sad
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A sad thing in life is to meet someone who means a lot to u, only to find out in the end dat it was nv meant to be.
I am in a r/s for 5yrs, and we are planning to register for ROM this June.
Actually last yr, we nearly broke up. Because I found out that he had been cheating behind me for months.
Due to his pleas and promises, I decided to stay on, because I am too attached to him. We stay together and my life revolves all around him. How am I going to survive without him?
If he had not cheated on me, I will feel like I am the luckiest woman in the world, because I am getting married. But now I just felt that we are getting married for the sake of marrying; as everyone around is anticipating for this rightful day to arrive.
However, I met A, he was my ex-colleague. My contract just ended (temp job) and now everyday I am thinking of him... I tried to refrain myself from doing so, but the more I try, the more I think of him.
Maybe it's an infatuation.
At work, we rarely talk, even during lunch time. The weirdess thing is I dare not have direct eye contact with him. The moment I look into his eyes, I felt very awkward and uneasy. Is that a sign of in love?
I can't really recollect when and how this starts.
At work, he is really nice to me. even we seldom chat, most of the time our communications is abt work.
He is very attentive to needs. Like pulling a chair for me when mine is taken up, volunteered to run little errands that he shouldn't be doing... eg. scanning documents on my behalf as i am new to that environment. He's a great help at work, with him around, I will never get bulllied or pushed around by others.
When I was seriously down with a fever and flu + cough, he will msg m telling me to take care and must rest more, sleep early, drink more water....
I admitted I was touched... cuz my bf whom i m staying with, don't even bother at all.
A is also very observant. He notices my attires and asked if my wardrobe only consists of dark coloured clothings. I laughed.... There was once during lunch, he complimented me on the way i hold the chopsticks... I blushed... I was like huh??
He buys me lozenges everyday to soothen my coughs and is like shielding me from all dangers and difficulties. I can't help falling into it.
My last week at work, my bf was deployed for an overseas business trip for a week.
I meet up with A twice, for dinner and the other for supper.
Cuz i knew that we will never have the chance again.... when my bf is back.
He knew that I have a bf, and I told him abt my ROM, because I do not want to lead him on or to toyed with his feelings. He seemed shocked and distraughted.
In MSN, I confessed to him that I like him.. and it was terrible that instead of missing my bf whom at the point of time was abroad, my mind was preoccupied with A. I never thought that i will like another person other than my significant other, and moreover within such a such period of 2 months.
I knew I shouldn't fall in love with him, but I just can't help it.
A didn't make any confession until when i asked him through MSN, because, face to face, we avoided talking abt r/s....
Now, I or rather we are merely waiting for my ROM day to come.......
But from the scenarios as stated above, is A really interested in me? Or is it that I am over-sensitive... because my 5yrs r/s lacks of the care and concern since it's already 5yrs; most of the things my bf already take for granted. That's why I am so drawn towards A?
I am going abit crazy thinking of A and my present r/s. Should I get married for the sake of marrying or should I get free?
Maybe my feelings for A is an infatuation.........
But as what A advised me, if i were to make a decision, I am making it for myself and future. Not because of his existence... He even says that we may not be suitable. Is he backing off because he doesn't want to get involved in this mess?
But i can't stop thinking of him day and nite. The feeling is really undescribable.
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y dun u break up with this long time bf and chill first? it beats getting married to the wrong guy.
u cannot not think about A because u keep telling yourself not to think about him.
but at the same time, A can be nice now, and become like your current bf in the future.
that'd really sux. -
It's difficult.... I duno how to tell my SO (Significant other) and I am scared But my feeling for my SO is a xi2 guan4 (used to it). Moreover, now he treats me better than the yrs before. Maybe he missed me while he was abroad.
But i could not help thinking of the life 10, 20 or 30 yrs down the road if we ever get married. Because of his temper; if he is in good mood, i will be in safe mode, lousy mood, then I will be in danger mode. -
1] A likes you , but he doesn't want to be a 3rd party to cause your r/s to break up.
2] You're not in the right mind to plan for any marriage now and in the approaching months.....take a rest...for a few months....go to work as usual...watever you do, dun give yourself stress....Stressful mind cannot make a good/desirable decision. -
This sentence alone's already a very cruicial and important factor.......Originally posted by nici:It's difficult.... I duno how to tell my SO (Significant other) and I am scared But my feeling for my SO is a xi2 guan4 (used to it). Moreover, now he treats me better than the yrs before. Maybe he missed me while he was abroad.
But i could not help thinking of the life 10, 20 or 30 yrs down the road if we ever get married. Because of his temper; if he is in good mood, i will be in safe mode, lousy mood, then I will be in danger mode.
I can't tell you what to do, though, i would love to say, for your future and happiness, break it up.....but the decision is yours.... -
Marrying for the sake of marrying will not make both of you happy. He will still cheat on you even after marriage, and this may lead to bitter breakups.
I would suggest that you and your boyfriend, find a day, sit down and talk together about the issues at hand now.
As for A, I can't tell. He's right about that you should make the decision for yourself. If you make a decision just because of him, and this situation happens again, you will heart-broken. He may not want to be in this mess or he could be just being considerate. He doesn't want you to be hurt by your boyfriend saying that you are not faithful to your boyfriend.
Get a few days of rest, think through it slowly. Only you yourself will know if it's infatuation or you have really fallen for him. -
Thanks for all your kind advices.Originally posted by dcx:1] A likes you , but he doesn't want to be a 3rd party to cause your r/s to break up.
2] You're not in the right mind to plan for any marriage now and in the approaching months.....take a rest...for a few months....go to work as usual...watever you do, dun give yourself stress....Stressful mind cannot make a good/desirable decision.
I know very well that now I am unfit to make any decisions because my mind is not clear.... but there is not much time left. Maybe next week or the week after next, my SO and I will be registering for the ROM.
And I can't help feeling sad and angry with myself. Why am I such a slut? Why do I get touched so easily? Why do I fall in love with another guy so easily and fast? Why do I betray my SO? I hate myself... -
Blue part: If your boyfriend loves you, this shouldn't be happening.Originally posted by nici:It's difficult.... I duno how to tell my SO (Significant other) and I am scared But my feeling for my SO is a xi2 guan4 (used to it). Moreover, now he treats me better than the yrs before. Maybe he missed me while he was abroad.
But i could not help thinking of the life 10, 20 or 30 yrs down the road if we ever get married. Because of his temper; if he is in good mood, i will be in safe mode, lousy mood, then I will be in danger mode.
Unless you are sure you can handle this even after marriage, you should reconsider it carefully. -
You should still relax and think through carefully. It's a major decision of your life, as it not only affects you, it affects him, your family and his family.Originally posted by nici:Thanks for all your kind advices.
I know very well that now I am unfit to make any decisions because my mind is not clear.... but there is not much time left. Maybe next week or the week after next, my SO and I will be registering for the ROM.
And I can't help feeling sad and angry with myself. Why am I such a slut? Why do I get touched so easily? Why do I fall in love with another guy so easily and fast? Why do I betray my SO? I hate myself... -
Why hate yourself when there's really nothing wrong?Originally posted by nici:Thanks for all your kind advices.
I know very well that now I am unfit to make any decisions because my mind is not clear.... but there is not much time left. Maybe next week or the week after next, my SO and I will be registering for the ROM.
And I can't help feeling sad and angry with myself. Why am I such a slut? Why do I get touched so easily? Why do I fall in love with another guy so easily and fast? Why do I betray my SO? I hate myself...
Getting married for the sake of marrying........is a very pitiful thing.....
It's your life that you'll be choosing n deciding...not others...Becoz others are awaiting for your marriage, doesn't means that they know your agonies/happiness....you, yourself know what's best for you....For you already somehow, has a decision (so-called) , but you just need this "significant" courage to make that decision..........It's always hard for the 1st attempt... -
I wouldn't be sure if A and I have the chance of being together if my SO and me really end. As A states that we may not be suitable which is quite true. Because we hadn't know each other for long or well.
But frankly speaking i am afraid to get into another r/s........... I am not young anymore. And what if I cannot find another guy better who wants to settle down with me? -
u not ready for ROM... tink u better sort out ur relationship first... dun ROM jz cos u hv beeen wif ur guy 4 many years... marry him cos u r happy to be wif him n wans to be like tat 4 the rest of ur life... u dun look hapi wif things n after marry will be worst... settle down until u found the one u hapi wif...
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Actually, he isn't as bad as what I have relate, sorry for the misleading.Originally posted by ndmmxiaomayi:Blue part: If your boyfriend loves you, this shouldn't be happening.
Unless you are sure you can handle this even after marriage, you should reconsider it carefully.
When he's in good mood, he will react normally.. treat me normally, sometimes quite sweet.
In lousy mood, he will flare up at the slightest thing with a black face......and can be scary at times which makes me angry, bitter and scared.. sighz. -
Too many "What if"s..........Originally posted by nici:I wouldn't be sure if A and I have the chance of being together if my SO and me really end. As A states that we may not be suitable which is quite true. Because we hadn't know each other for long or well.
But frankly speaking i am afraid to get into another r/s........... I am not young anymore. And what if I cannot find another guy better who wants to settle down with me?
1st, don't think so much of whether you and A can proceed to any stage further becoz it's not the primary concern you shld be worried about....
I still take it very to heart that your current bf's a very temperamental creature...Once again, i emphasize on your future well-being....
If you're not young, you shldn't even let "age" to put stress on you....If any case you're unaware of, "age concern" might lead you to a wrong decision.... -
Ever communicate with him about his lousy attitude? Make sure he knows about it and knows how to handle n tackle that problem of his before you'll to decide for your future....(Btw, don't let him know that you'll be with him once he tackle the problem)...Originally posted by nici:Actually, he isn't as bad as what I have relate, sorry for the misleading.
When he's in good mood, he will react normally.. treat me normally, sometimes quite sweet.
In lousy mood, he will flare up at the slightest thing with a black face......and can be scary at times which makes me angry, bitter and scared.. sighz. -
I can't help, but the tears keep tickling down my cheeks to my neck now. I am very scared............... scared of making the wrong decision, marrying the wrong guy and suffer for the rest of my life. I am also scared of telling my SO. I scared he will go crazy and I might be.....
HELP!!!!! SOMEONE PLS HELP ME!!!!!!!!!I M REALLY SCARED N TIRED!!!!
I know I am the only one who can and must help myself. But I just cannot do it! -
Age shouldn't force you to reach a decision, unless you want kids.Originally posted by nici:I wouldn't be sure if A and I have the chance of being together if my SO and me really end. As A states that we may not be suitable which is quite true. Because we hadn't know each other for long or well.
But frankly speaking i am afraid to get into another r/s........... I am not young anymore. And what if I cannot find another guy better who wants to settle down with me?
Even then, there are still some issues which still haven't been addressed.
What if you and current boyfriend decides to divorce if there are too many fights? Who will look after the kids?
What if you decide to go with A and it does not work out?
There are too many questions to consider, both before and after, and both for your current boyfriend and A. -
He knows, i told him many times not be do that after he cooled down. But he's always like that. When he's in foul mood, anyhow shout and yell or scold and hurt me already, then he hugged me and apologised that he cannot control his emotions.Originally posted by dcx:Ever communicate with him about his lousy attitude? Make sure he knows about it and knows how to handle n tackle that problem of his before you'll to decide for your future....(Btw, don't let him know that you'll be with him once he tackle the problem)... So i forgive over and over again. Almost every week... can you imagine for 5yrs? Sometimes after flaring up, he will head to bed and sleep without talking or clarifying the issue. And make me stand there like an idiot........ crying my eyes out infront of the PC -
[quote]Originally posted by ndmmxiaomayi:
[b]Age shouldn't force you to reach a decision, unless you want kids.
That's the problem, because I do not want to be an old mother
Even then, there are still some issues which still haven't been addressed.
Quite alot, which we just keep mum and never brought them up again.
What if you and current boyfriend decides to divorce if there are too many fights? Who will look after the kids? **Sobbsobsob, i don't know
What if you decide to go with A and it does not work out?
This is what I am afraid of
There are too many questions to consider, both before and after, and both for your current boyfriend and A.
Yah, that's true. Too many factors to consider.
I really want to Thank you all for your advices.
Though in the end it's up to me to make a decision, but at least I have found a right avenue to voice out my sorrows. & receives many feedbacks (like my inner voices) to help me sort out my feelings better because now I am really confused and in a dilemma.
Now i m online chatting with A. I feel bad and guilty but i cannot help it. But our chats are very casual ones, nothing mushy or intimate. -
Now....all the words in this "box" has got nothing to do with A.....Originally posted by nici: I can't help, but the tears keep tickling down my cheeks to my neck now. I am very scared............... scared of making the wrong decision, marrying the wrong guy and suffer for the rest of my life. I am also scared of telling my SO. I scared he will go crazy and I might be.....
HELP!!!!! SOMEONE PLS HELP ME!!!!!!!!!I M REALLY SCARED N TIRED!!!!
I know I am the only one who can and must help myself. But I just cannot do it!
You know what're your fears.......You already have this intention/decision of not marrying him...as you fear that things'll be the same, treatments will be the same...No one can gurantee you anything about that...u yourself know it well too...
Tell your parent about it...discuss with them.... -
In life, almost everything you decide is a gamble....just small or big....Originally posted by nici:He knows, i told him many times not be do that after he cooled down. But he's always like that. When he's in foul mood, anyhow shout and yell or scold and hurt me already, then he hugged me and apologised that he cannot control his emotions. So i forgive over and over again. Almost every week... can you imagine for 5yrs? Sometimes after flaring up, he will head to bed and sleep without talking or clarifying the issue. And make me stand there like an idiot........ crying my eyes out infront of the PC
5yrs..........is it very long? or is it very short?
It'll be long durng the process, but is short in history...
You know this isn't what you want in your life and that's the reason why you've this liking for A.....but once again, no gurantee that A will maintain for long....he may, he may not,... -
Just remember one thing....till the day you say "I DO", you're still SINGLE and AVAILABLE...So, don't add unnecessary stress on yourself to make any important decision, especially concerning your future...Originally posted by nici:Yah, that's true. Too many factors to consider.
I really want to Thanks you all for your advices.
Though in the end it's up to me to make a decision, but at least I have found a right avenue to voice out my sorrows and can get so many feedbacks to help me think straight. -
wha.. you sound like a love-torn teenager :pOriginally posted by nici:I wouldn't be sure if A and I have the chance of being together if my SO and me really end. As A states that we may not be suitable which is quite true. Because we hadn't know each other for long or well.
But frankly speaking i am afraid to get into another r/s........... I am not young anymore. And what if I cannot find another guy better who wants to settle down with me?
i think u shd put the marriage on hold and sort everything out, preferbly with the 2 guys, 3 of you discuss it face to face.
its MARRIAGE, not a date!!
its a lifelong commitment.
when it comes to love, theres no age barrier so.. yeah.
be absolutely sure u love the guy before you marry him.
if you're having so much doubts right now already, what more 10, 20 years from now?
dont do something which u may live to regret -
Talk to your boyfriend about it. See if you two can reach a compromise about going to ROM at a later date. Both of you must be able to think clearly about this issue.Originally posted by nici: I can't help, but the tears keep tickling down my cheeks to my neck now. I am very scared............... scared of making the wrong decision, marrying the wrong guy and suffer for the rest of my life. I am also scared of telling my SO. I scared he will go crazy and I might be.....
HELP!!!!! SOMEONE PLS HELP ME!!!!!!!!!I M REALLY SCARED N TIRED!!!!
I know I am the only one who can and must help myself. But I just cannot do it! -
Originally posted by nici:
Then what's wrong? Nothing's wrong.........isn't it just normal friends chit chatting?
[quote]Originally posted by ndmmxiaomayi:
[b]
[b]Age shouldn't force you to reach a decision, unless you want kids.
That's the problem, because I do not want to be an old mother
Even then, there are still some issues which still haven't been addressed.
Quite alot, which we just keep mum and never brought them up again.
What if you and current boyfriend decides to divorce if there are too many fights? Who will look after the kids? **Sobbsobsob, i don't know
What if you decide to go with A and it does not work out?
This is what I am afraid of
There are too many questions to consider, both before and after, and both for your current boyfriend and A.
Yah, that's true. Too many factors to consider.
I really want to Thank you all for your advices.
Though in the end it's up to me to make a decision, but at least I have found a right avenue to voice out my sorrows. & receives many feedbacks (like my inner voices) to help me sort out my feelings better because now I am really confused and in a dilemma.
Now i m online chatting with A. I feel bad and guilty but i cannot help it. But our chats are very casual ones, nothing mushy or intimate.[/b]