Originally posted by Raining Stars:
Hi, came across this forum by chance and find that it is really a very neat and nice one. Wondered if you all can help me with this problem of mine
I am in my mid twenties this year and actually I broke off with my boyfriend like 6 months back. All this while I still have feelings for him but he just keep avoiding me.
Now the problem is as follows, I came to know another guy just a few months back and we have like gone out for the past few weeks, he seems to be a very nice guy and we seems to click off quite well, the same frequency and such
BUT
he mentioned that he is someone who is does not want a relationship that holds back the feelings, when I asked him what does he mean by that he meant that he is more of a physical kind of person
I think I belong to the more conservative side of person so its like he thinks that I am moving too slow while I think that he is moving too fast, initially we said if that is the case, it would be better to remain as friends but then somehow now it becomes a case of 'go with the flow'
So now what should I do? Because it seems to be like its not really a relationship as yet but he wants to have feelings and behaviour like what a couple should do like hugs and kisses etc, I must admit it is not really what I would normally do unless I am deeper into the relationship, and yes, I do have a mutual attraction to him as well.. so any adviceon this matter?
Since you're the girl in this relationship, then you should make your stand and stay firm with it. If he really likes you, he should be able to like you for who you are, be it conservative or not. Just make sure you let him be aware of your concerns.
If a relationship is to survive where one cannot be themselves anymore, then this relationship is definitely doomed to fail. Anyone can change for the better of another one, but the changes will only and always be TEMPORARILY...unless either one of you are great actor/actress. It's because you've been like this all your lives, and you can hope but cannot expect yourself to change permanently for one another. And this is the most common silly mistakes made by alot of couples around the world.
To effectively change, you need to compromise->tolerate->reason. Do you want to compromise? Can you tolerate? Is the reason great enough for you to instill the change? As far as I see, I don't see the need for you to give in to his demands in this relationship. My reason? It's because you are obviously uncomfortable with his request. So do not allow yourself to feel uncomfortable in any relationship else it's isn't a relationship anymore, it's a trap.
Have a talk with him and make your stand and hold it firmly. If he cannot accept it, then perhaps he should be going after the slut-next-door instead of you. Nothing to lose if that's the case, cos you're just too good for him if he's unable to accept your concerns and had to make you feel uncomfortable.
Good luck.
