divorce or not?
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Personally I think you should support her decision.Originally posted by Cool-gal:Ya la, now the pro is i dun whether to support her to divorce or not, coz she is thinking of one.
To me, the main concern is her son..
U noe, woman always loses out after married, like "market value" dropped...
Unless you have got an idea very much better and workable than what she has suggested..? Moreover she's really the one in the shoes... Sometimes it's just difficult for a 3rd party to comprehense what she's really going through...
Do you think that it would be better for the son to live under a roof where problems constantly submerge..?
What 'market value'? From the way I see now, her husband's taking her at almost 'zero value'....? Would that be a better scenerio? -
For a loser who nvr seemed to hv learnt his lesson, I'd say he doesnt deserve such a capable wife.
He seems like a classic guy who would say all his promises but w/o fulfilling them.
If this is so *as I've tot*, not even counselling wld help becos most prolly he wont make it thru the complete sessions anyway.
I am for your friend to leave this guy. -
I know of man who are like her husband......they seldom change.....bad habits die hard.....
going for counsuelling is not an option for him probably, change his flaunting spendthrift habits lagi hard.......
Whatever yr frenz decision is, support her.... this is probably wat she needs the most now......
Good luck to her and her kids....
i personally think she will be better alone bringing up the child on her own......
who knows ....along the way she may meet someone real nice ....
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He so SBC, u think he will be bothered? Cant be bothered to pay bank, will be bothered to pay wife?Originally posted by Devil1976:Write legal papers and lend him the $ instead... If always help him settle his debts and spoon-feed him, she's not helping him but just leading him on... And would eventually destroy him and hence the family to follow.... -
I think depends on the guy.
If the guy is really hopeless.. then dont drag things in the mud, just move on to new life. Even if your friend find difficulty to bring up child on her own, at least dont have problems compounded by useless husband. Your friend still young, dont need to be drag down by a loser ba. Make one wrong decision when young to marry him enough liao, dont need to make a second wrong decision to stay with him. Its not about the money - its about responsibility. -
Chinese have a saying... "Got borrow got return, borrow again no problem... Got borrow no return, borrow again no talk..."Originally posted by blu_sky:He so SBC, u think he will be bothered? Cant be bothered to pay bank, will be bothered to pay wife?
Plus, such things could add up if she wanna file for divorce in the future.... Always better than to give away $ for free yup? -
Just got curious... how did her husband manage to get himself so hugely in debts? Perhaps another way of saving this marriage is to ask his husband to go for couselling and also cancel the credit facilities so that he will not be able to spend so much.
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nowadays when divorce must also think bout the grandkids
research has found grandkidsof such tend to be dropouts, drug users, etc -
Ahya....marry easy, divorce difficult. To get marry, all you need is just a word 'I DO' in the ROM but to divorce, you need a lot of document to be done. Worst of all you have to care about your kids and answer those stupid questions from stupid people 'why you divorce?' funny, why marry nobody ask 'why you marry?'.
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Not everybody (party) bothers about their kid(s).....Originally posted by alexkusu:nowadays when divorce must also think bout the grandkids
research has found grandkidsof such tend to be dropouts, drug users, etc -
I ask sometimes..? Most of the times the answer given to me is sort of 'funny'...Originally posted by FORGET-ME-NOT:Ahya....marry easy, divorce difficult. To get marry, all you need is just a word 'I DO' in the ROM but to divorce, you need a lot of document to be done. Worst of all you have to care about your kids and answer those stupid questions from stupid people 'why you divorce?' funny, why marry nobody ask 'why you marry?'.
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Funny like?Originally posted by Devil1976:I ask sometimes..? Most of the times the answer given to me is sort of 'funny'... -
I have a close friend who married young but now divorce. She face the problem of people keep asking her that questions. She told me that she is trying to lead a new life and forget her ex husband yet people just keep bring her back to the past. In the end, she left Singapore for good. I lost one good friend
So now I never ask people this question unless they are the very close to me. -
Divorce.
The son can easily pick up his bochap habits. Can she settle problems from two bochap persons?
At least divorce, it'll force the man to think hard.
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Like "Don't know...", "Not sure...", "Because I like him / her... I think...?", "to buy a house", "to buy...." etc.Originally posted by blu_sky:Funny like? -
seriously, she's old enough to know whats best for her, i mean she even has a FAMILY for one, and since she's realised her husbands attitude, there's only two ways. 1. bare with it for the rest of your life 2. leave it and get a new lifeOriginally posted by Cool-gal:i have a gf who is married and has a 3yr old son. Her husband is those Simply Bo Chup type, and all along she has been the one providing for the family n her husband's family of 4. Being such a SBC person, her husband once owed 15k of credit card bills, needless to say, she cleared for him. That was just last yr problem. Recently, his bill once again mount up to 10k, n again she cleared for him. She was telling me that she feels like divorcing with her husband. As her one n only fren, i felt that i cant give much advice coz she has a 3yr old son. Should she continue and gives him another chance? Or divorce? She is 24 now. -
Agreed. She should make her choice to leave or suffer for the rest of her life....Originally posted by orange88:seriously, she's old enough to know whats best for her, i mean she even has a FAMILY for one, and since she's realised her husbands attitude, there's only two ways. 1. bare with it for the rest of your life 2. leave it and get a new life
leopard never changes its spot...... miracles seldom happen to change a person over night... dun hope that man will change, most pp by a certain age will be
fix in their ways....... sigh...
just bear in mind, if she choose to divorce, as frenz and family should SUPPORT her all way as that is wat she will need the most than.
Good luck & hope she gets out of the marriage a wiser and stronger person. -
But why she marry him in the first place?
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maybe becoz...love is blind, marriage open up your eyesOriginally posted by pretzel:But why she marry him in the first place?
or maybe she thought....she can make him want to be a better man -
Let them be, they self eliminate themseleves from the gene poolOriginally posted by Devil1976:Not everybody (party) bothers about their kid(s)..... -
I think people exagerrate the effects of a divorce on children. I don't think it is divorce per se that screws children up. I think it is more to do with how people behave befpre/during/after the divorce. Of course, I am not expert.
I would say divorce. IMO. -
Correlation is not causation.Originally posted by alexkusu:nowadays when divorce must also think bout the grandkids
research has found grandkidsof such tend to be dropouts, drug users, etc -
Divorce is juz a matter of time...it has an impact towards the children, whether big or small it depends.Originally posted by lwflee:I think people exagerrate the effects of a divorce on children. I don't think it is divorce per se that screws children up. I think it is more to do with how people behave befpre/during/after the divorce. Of course, I am not expert.
I would say divorce. IMO.
But since she is capable to settle the bills for 10k above (must be quite capable??), she should be able to cope after divorce -
One has to be cruel only to be kind..................
Chang tong bu ru duan tong. Even if she doesn't care for herself, shouldn't the kid deserve better? Why should whe even pay the debts for him? Let him go bankrupt lor. This kind of scum deserves a hard lesson. Why spare the rod and spoil the cjild?
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Alot of people don't really care about such nowadays... I think it has got something to do with our environment...Originally posted by alexkusu:Let them be, they self eliminate themseleves from the gene pool