why does she like to pick a fight & destroy my wkend/leave?
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sorry,Originally posted by huiz:we gave advice according to the story you gave us. but you left out this part, it will naturally affect our judgement to some extent.
why so fast conclude its we having something against you?
my mind's on something else right now. -
shes your mum for goodness sake.
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2 big babies that abuse saf counsellor and tax payer money !!!
best thing to do SAF counsellor should recommend both you and your mon to mental hospital or maybe lock up in DB for a day or two, that will resolve all the issues. -
x 2... wah.. even the mod of Aunt Agony also sian of giving advice to this patient already... i'm not aloneOriginally posted by M©+square:I suggest you do a search on 'bismarck' and read up all his family issues?
It dated a few years back till now.
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COMMUNICATION BREAKDOWN.Originally posted by bismarck:just last monday when i was clearing leave i was at home and when i finished breakfast, the papers ard 9.30am and planned to go out soon when my mum came back and asked me whether i want to go buy groceries with her since we didnt have time on sat and sun.
seeing that she had some work to be done i waited for a while till 10plus. since she was still working on stuff and i hate being delayed for so long i went back to my room to watch some videos. unhappy, i decided not to talk to her because i didnt want to argue with her over this waiting for each other issue.
later she came into my room and repeatedly asked me to go now. i refused and ignored her because it was late and i didnt want to engage her in arguements.
she repeatedly raised her voice and screamed at me when i refused to talk to her and she acted like a kid, stomping her foot on the floor and whimpering. the more i refused to engage her. she left and i locked the door but she returned a while later and kept hammering on the door, threatening to break down my room and call my PC.
i told her why i didnt want to go and i lost my cool and she made threats to punch me. she refused to leave and sat down on my bed holding this metal cutter in her hands.
i again told her to go out on her own because i didnt want to go with her. she said sorry after some arguements but her sorry are so superficial. she can say sorry then suddenly backtrack within a min.
she finally left. i told her not to harass me anymore by calls or sms. but just before she drove out,she called me twice and i refused to pick up. she then kept sms-ing me and i replied to 1 of them telling her to stop harassing me. she didnt stop and kept sms-ing calling me.
i went on later on my own and cooled down abit. i was reminded by a song to forgive. so i went back and wanted to make peace. just as i got off the bus, she was back at the same time, but she gave this stare from the main gates, loaded with fury and this shut me off frm making peace.
i was watching tv with my dad later when she joined us, there she acted like nothing had happened, i refused to talk to her because i know she will pick a fight after this.
the next day i was with her at the saf counsellor and she was there, playing victim, telling all sorts of lies and portrayed her version of the story to make it look i caused it all.
i told her to leave me alone from now on.
on my way back frm camp, she became her old self again. defensive, lying.
then just now, while i was having a great day, she decided to destroy it all by repeatedly barging into my room ask me things.
i've had it with her already. sometimes i just want to cry and find some place where no one can find me. i am constantly hoping for some freak accident to kill me instead
Maybe more, but that would be the 1st barrier you'll have to break through... -
Originally posted by Devil1976:COMMUNICATION BREAKDOWN.
Maybe more, but that would be the 1st barrier you'll have to break through... Yes. -
enough to film a serial like "ah cheng". no offence intended.Originally posted by I-like-flings(m):x 2... wah.. even the mod of Aunt Agony also sian of giving advice to this patient already... i'm not alone -
Lets not think on the bad side first. Lets just see, why would she do such a thing at the start? Let me tell you something, if she's doing this kind of thing to you if could actually she's having some problems thats lieing deep in her. And instead of crying infront of her husband. She did it in front of you, She might think that you understand her. Why don't you, have a quiet time with her. Ask her. Whats wrong or anything, its fine. Never wrong to ask.
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I think she is having some problem and need some attention. Is she being neglected? She is a human too and I think maybe she need some concern from you. Be more patient to her, remember the times when you were young and she was the one who took care of you or the ten months suffering she went through while having you in the stomach.
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i think its a build up. and if the resentment is already built up in you, very difficult to move on ba. Its like what they say, if you like someone, the person pour soup over you also never mind. But if you dont like someone, the way the person hold the spoon u also cannot stand.
If what happened to you happened to me (as an isolated incident) honestly I dont know.. err.. why u are angry leh? My mum is always like this one, drag time drag time, I just relack one corner watch tv or watever loh.... until she ready to go. Not like I always spend time with her or what.
But if it is becos of previous related incidents, then well, it will be very difficult to solve the problem ba.. becos every small incident that recur again, you will have a strong emotional reaction to it. -
oh man, sounds like MY mum..... my only advice wld be to tahan, let her have it her way.
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Regardless how hard, she is sill your mum. Love her because she love you too.
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Regardless how hard, she is sill your mum. Love her because she love you too.
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In most cases, parents think they know their children at the back of the hand however forgotten the fact that they have already grown up and have their own set of thinking. There is nothing wrong of parents giving advise on what courses to take, since they are already engaged in the workforce they may be more aware of the work situation than ourselves(the children).
The breakdown in communication between you and your parents (especially your mum) may be due to inability to understand one another. Your mom may be using situational explanation to explain what she does while you may see her action as a dispositional factor(her personality). This causes the differences to occur between you and her.
Put yourselves more in her shoes and maybe you will see why she behave like that.
Cheers -
Notice how you always give reasons or presumptions for the actions you carried out... In others' minds, they might sometimes be otherwise deemed as excuses... Worse still when they do have even know of those 'reasons'.... Many times we just PRESUME that the other party SHOULD know our reason(s) for doing things.. That's when COMMUNICATION BREAKDOWN comes about on a primary basis....Originally posted by bismarck:just last monday when i was clearing leave i was at home and when i finished breakfast, the papers ard 9.30am and planned to go out soon when my mum came back and asked me whether i want to go buy groceries with her since we didnt have time on sat and sun.
seeing that she had some work to be done i waited for a while till 10plus. since she was still working on stuff and i hate being delayed for so long i went back to my room to watch some videos. unhappy, i decided not to talk to her because i didnt want to argue with her over this waiting for each other issue.
later she came into my room and repeatedly asked me to go now. i refused and ignored her because it was late and i didnt want to engage her in arguements.
she repeatedly raised her voice and screamed at me when i refused to talk to her and she acted like a kid, stomping her foot on the floor and whimpering. the more i refused to engage her. she left and i locked the door but she returned a while later and kept hammering on the door, threatening to break down my room and call my PC.
i told her why i didnt want to go and i lost my cool and she made threats to punch me. she refused to leave and sat down on my bed holding this metal cutter in her hands.
i again told her to go out on her ownbecause i didnt want to go with her. she said sorry after some arguements but her sorry are so superficial. she can say sorry then suddenly backtrack within a min.
she finally left. i told her not to harass me anymore by calls or sms. but just before she drove out,she called me twice and i refused to pick up. she then kept sms-ing me and i replied to 1 of them telling her to stop harassing me. she didnt stop and kept sms-ing calling me.
i went on later on my own and cooled down abit. i was reminded by a song to forgive. so i went back and wanted to make peace. just as i got off the bus, she was back at the same time, but she gave this stare from the main gates, loaded with fury and this shut me off frm making peace.
i was watching tv with my dad later when she joined us, there she acted like nothing had happened, i refused to talk to her because i know she will pick a fight after this.
the next day i was with her at the saf counsellor and she was there, playing victim, telling all sorts of lies and portrayed her version of the story to make it look i caused it all.
i told her to leave me alone from now on.
on my way back frm camp, she became her old self again. defensive, lying.
then just now, while i was having a great day, she decided to destroy it all by repeatedly barging into my room ask me things.
i've had it with her already. sometimes i just want to cry and find some place where no one can find me. i am constantly hoping for some freak accident to kill me instead
And on the other part where the forumite has suggested that when you've already engaged a biased view of someone for quite a while, you would tend to have distorted perception of things...
'Reasons' labelled for her actions and often but just your perceptions and presumptions of things...
Sorry to be blunt, but take examples?
"she repeatedly raised her voice and screamed at me when i refused to talk to her and she acted like a kid, stomping her foot on the floor and whimpering."
- because you refused and ignored her (maybe more than that in her eyes)?
"kept hammering on the door, threatening to break down my room and call my PC."
- because you ignored her and locked the door?
At this point, you've got 2 separate options...
1. To choose to go through and think about what I've told you, and maybe even attempt to better the situation next time..
2. Be stubborn about it and dismiss whatever I've said.
It's really your choice and your call...? Because it's YOUR LIFE...?
But... Before you start to complain about things again next time... THINK THROUGH CAREFULLY... Why are those things happening to me..?
Is it really LUCK? Is it really because people all over me are really f*cked up..? Or is it because...?
And even if situation or people are not that fantastic, can you do something to change things for the better...?
Don't always think in terms of what's your loss and what you SHOULD be gaining... Because if everybody just thinks about themselves... You'll probably be ZERO down to almost nothing at the end of the day
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you have patience. Respect.Originally posted by Devil1976:Notice how you always give reasons or presumptions for the actions you carried out... In others' minds, they might sometimes be otherwise deemed as excuses... Worse still when they do have even know of those 'reasons'.... Many times we just PRESUME that the other party SHOULD know our reason(s) for doing things.. That's when COMMUNICATION BREAKDOWN comes about on a primary basis....
And on the other part where the forumite has suggested that when you've already engaged a biased view of someone for quite a while, you would tend to have distorted perception of things...
'Reasons' labelled for her actions and often but just your perceptions and presumptions of things...
Sorry to be blunt, but take examples?
"she repeatedly raised her voice and screamed at me when i refused to talk to her and she acted like a kid, stomping her foot on the floor and whimpering."
- because you refused and ignored her (maybe more than that in her eyes)?
"kept hammering on the door, threatening to break down my room and call my PC."
- because you ignored her and locked the door?
At this point, you've got 2 separate options...
1. To choose to go through and think about what I've told you, and maybe even attempt to better the situation next time..
2. Be stubborn about it and dismiss whatever I've said.
It's really your choice and your call...? Because it's YOUR LIFE...?
But... Before you start to complain about things again next time... THINK THROUGH CAREFULLY... Why are those things happening to me..?
Is it really LUCK? Is it really because people all over me are really f*cked up..? Or is it because...?
And even if situation or people are not that fantastic, can you do something to change things for the better...?
Don't always think in terms of what's your loss and what you SHOULD be gaining... Because if everybody just thinks about themselves... You'll probably be ZERO down to almost nothing at the end of the day
Cheers. -
SMDOriginally posted by M©+square:you have patience. Respect.
Cheers. -
smdd.Originally posted by kopiosatu:SMD -
to amplify the quality of this threadOriginally posted by M©+square:smdd.
HARTO GAY, FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! -
To him, this is so obvious he does not need to spell it out for you.Originally posted by huiz:we gave advice according to the story you gave us. but you left out this part, it will naturally affect our judgement to some extent.
why so fast conclude its we having something against you? -
sibeh obvious, FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH~!Originally posted by casino_king:To him, this is so obvious he does not need to spell it out for you.
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You give me 200 bucks, i kill you and bury you properly.Originally posted by bismarck:i've had it with her already. sometimes i just want to cry and find some place where no one can find me. i am constantly hoping for some freak accident to kill me instead
It's kinda lame when one doesn't know how to give and take. Maybe you had done your part but not done it well, or maybe you find this is your max. So leave her.
Maybe leaving her might be better for the both of you. If she still bothers you send her to asylum. -
I am so sad to see that such thing happen between mother and son. To me mother is the greatest of all, can you tell us what make her react this way? Is it your behaviour or something happened to her? I really hope that both of you can solve the conflict.
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yeah...was your mum's character like this when you were born?
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you are worse than a maggot.Originally posted by bismarck:just last monday when i was clearing leave i was at home and when i finished breakfast, the papers ard 9.30am and planned to go out soon when my mum came back and asked me whether i want to go buy groceries with her since we didnt have time on sat and sun.
seeing that she had some work to be done i waited for a while till 10plus. since she was still working on stuff and i hate being delayed for so long i went back to my room to watch some videos. unhappy, i decided not to talk to her because i didnt want to argue with her over this waiting for each other issue.
later she came into my room and repeatedly asked me to go now. i refused and ignored her because it was late and i didnt want to engage her in arguements.
she repeatedly raised her voice and screamed at me when i refused to talk to her and she acted like a kid, stomping her foot on the floor and whimpering. the more i refused to engage her. she left and i locked the door but she returned a while later and kept hammering on the door, threatening to break down my room and call my PC.
i told her why i didnt want to go and i lost my cool and she made threats to punch me. she refused to leave and sat down on my bed holding this metal cutter in her hands.
i again told her to go out on her own because i didnt want to go with her. she said sorry after some arguements but her sorry are so superficial. she can say sorry then suddenly backtrack within a min.
she finally left. i told her not to harass me anymore by calls or sms. but just before she drove out,she called me twice and i refused to pick up. she then kept sms-ing me and i replied to 1 of them telling her to stop harassing me. she didnt stop and kept sms-ing calling me.
i went on later on my own and cooled down abit. i was reminded by a song to forgive. so i went back and wanted to make peace. just as i got off the bus, she was back at the same time, but she gave this stare from the main gates, loaded with fury and this shut me off frm making peace.
i was watching tv with my dad later when she joined us, there she acted like nothing had happened, i refused to talk to her because i know she will pick a fight after this.
the next day i was with her at the saf counsellor and she was there, playing victim, telling all sorts of lies and portrayed her version of the story to make it look i caused it all.
i told her to leave me alone from now on.
on my way back frm camp, she became her old self again. defensive, lying.
then just now, while i was having a great day, she decided to destroy it all by repeatedly barging into my room ask me things.
i've had it with her already. sometimes i just want to cry and find some place where no one can find me. i am constantly hoping for some freak accident to kill me instead