why does she like to pick a fight & destroy my wkend/leave?
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just last monday when i was clearing leave i was at home and when i finished breakfast, the papers ard 9.30am and planned to go out soon when my mum came back and asked me whether i want to go buy groceries with her since we didnt have time on sat and sun.
seeing that she had some work to be done i waited for a while till 10plus. since she was still working on stuff and i hate being delayed for so long i went back to my room to watch some videos. unhappy, i decided not to talk to her because i didnt want to argue with her over this waiting for each other issue.
later she came into my room and repeatedly asked me to go now. i refused and ignored her because it was late and i didnt want to engage her in arguements.
she repeatedly raised her voice and screamed at me when i refused to talk to her and she acted like a kid, stomping her foot on the floor and whimpering. the more i refused to engage her. she left and i locked the door but she returned a while later and kept hammering on the door, threatening to break down my room and call my PC.
i told her why i didnt want to go and i lost my cool and she made threats to punch me. she refused to leave and sat down on my bed holding this metal cutter in her hands.
i again told her to go out on her own because i didnt want to go with her. she said sorry after some arguements but her sorry are so superficial. she can say sorry then suddenly backtrack within a min.
she finally left. i told her not to harass me anymore by calls or sms. but just before she drove out,she called me twice and i refused to pick up. she then kept sms-ing me and i replied to 1 of them telling her to stop harassing me. she didnt stop and kept sms-ing calling me.
i went on later on my own and cooled down abit. i was reminded by a song to forgive. so i went back and wanted to make peace. just as i got off the bus, she was back at the same time, but she gave this stare from the main gates, loaded with fury and this shut me off frm making peace.
i was watching tv with my dad later when she joined us, there she acted like nothing had happened, i refused to talk to her because i know she will pick a fight after this.
the next day i was with her at the saf counsellor and she was there, playing victim, telling all sorts of lies and portrayed her version of the story to make it look i caused it all.
i told her to leave me alone from now on.
on my way back frm camp, she became her old self again. defensive, lying.
then just now, while i was having a great day, she decided to destroy it all by repeatedly barging into my room ask me things.
i've had it with her already. sometimes i just want to cry and find some place where no one can find me. i am constantly hoping for some freak accident to kill me instead -
Knowing full well what she is like, is there nothing you can do to prevent similar things from happening the next time?
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does ur dad know about this?
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what i think is: seems like she picked up the fight coz you ignored her suddenly when you first promised you will go out with her. she may not have understood why you changed your mind and you keeping quiet, made it worse. the more you try to keep quiet to prevent an argument, the more she thinks you have a attitude problem or what. coz she dunno what is in your mind.
the tantrums is probably a way of seeking your attention. -
relli cant say much until i hear YOUR MOM side of the story
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i've tried over the weekend to avoid her, at meals, daily activities etc. avoided going out with her. not just her, my family.
a few weeks ago, i was unhappy with my mum so i just went home myself. then there was some big quarrels at home and my dad initiated divorce with my mum. (witnessed 2nd out of 4 times they've mentioned it). my sis blamed me and dragged me into a fight.
my dad finally backed down and by the time i came back frm camp, they were ok. so frm then on, i tried to control my temper by not flaring up and keeping quiet. for the last 2weeks family was ok until last mon.
my dad knows abt it. -
go invite herOriginally posted by FireIce:relli cant say much until i hear YOUR MOM side of the story -
dun need lah... after reading so many of his family problem thread.. we should all guess the WHOLE story already lahOriginally posted by FireIce:relli cant say much until i hear YOUR MOM side of the story
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Acceptance is Peace.
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Why am I not surprised you dad threatened to divorced her? Ask her to seek God... it will help calm her mind. That is the cheaper alternative to seeing a psychologist.Originally posted by bismarck:i've tried over the weekend to avoid her, at meals, daily activities etc. avoided going out with her. not just her, my family.
a few weeks ago, i was unhappy with my mum so i just went home myself. then there was some big quarrels at home and my dad initiated divorce with my mum. (witnessed 2nd out of 4 times they've mentioned it). my sis blamed me and dragged me into a fight.
my dad finally backed down and by the time i came back frm camp, they were ok. so frm then on, i tried to control my temper by not flaring up and keeping quiet. for the last 2weeks family was ok until last mon.
my dad knows abt it.
Actaully I pity her. She is probably having a worse time than you.
And don't worry about what the counsellor will think of you after listening to her. The counsellor is just being polite.
Whether you are right or wrong, she has no right to do that to you. She must respect you as an individual and respect your opinions even if she thinks that you are wrong.
Parents have a hard time accepting that. They want to be able to control you like when you were a kid.
It is also possible that she is going through mid life crisis.
Just like when she had to put uo with you when you were going through various "difficult phases" in your life and she had to put up with it until you grew out of it, maybe you just have to accept that she is going through a hard time but will grow out of it given some time (think years, not months.) -
even my dad still wants a say in waht i study in UniOriginally posted by casino_king:Parents have a hard time accepting that. They want to be able to control you like when you were a kid. -
isn't the problem obvious just by reading the 2nd paragraph?
i don't think you know your mum just recently so you should understand very well that avoiding her does not equal to avoiding conflict altogether. since you don't like to be delayed, why didn't you just open your mouth and ask what's keeping her? to her, it would seem like you're having a mood swing because one moment you agreed to go out with her then the next moment you just totally ignored her without giving her a clue. why only open your golden mouth after she began throwing her tantrums?
my conclusion is YOU could have avoided all this.
you can't change anything about your mum but you sure can do something about yourself.
do your part to keep your family together. good luck.
regards -
Originally posted by dead_clone:
isn't the problem obvious just by reading the 2nd paragraph?
i don't think you know your mum just recently so you should understand very well that avoiding her does not equal to avoiding conflict altogether. since you don't like to be delayed, why didn't you just open your mouth and ask what's keeping her? to her, it would seem like you're having a mood swing because one moment you agreed to go out with her then the next moment you just totally ignored her without giving her a clue. why only open your golden mouth after she began throwing her tantrums?
my conclusion is [b]YOU could have avoided all this.
you can't change anything about your mum but you sure can do something about yourself.
do your part to keep your family together. good luck.
regards[/b] -
looks like we have the same type of mums. live with it
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Originally posted by bismarck:even my dad still wants a say in waht i study in Uni They think that their children are idiots and they are the smartest people on earth. The truth is, as long as you are happy with whatever you have; what you do in uni and what you do with your life is immaterial. You make your own choices and you bear the consequences.
You tell them you are their child and not their pet. But because they pay for you, you have to do that politely.... what to do? Life is like that.
Knowing parents are like that, strategise and play tai chi with them. Don't go head on if you can. -
Ask him if he is the one studying or are you the one studying.Originally posted by bismarck:even my dad still wants a say in waht i study in Uni -
+1Originally posted by used:looks like we have the same type of mums. live with it -
Don't forget you are her son. Why you need to go to a SAF counsellor in the first place with you mum?And Why you mum need to lie about anything? I seriously don't get that. It seems that you got no patience with your mum. People are always looking at fault other people instead of their own. Why sometime you can tolerate ppl for treating you that but you cannot tolerate your mum doing that to you? I mean unless your mum is those type who always bo chup about anything and don't even do anything at home and always gambling, then maybe you can give her that type of altitude. Think about it. She give birth to you. She raise you up. I know she cannot be so unreasonable, but sometimes be more tolerate. She is your mum after all.
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ur parents really power, i hear u post about em for so long liao, temper still so hot. good luck.
im so glad my mom dunnoe how to use a phone.
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have a heart to heart talk with yah mum. Its hard for a parent to apologise to their kid, even a simple sorry is hard, remember that.
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I suggest you do a search on 'bismarck' and read up all his family issues?Originally posted by NewAge:have a heart to heart talk with yah mum. Its hard for a parent to apologise to their kid, even a simple sorry is hard, remember that.
It dated a few years back till now. -
i guess nobody can give him any advice anymore.Originally posted by M©+square:I suggest you do a search on 'bismarck' and read up all his family issues?
It dated a few years back till now. -
To me, he didn't need advice, he needs solutions.Originally posted by dragg:i guess nobody can give him any advice anymore.
We realise the advices in this threads are repeated. Cheers -
i did tell her i didnt want to wait for her anymore prior to returning to my room. i told her i am not going out since she is still doing her emails.
apparently some of u got something against me. -
we gave advice according to the story you gave us. but you left out this part, it will naturally affect our judgement to some extent.Originally posted by bismarck:i did tell her i didnt want to wait for her anymore prior to returning to my room. i told her i am not going out since she is still doing her emails.
apparently some of u got something against me.
why so fast conclude its we having something against you?