work things out.
Her plus points are : She tried to give me more space by knowing when to let me rest and in return i give her more assurance and accompany wherever possible. She cooks for me and in return i help out the dishes. She knows i am financially tight so she planned the budget we could agree on. She knew I had some problems with one of my guy buddy then she delibrately msn him (cos we all know each other) to find out what is the problem.
Sometimes as much as I try, I get caught in middle. My dad, after losing his wife.. (my mother passed away last year), sort of depends on me to some extent. He doesnt say much but he constantly hopes for some company at times. My gf is quite afraid of him, cos he is a very direct person. Hence she dun really like to come to my place.
Anyway, after the big fight, we really tried to resolve things. But of course a bit of bicker here n there. But at times she can be quite a kid and refuse to sort things out.
A little more background about her : She is a straight 'A' student in school last time, parents sort of forced her to study really hard. And sadly, she was raped by her uncle when she was very young. Guess thats why she is insecure at times.
Sorry my story comes in pieces. After typing all these out, somehow i got my own answer.
Will really try to make her feel secured.
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Originally posted by choco B:The trick is to go out when he is occupied.
Mine wouldn't even know I'm there or not if there's football on the telly on Saturday nights.
Thank goodness for EPL LOL Not a peep from him.
Next world cup also good hahahah -
The solution is very easy but messy. Just come home any time you want and if she makes noise just say orrr orrr orrr.... don't quarrel just say orrr until she herself tired and change the subject....Originally posted by Alleycat:Hello.
My gf of 4 months is kind of sticky to some extent but she's slowly letting go. She told me she has this ex-schoolmate gathering, ex-classmates from her poly next week. And so i told her it will be good time for me to have a gathering with my own guy buddies.
The problem is that she wants me home by 10.30pm .. i ask why. She said 'Dunno. I just dun like my bf to stay out late. Usually I will reach home at 10.30pm so i wan my bf to do same.'
I tried explaining nicely to her that respect in a r/ship comes from giving each other space. I hardly had a all-guys gathering since like more than a year already. She tell me 'Why have all guys gathering ? I dun even have all-girls gathering'
I meet her almost 5 days a week. On days I dun meet her, we stick on phone chat a lot.
I asked her what if I need to work late or study my degree part-time ? got curfew ? Then she said 'no of course not la.. cos work and study need time.'
The i reminded her that she did tell me one thing b4 .. that she wants me to be happy and enjoy life. I told her you keep saying that but u just cannot let me have a decent gathering with my buddies. I dun like to be treated like a small kid. How to be happy when i have to keep looking at my watch ?
I tried 'bargaining' for 11pm but she refuse.
There was once she did come home late when she went pubbing with her gal fren. I reminded her about that incident and asked for explaination since she wants me to be home at 10.30pm. She was stumped.
But she refuse to give in. She refuse to see my point of view.
She doesnt keep in contact with her frens mostly due to her work schedule. But now that she is changing job with a regular office hr she will soon be able to meet up her frens. And I hope she will meet her frens more often so she will not 'tie me up' and also not be such a 'frog in the well' .. cos she keeps thinking she is right. She basically imposes her set of principles on me and expect me to follow.
Any suggestions on how to resolve this ?
Thanks
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sounds like someone i know...
but that guy just bochup her. -
Poor alleycat...
Look if u allow her to impose curfews on u u essentially have no controll on ur life.. and soon she will consume ur every independent thought.. then u wont be u anymore... then she will complain that u are boring and u cant satisfy her...
Believe me.. ive been there...... Just tell her off and do as u wish... strangely.. women like that more.. they will want to controll u more.. and to controll u they will try to use their bodies..
so essentially u do get laid more... just act like a self centered bastard..
then after they spread for u.. be nice a bit..
then go back to doing what u do best..
being a heck care guy....
Dunno why it works.. but it does.. women thrive on a primal man,.... -
yeah... i agree wif headset.Originally posted by headset:Poor alleycat...
Look if u allow her to impose curfews on u u essentially have no controll on ur life.. and soon she will consume ur every independent thought.. then u wont be u anymore... then she will complain that u are boring and u cant satisfy her...
Believe me.. ive been there...... Just tell her off and do as u wish... strangely.. women like that more.. they will want to controll u more.. and to controll u they will try to use their bodies..
so essentially u do get laid more... just act like a self centered bastard..
then after they spread for u.. be nice a bit..
then go back to doing what u do best..
being a heck care guy....
Dunno why it works.. but it does.. women thrive on a primal man,.... -
prepare for the next installment!Originally posted by Alleycat:LATEST UPDATE :
She apologized to me for the curfew set, though my all-guys gathering hasnt taken place yet.
She admitted she knew she was in the wrong as she wouldnt like a curfew to be set on herself too.
Kissed and make up
dats wad i think..
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pls dump her. do u wanna continued being controlled by her????
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I hope all will embrace a balanced perspective.
Alleycat have his story to tell.
His girlfriend hasn't revealed hers yet.
So let's not do finger pointing here yea?
Cheers -
If your girlfriend have a notorious history of ONS and strings of short term boyfriends.Originally posted by ShrodingersCat:U know the show.. err' Glass Bottle' with Shu Qi one?? I think leon lai also..
she said something
"security comes from urself" (An quan gan shi zhi ji gei zhi ji de)
You can't GIVE someone security. Security comes from self confidence, maturity, learning to trust people, learning to handle rejection/hurt/disappointment.
You CAN give reassurance. But.. know that... reassurance cannot abolish insecurity. It can only pacify it temporarily. Don't fall into the trap of giving more and more and more, thinking one day she will understand.
The problem doesn't lie with what you are able to give her.
But you're hopelessly in love with her.
She reassures you that she won't do silly things.
Just a clubbing kitten and switches off her phone while in the club and calls you only in the noon next day.
The movie quote was only half correct... -
Originally posted by M©+square:
Thanks MC.
[b]I hope all will embrace a balanced perspective.
Alleycat have his story to tell.
His girlfriend hasn't revealed hers yet.
So let's not do finger pointing here yea?
Cheers
[/b]
Everyone has a past. She used to have a lot of bfs in past. But she is so keen on settling down with me. And her past haunts her lots thats why she seems 'controlly' .. the trick to overcome this will take years n years of patience & understanding.
The course of true love never runs smooth. Everyone faces a battle of their own. She has her past and made mistakes but fact is everyone does. She would have done what she think was the best for herself years ago, but having reflecting on herself, now she knows she needs to change. I guess thats why I love her so much. For her guts to admit to me her past and admit her mistakes.
I do not know how 'bad' she was before we met. But I do not bother about her past. What matters most is looking towards the future together. And she is beginning to do her part by showing her concern when I am down.
I know the question on everyone's lips is whether I can stand her or not. I cannot really give a guarantee but bottom line is she is willing to work things out after she finishes her ranting. She admitted her fault without me saying anything at all. So meet each other halfway. As long as I give her the assurance she will let me go bit by bit. -
All the best to you two....Originally posted by Alleycat:Thanks MC.
Everyone has a past. She used to have a lot of bfs in past. But she is so keen on settling down with me. And her past haunts her lots thats why she seems 'controlly' .. the trick to overcome this will take years n years of patience & understanding.
The course of true love never runs smooth. Everyone faces a battle of their own. She has her past and made mistakes but fact is everyone does. She would have done what she think was the best for herself years ago, but having reflecting on herself, now she knows she needs to change. I guess thats why I love her so much. For her guts to admit to me her past and admit her mistakes.
I do not know how 'bad' she was before we met. But I do not bother about her past. What matters most is looking towards the future together. And she is beginning to do her part by showing her concern when I am down.
I know the question on everyone's lips is whether I can stand her or not. I cannot really give a guarantee but bottom line is she is willing to work things out after she finishes her ranting. She admitted her fault without me saying anything at all. So meet each other halfway. As long as I give her the assurance she will let me go bit by bit. -
You've counted your cost.Originally posted by Alleycat:Thanks MC.
Everyone has a past. She used to have a lot of bfs in past. But she is so keen on settling down with me. And her past haunts her lots thats why she seems 'controlly' .. the trick to overcome this will take years n years of patience & understanding.
The course of true love never runs smooth. Everyone faces a battle of their own. She has her past and made mistakes but fact is everyone does. She would have done what she think was the best for herself years ago, but having reflecting on herself, now she knows she needs to change. I guess thats why I love her so much. For her guts to admit to me her past and admit her mistakes.
I do not know how 'bad' she was before we met. But I do not bother about her past. What matters most is looking towards the future together. And she is beginning to do her part by showing her concern when I am down.
I know the question on everyone's lips is whether I can stand her or not. I cannot really give a guarantee but bottom line is she is willing to work things out after she finishes her ranting. She admitted her fault without me saying anything at all. So meet each other halfway. As long as I give her the assurance she will let me go bit by bit.
Now, let your feet carry you in this journey. Just as long as you still have the strength to walk with her. Walk...
Cheers -
Thank uOriginally posted by Devil1976:All the best to you two.... -
Feet.. do ya thingOriginally posted by M©+square:You've counted your cost.
Now, let your feet carry you in this journey. Just as long as you still have the strength to walk with her. Walk...
Cheers
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Good that you're positive already, that shows you haven't reach the end yet.Originally posted by Alleycat:Feet.. do ya thing
Let my message mean something to you when you're discouraged or when you feel like giving up. Then you'll understand how important you need your feet, and the strength within.
Cheers