why does she like to pick a fight & destroy my wkend/leave?
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Originally posted by Deportivo:you are worse than a maggot.
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Bad peeps... not helping him and just condemn... condemnation always boomerng because nobody is perfect.
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looks like my conclusion isnt wrong.
so easy to pin it on me,
aiyah not surprising, some ppl here got something aganist me so use this against me.
looks like some ppl not interested in other's prob
i simply wonder, when my mom apologizes, the next min she can go back and continue her screams.
it's always damn easy to say i had this barrier, etc. yet no one mentioned anything abt her.
those name callers, degrading yrselves -
haha.. guys.. enough is enough... lets hope he will go find a quiet place and think over it why the whole world hates him...
so give him a break.. save our comment for his next out burst lah... hope it will be too soon..
~Forgive and Forget~ -
Well... name calling is wrong but there is perhaps a reason why the people who post her focused on you rather than your mum. Unless the only reason why you post here is for people to commiserate with you, feel pity, call your mum names so you feel completely justified - then yah, just let the readers know, and we will empathise.Originally posted by bismarck:looks like my conclusion isnt wrong.
so easy to pin it on me,
aiyah not surprising, some ppl here got something aganist me so use this against me.
looks like some ppl not interested in other's prob
i simply wonder, when my mom apologizes, the next min she can go back and continue her screams.
it's always damn easy to say i had this barrier, etc. yet no one mentioned anything abt her.
those name callers, degrading yrselves
But I guess the other reason you post here is to get readers to help solve your problem. We don't know your mum and we can't ask her to do anything about it. You are already seeing a counsellor so it seems that on a certain level, both of you DO want this miscommunication abolished except that you can't. So what is there left?
The only thing that is within YOUR control to change is your own behaviour and how that can improve your relationship with your mum. Telling you your mum is a bitch is not going to help - but sharing that perhaps since your mum is obviously not able to control herself or her temper, you should take the initiative to be the one to start being pleasant even when it is difficult to. When your mum sees that you are trying so hard to accommodate her BECAUSE you love her and care for her, things can change. How determined are you to keep things pleasant even when she does something that hurt you? That will be how things are going to change. -
I agree that one way is to change your own behavior and that is .... ignore her screaming and do not let it affect you. That is possible. Let her scream all she wants and if you get angry, then count to 10, cool down and don't respond or simply say orrr..... orrr..... orrr.....
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I disagree cos... Indifference is the first step to the complete breakdown of a relationship
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not indifference. at the time that she is screaming; anything and everything you say and do will only pour fuel into the fire. he cannot change his mother. she must change by herself. he can only change himself and that is, by not letting himself be affected by her screaming.
when she is in a good mood, he can try to show his care and concern. do not bother to try to show care and concern when she is screaming away. she will not appreciate it. don't give in to her every whim and fancy also. she must respect the fact that he is his own man even if she is his mother. mother does not equal lord and tyrant. -
When she screamed, you scream and because of her ego as a mother, she screamed louder. So ya, you should just walk away when she scream. Is true that mother should show respect to her children too and so do the children. But the most important part you had missed out is why is she behaving this way? This is important for us to help you to solve the problem. We are not against you, we are here to help you. For your information, not everybody can get along with their parent by natural. I think partially due to generation gap. I do have difficult times too and I have to remind myself whenever I have conflict with my parent not to do or say things I regret later. I am thankful for whatever things they have provide for me. I remember once I said thing that hurt my dad. I am glad that we patch back, I don't want to regret when he is not around. I want my consious to be clear.
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Yup. We can go ahead and say you're right and your mum is wrong. And your mum should change and everything... But how would that help? Your mum probably won't even be here listening to us... For all I know we might even further fuel your hatre towards yuor mum... So much for helping?Originally posted by ShrodingersCat:Well... name calling is wrong but there is perhaps a reason why the people who post her focused on you rather than your mum. Unless the only reason why you post here is for people to commiserate with you, feel pity, call your mum names so you feel completely justified - then yah, just let the readers know, and we will empathise.
But I guess the other reason you post here is to get readers to help solve your problem. We don't know your mum and we can't ask her to do anything about it. You are already seeing a counsellor so it seems that on a certain level, both of you DO want this miscommunication abolished except that you can't. So what is there left?
The only thing that is within YOUR control to change is your own behaviour and how that can improve your relationship with your mum. Telling you your mum is a bitch is not going to help - but sharing that perhaps since your mum is obviously not able to control herself or her temper, you should take the initiative to be the one to start being pleasant even when it is difficult to. When your mum sees that you are trying so hard to accommodate her BECAUSE you love her and care for her, things can change. How determined are you to keep things pleasant even when she does something that hurt you? That will be how things are going to change.
In this given situation, it's not really about who's right and who's wrong... It's really about whether you wish to improve on the situation?
Put yourself up to the challenge, see if you can IMPROVE on the situation...? Complaining's too easy... Almost everybody can do that....
End of the day if you think just rantings and complainings would be enough for you... By all means... Nobody's really stopping you. AA welcomes you to 'release' your agony here... A period down the line, feel free to come back again...?
Why not try to remedy your situation over time so that you can get over a barrier and better channel your energy and focus on other aspects of your life...
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i still think walking away when she screams doesnt help. if you read his story carefully, each time he ignores her, she will come back again, in a even worse temper.Originally posted by FORGET-ME-NOT:When she screamed, you scream and because of her ego as a mother, she screamed louder. So ya, you should just walk away when she scream. Is true that mother should show respect to her children too and so do the children. But the most important part you had missed out is why is she behaving this way? This is important for us to help you to solve the problem. We are not against you, we are here to help you. For your information, not everybody can get along with their parent by natural. I think partially due to generation gap. I do have difficult times too and I have to remind myself whenever I have conflict with my parent not to do or say things I regret later. I am thankful for whatever things they have provide for me. I remember once I said thing that hurt my dad. I am glad that we patch back, I don't want to regret when he is not around. I want my consious to be clear. -
If she sees that all her screaming has no effect? Won't she stop screaming?Originally posted by huiz:i still think walking away when she screams doesnt help. if you read his story carefully, each time he ignores her, she will come back again, in a even worse temper. -
from what i see, she will stop screaming eventually but she will bear a grudge later on.Originally posted by casino_king:If she sees that all her screaming has no effect? Won't she stop screaming?