Should I divorce?
-
Irreconcilable Differences
The existence of significant differences between a married couple that are so great and beyond resolution as to make the marriage unworkable, and for which the law permits a divorce.
A divorce premised on the ground of irreconcilable differences is considered a no-fault divorce since there is no need to establish that one party is more responsible or at fault for the end of the marriage than the other.
In Singapore there must be at least 3 years of "separation." You can be "separated" while living under the same roof.
Since your husband does not think that there is a problem, and you are ready to divorce him, why not just ignore his behavior and get on with your life finding happiness elsewhere without actually separating and thinking of separating?
Get a job, find new friends, start a new hobby, go for classes to learn new things, go out with friends, go on holidays without him, spend more time with your children and relatives...
Just simply get a life for yourself without the involvement of your husband. Try to ignore all the hurtful things he does to you and simply live your own life.
This is like taking a break from your relationship with him without a physical break. Then see what happens after about a year or so? It has to be a long term plan in terms of years since you are already married.
In the meantime if you are in the mood, then do something nice for him and if not, just ignore him and get on with finding happiness in your life without him.
If he ask you, just tell him that you are not happy and are trying to be happy and lead a happy life.Originally posted by ToLetGoOrNot:Yes, all the while he denies there is a serious problem with his sister and me. What sparked our recent cold war is because of his bad attitude towards me and my family, and for denying that his sister is creating problems for me or rather us.
His sister is the one who wants his attention. She pulls her face on seeing how her brother dotes his children. She just could not accept that her brother has a family to take care for now. And hates the children and the wife for taking him away from her. She is unhappy when her elder sister treat me as one of their family. Do you understand?
Frankly, I was asking for attention for this problem.
I ever thought I was over-reacting but that was in the early years. There is a problem with his sister and now there are problems between me and my husband because he treats me and my family with a bad attitude.
Do you know how he each time he will come to pick up me and the kids without coming up to my mum's place? My mum have to bring the kids down to his car.
Do you know how each time he will leave the table halfway and not eat together with all of us (including my family) during dinner outings?
I asked him does he have a problem with my family, he said no. But how can there be no problem? Denial denial denial.
As I've said, he is just becoming a different person. We have arguments almost every week. And all because he finds fault with me for trivial things, instead of protecting me and our marriage.
Do you know his mum told us that I will be unfaithful in our marriage and this has caused him not to trust me significantly? Including thinking that our kids are not his fresh and blood?
Do you know his sister was here in Singapore last year bad mouthed me again, that time he went back with her to their hometown and he purposely ignored my birthday the very day? I have no hope for my coming birthday this month.
Do you know he had promised a trip to Paris for 2 years, and finally soon on this year's wedding anniversary. And he just told me yesterday, there will be some tasks (business) to complete before I can claim this reward of "Paris trip". I told him I don't need this reward. I will go to Paris myself. I will still do his work though.
Do you know how he wanted to know how much I have in my bank account and I don't even have the slightest interest in his total assets?
Do you know he recently complains how I run the household and taking care of the children, and it should be done the same way as it is with his family?
I know I am not a perfect wife. It seems I am not meeting his family's expectation.
He is unhappy with me because of his sister or family and I am willing to go.
So what are the grounds for divorce for this case?
Just wanna know. Just in case we can't make our marriage work. -
Note. Often, this move would also mean you're looking highly forward to a divorce already...Originally posted by casino_king:Irreconcilable Differences
The existence of significant differences between a married couple that are so great and beyond resolution as to make the marriage unworkable, and for which the law permits a divorce.
A divorce premised on the ground of irreconcilable differences is considered a no-fault divorce since there is no need to establish that one party is more responsible or at fault for the end of the marriage than the other.
In Singapore there must be at least 3 years of "separation." You can be "separated" while living under the same roof.
Since your husband does not think that there is a problem, and you are ready to divorce him, why not just ignore his behavior and get on with your life finding happiness elsewhere without actually separating and thinking of separating?
Get a job, find new friends, start a new hobby, go for classes to learn new things, go out with friends, go on holidays without him, spend more time with your children and relatives...
Just simply get a life for yourself without the involvement of your husband. Try to ignore all the hurtful things he does to you and simply live your own life.
This is like taking a break from your relationship with him without a physical break. Then see what happens after about a year or so? It has to be a long term plan in terms of years since you are already married.
In the meantime if you are in the mood, then do something nice for him and if not, just ignore him and get on with finding happiness in your life without him.
If he ask you, just tell him that you are not happy and are trying to be happy and lead a happy life. -
Not necessarily one lah... sometimes when you hold too tight, you lose it...Originally posted by Devil1976:Note. Often, this move would also mean you're looking highly forward to a divorce already... -
More for couples getting too routine.Originally posted by casino_king:Not necessarily one lah... sometimes when you hold too tight, you lose it...
For couples already on verge on problems.. It's often like building an extra wall in between... Note that the 'pattern' is a bit like COLD WAR... Just that it's not really to that EXTREME. But for a husband already on 'unfriendly mode'.. You'll never really know how he might interpret it.
Though I can agree with you on the 'not necessarily' part... But I personally do find it too big a risk to take... And yes. I understand you're trying to say that sometimes 'avoidance' can reduce conflicts and pace a change in momentum. -
You got a point that I should be making myself happy. I will proceed with the New Zealand and Paris trip that I have always look forward to.
I am also keen to get a new car (which he disapproves).
However, it is impossible for me to work outside, because we are partners in business. I wished I could dressed up nicely and become an active working woman again, unfortunately that is not possible. I am currently a work at home mum.
Even when I go out with my girlfriends for gathering or dinner, he will want to tag along or otherwise keep calling to check and ask me to go home early.
God I really hate his sister. -
Switch off your handphone! Partners in the same business is a nightmare. It would seem that you two are just spending too much time together. Buy a new car even if he disapproves and tell him that you have the right to be happy and buying a new car makes you happy. Tell him that it might be a silly thing to do but it makes you happy. Then ask him to accompany you to check out the new cars in showrooms. If he realises that you are determined to buy whether he approves or not, he will have no choice but to go along. If he refuses, then go yourself or with some other friends and leave the brochures lying around at home. Give him some time to come around but if he doesn't then just go out and get it.Originally posted by ToLetGoOrNot:You got a point that I should be making myself happy. I will proceed with the New Zealand and Paris trip that I have always look forward to.
I am also keen to get a new car (which he disapproves).
However, it is impossible for me to work outside, because we are partners in business. I wished I could dressed up nicely and become an active working woman again, unfortunately that is not possible. I am currently a work at home mum.
Even when I go out with my girlfriends for gathering or dinner, he will want to tag along or otherwise keep calling to check and ask me to go home early.
God I really hate his sister.
Go for holidays with your friends if he doesn't want to go.
You have to start being a happy person before you can even think of having a happy relationship. So make yourself happy whenever you can. -
Being a happy person is a totally different thing from being in a happy relationship. You get too bochap in a relationship, might just give the other party the impression that you couldn't be bother with him / the relationship or has already given up hope on everything. It's all up to his interpretations, and often you cannot control how a person think...Originally posted by casino_king:Switch off your handphone! Partners in the same business is a nightmare. It would seem that you two are just spending too much time together. Buy a new car even if he disapproves and tell him that you have the right to be happy and buying a new car makes you happy. Tell him that it might be a silly thing to do but it makes you happy. Then ask him to accompany you to check out the new cars in showrooms. If he realises that you are determined to buy whether he approves or not, he will have no choice but to go along. If he refuses, then go yourself or with some other friends and leave the brochures lying around at home. Give him some time to come around but if he doesn't then just go out and get it.
Go for holidays with your friends if he doesn't want to go.
You have to start being a happy person before you can even think of having a happy relationship. So make yourself happy whenever you can.
Pls do not add oil to burning flames. Once things are done, they're often irreversible. -
If you intend to take casino_king's advice, I will not stop you.Originally posted by ToLetGoOrNot:You got a point that I should be making myself happy. I will proceed with the New Zealand and Paris trip that I have always look forward to.
I am also keen to get a new car (which he disapproves).
However, it is impossible for me to work outside, because we are partners in business. I wished I could dressed up nicely and become an active working woman again, unfortunately that is not possible. I am currently a work at home mum.
Even when I go out with my girlfriends for gathering or dinner, he will want to tag along or otherwise keep calling to check and ask me to go home early.
God I really hate his sister.
But good luck? -
i may be a bad guy giving a reply like this but tru the thread starter's posts i can tell that this problem has been highlighted many times over and over again to her husband whom on the other hand did not try to do anything to resolve this situation.
me as other ppl's hubby read this liao also angry. i'm sorry to say this but if i were u, i'll fight for the twins and leave the incestous family alone. sry for that word but it really made me feel that way. they love themselves more than anybody else even though you are their daughter-in-law. this is totally unacceptable. whats worse is that they even call u names. Com'on girl, nobody has the freaking rights to call u names.
go for a divorce fight for the kid's custody, and also make sure u get ur alimony. this way even if u r not financially prepared for life after marriage u still have some income coming in from that useless man. -
your husband SUCKS! nb care about relative for wad? its supposed to be about you and him happy, he should be on YOUR side instead of other fu ckers obviously. my condolences.
-
how about an annulment?
-
Originally posted by missqi:speaking as a kid from a divorced family, i think divorce should never be the answer.
-
Oh dear. I read thru all your post. I sympathise with you fully. It's not easy but you are blessed with a pair of beautiful kids.Originally posted by ToLetGoOrNot:My sister-in-law detest me since I was dating my husband and my in-laws are from a foreign country. Everytime we went back, there will always be an issue. His sister will raise the alarm, badmouth about me to everyone in the family. And then everyone is rude and showed disrecpect to me. I have not done anything wrong at all.
My husband is very protective of his family, especially his younger sister. I have come to realize today, that he failed to protect me as his wife. I am crying alone. The twins are 4. Its been 10 years since we met and married.
Should I just let it go? If a divorce would make them happy, shouldn't I? And I don't wanna make things difficult for my husband. He never listens to my woes. His sister will always be right. How to go about divorcing?
YOu don't have to visit your in law if you don't want to.
If your hsuband is not listening to your grievances, let him be. Write him a note (handwritten, not type) on all the grief you have been through but remember to stress on you wanting him to understand how you feel because you respect him and this marriage. This way, even though he doesn't want to listen, he will sure read.
Dun utter the word divorce, ok.
There is no turning back if you do it too many times.
If you need a training counsellor to speak with, PM me, I know some of them from those family society.
One question (I'm very curious) : Where is your husband's hometown?
I am very curious to know which country / town they are from. You see, somehow their behaviours have to do with their culture and upbringing. -
Why dont you just make yourself disappear for a short while.. make him re-think of your importance vice visa haha