misunderstood and confused
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have a gf of 6 years, both of us are in our mid twenties now, i am abt to leave army and she jus got a new job.
my personality is i m always cautious in wadever i do and i dun trust pple easily because of my past experiences
my gf has less of this experiences, during her poly times or even outside life, there are times where pple try to cheat her in sch projects or her money or even insurance scams, i m the one who pull her out of it in the last min, i m not paranoid but all these things prove to be true until later
she is very well protected by her parents cos she is the youngest child,
i can say shes is not streetwise
simple things like walkin in the carpark, a car has its reverse lights on, she will still walk straight into it, many at time i have to pull her out of it.
she has a history of depression, its clinically proven, she cant take stress, when shes stress, she cant think, she will breakdown. she breaksdown during sch projects, she breakdown when we are locked out in a stairccase. during her sec sch days, she has tried to commit sucide, i mean she did but was saved in time
i met her in poly, 6 yrs until now, we have our ups and downs, n all these while i been giving in to her temper because i knew her history, shes bery emotional n gets angry bery easily, but we were happy on the whole, i can say shes quite dpendant on me, as in most of the time she will seek my advices in everything she do
her emotions are more or less stablised during the times wif me, except for small squabbles or she will occasionally breakdown because of work, but given the comparison during her younger days its alot more stable
the real problem now is her new job,
her previous job, all abt 3- 4 of them are all below 2k n squeeze her dry
no matter how low or difficult her job is, she will always try her best to do it well, n given her volatile nature she has become a bery unhappy person, shes always calling me n scolding me n yelling at me, she admitted to me this is her avenue to take out her stress, but after which, things jus continue as normal
u can say her conceientious working attitude is crashing wif her emotions
i have no problems taking all these, because i knew her history, sometimes, i make abit of noise when i feel like i m being taken for granted but things were going fine, most of the time we were bery happy together
she was approach recently by a US MNC, they offered her a salary of 2-3times her pay now, beginning when she told me , i was quite wary because to me a dip holder who work for only 2-3 yrs to hit this kind of pay is not bery posibble, but she told me this firm is actually her supplier in her previous firm n the boss like the way she do things, n the pay is so high because its paying in US dollars and according to US pay rate. i told her if she feels safe she shld give it a try since shes not happy in her current job
she will need to go for training in the US HQ wif the director for a week.
she say the guy is ok, cos she knew him abt a yr during their business dealings in her previous jobs, but she only knew him as supplier thru fone n email corrospondences not as a person.
u can say given her lack of streetwise i was bery worried because to me, its like entrusting my gf wif a total stranger in a foreign land. the guy is a married man 10 yrs her senior.
the first 4 days of her training, things were quite ok, i tried to call her as little as possible, i called her every alternate days, each time prolly jus 3 mins. after her office hrs so as not to disturb her.
the problem came on the 4th day, i called her a few times but shes not answering, so naturally i was jus slightly worried cos its not her time to start work yet n its her waking hrs, abt half an hr later she answered the fone, she sounded bery stressup n ask why i keep calling, i jus said i wan to see how is she cos i have tok to her for 2 days, i was sounding abit irritated as well cos i didnt had a gd day, she started yelling n i started yelling, i couldnt take it n cut her off, later i msg her i m sorry, i jus lose it, but her fone was off. i told her if she dun call me back i m going to call her boss or her hotel, i didnt mean it, i jus wan to talk to her
up till the 7day, the day shes suppose to return, i checked her flight schedule n found her 1st flight was delayed n she missed her transit flight. i tried calling her but her fone was off all the way. 6hrs later, there was still no news, i called the airline , they refuse to tell me anything, i call her hotel , they say they have checked out.
i kept waiting n waiting, until i have no choice but to call her boss, he did not answer the fone, i send him an sms saying i m aware they missed their flight n how r things, n how is she. he replied a few hrs later " i dont know"
his reply is chilling because a total stranger is wif my gf in a foreign land n now he tells me i duno. i do not know how is she, i do not know where is she and i do not know if shes harm, tots of bad things flow to my mind, her cousin was actually murdered jus some mths ago by his roomate.
i msg him back, saying if he sees her jus ask her to call back home as her parents are worried as well
hrs after hrs, calls after calls, i was going out of my mind, cos she is so dear to me, until i receive a call from her mom sayin shes ok, i was relieve but i still i hoped to talk to her, i msg her boss again, saying i hope to talk to her , can i have her current hotel room number n name, he gave me a number, i called, but she blocked off all calls.
her airline has only a flight returning daily, i went to the airport n waited for them, its might be a empty wait because i have already exhausted all means of communicating her n i dun wan to disturb her boss any longer, finally i caught them, she was bery emotional to see me, she ask me to leave her n she tells me she wants to end her relationship, her boss told me to leave her alone also, saying i m givin her bad time when she is in US, he say he will send her home himself n ask me to give her soemtime to cool down
i was bery puzzled, because to me, its jus merely a misunderstanding, things happen b4 but her reaction was neber this big, she screamed at me at the airport, as if i cheated on her behind her back or i did something really wrong. 6 yrs all the way, i have neber cheated on her, i have neber touched another girl, shes all i ever had. i asked for 5 mins wif her, she say she wanted to end it, i say wad really happen n she say she feel suffocated and she wants to do wel in this job n i m in her way. i m addin all her stress on her n she cant concentrate
i was desperate for her to listen to me, i asked her if anyone has been bad mouthing me, cos of her emotional weakness, many pple have made used of her including her friends who psycho her to cheat my money when we first met, u can say shes the type who trust n belive pple easily
she kept wanting to leave home wif her boss but i was desperate to talk to her, i asked if her boss has been bad mouhing her to leave me, i told her hes a total stranger n she shld think properly b4 believing anything, we dun even know his background but somehow all these words became he got a lousy bavkground, he has a criminal record, i duno how come it tansform to all these thigns, but at that time i was really on the verge of breaking down, i was doing eveything i could to get her back, i m not a person who speaks bad abt another person but somehow i duno how the msg was relayed, everything was going entirely wrong
she left wif her boss, i drove to her place, her dad went down to helped her wif her luggage, i went up n asked her dad whether i can talk to her, he let me into the hse
but 1st thing he question me was why did i badmouth pple, i duno how to ans him, , i somehow feel even more hurt that my gf told him everything and i duno how they interpret until this way
, we were a bery closed couple, we knew each other problems n we have neber let it out beyond any 3rd party, i m in no grounds to compete wif her boss, hes a succeessful regional director who earn easily 5 to 6 digits a mth, i m jus a measly nsf who earns 440 a mth
i neber had the chance to talk to her b4 her dad chase me out of the hse, all she told me was she dun wan to see me again
is there really no hope in this relationship anymore ? can a 6 yrs relationship jus be gone in 7 days ? -
hold too lightly, can't feel it. hold too hard, the other person will choke to death. everything needs some balance bah. -
Just because you're an NSF, does not mean you are a small fry.
That chap is just calling your bluff. -
Some lessons need to be paid........with a significant price....
It's their choice they have made...so be it....you shld make your choice too...
One shld be responsible with the choice he/she made....regardless of anything negative or positive result in the future....in simple, it'll be their taichi... -
eh. quite obvious huh.
1. poly grad in a otherwise decent job get a few k for 2 years working exp.? not quite possible. unless a special trade or something. or unless....hee hee boss special treatment.
2.would any decent boss want to chup siao their employees private affairs? much lest your gf? unless...something is going on?
3.Why would the boss want to settle in courts unless he did something wrong and want to scare you to back off, to get off his hook?
4.Quite obvious huh, ur gf being the 'navie' type after physco by her boss in that few days, she decided to break off wif you and follow her boss instead??
5. u were chased out of the gf father's house, were you overly dramatic or anything?
6.hmm..u know something. in singapore its very hard to fight with the rich. i really pity you. cant do anything. she wants money and lifestyle let her go.
7.take it as 6 years of chairty then. really bo bian what to do???
8. eh you say the dog is married and 10 years his senior. maybe after the dog had had his fun, he'll dump her and you can have her back??? if you dont mind of cos
9. take it easy pal/ which i know you wont. cos its 6 years of wasted affection
10.arhhh..cest la vie!!~~~ -
dont be confused. and you are not misunderstood. you are just outplayed.
eh. to think of it. that dog really need to be taught a lesson. u think of it pal? are u ready to go all out? i mean Tong gui yu jing? -
My first reaction would be WTF
But there are more than one side to any story. What really went on in the US is unknown, and what are the exact things you said to her are also not clear. Whether her boss is really keeping her as a mistress is also still unknown. Why would she want to leave with her boss? And as you said she's very protected by her parents, so why would her father just allow her to leave with him? - Things to ponder about. -
quite obvious her boss is the dog. very obvious. if not he chap siao people tai chi for wat? and wat for he want to scare the nsf boy if he didnt do anything wrong.
and the father at that time maybe haven realised the truth. or he gian $$$? who knows? alot of old ah peks i know are $$$ fcuks
dont make him even more confused. the btich is sleeping with the dog behind the nsf -
If i were you i might breakdown. After giving and putting so much love and this happened.
But do know do silly things.( Things that will get you no where. Teaching the boss a learn will get you no where. )
If i were you, i will give her like 2 or 3 days to cool down. Then try to find her and talk about things. If she keep refuse to see you, i will go to her house for the last and only last time. Talk to her dad or mum about this and how u really feel. ABout the bad mouth things, tell her dad that things just came out of your mouth as you were confused and really out of control due to the sudden news that you get (the breaking up from no where). *talk in a nice manner. I know this hard and you might get heated up, but pls ... try ... this is the only way.* Talking in a nice manner really means alot here.
If things still remain the same.(Your gf still want a break-up) My advice for you is let her regret her choice. Live a better life and work toward a better future. Anyone can earn the kind of money. You can too. I know its hard, saying is easier than doing it. Bear the pain, get your friends out and chill and complain to them. Cry out loud. Its ok to cry out loud. But u must put yourself together after that.
***PLS DO NOT DO STUPID THINGS THAT YOU WILL REGRET AND THINGS THAT WILL BLIND YOUR FUTURE***
If things really cannot be your way, bear the pain. You are in mid 20s and a bright life is still ahead. Trust me, you can lead a better life. In this world, NO ONE LIVE FOR ANOTHER. LIVE FOR URSELF.
***PLS DO NOT DO STUPID THINGS THAT YOU WILL REGRET AND THINGS THAT WILL BLIND YOUR FUTURE***
May happiness be with you after this situation. -
hi all, thanks for all ur reply
i m under alot of stress now n i duno wad to do
i jus received an sms from her boss
he says he wants to take me up for a defamation lawsuit, i duno but it sounds bery puzzling because usually defamation suit is done when the public image of a bery important person is compromise or i cause him to lose comercial benefits, sommore its jus something i told my own gf, not as if i publish to the entire world or anything, but of cos anyone would be pissed if they know
i know alot of u guys are thinking the same way as my friends now.
wad really happen in the US, i also hope to know, but i dun really think they have anything going on, my gf is not of flirtatious nature neither does she go after looks or lust. shes a pretty decent gal, light eared or naive as it is, i think when it comes to relationship she will really be so blur
but i m not sure for the other side though, how to say i also know him for like 30mins only, i duno wad he wants
all i know is he tried bery hard to get my gf into the firm, he pull her up against the rest of the compeition cos the final approval is from Us side
she recevie alot of extra help from the rest of her competitors for this post
regarding why was i chased out of the house, i was not dramatic
6 yrs wif her, being hysterical or fierce to her is a no go, cos of the emotional nature, i have learn everytime during times like this, to solve the problem i not jus talk nicely n calm myself,not offensive, not shouting at all
if u ask me how i tok in her place last nite, i asked her to sit down, i put both my hands together n ask her, "can u tell me wad really happen" she was emotional n shouting but i didnt, i continue to stay clam
i m now confused as can be, misunderstood by my own gf, mmisunderstood by her family plus i duno wad legal stuff i m getting myself into -
I think her boss got 1 screw loose la. Sue you over such a small matter. Kaoz
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Omg.. legel issus!! ANyone know anything about legel stuff?
Help this guy out .... He is in deep trouble ... -
Personally, I don't think that guy's gonna sue you at all. And just what sort of compensation is he gonna be asking for?Originally posted by confused_misunderstood:hi all, thanks for all ur reply
i m under alot of stress now n i duno wad to do
i jus received an sms from her boss
he says he wants to take me up for a defamation lawsuit, i duno but it sounds bery puzzling because usually defamation suit is done when the public image of a bery important person is compromise or i cause him to lose comercial benefits, sommore its jus something i told my own gf, not as if i publish to the entire world or anything, but of cos anyone would be pissed if they know
i know alot of u guys are thinking the same way as my friends now.
wad really happen in the US, i also hope to know, but i dun really think they have anything going on, my gf is not of flirtatious nature neither does she go after looks or lust. shes a pretty decent gal, light eared or naive as it is, i think when it comes to relationship she will really be so blur
but i m not sure for the other side though, how to say i also know him for like 30mins only, i duno wad he wants
all i know is he tried bery hard to get my gf into the firm, he pull her up against the rest of the compeition cos the final approval is from Us side
she recevie alot of extra help from the rest of her competitors for this post
regarding why was i chased out of the house, i was not dramatic
6 yrs wif her, being hysterical or fierce to her is a no go, cos of the emotional nature, i have learn everytime during times like this, to solve the problem i not jus talk nicely n calm myself,not offensive, not shouting at all
if u ask me how i tok in her place last nite, i asked her to sit down, i put both my hands together n ask her, "can u tell me wad really happen" she was emotional n shouting but i didnt, i continue to stay clam
i m now confused as can be, misunderstood by my own gf, mmisunderstood by her family plus i duno wad legal stuff i m getting myself into
I would suggest for you to loosen things up a bit for now... Don't go 'head to head'.... Insisting that you wanna see her and such... Do you have other means...? Like try calling her... Sms... Or msn...?
You can try those but not overboard... Just enough to let her know that you wish to talk to her.... Meanwhile, it's quite important that you give her some extra space to breathe....
May I remind you that you ain't exactly sure what you might be facing yourself... It's important to hold your horses..... -
hiOriginally posted by Devil1976:Personally, I don't think that guy's gonna sue you at all. And just what sort of compensation is he gonna be asking for?
I would suggest for you to loosen things up a bit for now... Don't go 'head to head'.... Insisting that you wanna see her and such... Do you have other means...? Like try calling her... Sms... Or msn...?
You can try those but not overboard... Just enough to let her know that you wish to talk to her.... Meanwhile, it's quite important that you give her some extra space to breathe....
May I remind you that you ain't exactly sure what you might be facing yourself... It's important to hold your horses.....
i also intend to let her cool down, i will talk to her again maybe this weekend
but right now she hates me to the max
i also duno wad compensation hes askin because i m not a legal person, to think thru, normally pple sue when something untrue is posted something abt them, like our election saga n its mus be concrete, not like this when its passed by word of mouth
or when the words is publicised n cause an individual or company to lose commercial benefits
unless he claims emotional distress, i duno wad to say -
that chee bye kia fcuk your gal not eniugh, still want to sue you?
nah beh phua chee bye.
i tell you what. he want to play. u play back. i teach you
1.. try get photo of evidence of your gf and of this dog together in hotel or something? dam. any evidence go grab.
2. then try find out where he lives
3.try ask the dogs' wife out and u kpkb your whole problem to her. make sure you got the evidence
try get PI helps you. better chance
he want to play you. play him back. make sure his wife knows.
i think theres PI out there who cannot stand injustice will offer to help you. or try this 'ho chin chye' free lawyer consulation. theres one in jurong east
or can try ask this subas the lawyer help you. try fix an appointment with him/ hes friendly and can advise you. i think he will not charge you any fees if you NSF
still cannot PM me. we meet i help you -
very obvious. you dun trust your gf. you can't trust her that she is able to take care of herself. i don't think you have mentioned everything that you have done. probably when you cautioned your gf to be careful, you made some remarks about her boss. can see that you are not entirely truthful as well...
the problem came on the 4th day, i called her a few times but shes not answering, so naturally i was jus slightly worried cos its not her time to start work yet n its her waking hrs, abt half an hr later she answered the fone, she sounded bery stressup n ask why i keep calling, i jus said i wan to see how is she cos i have tok to her for 2 days, i was sounding abit irritated as well cos i didnt had a gd day, she started yelling n i started yelling, i couldnt take it n cut her off, later i msg her i m sorry, i jus lose it, but her fone was off. i told her if she dun call me back i m going to call her boss or her hotel, i didnt mean it, i jus wan to talk to her
seek for her forgiveness and give her space to breath. -
i dun think they really did anything yetOriginally posted by killstyle:that chee bye kia fcuk your gal not eniugh, still want to sue you?
still cannot PM me. we meet i help you
regardin his suit, i duno i jus waitin to see wad happens next -
dude... wont it be too far abit?Originally posted by aRcTiC_sTaR:My first reaction would be WTF
But there are more than one side to any story. What really went on in the US is unknown, and what are the exact things you said to her are also not clear. Whether her boss is really keeping her as a mistress is also still unknown. Why would she want to leave with her boss? And as you said she's very protected by her parents, so why would her father just allow her to leave with him? - Things to ponder about. -
hmmm maybe you are right... she has something with the boss... hai gals...
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this is wad she told me, this is the reason why she hates her parents alsoOriginally posted by qooorange:very obvious. you dun trust your gf. you can't trust her that she is able to take care of herself. i don't think you have mentioned everything that you have done. probably when you cautioned your gf to be careful, you made some remarks about her boss. can see that you are not entirely truthful as well...
seek for her forgiveness and give her space to breath.
but then i use to also think her parents are also too tight on her, but in the long run, she does really have problems taking care of herself
one thing is abt her emotions, even she cannot control her emotions, n when shes emotional, she makes rash decisions and rash actions
why i dun trust her, i already mention, shes not streetwise, she still have not seen the cruel side of the world, even at the airport, her boss went to buy drinks for us, she went to sit down, machiam like the boss is serving her, i told her the least u can do is at least stand beside him unless he ask u to go sit, not jus tell him u wan to drink wad n jus sit down, no matter wad hes still ur boss
2ndly, now shes in a foriegn land wif a stranger, as a bf, n ur gf is like this, would u not get worried ? i ony warn her the usual thigns, is to watch herself wif her superiors and be tactical wif wad she says, sometimes she talks too fast n say things which dont reflect well on her, n also dont go back alleys and watch her drink, tats all
space to breath ? y not ? i didnt stopped her from going out wif her friends or colleagues, but i jus tell her to at least lemme know where shes going n who shes going wif, sometimes she goes ktv or clubbing till 4am, i still wake up n go fetch her, i dun see how suffocating this can be -
hey one more thing dude.
forget about her. shes not worth all the misery and sh_it -
Maybe 7 days of intimate time wif ur ex has done enuff affect to brainwash her..
For such naive minded gals shall be easily swayed by a regional manager sweet talk.. So i onie wish u kan handle wat u've learn from.. All the best dude.. -
Ok....Frd...
Let him try to sue u...
I studied a little bit of LAW and i think his law suit will fail..
Firstly, U said it during an emotional outburst...Plus u only said those words to ur galfrd... IF it really comes to court, be honest and describe the whole recent events and let the judge know the whole picture...
Chances are the AssHole will get ur Galfrd to be a witness...Given her mental disorder (I mean she is not stress proof) she will most likely breakdown and watever she said will be a BIG question mark..
At the same time, do hire a PR to check on that chap...
Do try to get in contact wif his wife after u have some evidence to prove that her husband is doing something cheeky behind her back..
If that asshole calls u to frighten u using a defamation suit...Keep ur cool and tell him outright to sue u...
Cos everything will be exposed and his wife will probably know..
If he really brings u to court, make sure u call his wife to let her know and explain to her wat exactly happened..
During the court session...EXPOSE ur side of the story.. Then his wife will know something is amiss and probably divorce him or make a BIGGER fuss... this may cause him to dump ur Galfrd and u can try to pacify her back...Otherwise, FIGHT ON....U WON'T LOSE THE SUIT...
But i guess ultimately, u can forget abt this gal.. BUT DUN EVEN LOSE UR PRIDE AS A MAN...FIGHT ON....WE ALL SUPPORT U...
Do keep us updated.. -
I 'think' (I may be wrong), something has happened overseas. Being the weak minded gf she is, it is highly likely the boss has influenced her and planted seeds of hatred and doubt against you. Alternatively, she has been coerced or unknowingly trapped into doing something she did not intend to do and has been blackmailed for it, wish she cant or would not tell you and maybe she is shouldering all the burden by herself. Perhaps you may be hurt by what she has done hence she is trying to break it off with you asap
About the lawsuits/legal action, it looks like he is trying to stop you from seeing her and end your relationship with her. When you mentioned he called your phone and warned you not to say anything, it is obvious that he is up to something.
Right now, what you should do is to take action regarding the guy. Either you seek legal action against him, or legal advice, call his bluff, and so on. All I can say that you have a long battle ahead and it will be emotionally and mentally taxing. But if you can pull through two years from now, you will get her back
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I think ur gf is confused.
We duno what happened during that week when she was overseas.
Her boss might have cheated her or threatened her or other complicated stuff that resulted in her reactions towards you.
Can tell that u really love her a lot, but I suspect that she cant resist the temptation (salary and maybe other things that her boss promised) and somehow she was forced to make a choice between you and her career. I also feel worried for her, but what can you do? I seriously duno. Check out the company background, is there anything suspicious?
I guess u also have a gd r/s with her parents right? Can you try talking with them about ur gf? Right now, the ple closest to her are her family since she is avoiding you.