just had a fierce argument a while ago, don't know what trigger husband a while ago, he seems to be angry and irritated at me. he exploded just cos of minor things, and when he say it out, it is actually cos by few things thta he find so angry about, when i was in a better feeling a while ago, he just make me so angry and sad so i exploded too, no matter how hard i tried to control myself from getting upset, now i am too upset angry and sad and very disappointed with him. i am so terribly angry and sad and i tried to explain the reason why he is angry about since he say it out, so i tried to explain the more i explain the angrier he become and i am so tired as though my lung want to come out of my body i feel, all kinds of terrible feeling come, i just want him to understand but he won't listen, he keep on with his loud noise that my voice just gone as his is louder and a while later i am challenging him whose voice is louder, and i guess he win. i am too pain that i just walk off, i find too sick to explain,. i am not even angry at first, i am just trying to explain but in the end i got so angry and walk out, even i hope he willlisten but he won't he still think he is upright and won't give me a chance not even a moment.

i don't know if i hv high bp or not, seem if yes, i am in deep deep troouble. acutally i just want to be treated nicely, even if angry talk no need to get so angry. why we women always become the victim and just cos man got higher voice, and energy they can do as what they like, so unfair. what to do, i really am very angry now, i wish i can control. myn angry and cool down and really feel in control(i find so hard to do tat, so i took a tabliet of xanax to cool me down i took 2 tablets) and hope to go to sleep and forget everything, it is a real pain, when i am caught off guard. it spoils everything, why ppl must make other ppl life so hard and miserable. i am trying to have my pride and learning to stand on my own 2 feet. how i wish i can just ignore, forget him and be happy to be with just MYSELF(that's is so hard but i am hoping to try).
as it all happen now i am feeling like got an ant crawling at the back of my head and all over my head, is that anxiety or panic attack. how to cool help. what do experience teaches us.
