Does your gf impose curfew ?
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Uhh doesn't sound good
Not just the curfew but the emotional blackmail, all adds up to a bad scenario
I'd ask you to give it up , only matter of time when it gets intolerable but you'd probably still stay on for now cos of feelings involved. -
to be really honest, i am staying on to try very hard to salvage the r/ship.. i really fear she jump building or kill herself in other ways.. its tough to break up..Originally posted by choco B:Uhh doesn't sound good
Not just the curfew but the emotional blackmail, all adds up to a bad scenario
I'd ask you to give it up , only matter of time when it gets intolerable but you'd probably still stay on for now cos of feelings involved.
Has any other guys encounter this ? -
You can't stay on to keep her alive
When someone threatens suicide over a relationship, the problem is no longer with the partner, it is within him/herself -
Do u still love her despite whatever has happened?Originally posted by Alleycat:to be really honest, i am staying on to try very hard to salvage the r/ship.. i really fear she jump building or kill herself in other ways.. its tough to break up..
Has any other guys encounter this ?
What attracted u to her in the beginning? Is it still there?
Such problems require lots of love ( in terms of patience and forgiveness ) to resolve ......
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Usually if they want to kill themselves, they won't annouce it or you can be mean and tell her how will she look like if she kills herself that way.Originally posted by Alleycat:to be really honest, i am staying on to try very hard to salvage the r/ship.. i really fear she jump building or kill herself in other ways.. its tough to break up..
Has any other guys encounter this ?
Anyway, I had an ex-classmate who is kinda like your gf. She uses emotional blackmail on her bf lots and even goes to his place and threatens to jump out of the window.
Ultimately, she didn't kill herself when he left her because I guess there is only so much rubbish a guy can take though she was like a wreck for the next month or so. Seriously, from a human point of view, there will be a breaking point where you can go kill herself if she wants because you don't care anymore. Ok, not sounding humane now but I think that may happen. -
Yes, i love her.Originally posted by InnoHippo:Do u still love her despite whatever has happened?
What attracted u to her in the beginning? Is it still there?
Such problems require lots of love ( in terms of patience and forgiveness ) to resolve ......
Thing is does she know love ? I may or may not know wat love is.. I do know its all about sincerity and patience.
I am looking up info on how to deal with insecure women. Anyone has any good website/links ?
thanks -
Well, I can only say good luck to youOriginally posted by Alleycat:Yes, i love her.
Thing is does she know love ? I may or may not know wat love is.. I do know its all about sincerity and patience.
I am looking up info on how to deal with insecure women. Anyone has any good website/links ?
thanks
She is lucky that you love her and is patient enough to work things out with her
http://www.askmen.com/dating/datingadvice/dating19.html -
Very few guys can make it that far.Originally posted by Alleycat:Yes, i love her.
Thing is does she know love ? I may or may not know wat love is.. I do know its all about sincerity and patience.
I am looking up info on how to deal with insecure women. Anyone has any good website/links ?
thanks
You can try if you want no one can stop you and thats what they all say at the begining.
As time goes by slowly the love feeling wear off and soon you will see whether this girl is really worth your time.
Your relationship is only 4 months old. There is still a long road ahead of both of you.
Lets see how long can your patience last.
Is really not easy to handle insecure types. -
I used to set curfew to my Ex too and guess what he cheated. He would drive home and called me, then went out again. Or he would redirect his office number to his mobilephone so I would thought that he was working overtime. I learned the lesson and if men want to cheat they will cheat be it curfew or not. If he wants to do bad things outside, he can do it at anytime, no need to wait until very late.
Be more passion to her and make her more secure. She may give you more freedom in future when she knows more about you and trust you. -
My advise is run now! Dont look back at her teary eyes and just run!Originally posted by Alleycat:to be really honest, i am staying on to try very hard to salvage the r/ship.. i really fear she jump building or kill herself in other ways.. its tough to break up..
Has any other guys encounter this ?
How will it be when you stay longer, it will be tougher to break up.
Imagine how marriage will be? Unless you plan to have no friends and be only with her, then i guess its fine. But if you plan on having and keeping your friends who like to be out late forget it.
Indeed good luck
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Gives her chance, if she change that is a blessing. If she don't and you can't change then leave her before marry.
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erh... my ex gf was lidat oso.. always quarrellin due to this.. 7 days a week 24hrs a day i am suppose to belong to her.. in e end my social circle suffered and frenz/butties got fedup of askin mi out to chill or activities.. after 2yrs 1mth of being together, i am finalli freed.. of all the nonsense i had to put up wif and her lies..Originally posted by Alleycat:Hello.
My gf of 4 months is kind of sticky to some extent but she's slowly letting go. She told me she has this ex-schoolmate gathering, ex-classmates from her poly next week. And so i told her it will be good time for me to have a gathering with my own guy buddies.
The problem is that she wants me home by 10.30pm .. i ask why. She said 'Dunno. I just dun like my bf to stay out late. Usually I will reach home at 10.30pm so i wan my bf to do same.'
I tried explaining nicely to her that respect in a r/ship comes from giving each other space. I hardly had a all-guys gathering since like more than a year already. She tell me 'Why have all guys gathering ? I dun even have all-girls gathering'
I meet her almost 5 days a week. On days I dun meet her, we stick on phone chat a lot.
I asked her what if I need to work late or study my degree part-time ? got curfew ? Then she said 'no of course not la.. cos work and study need time.'
The i reminded her that she did tell me one thing b4 .. that she wants me to be happy and enjoy life. I told her you keep saying that but u just cannot let me have a decent gathering with my buddies. I dun like to be treated like a small kid. How to be happy when i have to keep looking at my watch ?
I tried 'bargaining' for 11pm but she refuse.
There was once she did come home late when she went pubbing with her gal fren. I reminded her about that incident and asked for explaination since she wants me to be home at 10.30pm. She was stumped.
But she refuse to give in. She refuse to see my point of view.
She doesnt keep in contact with her frens mostly due to her work schedule. But now that she is changing job with a regular office hr she will soon be able to meet up her frens. And I hope she will meet her frens more often so she will not 'tie me up' and also not be such a 'frog in the well' .. cos she keeps thinking she is right. She basically imposes her set of principles on me and expect me to follow.
Any suggestions on how to resolve this ?
Thanks
my advice to u even though i failed, tell her and explain to her.. state ur stand firmly and tel her u haf a life urself too.. if she cant give in even to tis, i can only say gd luck to u bro.. -
sooner or later threadstarter will be resortin to this type of action.. trust mi, i am a bypasser..Originally posted by FORGET-ME-NOT:I used to set curfew to my Ex too and guess what he cheated. He would drive home and called me, then went out again. Or he would redirect his office number to his mobilephone so I would thought that he was working overtime. I learned the lesson and if men want to cheat they will cheat be it curfew or not. If he wants to do bad things outside, he can do it at anytime, no need to wait until very late.
Be more passion to her and make her more secure. She may give you more freedom in future when she knows more about you and trust you. although it's bad, tis is the onli way to make them wake up their ideas.. normalli we want our gf home not too late is cos of their safety.. due to this they wil use it to argue back.. all sort of reasons i had used and my ex had used.. i noe them all alrdy.. it wun work at all.. either u respect their decision and stick to the curfew, or juz them.. i learnt the hard way of draggin so long.. 
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ha.. i tot of that too.. tot i could live with tat.. but in the end i noe i couldnt.. buddies are almost ur lifeline too..Originally posted by Kan_i:My advise is run now! Dont look back at her teary eyes and just run!
How will it be when you stay longer, it will be tougher to break up.
Imagine how marriage will be? Unless you plan to have no friends and be only with her, then i guess its fine. But if you plan on having and keeping your friends who like to be out late forget it.
Indeed good luck
to the breakin part.. e method i could share is only 1.. be hardhearted.. she calls/sms u? reject. starts bombin ur fone? off. cal ur hse? take it off the hook n tel ur parents prank cals ( or if ur parents noes ur gf den juz let them help u ans the fone after explainin the situation to them, same goes to her findin u at ur hse.. ) it dragged on 2mths for mi, so depends on ur character and determination alrdy.. u wil haf alot of mixed feelings.. u wil be so damn tempted to ans the call.. and to tell u e truth, after she gave up contactin u, u wil be so sad n regret ur past action.. tis is normal i will say.. again if u r not determine enuff, u wil be callin her back again.. it wil be hell if u calls her back.. cos ur feelings/emotions wil be set flowing again.. i called her back and it was a mistake for mi.. i suffered 1 more mth be4 i could move on alrdy.. cos she wil say her feelings for u was gone and it wil nv be e same.. u wil be beggin to be back again.. i can assure tat if u called back askin for her back.. few weeks later and she wil haf a new bf and tis is e period of pain/heartbreak for u.. again the same feelin of regrets.. get a hold of urself and nv ever sink into depression.. ( sink into depression u r almost as gd as dead inside ) after u gone thru tis period, i wil say congrats to u.. u haf being reborned into a real man tat doesnt make much emotional decision.. u wil see things more differently and with more different views
juz my 2cents.. juz sharing.. peace heere...
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It could be that she's too self-centred.. It could also be that she knows exactly what is happening but just playing along with things..? Could be just a form of insecurity within herself....?Originally posted by Alleycat:she's 24 this year. i find it surprising that with her long string of experience in r/ship with her ex-bf.. she still dunno what guys want..
Then again, thats why her bfs left her i guess.
Trying to talk.. but she really has thick skull
Personally, I feel there's serious lack of stability within your relationship.. And I'm not just pointing the finger on her... Whatever it is which is causing that should have a certain depth down its roots... -
can we find out the reason why you wanted to break up with her the last time?
how did things change after that patch up? -
Hurhur...my husband attempts curfew occasionally when I go out with my friends.. err cos I tend to get carried away.. sometimes come back wee hours of morning . I reckon he wants to assert his protective machoness... so once in a while after i break curfew a few times, I attempt to keep to it lah. Nothing really happens except he sulks a bit if he got nothing to do at home.
But i think its different if it becomes a big deal and the reason behind it is lack of trust. -
No curfew for him from me even if he goes drinking with the guys till the wee hoursOriginally posted by ShrodingersCat:Hurhur...my husband attempts curfew occasionally when I go out with my friends.. err cos I tend to get carried away.. sometimes come back wee hours of morning . I reckon he wants to assert his protective machoness... so once in a while after i break curfew a few times, I attempt to keep to it lah. Nothing really happens except he sulks a bit if he got nothing to do at home.
But i think its different if it becomes a big deal and the reason behind it is lack of trust.
No curfew for me too though he will usually start calling by 11pm sharp to find out if I'm coming home soon or I'm just gonna stay out late
But for me I hardly stay out past midnight these days -
i also hardly go out past midnight but once in a while with friends.. hurhurhur.. then forget time la...Originally posted by elindra:No curfew for him from me even if he goes drinking with the guys till the wee hours
No curfew for me too though he will usually start calling by 11pm sharp to find out if I'm coming home soon or I'm just gonna stay out late
But for me I hardly stay out past midnight these days 
he never used to impose curfew until one night i came home at 4 am 
.. supper maaaa... but his curfew not like 10.30 pm SO early.. he just say 'TRY to be home by 12 can?'.. which will become 'TRY to be home by 1 can?' after midnight passed..
No curfew from me for him either. -
>.< r u sure she's 24?Originally posted by Alleycat:Thats why i tell her to count her blessings. I dun even have time to do my own house chores at times. My sis never helps as well.
At times i wonder if she is really the gal. The last time i tried breaking up with her, she stood on the window ledge of her 7th floor flat unit threatening to jump if i leave her.
So tell me what to do ? Suffer continuously in silence or (if there is really no choice) break up ?
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The trick is to go out when he is occupied.
Mine wouldn't even know I'm there or not if there's football on the telly on Saturday nights.
Thank goodness for EPL LOL Not a peep from him.
Next world cup also good hahahah -
Be mean and make her break up with u lah... stop bathing and start digging ur nose when her friends are around and all that.Originally posted by irenenergy:Thats why i tell her to count her blessings. I dun even have time to do my own house chores at times. My sis never helps as well.
At times i wonder if she is really the gal. The last time i tried breaking up with her, she stood on the window ledge of her 7th floor flat unit threatening to jump if i leave her.
So tell me what to do ? Suffer continuously in silence or (if there is really no choice) break up ? -
That is if you have a guy who likes football. Mine doesn't like watching football at allOriginally posted by choco B:The trick is to go out when he is occupied.
Mine wouldn't even know I'm there or not if there's football on the telly on Saturday nights.
Thank goodness for EPL LOL Not a peep from him.
Next world cup also good hahahah
I wish he would then he won't nag at me to stop playing WoW -
the last time round i tried to break up cos she indirectly caused me to lose my job as Flash developer by hogging my rest time after work.. sometimes i sleep 4 hrs a night. All because she wanted attention. My boss then disliked my quality and efficiency in work. Told me to leave.Originally posted by starblue:can we find out the reason why you wanted to break up with her the last time?
how did things change after that patch up?
I brought it up to her. then after the real big fight where she nearly tried to jump, i coaxed her to come down. We then really tried to work things out.
Her plus points are : She tried to give me more space by knowing when to let me rest and in return i give her more assurance and accompany wherever possible. She cooks for me and in return i help out the dishes. She knows i am financially tight so she planned the budget we could agree on. She knew I had some problems with one of my guy buddy then she delibrately msn him (cos we all know each other) to find out what is the problem.
Sometimes as much as I try, I get caught in middle. My dad, after losing his wife.. (my mother passed away last year), sort of depends on me to some extent. He doesnt say much but he constantly hopes for some company at times. My gf is quite afraid of him, cos he is a very direct person. Hence she dun really like to come to my place.
Anyway, after the big fight, we really tried to resolve things. But of course a bit of bicker here n there. But at times she can be quite a kid and refuse to sort things out.
A little more background about her : She is a straight 'A' student in school last time, parents sort of forced her to study really hard. And sadly, she was raped by her uncle when she was very young. Guess thats why she is insecure at times.
Sorry my story comes in pieces. After typing all these out, somehow i got my own answer.
Will really try to make her feel secured. -
U know the show.. err' Glass Bottle' with Shu Qi one?? I think leon lai also..
she said something
"security comes from urself" (An quan gan shi zhi ji gei zhi ji de)
You can't GIVE someone security. Security comes from self confidence, maturity, learning to trust people, learning to handle rejection/hurt/disappointment.
You CAN give reassurance. But.. know that... reassurance cannot abolish insecurity. It can only pacify it temporarily. Don't fall into the trap of giving more and more and more, thinking one day she will understand.
The problem doesn't lie with what you are able to give her.