Should I divorce?
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consider divorce only until after you have exhausted all other options.
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Being a schizoid, I should not be advising on BGR and marriage but I concur that divorce is the last viable option available and should not be taken hastily.
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Before you decide if you should divorce or not, it would be wise to ask yourself what do you want to get out of this decision. Why do you think you want to divorce? What is the consequences of it? Who will suffer if you decided to divorce? Who will benefit from this decision? Will you be happy with a divorce? Is there really no other way to resolve this situation?Originally posted by ToLetGoOrNot:My sister-in-law detest me since I was dating my husband and my in-laws are from a foreign country. Everytime we went back, there will always be an issue. His sister will raise the alarm, badmouth about me to everyone in the family. And then everyone is rude and showed disrecpect to me. I have not done anything wrong at all.
My husband is very protective of his family, especially his younger sister. I have come to realize today, that he failed to protect me as his wife. I am crying alone. The twins are 4. Its been 10 years since we met and married.
Should I just let it go? If a divorce would make them happy, shouldn't I? And I don't wanna make things difficult for my husband. He never listens to my woes. His sister will always be right. How to go about divorcing?
If you realised that your expectations for your husband is making you miserable, you should stop having expectations for your husband. Afterall, you chose to marry him didn't you?
Maybe if you think about the reason of your attraction to him initially, you will be able to realise the reason why you chose to be with him in the first place?
And that reason is what you need to keep your marriage together or it will all fall apart if you're together with him for the wrong reasons.
So what is the real reason for being together with him in the first place? Care to share?
To put it really simply, if you're together with him for the wrong reason initially...then I don't see any need to offer any advice to you cos you should've saw it coming. If you're with him truthfully for the correct reasons, I think you truely deserves our empathy.
Good luck.
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Personally I dont encourage a divorce...Originally posted by ToLetGoOrNot:My sister-in-law detest me since I was dating my husband and my in-laws are from a foreign country. Everytime we went back, there will always be an issue. His sister will raise the alarm, badmouth about me to everyone in the family. And then everyone is rude and showed disrecpect to me. I have not done anything wrong at all.
My husband is very protective of his family, especially his younger sister. I have come to realize today, that he failed to protect me as his wife. I am crying alone. The twins are 4. Its been 10 years since we met and married.
Should I just let it go? If a divorce would make them happy, shouldn't I? And I don't wanna make things difficult for my husband. He never listens to my woes. His sister will always be right. How to go about divorcing?
Marriage doesnt really involves the whole family of either parties of the couples thou indirectly it does but ultimately both of u hav to live, bulit n develope a healthy n happy family together on ur own...
Its not easy for two persons to come together n become a married couple... n hav a great n smooth relationship together... nth is gain wifout any kind of venture, hard work n effort being put in.
Jus try to put urself in ur husband's shoes n spare a thot for him... Its not easy for him cos thats his sister n blood is thicker than water... n whichever sides he takes now... it'll reflect badly on him especially if he opposes the family members which he grew up wif...
Hav a good talk wif ur husband... let him understd hw u feel... dont hav the talk when u r not in a calm mood... let him feel that u really wan things to turn out for the best interests of everyone involved...
As u mentioned... they r not local... everyone fm different families r raised n cultured differently... wat seems rude to some ppl may not seem rude to others... try to look at things fm a different perspective... u'll see the difference.
Dont ever make any rush decisions at the moment of heat, etc... U'll tend to regret later... trust someone who's speaking fm experience thou mine is a v different case fm urs...
Best wishes to u n ur family -
I have been away and stayed at my mom's place for past 3 days. I am currently back home now, although problem has not been solved at all.
Husband have tried to bring me home everyday. Until today, I decided that I have cooled down, and alot of housework has to be done at home, especially the twins will be off to school tomorrow.
For 10 years, we return to his hometown every quater of the year. During each visit, someone will show to me that I am either not welcome or, name calling/insults.
Once, she is sat on the twin's clothings right on the chair, took away a nice plastic container that mom-in-law gave me to put my stuff in, and remove all me items from some place and put them somewhere.
My elder sister-in-law dotes me like her own sister, which I am so glad. At one trip, she gave me 1 bottle of perfume and some bobbybrown makeup. I thanked her and left it on the table in our room. I later found another box of expensive anti-ageing cream costing about SGD$300 in a plastic bag right at my desk. I am not sure if she gave it to me, but I just left it untouched. Next day it was gone. I was surprised that she was looking for it. In the end, the younger sis was the one who took and kept it.
Another time, she told the whole world bad things about me, and one of the cousin showed me her face with eye contact.
Have anyone's been called a "dog shit" before? Her uncle did (when I was first introduced to the family).
When I was pregnant with the twins, there was nothing for me to eat in their home. Instead mom-in-law asked me to pack up some all clothings that we left behind last trip, saying there was no place.
There are so much more! The latest one is she asked her maid to keep an eye on me, worrying I would be stealing her things. She would hide behind the door of dressing room, which everyone shares, and suddenly appears to "catch" me. I don't need to steal.
I tell myself never to return to that place again. Now my mom-in-law(misses the twins), father-in-law (fell down, hurt himself), and elder sis-in-law(free 5star hotel stay for us) is trying to get me to go back. This is the second time I have popped the word "divorce" to my husband this year. I even wrote it on the MSN name: Divorce or not? Will it make everyone happier? The younger sis saw it and try to ask me "how are you". I never spoke a word for fear of trouble with her.
Right now, my mum have told me to keep the marriage going for the kids.
I know divorce is impending because, I lack the emotional support from my husband. My right palm is already showing a split marriage line. Its just not now but maybe later, I guess. For all of you who wanna know, I was a network engineer many years ago. I am not a stupid person but then I am very gullible sometimes. Like my husband said, I am kind but easily manipulated which is not good.
Is it correct that I look for a lawyer to discuss about divorce proceedings? -
Have you told your husband what you have told us here?Originally posted by ToLetGoOrNot:I have been away and stayed at my mom's place for past 3 days. I am currently back home now, although problem has not been solved at all.
Husband have tried to bring me home everyday. Until today, I decided that I have cooled down, and alot of housework has to be done at home, especially the twins will be off to school tomorrow.
For 10 years, we return to his hometown every quater of the year. During each visit, someone will show to me that I am either not welcome or, name calling/insults.
Once, she is sat on the twin's clothings right on the chair, took away a nice plastic container that mom-in-law gave me to put my stuff in, and remove all me items from some place and put them somewhere.
My elder sister-in-law dotes me like her own sister, which I am so glad. At one trip, she gave me 1 bottle of perfume and some bobbybrown makeup. I thanked her and left it on the table in our room. I later found another box of expensive anti-ageing cream costing about SGD$300 in a plastic bag right at my desk. I am not sure if she gave it to me, but I just left it untouched. Next day it was gone. I was surprised that she was looking for it. In the end, the younger sis was the one who took and kept it.
Another time, she told the whole world bad things about me, and one of the cousin showed me her face with eye contact.
Have anyone's been called a "dog shit" before? Her uncle did (when I was first introduced to the family).
When I was pregnant with the twins, there was nothing for me to eat in their home. Instead mom-in-law asked me to pack up some all clothings that we left behind last trip, saying there was no place.
There are so much more! The latest one is she asked her maid to keep an eye on me, worrying I would be stealing her things. She would hide behind the door of dressing room, which everyone shares, and suddenly appears to "catch" me. I don't need to steal.
I tell myself never to return to that place again. Now my mom-in-law(misses the twins), father-in-law (fell down, hurt himself), and elder sis-in-law(free 5star hotel stay for us) is trying to get me to go back. This is the second time I have popped the word "divorce" to my husband this year. I even wrote it on the MSN name: Divorce or not? Will it make everyone happier? The younger sis saw it and try to ask me "how are you". I never spoke a word for fear of trouble with her.
Right now, my mum have told me to keep the marriage going for the kids.
I know divorce is impending because, I lack the emotional support from my husband. My right palm is already showing a split marriage line. Its just not now but maybe later, I guess. For all of you who wanna know, I was a network engineer many years ago. I am not a stupid person but then I am very gullible sometimes. Like my husband said, I am kind but easily manipulated which is not good.
Is it correct that I look for a lawyer to discuss about divorce proceedings? -
Before you proceed with the lawyers, have you talk to your husband about it? I rather you see a family counsellor first even if it means going alone. Your divorce options will always be there. But have you tried other options as well? Have you talked to your doting sister in law?Originally posted by ToLetGoOrNot:I have been away and stayed at my mom's place for past 3 days. I am currently back home now, although problem has not been solved at all.
Husband have tried to bring me home everyday. Until today, I decided that I have cooled down, and alot of housework has to be done at home, especially the twins will be off to school tomorrow.
For 10 years, we return to his hometown every quater of the year. During each visit, someone will show to me that I am either not welcome or, name calling/insults.
Once, she is sat on the twin's clothings right on the chair, took away a nice plastic container that mom-in-law gave me to put my stuff in, and remove all me items from some place and put them somewhere.
My elder sister-in-law dotes me like her own sister, which I am so glad. At one trip, she gave me 1 bottle of perfume and some bobbybrown makeup. I thanked her and left it on the table in our room. I later found another box of expensive anti-ageing cream costing about SGD$300 in a plastic bag right at my desk. I am not sure if she gave it to me, but I just left it untouched. Next day it was gone. I was surprised that she was looking for it. In the end, the younger sis was the one who took and kept it.
Another time, she told the whole world bad things about me, and one of the cousin showed me her face with eye contact.
Have anyone's been called a "dog shit" before? Her uncle did (when I was first introduced to the family).
When I was pregnant with the twins, there was nothing for me to eat in their home. Instead mom-in-law asked me to pack up some all clothings that we left behind last trip, saying there was no place.
There are so much more! The latest one is she asked her maid to keep an eye on me, worrying I would be stealing her things. She would hide behind the door of dressing room, which everyone shares, and suddenly appears to "catch" me. I don't need to steal.
I tell myself never to return to that place again. Now my mom-in-law(misses the twins), father-in-law (fell down, hurt himself), and elder sis-in-law(free 5star hotel stay for us) is trying to get me to go back. This is the second time I have popped the word "divorce" to my husband this year. I even wrote it on the MSN name: Divorce or not? Will it make everyone happier? The younger sis saw it and try to ask me "how are you". I never spoke a word for fear of trouble with her.
Right now, my mum have told me to keep the marriage going for the kids.
I know divorce is impending because, I lack the emotional support from my husband. My right palm is already showing a split marriage line. Its just not now but maybe later, I guess. For all of you who wanna know, I was a network engineer many years ago. I am not a stupid person but then I am very gullible sometimes. Like my husband said, I am kind but easily manipulated which is not good.
Is it correct that I look for a lawyer to discuss about divorce proceedings?
Of course to be humiliated by in laws is something which you shouldnt let it go of your mind freely. I would be angry too if i were in your case. Liasing with in laws is not an wise option. Though its still an option.
Of course, you are a grown woman. Im sure you have decide on the matter already. Here we could just tell you the viable options besides divorce. Because like i said previously, your kids will suffer. If lets say your husband got the custody of both kids, what happens if he sends them to stay with your in laws? You might not be able to meet them often. And thus they will lose touch with you. Already the in laws do not like you. They could bad mouthing you to the kids.
Assume that you both each got a child as custodian. U mention they are twins. Twins have special bonds with eact other. Do you bear to see them apart? Twins need each other grow up. Play with each other. To identify with each other. If they are separated, they will have an empty childhood.
Have you thought about everything else? Custody, alimony, your life, family, future, career etc etc etc.... if you have, i urge you to think twice again.
But alas, i would divorce him if i were you. but its just me. Not you. Maybe you are different.
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Your question is exactly what is causing him to flare up on me. When this subject was brooched, he will be very defensive of his family. That is why I feel hurt, disheartened, despised and in despair.
When the person closest to you does not give you support. What is there to live for in this world?
My heartache is overiding some of your concerns of what would happen to the children. I will fight all costs to keep the twins with me. I doubt the in-laws will love them with all their heart.
You know what did my husband say when the twins were born? Oh no, gotta test the kids for DNA. My twins were borned with brown hair, look like Eurasian just like me. I was born this way too. The in-laws never loved the twins until recently only. The younger sis's boyfriend actually had the guts to ask me "excuse me, but why do your kids look like Eurasians?
My IC states I am a chinese but I have the look of Eurasian which many always mistaken. So is it my fault? My eyes are brown, so are my kids.
Even eurasian friends and the kids' teachers asked me if I was pure chinese.Originally posted by ILPSY:Have you told your husband what you have told us here? -
ai ya.. jus don go home back to your in law place la.. so simple.. avoid if cant get along.. isnt tt the best way?
my parents also don like my sis in law.. then she also nv come to my house.. peace.. then when once in a while see each other jus smile smile avoid contact to avoid trouble.. tink nowadays ppl r taking relationship too lightly abit onli wanna break and divorce etc..
heard of the saying in hundred years to board the same ship, in thousand years to sleep in the same bed.. -
Ya, agree. Just visit ur in-laws lesser and each time, shorter period. i think a lot of men will be defensive, but they gotta solve this prob with u. If he wants to go back more often, then he gotts solve this prob.Originally posted by heluim:ai ya.. jus don go home back to your in law place la.. so simple.. avoid if cant get along.. isnt tt the best way?
my parents also don like my sis in law.. then she also nv come to my house.. peace.. then when once in a while see each other jus smile smile avoid contact to avoid trouble.. tink nowadays ppl r taking relationship too lightly abit onli wanna break and divorce etc..
heard of the saying in hundred years to board the same ship, in thousand years to sleep in the same bed..
It is not easy to find someone whom u really love and who loves u too, yet can get along. Treasure it. -
Simple as it may sound, it's not always applicable.Originally posted by heluim:ai ya.. jus don go home back to your in law place la.. so simple.. avoid if cant get along.. isnt tt the best way?
my parents also don like my sis in law.. then she also nv come to my house.. peace.. then when once in a while see each other jus smile smile avoid contact to avoid trouble.. tink nowadays ppl r taking relationship too lightly abit onli wanna break and divorce etc..
heard of the saying in hundred years to board the same ship, in thousand years to sleep in the same bed.. -
u are going to stay with ur husband not his sister so why worry?
if the marriage is going well and u have children, the more u should stay in the marriage.....
maybe his sister had some misunderstand with u....
i know get badmouth is not a good feeling because everybody dun like it ....
try ur best to get out of the situation.. and dun take into hard... -
Try to avoid going back lor. Don't care about others so long as you love your husband. Just turn a deaf ear and a blind eye towards them. The less you meet them and talk to them, the less agitated you are.
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Better go seperate way since your husband dun care a damn abt your difficulty getting along with his family members. Without getting support from your husband is already a tremendous torment and if you were to continuously submitting to him well you will never find happiness in your life.
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You know why he flare up?Originally posted by ToLetGoOrNot:Your question is exactly what is causing him to flare up on me. When this subject was brooched, he will be very defensive of his family. That is why I feel hurt, disheartened, despised and in despair.
When the person closest to you does not give you support. What is there to live for in this world?
My heartache is overiding some of your concerns of what would happen to the children. I will fight all costs to keep the twins with me. I doubt the in-laws will love them with all their heart.
You know what did my husband say when the twins were born? Oh no, gotta test the kids for DNA. My twins were borned with brown hair, look like Eurasian just like me. I was born this way too. The in-laws never loved the twins until recently only. The younger sis's boyfriend actually had the guts to ask me "excuse me, but why do your kids look like Eurasians?
My IC states I am a chinese but I have the look of Eurasian which many always mistaken. So is it my fault? My eyes are brown, so are my kids.
Even eurasian friends and the kids' teachers asked me if I was pure chinese.
He loves his family and your suggestion that you cannot mesh with them makes him feel conflicted. He feels trapped in between both parties and he will not understand you situation cause he will always feel they are family, no matter how bad they are. Therefore, you cannot expect him to support you and go all out against his family.
From his point of view, his family are always loving and endearing with all their funny traits. To you, all these things just grates on your nerves. It depends on whose view.
At most you should avoid contact with them even on MSN. Having an MSN alias like that will invite more nasty talk from nasty people. Why did you want to feel the troll with more juicy stuff to create more trouble for yourself. Some families are abrasive, others are scheming - I had very rich relatives who are very condescending and scheming while expecting us to bow down to them and observe all the rich people decorum with every action. Its tedious. What kind of in-laws you have. Have they beaten you or what? Don't listen too much to whatever they say - can act blur or not?
Your husband had asked you everyday to go back home. He still cares for you but remember he need to keep his dignity as well. You cannot expect him to beg and crawl cause he did nothing wrong except be less supportive. He did not stop loving you as he tried to ask you to go back. All you need to establish is whether your husband loves you.
Communication is 2 ways. Did you shut him out as well? You did not seem to see it from his point of view but you expected him to support you. Besides, stupid people say the stupidest things. They just don't know how to keep their mouth shut. I had been call fat, stupid, toad, idiot, good-for-nothing, and etc by my own family and relatives and especially during major festivals where we meet up. You think I like them. You think telling my parents help me or would my folks go "punish" them? NO. I handle it myself and there are many ways not to let them get to you.
If a DNA test is needed, then do it. Sometimes it takes very little to shut people up. If they cannot be respectful, then you can choose your reaction or simply avoid them altogether. If they think you play around, then ask them for prove. Talk is cheap. Anyways, you only see them once every quarter - I will be living with mine 365 days a yr. So why are you so worked up over their nasty comments? Does your husband believe any of their rubbish? If not, why do you even bother what sh!t they say. The mouth is theirs, they can eat sh!t if they like.
Right now, if you ask me. You are just angry and not listening. And you are doing something impulsive and might regret.
Can you take a long calm breather. Don't do anything. Just don't think about any marital problems. You need to clear your head. -
You are probably partly right. I was mad and too rash. After many days of cold war, I have cooled down.
His relatives are not the filthy rich kind but because they are a big family, it is easy for them to bully me.
I have just block them all out from my MSN. Few days ago, a cousin-in-law, logins and seems to be online to ask me about the divorce. I quickly named myself "Don't talk to me if you wanna humiliate me". He quickly blocked me.
Although I was angry, my heart remains infiltrated with thoughts of divorce.
I have no idea how long our marriage will last.
My husband knew some of their nonsense, in fact he was one of the witness. After some insults, I quickly hide in the room. Not a word was mentioned.
I don't need to do any DNA test on my kids just for them, unless it is for my husband. However, I am beginning to question my family line. Will be posting another question about tracing family ancestry.
Nevertheless, I have hope as I find comfort in your dressing down message and everyone elses.
I will still find out about the process of divorce and it will be the last resort if things turn worst.Originally posted by mistyblue:You know why he flare up?
He loves his family and your suggestion that you cannot mesh with them makes him feel conflicted. He feels trapped in between both parties and he will not understand you situation cause he will always feel they are family, no matter how bad they are. Therefore, you cannot expect him to support you and go all out against his family.
From his point of view, his family are always loving and endearing with all their funny traits. To you, all these things just grates on your nerves. It depends on whose view.
At most you should avoid contact with them even on MSN. Having an MSN alias like that will invite more nasty talk from nasty people. Why did you want to feel the troll with more juicy stuff to create more trouble for yourself. Some families are abrasive, others are scheming - I had very rich relatives who are very condescending and scheming while expecting us to bow down to them and observe all the rich people decorum with every action. Its tedious. What kind of in-laws you have. Have they beaten you or what? Don't listen too much to whatever they say - can act blur or not?
Your husband had asked you everyday to go back home. He still cares for you but remember he need to keep his dignity as well. You cannot expect him to beg and crawl cause he did nothing wrong except be less supportive. He did not stop loving you as he tried to ask you to go back. All you need to establish is whether your husband loves you.
Communication is 2 ways. Did you shut him out as well? You did not seem to see it from his point of view but you expected him to support you. Besides, stupid people say the stupidest things. They just don't know how to keep their mouth shut. I had been call fat, stupid, toad, idiot, good-for-nothing, and etc by my own family and relatives and especially during major festivals where we meet up. You think I like them. You think telling my parents help me or would my folks go "punish" them? NO. I handle it myself and there are many ways not to let them get to you.
If a DNA test is needed, then do it. Sometimes it takes very little to shut people up. If they cannot be respectful, then you can choose your reaction or simply avoid them altogether. If they think you play around, then ask them for prove. Talk is cheap. Anyways, you only see them once every quarter - I will be living with mine 365 days a yr. So why are you so worked up over their nasty comments? Does your husband believe any of their rubbish? If not, why do you even bother what sh!t they say. The mouth is theirs, they can eat sh!t if they like.
Right now, if you ask me. You are just angry and not listening. And you are doing something impulsive and might regret.
Can you take a long calm breather. Don't do anything. Just don't think about any marital problems. You need to clear your head. -
ToLetGoOrNot...Why did you choose to marry your husband?
Care to share your reason? -
We have been together since 1995. Along the way during our relationship, there were some heartaches like any other couple. We have been together for so long because he held on. We have travelled together, we have many common in interests, we are compatible in everyway. We hardly have any conflicts.
In fact, we were doing fine even after the twins are born. Our kids are so beautiful and adorable. Everyone just love' em wherever they go. We are a very happy family despite problems with in-laws.
Now he is temperamental. When moody, he will pick on me. Any thing that is not a problem, he thinks its my fault. He does not laugh or joke with my family like he used to. He avoided to stay in my mum's place. He just starting to show he could not accept what I am. He would criticize me contantly. My monthly expenditures had never gone beyond the usual mthly amount I spent on.
He was not like that before the last trip to his home town.
I can understand if it is stress at work causing this problem, but it isn't. Our monthly income is comfortable enough and I haven't been spending more. If he is happy, everything is peaceful.
For a woman like me, I would feel upset why he chose to pick on me at this stage and this time, especially when I have not done anything wrong.
I believe someone in his family has a hand in this.
I just told him recently that he need to respect my family the same way he need me to respect his family.
Yesterday, he finally stay over in my mums place for the weekend, and asks them to go out for breakfast.
I don't know who exactly has been talking to him . But deep in my heart, I have decided that if he thinks I am not the wife he likes to be, lets live apart and make everyone happy.
I'm a person who will not hang on to something which is not meant to be.
He knows I will go if he and his family goes overboard. Now, he has tone down and tries not to make me cry.
Well, something definitely has changed. My trust in him to protect me and our marriage. Its so much heartache. Think about the happier times we had. Now we are trying to be back on track. But it can never be the same again because I know what ever happens, it will always be my fault.
He has left for his hometown today (for business) but will be back few days later. I just hope there will be no problem when he comes back.Originally posted by parn:ToLetGoOrNot...Why did you choose to marry your husband?
Care to share your reason? -
You said earlier that your husband does not think that there is a problem.
Could it be all in your head? You want more attention from him and more affection from him and because it is not forthcoming, you feel disappointed?
That is hardly grounds for divorce IMHO.
Learn to leave him alone and find solace in your kids, family and friends.
Don't depend so much on your husband and see what happens...
Some times, doing less is better than trying to do something more. -
I'm sorry, I missed your question.
I'm in my thirties, married for 6 years and currently a housewife.Originally posted by Devil1976:Then I think you've got quite a serious problem on hand....
How old are you? How long have you been married? Are you currently working or a housewife? -
Yes, all the while he denies there is a serious problem with his sister and me. What sparked our recent cold war is because of his bad attitude towards me and my family, and for denying that his sister is creating problems for me or rather us.
His sister is the one who wants his attention. She pulls her face on seeing how her brother dotes his children. She just could not accept that her brother has a family to take care for now. And hates the children and the wife for taking him away from her. She is unhappy when her elder sister treat me as one of their family. Do you understand?
Frankly, I was asking for attention for this problem.
I ever thought I was over-reacting but that was in the early years. There is a problem with his sister and now there are problems between me and my husband because he treats me and my family with a bad attitude.
Do you know how he each time he will come to pick up me and the kids without coming up to my mum's place? My mum have to bring the kids down to his car.
Do you know how each time he will leave the table halfway and not eat together with all of us (including my family) during dinner outings?
I asked him does he have a problem with my family, he said no. But how can there be no problem? Denial denial denial.
As I've said, he is just becoming a different person. We have arguments almost every week. And all because he finds fault with me for trivial things, instead of protecting me and our marriage.
Do you know his mum told us that I will be unfaithful in our marriage and this has caused him not to trust me significantly? Including thinking that our kids are not his fresh and blood?
Do you know his sister was here in Singapore last year bad mouthed me again, that time he went back with her to their hometown and he purposely ignored my birthday the very day? I have no hope for my coming birthday this month.
Do you know he had promised a trip to Paris for 2 years, and finally soon on this year's wedding anniversary. And he just told me yesterday, there will be some tasks (business) to complete before I can claim this reward of "Paris trip". I told him I don't need this reward. I will go to Paris myself. I will still do his work though.
Do you know how he wanted to know how much I have in my bank account and I don't even have the slightest interest in his total assets?
Do you know he recently complains how I run the household and taking care of the children, and it should be done the same way as it is with his family?
I know I am not a perfect wife. It seems I am not meeting his family's expectation.
He is unhappy with me because of his sister or family and I am willing to go.
So what are the grounds for divorce for this case?
Just wanna know. Just in case we can't make our marriage work.Originally posted by casino_king:You said earlier that your husband does not think that there is a problem.
Could it be all in your head? You want more attention from him and more affection from him and because it is not forthcoming, you feel disappointed?
That is hardly grounds for divorce IMHO.
Learn to leave him alone and find solace in your kids, family and friends.
Don't depend so much on your husband and see what happens...
Some times, doing less is better than trying to do something more. -
First thing that came to my mind when i read your above post.
Have you ever suspected that he seeing someone else? He seems to be looking outwards/elsewhere, distracted.
His sister/family and probably you, may not be the cause of the problem, just a catalyst. -
I personally believe your relationship should have quite a foundation or something? Other than the possibility of 'external factor' which you might not be quite aware of that is affecting yor hubby's behavior (but I won't encourage you to make groundless spectaculations on this to make the situation worse)...Originally posted by ToLetGoOrNot:I'm sorry, I missed your question.
I'm in my thirties, married for 6 years and currently a housewife.
The more likely direct 'external factor' might be as you've suspected... His family? How many siblings he has got? Other than his younger sister who is against you, how are your general relationship with each of his immediate family members? Also... You've mentioned that his elder sister treats you as one of the family... Are you on good terms with her? Anyway you can get her on your side to speak up to an extent for you during times?
What is your hubby's nationality? What are your and your hubby's horoscopes?
Also... How was the lifestyle with your hubby like BEFORE the marriage? Lots of travels? How is the relationship like now...? Quite different...? Have you try to re-live that lifestyle once in a while despite having children and into a marriage now...? Were the 2 of you close friends back then...? Anyway to maintain that form of friendship and understanding... Putting away the family issues for just a while at times...? Can you talk not only like a married couple should but as friends as well..?
Other than the changes in him... Have you noticed any changes in you...? Not talking about expenses and such... But do you tend to make much more demands now that you're married to him with kids...? Can you try to chat and talk down to a more simple level of basic necessities to be within the family (you, him and the 2 kids)?
Despite him thinking that there's no problem (and you think that there is...)... Can you try to get him down for family counselling... Just for chatting purpose...? Just tell him that you really need that kinda time to sit down together and chat... Ask him if he would be willing to spend that kinda time for the better of his kids, you and the family...? -
Originally posted by ToLetGoOrNot:
Do you know his mum told us that I will be unfaithful in our marriage and this has caused him not to trust me significantly? Including thinking that our kids are not his fresh and blood?
As much as you do not wish for him to let whatever others are telling him affect your family (of 4), do not let whatever others say affect you too... Ultimately they'll just have the same results... Being BAD for your family (of 4).... Ask him to do a DNA test if he has any doubt.
Do you know he had promised a trip to Paris for 2 years, and finally soon on this year's wedding anniversary. And he just told me yesterday, there will be some tasks (business) to complete before I can claim this reward of "Paris trip". I told him I don't need this reward. I will go to Paris myself. I will still do his work though.
Not meaning to belittle your 'rights' too much... But now is really not quite a good time to throw your temper over things when things are already messy enough in the 1st place... Set your priority right... Settle the more 'itchy' and important problems 1st...
Do you know how he wanted to know how much I have in my bank account and I don't even have the slightest interest in his total assets?
As above. Not a good time to ask about things which others can use to badmouth you.
He is unhappy with me because of his sister or family and I am willing to go.
So what are the grounds for divorce for this case?
Just wanna know. Just in case we can't make our marriage work.
If you INTEND to FIGHT for this MARRIAGE... Don't always mention about 'divorce'... If you do, you're already losing HALF of the battle AT LEAST.... -
i didn't read the entire posts by others
my contribution based solely on your post:
No matter what, i think a man should protect and stand up for the wife
If he don't want to try solving the problem with you, you have to do something.
I think it's good to tok to him in a better way
like telling him how u feel, propose some solutions and not forcing him to make a decision..
if you think things are fine except for the bad r/ship with your in-law
wad u can do is to try avoiding visiting his family if possible
ask your husband to bring the kids over himself and find some excuse..