Going out vs Tired, staying at home
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she says she's touched lor, but never explicitly say will do something in return la... although i've hinted to her many times that somethings surprises from her will make me very happy also...Originally posted by choco B:You're like the guy version of that girl in the other thread who asked about "ti tie"
It's not the actions per se. If you wanna do them, it's all good and fine.
The important thing is to see how she reacts and reciprocates. Does she go:
"Oh that's nice! Can't wait for your next surprise, must be bigger and better ok??" . . ... & she waits for your surprise during the next occassion (birthday, Xmas, etc)
OR
"Oh that's nice! I'll think of something sweet to do for you in return. " .. . . . & she really does it!
There's got to be taking and giving by both of you.. not one person gives and the other takes all the time...
so i'm still waiting to see what kind of surprise she'd give me lor... -
Of course when u are tired u wouldn't wanna go out. You would wanna rest.
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That's one thing you can't see in her... She can be VERY COMFORTING too when you're in trouble... But of course... Her mood and condition often comes 1st... In other words, she probably needs to be in quite a good order to offer you kind... Unless.. You're really working pretty well on the 'friendship' between you and her too...? That might just make her work a few extras for you...Originally posted by jeramy:wa devil...what you said really describe what i feeling now, and your observations are mostly correct..
one particular thing is very depressing
otherwise it'll be always her mood 1st before you...
wa...now that i think of it, really i must live by her moods.. when she's happy and jovial then i'll have a good time, but when she gets depressed or tired, then it becomes hell for me...
i dunno why. when she's tired or depressed i'm the one to comfort and destress her. what abt me? when i'm tired and depressed then how?
If you should know her by now... Probably can throw (small?) tempers at you or get very easily irritated over slighest things when she's in a bad mood....
When you're down and she's down too.. And you can't seems to get much of the assistance or reassurance you need from her... Personally advice is perhaps you can look for friends instead...?
When she's not in the mood, it's advisable for you to go on a lower profile...?
And yup... To an extent you'll probably have leave much room for her mood for now... If you're here to stay with her...? Some time after... When she learns to be more mature or when your relationship with her ripens... Her attitude might just change for the better.... Till then? She's not quite your 'routine' and 'systematic' girl in a daily office.... -
spot on man devil...spot on..Originally posted by Devil1976:That's one thing you can't see in her... She can be VERY COMFORTING too when you're in trouble... But of course... Her mood and condition often comes 1st... In other words, she probably needs to be in quite a good order to offer you kind... Unless.. You're really working pretty well on the 'friendship' between you and her too...? That might just make her work a few extras for you...
If you should know her by now... Probably can throw (small?) tempers at you or get very easily irritated over slighest things when she's in a bad mood....
When you're down and she's down too.. And you can't seems to get much of the assistance or reassurance you need from her... Personally advice is perhaps you can look for friends instead...?
When she's not in the mood, it's advisable for you to go on a lower profile...?
And yup... To an extent you'll probably have leave much room for her mood for now... If you're here to stay with her...? Some time after... When she learns to be more mature or when your relationship with her ripens... Her attitude might just change for the better.... Till then? She's not quite your 'routine' and 'systematic' girl in a daily office....
sometimes being embroiled into this situation makes me feel like i'm acting like a slave to her. which i know shouldnt be like that.
in my previous relationships i realised that i've been too much of a good guy already.. always giving in and giving in, even when i'm in a terrible mood i need to put a smile and jus shrug it off...after all, who gives a damn when i'm sad, down, angry or depressed?
so i've told myself to be harder this time around and be more xiao sa...but then again, words are cheap, and i just cannot bring myself to do it.. example..when she throws tempers at me what i think i should do is to just 'keep a low profile' as u put it and leave her alone..
but then there will be this irresistable urge inside me to want to quickly go and pacify her and allievate any bad feelings that she might have...i just want so much..so much to protect the relationship... to put it simply, i jus cannot sit and watch and do nothing when something happens..
also, always after something happens and she recovers from her bad mood, she will say she feels bad for treating me badly, but, if she feels bad, then why treat me badly in the first place..
sometimes i wonder how much weight does her words hold.
sighz jian gu tou..
ps: what do u mean by working on that 'friendship' between me and her?? -
Dude, why on earth do you care whether her house is small anot. Spending quality time together doesn't mean you have to do something dark.Originally posted by jeramy:its hard... her house is very small and she doesnt have her own room.
somehow i dun think she like the idea of me going to her house
You can just sit there enjoy popcorn that you've both made and watch some movies. -
well you and i share the same mentality...as long as a couple is together it really doesnt matter what are the activities that they do...as long as they are together rite?Originally posted by LordIcarus:Dude, why on earth do you care whether her house is small anot. Spending quality time together doesn't mean you have to do something dark.
You can just sit there enjoy popcorn that you've both made and watch some movies.
but she does not...she deems such activities (preparing meals together etc etc ) 'boring'... -
maybe she is really tired n stress thats why dont want go out?
nvm lei first week only..dosent mean she wont go out nxt time..?
go her house lo.....
if gf ask me out..how tired also will meet...
unless..im sick..really sick then..cannt lo.. -
first week only...thats the exact thing that makes me worried... if you are from poly you will know that first week has got nothing to do one.. and next time further in the semester when all the projects arrive all the deadlines arrive wouldn't it be more tired and stress than now??Originally posted by SGpork:maybe she is really tired n stress thats why dont want go out?
nvm lei first week only..dosent mean she wont go out nxt time..?
go her house lo.....
if gf ask me out..how tired also will meet...
unless..im sick..really sick then..cannt lo..
i cannot understand her mentality man... haiz
well we think alike.. i will meet her no matter what, unless i'm bed-ridden. but apparently she does not think so... -
I have the same sentiments as u!
I am in a similar situation as you. Sometimes I feel that I have over pampered her and is always subject to her temper and emotional swings.
Sigh... -
care to elaborate on your situation? maybe we can give each other support..Originally posted by dragoncat:I have the same sentiments as u!
I am in a similar situation as you. Sometimes I feel that I have over pampered her and is always subject to her temper and emotional swings.
Sigh...
you, too, feel that she puts her mood first before you? while she means almost everything to u? -
I hate to break the bad news to you. You mean ur gf is not excited to see you? even on days as important as on weekends?Originally posted by jeramy:The new school term has just started a week ago (Uni) hence my gf and i will both be schooling on the weekdays and will only be free during the weekends.
So recently i asked her out during the weekends and she told me that she's tired and wanted to rest at home.
Which leaves me puzzled, if we dun meet on the weekends (which is our only free time), that means we do not have to meet at all?
By the looks of it, doesnt it mean that i can forget about going out with her for the rest of the school term? since its only the first week and she feels tired and wants to rest at home. as the term progress the workload increases i think i can kiss goodbye to the thought of meeting her?
fyi, the relationship has passed the honeymoon period.
For people out there, do you still meet your other half when you are tired? Do you prefer to stay at home and do nothing than meet up with your other half?
give her space. How often do you contact her? cut it down by half. maybe wait for a week or two then ask her out again. Remember, give her space. -
Mistake 1: Becoming like a slave to her. Learn to say NO sometimes. Don't try to control her life but learn to say NO sometimes. Learn to give and take. Let her know you are not happy with how she treats you and she will like you more. She will respect you more and love you.Originally posted by jeramy:spot on man devil...spot on..
sometimes being embroiled into this situation makes me feel like i'm acting like a slave to her. which i know shouldnt be like that.
in my previous relationships i realised that i've been too much of a good guy already.. always giving in and giving in, even when i'm in a terrible mood i need to put a smile and jus shrug it off...after all, who gives a damn when i'm sad, down, angry or depressed?
so i've told myself to be harder this time around and be more xiao sa...but then again, words are cheap, and i just cannot bring myself to do it.. example..when she throws tempers at me what i think i should do is to just 'keep a low profile' as u put it and leave her alone..
but then there will be this irresistable urge inside me to want to quickly go and pacify her and allievate any bad feelings that she might have...i just want so much..so much to protect the relationship... to put it simply, i jus cannot sit and watch and do nothing when something happens..
also, always after something happens and she recovers from her bad mood, she will say she feels bad for treating me badly, but, if she feels bad, then why treat me badly in the first place..
sometimes i wonder how much weight does her words hold.
sighz jian gu tou..
ps: what do u mean by working on that 'friendship' between me and her??
Mistake 2: Don't just leave her alone when she blasts her temper on you. Say you are not going to argue with her. Defuse the situation with a joke. Treat it like it doesn't hurt you.
Mistake 3: You are being too nice a guy. Don't get me wrong. Show her respect, manners and don't take her for granted. Stop being a wimp by trying to pacify her. That's not the main purpose. The point is not to allow her to take you for granted, allow her to treat you like dirt.
Does a loving gf nag at her bf? Is she loving ? You ask yourself. -
Originally posted by dokono:Mistake 1: Becoming like a slave to her. Learn to say NO sometimes. Don't try to control her life but learn to say NO sometimes. Learn to give and take. Let her know you are not happy with how she treats you and she will like you more. She will respect you more and love you.
i did tell her, i did let her know that i'm not happy with certain treatments, although not explicitly, but she knows. most of the time her reply to me would juz be "i'm like that lor"
then what can i say next? i also dunno.
Mistake 2: Don't just leave her alone when she blasts her temper on you. Say you are not going to argue with her. Defuse the situation with a joke. Treat it like it doesn't hurt you.
can try, but its going to take hell a lot of effort.
Mistake 3: You are being too nice a guy. Don't get me wrong. Show her respect, manners and don't take her for granted. Stop being a wimp by trying to pacify her. That's not the main purpose. The point is not to allow her to take you for granted, allow her to treat you like dirt.
yeh. sometimes i hate myself for being such a wimp also.
Does a loving gf nag at her bf? Is she loving ? You ask yourself. -
i dunno if she's excited to see me or not, from what i sense whenever i go out with her, she seems quite happy to me. bear in mind its ALWAYS ME asking her out, so i cannot be absolutely sure if she feels excited or not, perhaps what i sense is my own wishful thinking i also dunno.Originally posted by dokono:I hate to break the bad news to you. You mean ur gf is not excited to see you? even on days as important as on weekends?
give her space. How often do you contact her? cut it down by half. maybe wait for a week or two then ask her out again. Remember, give her space.
what im trying to say is, if you are really excited to meet someone, when u have free time, would initiate to meet him/her at least sometimes?? -
Don't worry guy. Now you know all these mistakes. Work on correcting them. Have you ever thought of leaving her? Seems like her character is such that it will make you suffer silently. She seems like a stubborn and rigid person. Are you going to spend your life with someone who keeps putting you down?Originally posted by jeramy:
Mistake 1: Becoming like a slave to her. Learn to say NO sometimes. Don't try to control her life but learn to say NO sometimes. Learn to give and take. Let her know you are not happy with how she treats you and she will like you more. She will respect you more and love you.
i did tell her, i did let her know that i'm not happy with certain treatments, although not explicitly, but she knows. most of the time her reply to me would juz be "i'm like that lor"
then what can i say next? i also dunno.
Mistake 2: Don't just leave her alone when she blasts her temper on you. Say you are not going to argue with her. Defuse the situation with a joke. Treat it like it doesn't hurt you.
can try, but its going to take hell a lot of effort.
Mistake 3: You are being too nice a guy. Don't get me wrong. Show her respect, manners and don't take her for granted. Stop being a wimp by trying to pacify her. That's not the main purpose. The point is not to allow her to take you for granted, allow her to treat you like dirt.
yeh. sometimes i hate myself for being such a wimp also.
Guy, have the courage and discipline and work on those weak areas. Your masculinity will show in time. -
Would you? Shouldn't you be excited when you have high interest in someone, especially your bf? Definitely right?Originally posted by jeramy:i dunno if she's excited to see me or not, from what i sense whenever i go out with her, she seems quite happy to me. bear in mind its ALWAYS ME asking her out, so i cannot be absolutely sure if she feels excited or not, perhaps what i sense is my own wishful thinking i also dunno.
what im trying to say is, if you are really excited to meet someone, when u have free time, would initiate to meet him/her at least sometimes??
The reason is because you have been too available to her. Seeing her too much. No space means she doesn't miss you much. Maybe it's better to leave her a while for a week or two without much sms or phone calls or MSN chats etc.
After some time, try to ask her out again. When you are out with her, make her laugh as much as possible without touching her. -
had those experience be4.. my ex did changed.. but i guess it was too late alrdy den we broke up after 2yrs... nw currently i noe a gal.. she oso dun understand my feelings n stuffs.. i haf hinted n even told her directly.. she juz sorta shrugged/laugh it off.. haiz.. it hurts mi man.. suffering silently..
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Originally posted by dokono:Don't worry guy. Now you know all these mistakes. Work on correcting them. Have you ever thought of leaving her? Seems like her character is such that it will make you suffer silently. She seems like a stubborn and rigid person. Are you going to spend your life with someone who keeps putting you down?
Guy, have the courage and discipline and work on those weak areas. Your masculinity will show in time.
No offence. But I sense you could be teaching him the 'wrong' things?Originally posted by dokono:Would you? Shouldn't you be excited when you have high interest in someone, especially your bf? Definitely right?
The reason is because you have been too available to her. Seeing her too much. No space means she doesn't miss you much. Maybe it's better to leave her a while for a week or two without much sms or phone calls or MSN chats etc.
After some time, try to ask her out again. When you are out with her, make her laugh as much as possible without touching her. -
As much as you might think that you're a slave to her mood, have you give a thought to her? That perhaps... She's also quite a 'slave' to her own mood...?Originally posted by jeramy:spot on man devil...spot on..
sometimes being embroiled into this situation makes me feel like i'm acting like a slave to her. which i know shouldnt be like that.
in my previous relationships i realised that i've been too much of a good guy already.. always giving in and giving in, even when i'm in a terrible mood i need to put a smile and jus shrug it off...after all, who gives a damn when i'm sad, down, angry or depressed?
so i've told myself to be harder this time around and be more xiao sa...but then again, words are cheap, and i just cannot bring myself to do it.. example..when she throws tempers at me what i think i should do is to just 'keep a low profile' as u put it and leave her alone..
but then there will be this irresistable urge inside me to want to quickly go and pacify her and allievate any bad feelings that she might have...i just want so much..so much to protect the relationship... to put it simply, i jus cannot sit and watch and do nothing when something happens..
also, always after something happens and she recovers from her bad mood, she will say she feels bad for treating me badly, but, if she feels bad, then why treat me badly in the first place..
sometimes i wonder how much weight does her words hold.
sighz jian gu tou..
ps: what do u mean by working on that 'friendship' between me and her??
With a gf like yours, you'll need other friends... It'll be good if you can build some common friends between you and her... Would be better if you can build a friendship between both of you directly...
I think she genuinely do care about how you feel and perhaps even bad for making you 'suffer'... But like I've said... All these should be after her mood... Sometimes you'll probably just be seeing her as someone having a split-personality... If you like to think it that way... Weird?
Don't be a 'weakling' in front of her... Chances are, she hate people like that... Have your own stand and grounds.. But let her know that you'll willing to give in to her on the grounds that you love her... Whether she shows it or not... End of the day, your love and kind for her would probably be appreciated...
Do not be too 'cool' a guy. Act 'cool' and you'll probably be treated coldly as equal return... Not to mention the distance that it could bring between you and her with time to come... Unless you can be a real naturally dominating type of guy (which I doubt in you), even then.... You'll pronbably only be able to 'control' her but not necessarily make her happy....
This last piece is from your other post... About 'cooking together' and such... Remember... She's not your average type of 'girl next door' who enjoy routines most of the time... -
wah...where did you ever learn to analyse people like that?? it seems so accurate, seems to be such a fit..Originally posted by Devil1976:As much as you might think that you're a slave to her mood, have you give a thought to her? That perhaps... She's also quite a 'slave' to her own mood...?
With a gf like yours, you'll need other friends... It'll be good if you can build some common friends between you and her... Would be better if you can build a friendship between both of you directly...
I think she genuinely do care about how you feel and perhaps even bad for making you 'suffer'... But like I've said... All these should be after her mood... Sometimes you'll probably just be seeing her as someone having a split-personality... If you like to think it that way... Weird?
Don't be a 'weakling' in front of her... Chances are, she hate people like that... Have your own stand and grounds.. But let her know that you'll willing to give in to her on the grounds that you love her... Whether she shows it or not... End of the day, your love and kind for her would probably be appreciated...
Do not be too 'cool' a guy. Act 'cool' and you'll probably be treated coldly as equal return... Not to mention the distance that it could bring between you and her with time to come... Unless you can be a real naturally dominating type of guy (which I doubt in you), even then.... You'll pronbably only be able to 'control' her but not necessarily make her happy....
This last piece is from your other post... About 'cooking together' and such... Remember... She's not your average type of 'girl next door' who enjoy routines most of the time...
u mention she's maybe also a 'slave' to her own moods, now that i look at it from this angle, i think it could be quite true..
also.. split-personality? yes! 1 minute there can be so much overflowing love from her until i feel so blessed and the next minute she can turn as cold and hard as a metal bar. -
Hi DevilOriginally posted by Devil1976:No offence. But I sense you could be teaching him the 'wrong' things?
wrong as in?
Cheers -
'Wrong' as in you're applying your own firm of mentality and principle in his situation. His girl can be stubborn if not easily provoked.Originally posted by dokono:Hi Devil
wrong as in?
Cheers
I feel that to you, such girls might not be really worth the time at all. But to him, she's someone really quite valuable.. Quite too valuable to lose? -
well..that's the point. Im not trying to impose my point of view.Originally posted by Devil1976:'Wrong' as in you're applying your own firm of mentality and principle in his situation. His girl can be stubborn if not easily provoked.
I feel that to you, such girls might not be really worth the time at all. But to him, she's someone really quite valuable.. Quite too valuable to lose?
See, my point is this: give the girl space, even if he is dying inside to see the girl. It can only help him. You see, yes the girl is valuable to him. But is he valuable to the girl? Why would you want to love someone who doesn't like you? Why would you always want to be with someone who puts you down? One who keeps bashing your self-esteem? That's not very loving. You see my point?
Cheers -
Another thing i want to add is: let's assume the girl likes him a lot. But her character is another separate matter. For his case, it seems like the girl is acting like a princess?
He has to ask himself if he can stand to be with a princess.