Just a concern/thought
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Originally posted by choco B:
u sure mah? haha. i'm now wooing my ex back again. and she acts like she doesn't want me to talk to her. but when i ignored her, she became sad and told me she still loves me. i changed alot for her. and i'm very sure i'll remain like this because it has become a habit. haha. i've been giving in to her everytime now. but i'm afraid she'll take me for granted. she says she wanted to patch but something's stoppin her and she doesn't know what it is. hahas. women are too complicated...
[b]Girls are playful. We like the drama, we like to feel wanted, loved, needed. We like to be able to say - "hey, even if it didn't work out, we're still friends ma, can still be friends right?" It makes her look magnanimous, and if the ex can't get over her, then her ego is boosted and he is an even bigger loser.
Thus even if she knows very well that she is not interested, she still wants to be in his life, and vice versa - wants him in her life.
How should you react to the above? Well if you're secure enough in the knowledge that she is sensible and fully committed, you may let her have her source of ego trip and just b|tch along. Then again why leave an opening for people to wreck havock, right? It's really up to you how strict you wanna be about this, but keep in mind that it's impossible to dictate what company your girl should keep... she may still be in contact with them without your knowing. And it's too tiring to be suspicious all the time. Bottomline is, for this matter, better tackle using the soft method rather than hard method.
Her ex sounds desperate and abit screw loose. Get back with him to be a surrogate mother / maid? Just because he can provide transport?? And a guy who's naive enough to expect things to be same as past? Your girl would be crazy to take him seriously at all .
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Then u let her know how hurt or diffcult you are feeling lor...Originally posted by dcx:Dunno how to start.....
Anyway, here it goes...yesterday night my gf told me that one of her ex-es msn during one of the nights and keep pestering her to return to his side, despite knowing from her that she has a bf, which is me...
In many ways, my gf has told him that he doesn't stand any chance and adviced him to look forward instead of looking back at the past they had
togather. And instead of heeding her advices/words, he chose otherwise and kept asking her to be with him, saying that she's the one that can take care of his family (He has a son which is erm...3~5yrs old)....Nbz....!#$#&*@!%!^*#
hMz...abit lazy to write story...here below are the reasons in point-forms which he gave her:-
1] She's the one he feel that she can take care of him n his family
2] He has sold his car and bought a new one and said that he can drive her n his son ard..
3] He still miss her and wished that they can be togather, just like in the past.
In fact, this's not the 1st time he pester her and he's not the only one whom have been pestering her( There's another ex-bf of hers also 'chu' the same pattern)...quite a couple of times...though i've previously told my gf that since if she find both of them annoying, then just block them in her msn....but seems like she did not. Well...i'm fine with the facts that she still keep contacts with her ex-bfs, but i just dun understand why she keep complaining abt her ex bfs pestering/annoying her and when i sugguested her to block them, she didn't....hMz....an zua gong like that??
Any body has the same experiences??? -
Originally posted by parn:Well, the next time she tells you about it again...give her one of your best smile and shrugged it off as if it never happened or exist. Do not comment anything about her exes (they sucks and that explains why they're exes...past tense, has-been, over the hill, under the mountain, whatever-blah-blah-blah). >>> hey..i did commented on them..they really sux to the core...i'm direct with my answers...
Show her that you're confident of yourself and shrugged it off (she will think that you're so confident of her -> Silly rite?). She can flirt with anyone she likes anyway...be a flirt-ala-carte for all she wants...get hooked up with Bill Clinton on msn also can if she wants. Ultimately, you're the one who will be with her in real life anyway...so why do you even bother about it?>> Talk is easy....
If she really wants to leave you, there is nothing you can do to prevent or stop her or change her mind. I know it so, so I'm telling you about it.
>>Yup...i already long realised it...
If she will leave you for any of those above-mentioned 3 reasons, then I strongly think that you need and should get a better girlfriend anyway.
Jealousy and Envy always brings out the worst in any men/women. (Remember this if you want your relationship to be a success)
Good luck. -
Yup..i've never argue or into a quarrel with her before. In fact, what you've mentioned, i've been doing it...Originally posted by spec:Ah Boy, she is just vying for attention. Do not argue or fight because you are jealous. Emphatise with her cause after all, she did have a relationship with all of them before. She need not block them off because YOU WANT HER TO.
Be a mature guy, listen to her woes, comfort her and love her. Tell her how you feel and also hear how she feels. Communications will bring out the better of the relationship. Good luck. BTW, marriage will not solve all these problems.
I didn't want her to block them in her msn...i was just sugguesting to her, whether she wants to block or not, it doesn't really matter much to me coz that's freedom, space & trust i ought to give her...
Erm...i didn't really tell her how much i love her or how much i feel...prob. becoz i believe actions prove more than words...
So much so that i also believe that communication will bring out a better relationship, which i've been working on it too...Communicating with her parents too..
Yealor, agreed that marriage will not solve these problems...
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hMz...actually i'm not really hurt...Originally posted by Sekundes:Then u let her know how hurt or diffcult you are feeling lor...
For things/situations which i can tolerate or be a listening ear, i wouldn't mind she telling me all these...in fact, i would prefer her to tell me....but i won't force her in any ways....If she wants to say, she'll say it...Sometimes, there're some things which she's trying to hide or do not wish me to know about them, i'll just try to get/see her feedbacks...and if she keeps quiet or change topics, i know...and wouldn't go further... -
Yes, this is how it feels like to be a girl's plaything...
Women are not complicated; men just refuse to accept the truth. The reason behind that I suspect is also ego - they just can't believe that the girl doesn't want them. (But I change for you, I drive you in my car, blahblah.. how can you reject me?? ).
It's alright, keep at it - some lessons you will never learn till it hurts badly.Originally posted by ducktan:u sure mah? haha. i'm now wooing my ex back again. and she acts like she doesn't want me to talk to her. but when i ignored her, she became sad and told me she still loves me. i changed alot for her. and i'm very sure i'll remain like this because it has become a habit. haha. i've been giving in to her everytime now. but i'm afraid she'll take me for granted. she says she wanted to patch but something's stoppin her and she doesn't know what it is. hahas. women are too complicated... -
some women, u need to tell them to wake up....cos since you 'chinchai' then i also no need to 'kuai kuai' lor.....
i felt that you SHOULD let her know you don't really like such things (msn and contact) going on...but you are not going to stop her cos if she uses other way and not let you know, its also no point....
at least if she treasure you, she may stop contact with them....i feel its better then to be kacho....
its human's nature mah....some ppl will just continue since the other person didn't say cannot....(test test water)....
just like if a wife never tell the hubby she mind that he is always late going home. most hubbies will take for granted, continue going home late lor...
then again....how u go about it and how 'stubborn' is the other person's character also has to be taken into considerate.... -
scratch his new car, kidnap his son
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be a gentlemen get your gf to ask the ex out occasionally with u joining them in the outings. try to befriend the ex but throughout the whole ordeal, show the guy how much u can actually care and give ur gf instead of him. if he insist on sending u guys home after the outing, refuse him politely telling him both of u have programs for the nite with your parents.
to get this working u will need the full coorporation from your gf.
then sometimes when you and ur gf are together try to joke with each other about her ex instead of fretting over what he has done. use whatever he has done to win over ur gf back as a joke for both of u and laugh over it.
this method is very much tested and proven in real life and true incident. cos my wife actually uses that method on my ex gf. now whenever i catch her talking to my ex in msn i'll ask her if she's talking to her "good sister".