thoughts
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what do u do when yr husband like to use verbally abusive words that tear yr feelings apart, and always love to pick and find fault of u and make yr life really sad, and pain and always say u r ugly N no standard and always not good, never give any encouraging words. cos that is part of him , how to learn to accept this kind of ppl?
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I'd suggest that both of you go marriage counselling.
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I have to accept the fact I accepted him to be my husband to begin with.
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Communicate with him and share your thoughts with him... No point suffering alone...
Good Luck... -
how do u change for someone. like appearnace, all sorts of thing, how to suit your hubby just to make him happY so hc can likeu and not always picking on u.
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just slap the living daylights outta him
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this is a very good suggestion , go for it first before making any decision or any foolish actsOriginally posted by M©+square:I'd suggest that both of you go marriage counselling. -
....in the first why u married him then
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How long have you been married to him? How long have he been treating you like this?Originally posted by alba:what do u do when yr husband like to use verbally abusive words that tear yr feelings apart, and always love to pick and find fault of u and make yr life really sad, and pain and always say u r ugly N no standard and always not good, never give any encouraging words. cos that is part of him , how to learn to accept this kind of ppl?
He's not a local? -
Did he not like you the way you were before marriage? Have you changed alot since then?Originally posted by alba:how do u change for someone. like appearnace, all sorts of thing, how to suit your hubby just to make him happY so hc can likeu and not always picking on u.
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no use lah, married for 15yrs treating not too good since 10yrs ago. it has been goingon and on, and only now that i feel can't take it anymore.
as i said,he is not that bad, but the problem is i must tip toe myself, cannot do anything he will be angry abt,like being a bit late, forget things, all those small tiny things, and the clothing i wear must be all covered up, ok i do that but sometimes i want to hv it my way too. and his verballyabusive words is like i am being hurt by the words and treating me with no respect at all , i feel he treats others, and maids all better like he talk nicelyto them, but to me i am like his most hatred human on earth, like everything i do all piss him, why? but sometimes he is ok.why to him i am always wrong, stupid, foolish, brainless, hopelessness, until i feel i am one. it hurts my morale, how to show him i am worthly.no matter what i do, he is always angry.worse he like to scold me and bring me down in front of his families. -
of coz anybody will be hurt in your situation especially to have that coming from a man who have promised to take care and respect you for the rest of his life......Originally posted by alba:what do u do when yr husband like to use verbally abusive words that tear yr feelings apart, and always love to pick and find fault of u and make yr life really sad, and pain and always say u r ugly N no standard and always not good, never give any encouraging words. cos that is part of him , how to learn to accept this kind of ppl?
have a heart to heart talk wif him ....... he may have took your presence for granted after the long years of marriage and hence neglect your feelings over the span of time ..... sigh....as humans we tend to do take pp especially pp who are veri close to us for granted , as much as we will want & like to deny it.....
If talking to him one to one does not work, convince him to go wif you for counsuelling....let both parties thoughts be view and heard by a neutral party...that will help as counsueller are neutral and professional trained...hence may be able to help you guys to discover a good communication style .......
Verbal abuse hurts as much as Physical abuse...... especially if it is over a long
period of time...... be strong gal , let your feelings and thoughts be heard !
Proper communication and respect for each other is essence to a successful marriage. ...... just bear that in mind at all times.....
Good luck !
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been married for abt 15yrs and i hve never change, how i wish i hve change to more brighter clever and hv other bf. isn't it better, but i am too naive and stick and glue to him very much.all my life is with him everywhere, never alone orf with friends. actually i've never seen the world yet. now i am frustrated. when he say no that means is no. wOriginally posted by choco B:Did he not like you the way you were before marriage? Have you changed alot since then? -
10-15 years is a long time to allow ur marriage to fall into disrepair. If i were you I'd probably quarrel with him in front of everyone else. If he wanna bully me openly I'll embarrass him openly too. At the very least he has to learn I don't take nonsense from him - got to draw the line else he'll climb all over you. Hehh but that's me, I'm vengeful.
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now that's a dangerous game to play.Originally posted by alba:been married for abt 15yrs and i hve never change, how i wish i hve change to more brighter clever and hv other bf. isn't it better, but i am too naive and stick and glue to him very much.all my life is with him everywhere, never alone orf with friends. actually i've never seen the world yet. now i am frustrated. when he say no that means is no. w -
Personally i will view , "Letting him have a taste of his medicine" as a last resort matter..... becoz both parties may end up doing more harm than good to the marriage......Originally posted by choco B:10-15 years is a long time to allow ur marriage to fall into disrepair. If i were you I'd probably quarrel with him in front of everyone else. If he wanna bully me openly I'll embarrass him openly too. At the very least he has to learn I don't take nonsense from him - got to draw the line else he'll climb all over you. Hehh but that's me, I'm vengeful.
both parties may be so engross to outwin and outhurt each other and forgot
the essence of a good marriage....which is good communication and respect for
each other .......
just think doubly hard before resorting to this..... -
Are u dependant on him financially?
Is that why u are so submissive?
Learn to stand up to him. Tell him that u will not put up with his abuses & criticisim. If need be, get a job so u have extra income to beautify yourself.
Also learn to be more independent so he cannot bully u. -
how to beautify, yesterday and everyday he say i look horrible, terribly ugly and hair like a gho........... he hates me to have long hair, but i love long hair, he want me to cut it off and be like tomboy kind of hair, he sayneat, but i hate it, i love to keep hair long, and he say i am not suit at all, so alot of difference, and i won't listen to him so he is so angry.that is why we 've alot of differences in clothing hair, attitude and alot of things, i really find it is hard to listen to him, cos i am brought up in differenct way. how to be with him and be deaf and iron heart to his hurtful words and sometimes i am so shy when he scold me infront of ppl & his families and label me as....stupid, fool even in front of small kids (his families kids). how any power to do it.Originally posted by gerrykoh:Are u dependant on him financially?
Is that why u are so submissive?
Learn to stand up to him. Tell him that u will not put up with his abuses & criticisim. If need be, get a job so u have extra income to beautify yourself.
Also learn to be more independent so he cannot bully u.
when he ignore me, i feel terrible sad and disturb. even worse so always i must swallow the hurt, so he don't ignore me. -
how i wish i can be like u. but i dare not, i am quiet type, i suffer in silence. but tell me how to be iron lady, be respected byhusband.Originally posted by choco B:10-15 years is a long time to allow ur marriage to fall into disrepair. If i were you I'd probably quarrel with him in front of everyone else. If he wanna bully me openly I'll embarrass him openly too. At the very least he has to learn I don't take nonsense from him - got to draw the line else he'll climb all over you. Hehh but that's me, I'm vengeful.
is it ignore him, don't care abt him? dont' call him, don't be dependent on him. -
have a good talk with him? tell him how u feel like u tell us.
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sorri gal....i am not trying to be judgemental here....but it seems that youOriginally posted by alba:how i wish i can be like u. but i dare not, i am quiet type, i suffer in silence. but tell me how to be iron lady, be respected byhusband.
is it ignore him, don't care abt him? dont' call him, don't be dependent on him.
guys have a rather serious communication issue here....
it seems hard to stand up for your rights becoz of your silent personality..... but again we are not encouraging you
to scream or shout at him or give him the complete silence treatment.....just tell him wif an affirming tone how you tell....... i am sure there is a way to communicate to him.... if all things fails.... instead of telling him face to face....write him an email, letter to share what you feel.......
i hope that things will work out well for you..... this is not going to be healthy long term for your marriage and even for your own emotional well being.... -
hey! writing a letter seems like a good idea. work on it and good luck!Originally posted by pinkygal76:sorri gal....i am not trying to be judgemental here....but it seems that you
guys have a rather serious communication issue here....
it seems hard to stand up for your rights becoz of your silent personality..... but again we are not encouraging you
to scream or shout at him or give him the complete silence treatment.....just tell him wif an affirming tone how you tell....... i am sure there is a way to communicate to him.... if all things fails.... instead of telling him face to face....write him an email, letter to share what you feel.......
i hope that things will work out well for you..... this is not going to be healthy long term for your marriage and even for your own emotional well being.... -
hi, i've already write million of millions of letter, never work too. he won't read or just threw it away.
hav already talk to him so much until my eyes want to come out, talk and cry can u imagine talk and cry at 1 time and heartbroken too.
never work, he still think he is much more superior than me, and i am only fool
wish i can make him respect me more, and not make me lose face in front of his relatives, and he never side me one when i am with his families. always make me lose face.
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sound like the typical MCP.....who always think that he is rite and the whole world revolve around him....... its all abt wat he likes and wat he thinks issit it?Originally posted by alba:hi, i've already write million of millions of letter, never work too. he won't read or just threw it away.
hav already talk to him so much until my eyes want to come out, talk and cry can u imagine talk and cry at 1 time and heartbroken too.
never work, he still think he is much more superior than me, and i am only fool
wish i can make him respect me more, and not make me lose face in front of his relatives, and he never side me one when i am with his families. always make me lose face.
BTW, you've got try asking him to go for counsuelling? but again he will probably say something thats goes like this to you.....
" I think you are the one who is crazy and has problem, you are the one
who should go for counsuelling on your own, i dun need counsuelling!!
i am perfectly alright "
i really hope i am not rite on this
but i seriously think that pp who put pp down in front of others is
becoz he/she is suffering from a serious issue of lack / low self esteem........
or else why does he need to resort to this putting down of others < negative behaviour> to make him/her look good in front of others!!
what / who is he trying to prove ....that he is in control of you??? you are his "slave"? come on....a marriage is abt respecting each other not abt being superior over the other.... its ok to tease each other occasionally but to be making the other party "loss face" constantly shows the lack of consideration for yr feelings.....
*shake head shake head* -
u r so right, he will say that, u r the one that is mad, crazy, u should go, u r brainless childish u should go, he will never go, if he goes that is the end lah. uknow what i mean.Originally posted by pinkygal76:sound like the typical MCP.....who always think that he is rite and the whole world revolve around him....... its all abt wat he likes and wat he thinks issit it?
BTW, you've got try asking him to go for counsuelling? but again he will probably say something thats goes like this to you.....
" I think you are the one who is crazy and has problem, you are the one
who should go for counsuelling on your own, i dun need counsuelling!!
i am perfectly alright "
i really hope i am not rite on this
but i seriously think that pp who put pp down in front of others is
becoz he/she is suffering from a serious issue of lack / low self esteem........
or else why does he need to resort to this putting down of others < negative behaviour> to make him/her look good in front of others!!
what / who is he trying to prove ....that he is in control of you??? you are his "slave"? come on....a marriage is abt respecting each other not abt being superior over the other.... its ok to tease each other occasionally but to be making the other party "loss face" constantly shows the lack of consideration for yr feelings.....
*shake head shake head*
i just wnat to learn how to be in control even in situation like i kena scold or shouted at or verbally abusive, esp in front of his fmailies. i will feel so deeply hurt angry adn cried sometimes when just 2 of us, i shouted back then we have a talking fight, very painful for me cos i am a girl with not loud voice, and he shouted louder than me, than i am lost, i never able to convey whati want to say cos he keep shouting and i get hurting and my chest get pain and after thati am in pain emotionally.
how to be strong