money or relationship?
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whenever i talk money matters with my mom, she will flared up over it, and start to shout at me even if i am asking her something, which doesn't require her to put in some money for me.
it will worsen if i want to discuss money matters with her.
i just did discuss with my mother, she flared up...i end up quarreling.
since young, when my brother and i accidentally hit or knock into something, she will scold us, not to hit it again, if not it will cost her a lot of money to repair it.
everything she speaks, it's money...
seldom do we get to discuss bout others, and i usually don't speak to her, just greet for as part of greeting manners only. nothing else already..
do you guys also have a parents who care more bout money more then relationsip??
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Care to reveal more about your family's relationship as a whole?
Family income?
Does your parents face problems between themselves?
Cheers -
Yes. Thats what I wanna know too.Originally posted by M©+square:Care to reveal more about your family's relationship as a whole?
Family income?
Does your parents face problems between themselves?
Cheers
Anyway, if you are well off, maybe its just your mum who is brought up that way. To value things and money really carefully. She understood the need of money nowadays and need to safeguard it all cost. Regarding abt things broken,maybe she do not want to waste money to incur the cost of the damages.
The amount may be small, but maybe she feels its better to save, And if the breakage can be avoided, sure she will flare up at you and give you warning as she does not want to spend any money.
She is just prudent in her ways of handling money. Do not think so much. -
Is your family leading a hard life?
Some people juz dun bear to part with their money.. I have an uncle who is like that.. his son 40 yrs old liao but never get a red packet from him before. But he rather spent the money on china women.
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del.
summary in short
month income: $1000+
after deduction: take home $900+ only..
use it to support the whole house
luckily, not everyday cook, once my mom off weekly then she cook, like this save quite some money..
then she has to pay for all expenses...
my sis didn't contribute to income, as she can't even support herself well enough..the same goes to me and my elder brother..
all my mom did was to take care of the materialistic needs (things which money can be bought)
she did give the love that a mom gives to a child, like those newly born mother gives to their kids, unconditional motherly love, like those parents who for their kid's emotional growth instead of physical and fancially growth.. -
What are you talking about...?Originally posted by weijian:in this tight budget family, i really wonder if she is after money or really looking after our basic needs, we as children, although need the basic material needs, like food, clothes, etc, but also need mother love what, something which i didn't felt from her, for a long long time...too long until i forgot how long it was..
Pls go and RECOLLECT YOUR THOUGHTS.. -
Originally posted by Devil1976:What are you talking about...?
Pls go and RECOLLECT YOUR THOUGHTS..
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certain parents just dunno how to express their love by words. they express it in a form of action.
most guys are like that.. they wanna hear the "I love you" straight from the mouth. but what's the point if those words dun mean a thing?
same thing applies to girls as well. -
Problem is that the next time you will also probably treat your own children like that... monkey see monkey do.Originally posted by weijian:whenever i talk money matters with my mom, she will flared up over it, and start to shout at me even if i am asking her something, which doesn't require her to put in some money for me.
it will worsen if i want to discuss money matters with her.
i just did discuss with my mother, she flared up...i end up quarreling.
since young, when my brother and i accidentally hit or knock into something, she will scold us, not to hit it again, if not it will cost her a lot of money to repair it.
everything she speaks, it's money...
seldom do we get to discuss bout others, and i usually don't speak to her, just greet for as part of greeting manners only. nothing else already..
do you guys also have a parents who care more bout money more then relationsip??
Your mother behaves this way because she does not see that things and people and relationships and situations are changing all the time.
What is new today is old tomorrow. What is useful today is useless soon.
By letteing her get to you, you are in a way just like her. You must also understand that everything is changing all the time. So the situation that you are in? It will "soon" be over. So do not put too much emphasise in what is happenning at the moment. Bare with it and soon it will be over. This is life. -
I live alone and trust me, there's lots of bills always waiting to be paid. Its very stressful and your mom's load is very heavy - 3 kids, 2 schooling, one barely make it. Do you have relatives to advice you on your next step?
My folks always gets upset when I talk about school fees. My dad didn't want me to study further. My mom insisted on educating me to whatever level I can go to. My mom would get upset when we spoil things in the house so we try to be careful and use as little electricity as possible. Everything cost money to replace, buy and etc. Actually eating home cooked food is cheaper than eating outside food. But all these are just choices.
See from her view and learn from her the value of a dollar and how to stretch that dollar. But when you are an adult, don't resent her for her behaviour cause she is trying her best in whatever means she can. When you see others carelessly throwing money at useless things, you will be thankful the lessons you learn at home. -
Hi Weijian,
Typical asian families are such that love is never really communicated through words. Not that they don't want to but they don't know what is appropriate, thus "tough love" is usually practised. How your mother reacts may not be the best response to the issue but you should also understand the stress she is in. She is sort of "responsible" for your education and livelihood, being the sole breadwinner she has to ensure every cent is spent prudently so that in times of need she can use it.
Do not take it to heart when she shouts at you when you talk about monetary issues or any issues because you must understand on her part that she may not want you to run away with the idea that she will be and has to finance all your needs. Perhaps what you can do is try to contribute to the household on a regular basis: be it by paying the utility bills or as a monthly contribution to your mother.
I am sure once she knows you are able to share her burden and understand her difficulties she will be willing to share with you her problems.
juz my 2 cents worth.
Good luck and work hard -
I guess i am lucky than you, my father is those who spend money like using water (although we weren't rich), so whenever he make some money, he will gave it to us and i will kept it into my bank. As for my mum, she is slightly stingy toward my elder sister and younger brother but not toward me, she tend to gave me money whenever she knew i need it and will prepared before hand and kept it in her pocket and pass it to me when i went out on the next day if i ask money from her. But if i kept asking from her, she scolded me too, so i have to know my limit. And i have am lucky to have a good sis too, whenever i am emergency in need of money, she will transfer some funds to my posb account, so overall, i can say i am lucky toward money matters.
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hey.you think its easy for your mum?can you grow up a bit and be more understanding.can you understand the stress shes goin through?
pls grow up and be more mature.im really sick of kids like you.you are already considered very fortunate and yet still complain here and there. -
something like taking care of materialistic needs, but not in the heart, it's like not showing care etc...hard to say it out laOriginally posted by Devil1976:What are you talking about...?
Pls go and RECOLLECT YOUR THOUGHTS.. -
when you slave from day to night providing for the family, that's love enough for you.Originally posted by weijian:something like taking care of materialistic needs, but not in the heart, it's like not showing care etc...hard to say it out la
It's not the way of expression that counts, but the substance. I believe that you are a guy, so for goodness sake, suck it up and help with the family by not creating more arguments.
It's a vicious cycle if not taken care of. -
We hope you can try to understand the fact that your mother did a great job on her part. And try accepting her weakness - failure to express love in a gentle manner?Originally posted by weijian:something like taking care of materialistic needs, but not in the heart, it's like not showing care etc...hard to say it out la -
Maybe your mum just feel fustrated that she not being appreciated for all the effort she made for the family.
And you only look for her for money.
Just have to show her your appreciation through remembering her birthday.
For the money case, you may have to find some money through giving tution.
Your mum is after all a woman and she have her mood swing also. -
To support so many people on a 1k plus salary is no mean feat. I saluate your mum for being able to bring you guys up on that amount of money. Anyway, try to be more understanding on your end. That money is really earned by her sweat and blood and of course if she thinks you are being wasteful, she will really feel the pinch.
Being in an Asian environment, I don't think most parents show their love and affection openly. I guess to her, she shows her love by making sacrifices to bring food on the table and bringing up you guys. Maybe you can start off by being more affectionate towards her. She might slowly warm up towards you and be more expressive about her love as a mother to you, her son. -
Like i've mentioned.Originally posted by weijian:del.
all my mom did was to take care of the materialistic needs (things which money can be bought)
she did give the love that a mom gives to a child, like those newly born mother gives to their kids, unconditional motherly love, like those parents who for their kid's emotional growth instead of physical and fancially growth..
You have your method of expressing love.
Your mother have hers. And with all the hardship she's going through, she may not be able to cope with everything, she might not even know how to handle.
May i propose something for your consideration?
Your mother may be feeling frustrated and guilty and blaming herself as of why hasn't she given enough to her children, why didn't she shower enough love onto her children.
But all of it, she kept to herself.
_
You may not be the only victim. Neither are your siblings.
Ultimately, all have a part to play - to build or destroy a relationship.
Onto, your post above.....in my personal opinion.
You're better off seeking/advertising for foster parents now? I think you'll be happier.
Cheers -
come on la.. if i make onli 1 k per month and u spoil things i will throw u out of the house liao.. 1k really need to save on all expenses at all cost.. money hard to earn.. mus save.. unless u r rich.. or u make your own $ different story
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tell that to your kids if you have any.Originally posted by LazerLordz:when you slave from day to night providing for the family, that's love enough for you.
It's not the way of expression that counts, but the substance. I believe that you are a guy, so for goodness sake, suck it up and help with the family by not creating more arguments.
It's a vicious cycle if not taken care of.
the reason why there are lots of bad kids who stay out late out there, it's becoz their parents give exactly this answer that you're giving me. -
i have being through exactly the same things, done that, felt that, when i spend away my hard earn money after slogging for hours, for a few months, so i know how she feels, she also wants me to continue to study, but she wouldn't lend me, she will feel the pinch, as if i wouldn't.Originally posted by elindra:To
support so many people on a 1k plus salary is no mean feat. I saluate your mum for being able to bring you guys up on that amount of money. Anyway, try to be more understanding on your end. That money is really earned by her sweat and blood and of course if she thinks you are being wasteful, she will really feel the pinch.
Being in an Asian environment, I don't think most parents show their love and affection openly. I guess to her, she shows her love by making sacrifices to bring food on the table and bringing up you guys. Maybe you can start off by being more affectionate towards her. She might slowly warm up towards you and be more expressive about her love as a mother to you, her son.
but man, these educational stuff, can't be helped one what..
as for the food matter, i noticed that everytime, so i everytime don't tell her what i wanna eat, when she calls back to ask if we wanna eat or not. this little care, i do notice, but what can i do??
everytime i buy back food, ask her to eat, she say don't want, what can i do??
corrections it should be supporting the house loan payment, year tv fees, unit tax, electrical bills and food for weekly cooking. she need not support us already, as we have our own ways to support ourselves which is a bunden lessen from her shoulders already.
i don't think i am wasteful, its education here...
being more affectionate to her, as if it will work, she just expects us to pay her some maintanence money monthly only, if full time working, at least a few hundred not looking at our income that we take, she just keep comparing with her frens' kids amount which they give to their parents, didnt consider if we are in the same salary or not..couple of times, when it comes to money...she will just demand it..but now-a-days, she just keep quiet as she roughly know that it's impossible to demand so much..given the little amount that we worked -
del
double post -
Errm keep the food for tml lunch or dinner?Originally posted by weijian:everytime i buy back food, ask her to eat, she say don't want, what can i do??
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Originally posted by M©+square:Like i've mentioned.
You have your method of expressing love.
Your mother have hers. And with all the hardship she's going through, she may not be able to cope with everything, she might not even know how to handle.
May i propose something for your consideration? Your mother may be feeling frustrated and guilty and blaming herself as of why hasn't she given enough to her children, why didn't she shower enough love onto her children.
But all of it, she kept to herself.
_
You may not be the only victim. Neither are your siblings.
Ultimately, all have a part to play - to build or destroy a relationship.
Onto, your post above.....in my personal opinion.
You're better off seeking/advertising for foster parents now? I think you'll be happier.
Cheers why would she wanna do that?
i might as well hope that i faster grow up, move out, then end of my problems.
i know this is an unfillal act, but at least, i will still pay my mom allowances if it's within my means..and i get the freedom to bring my friends back home, now she is like super supicious of the frenz whom my brother and i invite back home, invite that they are bad ppl who just go round to other ppl's hse to steal etc...