thoughts
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the worse i feel my life crumble is when he ignore me for days. like not talking or just ignore.
how to stay cool and not get affected byhis way. will it help -
Go out and find a job now! When u have yr own money,see the world more than u know and then u will know how to shout back at him louder and be a true iron lady!
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Originally posted by CannyOng:Go out and find a job now! When u have yr own money,see the world more than u know and then u will know how to shout back at him louder and be a true iron lady!
yeap i hv been working all my life, maybe somehing is wrong wih me what is so special of being working, how i wish i can stay at home and be homemaker and care for the house and family) but i can't so work lah. work and no work is the same. -
sometimes.. it could be that he's being bullied outside, then he come home to vent his frustrations n anger on the person who's close with him (can be taken for granted)... and tats u.
u noe.. some people, "qi1 shan4 pa4 er4" means bully the kind, scared of the devil. -
Why you choose to be with him in the 1st placeOriginally posted by alba:how i wish i can be like u. but i dare not, i am quiet type, i suffer in silence. but tell me how to be iron lady, be respected byhusband.
is it ignore him, don't care abt him? dont' call him, don't be dependent on him.
Knowing that he's 20 years your senior... How long you knew him before you got into a marriage with him...? Any kid(s)...?
Do you think you want a divorce?
Do you think you can support yourself and go work outside...?
What's your highest educational level...? -
Is he a local?
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i did not know his age until i am with him for almost 3yrs, by then i am deeplyh in love with him. i guess i am too stupid. we were so happy then, too happy i guess, he listen to me so much and do everything i want.i don't know hwat is wrong now.
yeap i've kids only 1 cos he never want more,,,,,,,but i love to hv more, so we always got disaggreemnt. but always i lost. sometimes i am sad to see ppl with big families, more kids. i only 1 so miserable. when ppl ask how many kids i hv , i am sad to say just 1.
he always say i am not fit as a mum, id on't know to be a mum, so 1 is good enough. so cos of that, i am more lazier to be something. i just sometimes wanna give up. ok i am in agony forever.
well never thought of leaving, ever thought of it before, but now i guess i am too old for that, how to start life anew(although i wish i could), no one ever will want me, and i will be old alone.always when hurt me, i wish i just want to walk away like that, but my heart is too very soft i guess i think too much.actually i don't know what's in future and what's i am doing right now. -
From the looks of things, your husband seem to cling on to "Male are always more SUPERIOR than Female". A Male Chauvinistic Pig with a really age-old mindset. I feel sympathetic for the position you're in.Originally posted by alba:hi, i've already write million of millions of letter, never work too. he won't read or just threw it away.
hav already talk to him so much until my eyes want to come out, talk and cry can u imagine talk and cry at 1 time and heartbroken too.
never work, he still think he is much more superior than me, and i am only fool
wish i can make him respect me more, and not make me lose face in front of his relatives, and he never side me one when i am with his families. always make me lose face.
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Originally posted by alba:i did not know his age until i am with him for almost 3yrs, by then i am deeplyh in love with him. i guess i am too stupid. we were so happy then, too happy i guess, he listen to me so much and do everything i want.i don't know hwat is wrong now.
yeap i've kids only 1 cos he never want more,,,,,,,but i love to hv more, so we always got disaggreemnt. but always i lost. sometimes i am sad to see ppl with big families, more kids. i only 1 so miserable. when ppl ask how many kids i hv , i am sad to say just 1.
he always say i am not fit as a mum, id on't know to be a mum, so 1 is good enough. so cos of that, i am more lazier to be something. i just sometimes wanna give up. ok i am in agony forever.
well never thought of leaving, ever thought of it before, but now i guess i am too old for that, how to start life anew(although i wish i could), no one ever will want me, and i will be old alone.always when hurt me, i wish i just want to walk away like that, but my heart is too very soft i guess i think too much.actually i don't know what's in future and what's i am doing right now.
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Correct me if I am wrong.
Devil mentioned that he is 20 years older than you?
And you only know his age until you both have dated for 3 years?
*** If the above information is accurate, I don't even think you know what you are in for in this marriage in the first place. If you don't even know his age until 3 years later, I don't even think you know anything else critical for you to make a sound choice about having this marriage with him.
It is like you are buying a blender and realize you don't even know why are you buying it in the first place. You can't give it away and if you sell it, it probably only fetch 5 dollars or something, therefore you rather keep it.
'...i am deeplyh in love with him. i guess i am too stupid. we were so happy then, too happy i guess, he listen to me so much and do everything i want...'
Woman in their first passion loved their lovers; in all others, they loved Love.
P.S: Are you a Cancer? And are you local?
Cheers -
I suggest you both go for marriage councelling.Originally posted by alba:what do u do when yr husband like to use verbally abusive words that tear yr feelings apart, and always love to pick and find fault of u and make yr life really sad, and pain and always say u r ugly N no standard and always not good, never give any encouraging words. cos that is part of him , how to learn to accept this kind of ppl?
Have a good talk with him first on this issue. You ought to realize that you can only go this far to help him. If he ever shows you such abuse and disrespect more often than now, you have to really deal with him the hard way - slap the daylight out of him.
There is no reason to change for someone if that's not the real you. You don't have to change for the sake of somebody just because of certain issues. As a husband, he ought to be a gentleman as well and have some self-respect. It's all up to you on how you want to deal with him. Better deal with him now than to let him continually seek abuse towards you without giving you any respect at all.
Living together as a couple isn't easy, but have faith everyday that things in the marriage would be better. If you're the type that always give in, try to put that into control from now onwards. Giving in too much to a man in a relationship will cause him to lose his respect for you. That you have to take note.
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How old did he looked like to you when you 1st knew him?Originally posted by alba:i did not know his age until i am with him for almost 3yrs, by then i am deeplyh in love with him. i guess i am too stupid. we were so happy then, too happy i guess, he listen to me so much and do everything i want.i don't know hwat is wrong now.
yeap i've kids only 1 cos he never want more,,,,,,,but i love to hv more, so we always got disaggreemnt. but always i lost. sometimes i am sad to see ppl with big families, more kids. i only 1 so miserable. when ppl ask how many kids i hv , i am sad to say just 1.
he always say i am not fit as a mum, id on't know to be a mum, so 1 is good enough. so cos of that, i am more lazier to be something. i just sometimes wanna give up. ok i am in agony forever.
well never thought of leaving, ever thought of it before, but now i guess i am too old for that, how to start life anew(although i wish i could), no one ever will want me, and i will be old alone.always when hurt me, i wish i just want to walk away like that, but my heart is too very soft i guess i think too much.actually i don't know what's in future and what's i am doing right now.
Is he a local? I believe you've mentioned somewhere before that he's not a local?
How old is your kid?
Under what reason(s) does he label you as unfit to be a mum?
Are you a local? What's your race?
What's your star sign?
How old are you now? -
About the shouting thing, it never helps to shout back,cuz u pissed him off more,den he shout/u shout/everybody shout(neighbours most prob want both of u to keep quiet so they can sleep) if he shout at u in front of everyone, just calmy respond,"i wun talk to you until u've cooled down" look at him, see his reply, still be angry, den u're in control already, his family more than probably will be impressed(unless they're old-fashioned-wife-shld-never-stand-up-against-husband type) tip:cool reply = in control reply, walking off = not such a good thing, neither is keeping quiet or shouting back(brings u to same level as him)
sounds like he prob wun go for marriage counselling, would he? elektra prob got it right. if he's picking out your small problems, prob other people are picking his/he feels his own small probs are really 'big'.. confidence issues there.. u can start by taking some control over your life, do something YOU want to do,YOU enjoy doing. dun encourage his anger/temper.. maybe when u're confident enough, just ask him outright, what is bugging him, cuz guys dun communicate directly(guys r pretty dumb abt feelings and i'm a guy) and it prob isnt you/how u look/whatever it is you're doing.. prob work-related/depression?/mid-life crises/he scared u dun love him anymore?
and applying your point of view with a 'hammer' likely results in him replying with his own 'bigger hammer'.. try the cool response..
jia you! -
u mean in front of his families, i should just look at him and pretend he never say it is it? i try lah. i always do that, but i always end up crying and they all call me a baby. some even try to correct me saying i am wrong to do that lah this lahl..
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*pat pat* gal ha....these are his family members ma.....of coz will protect him and make remarks to his advantage..... you want them to be impartial, i think wait long long hor.Originally posted by alba:u mean in front of his families, i should just look at him and pretend he never say it is it? i try lah. i always do that, but i always end up crying and they all call me a baby. some even try to correct me saying i am wrong to do that lah this lahl..
His relatives will probably make remarks like "you should not do this in front of us, it will make yr husband look bad. etc etc *.
Why dun they ask him to respect you instead!!! And if there are issues settle behind close doors instead of be-littling you in front of an "audience"......
having said all these...... i honestly feel that its quite difficult for him to change
his attitude towards you....he is probably veri fix in his ways by now....you must know that things will never be like during the good old court ship days........
Since you have already tried all ways and matters to communicate, i think you
have basically left with little choices....personally i feel that you should
a) Walk out on him, threaten to file for divorce and make him go for counsuelling if he wants you back
b) be the long suffering wife till death do you both part
Its your choice.....pray for a miracle ( sometimes miracles do happen) if your choice is B!
Good luck..... -
not keep quiet.. that's worse right?
no point shouting, so dun shout,
no point walking off, so dun walk off,
no point talking to ppl when they're angry/unreasonable,
just offer to talk to him when he's CALM. -
i don't know why my husband is always not happy with me, forever, it is and there is always something he find fault in me, like forgot to switch off the room lights lah, or just anything in house, and in me, that he is so angry about, he just like to say abusive words or words that make u become mad or just can't listen anymore that i just walk off while eting or anything, not always like that, but it always happen out of sudden. i also don't know where i gone wrong, and how to take his heart or make him love me or nice to me, so hard. i ahve been trying like mad. i am lost really lost. the best thing is he leave me alone to do whatever i want(at home) or outside, at home when we r so frustrated with each other, he just won't talk to me, and ignore me and i also try to ignore him even my heart break into pieces hoping wanting him to hug me or be nice to me, but he is stone cold, so i just do anything on my own like being alone, (but i hated it tht i always wnat wish he to be like 15yrs ago, romantic again), how where to start. i am lost.
if i don't care is different, better right?is it matured guys like that? -
or should i just show him i don't care?Originally posted by alba:i don't know why my husband is always not happy with me, forever, it is and there is always something he find fault in me, like forgot to switch off the room lights lah, or just anything in house, and in me, that he is so angry about, he just like to say abusive words or words that make u become mad or just can't listen anymore that i just walk off while eting or anything, not always like that, but it always happen out of sudden. i also don't know where i gone wrong, and how to take his heart or make him love me or nice to me, so hard. i ahve been trying like mad. i am lost really lost. the best thing is he leave me alone to do whatever i want(at home) or outside, at home when we r so frustrated with each other, he just won't talk to me, and ignore me and i also try to ignore him even my heart break into pieces hoping wanting him to hug me or be nice to me, but he is stone cold, so i just do anything on my own like being alone, (but i hated it tht i always wnat wish he to be like 15yrs ago, romantic again), how where to start. i am lost.
if i don't care is different, better right?is it matured guys like that? -
Originally posted by alba:or should i just show him i don't care?
so sad, very frustrating, i don't know why, so crazy today i am not sleepy, so i went over to my husband just not my day lah today, he's bad moood...just i said a while. he say don't disturb him, leave him alone, he wanna sleep, he say i am like a owl can't sleep go n do something, don't disturb his sleep he needs to go to work 2morrow, hey i also must go work what, why he is so selfish. so angry me jus tnow. very sad too, i just like to talk talk and chit chat with him, but he say i am heartless, brainless no see he is so tired, oklah, i go then, but heavy heartlah. what do u normally do if someone turn u away like that, feel sorry, i felt so sad this happen a million times, but i always give way, relent, so when he is ok then i wait and we talk, but i feel like so moralless me, no pride right? i don't know how to act act lah. now i feel sorry for myself. wish i got sleepy pills to eat, then i am off to sleep. i just can't sleep don't know why. it is so bored life here in spore, after eat dinner watch incrediable tales than sleep, nothing else, cos tomorrow must work hard to find $ if not cannot survive here in spore right. so sad....now alot of things in my brain. 
i got dreams to do business or learn business and open business and migrate to KL maybe or somewhere. -
Hmmm mayb you two married two long, never really communicate well, he will really regret 1 day if u decided to leave him manz...mayb you should juz give him a cold shoulder lor see if he wake up or not. But nv think of divorce ok, unless unless u kena beat until very jia lat lah. You two will get together for so long there muz be something that hold you two together rite? Wish u all the best...I once took my Gf for granted also but all i can say i am 100% faithful to her and true to our relationshis...now she decided to split up for the time being,she say she needs time, dont know when then she will come back to me...i really miss her alot. Haiz its all my fault lah. You should ask your husband tok to me then he will know how regret he will be if he really piss off his wife. sorry to bring up my things haha, I think there muz be time yr husband treat you gd rite? juz that you wan to let out yr bad feelings online so you didnt mention how he treat you good. When quarrel always try to think how the person treat you nicely. then it will be ok liao....Gd luckOriginally posted by alba: so sad, very frustrating, i don't know why, so crazy today i am not sleepy, so i went over to my husband just not my day lah today, he's bad moood...just i said a while. he say don't disturb him, leave him alone, he wanna sleep, he say i am like a owl can't sleep go n do something, don't disturb his sleep he needs to go to work 2morrow, hey i also must go work what, why he is so selfish. so angry me jus tnow. very sad too, i just like to talk talk and chit chat with him, but he say i am heartless, brainless no see he is so tired, oklah, i go then, but heavy heartlah. what do u normally do if someone turn u away like that, feel sorry, i felt so sad this happen a million times, but i always give way, relent, so when he is ok then i wait and we talk, but i feel like so moralless me, no pride right? i don't know how to act act lah. now i feel sorry for myself. wish i got sleepy pills to eat, then i am off to sleep. i just can't sleep don't know why. it is so bored life here in spore, after eat dinner watch incrediable tales than sleep, nothing else, cos tomorrow must work hard to find $ if not cannot survive here in spore right. so sad....now alot of things in my brain. i got dreams to do business or learn business and open business and migrate to KL maybe or somewhere. -
OK...this may sound kinda stupid but try it if you are really desperate....play Karen White " SuperWoman" for at least 10 times everynightOriginally posted by alba: so sad, very frustrating, i don't know why, so crazy today i am not sleepy, so i went over to my husband just not my day lah today, he's bad moood...just i said a while. he say don't disturb him, leave him alone, he wanna sleep, he say i am like a owl can't sleep go n do something, don't disturb his sleep he needs to go to work 2morrow, hey i also must go work what, why he is so selfish. so angry me jus tnow. very sad too, i just like to talk talk and chit chat with him, but he say i am heartless, brainless no see he is so tired, oklah, i go then, but heavy heartlah. what do u normally do if someone turn u away like that, feel sorry, i felt so sad this happen a million times, but i always give way, relent, so when he is ok then i wait and we talk, but i feel like so moralless me, no pride right? i don't know how to act act lah. now i feel sorry for myself. wish i got sleepy pills to eat, then i am off to sleep. i just can't sleep don't know why. it is so bored life here in spore, after eat dinner watch incrediable tales than sleep, nothing else, cos tomorrow must work hard to find $ if not cannot survive here in spore right. so sad....now alot of things in my brain. i got dreams to do business or learn business and open business and migrate to KL maybe or somewhere. 
Make him sit up and listen to the lyrics of the song which
will probably be a good song to reflect abt how you feel ! Play the song over and over ...stop playing until he is willing to listen to how you actually feel abt him.....
alright...alright....stupid ideas aside....instead of focusing on the hurt bet you and husband, making your husband the centre of your universe....why dun focus on yr dreams to start a biz instead?
Firstly, It will take your mind off things and maybe instead of telling your husband abt the same old stuff eg. how bad he treats you, things that he FIND minor not worth talking abt.....share with him on yr new experiences and if he has experience in starting a business he maybe able to guide you along on the DOs and DONTs ......... that will allow more he may look at you in a different angle?? I DUN NOE....... -
Originally posted by pinkygal76:OK...this may sound kinda stupid but try it if you are really desperate....play Karen White " SuperWoman" for at least 10 times everynight Make him sit up and listen to the lyrics of the song which
will probably be a good song to reflect abt how you feel ! Play the song over and over ...stop playing until he is willing to listen to how you actually feel abt him.....
alright...alright....stupid ideas aside....instead of focusing on the hurt bet you and husband, making your husband the centre of your universe....why dun focus on yr dreams to start a biz instead?
Firstly, It will take your mind off things and maybe instead of telling your husband abt the same old stuff eg. how bad he treats you, things that he FIND minor not worth talking abt.....share with him on yr new experiences and if he has experience in starting a business he maybe able to guide you along on the DOs and DONTs ......... that will allow more he may look at you in a different angle?? I DUN NOE.......
so funny i've tried that a zillion times, all my time i wasted on letting him hear that Karen white song, and i really terribly want him tounderstand soi let him hear.i hve tried that a long time ago...everyday almost, and he got so angry he said crazy or what every nite u on that sound, he hate it if i on the music at nite before bedtime. he say interupt his sleep. he just don't like listen to music alot. so funny. itried it and failed. i tried record a lists of 30songs all relatedto my plight.but all fail -
Hi He ever try business before & do hv experience, but when i told him of my dream, wants to hv own business, he say u no waylah, surely bankrupt, so he dare not do business with me, or even teach me, he say i cannot make it. he say i cannot dream, spore hard to do business here, is it?Originally posted by alba:or should i just show him i don't care? -
i must say, you husband seems to be-little you in all ways ya!Originally posted by alba:Hi He ever try business before & do hv experience, but when i told him of my dream, wants to hv own business, he say u no waylah, surely bankrupt, so he dare not do business with me, or even teach me, he say i cannot make it. he say i cannot dream, spore hard to do business here, is it?
*shake head*
so wat abt just giving it a shot on your own....you dun need him to
start a biz right?
You have a trade that you are interested in?
A possible business partner( other than him) to show you the ropes?
I do agree that in spore its indeed hard to do business....lets put it that way, does he need the steady income that you bring back home from being someone else employee to make ends meet? If not, y dun pursue your dreams instead?
Your dreams may not be built around him or neither do you need him to purse it with you.....its good to take your mind off the relationship with your husband for now......
as much as all of us desire that our better half to be our pillar of strength, our best frenz and soul mates, how many of us really do settle down wif someone who is our everything????
Gal, as i have mention things will never be the same as 15 years ago (during the sweet old court ship days) ...... lets be realistic.... dun let his insensitivity and lack of respect for you put you down or hurt you any more......
Since you cant change him....you dun you change yourself instead? Make yourself independent and strong, you never know what will be instore for you!
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i suggest becoming enlightened first then decide the next step.
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enligthen of what pls. thanks