I'm tired...
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I'm currently having this relationship with my gf for 3 years. All have been fine until she started working as an engineer months ago. She start to work 9am to 9pm, mon to sat, which meant only sunday is free for me.
I'm serving my ns now, which meant most of the time, i can only be out during the weekends. I dont know about the others, but i firmly believe a relationship can only last when it is been maintain together, example is like physically meeting and not only chat on phone or smses.
Things started to detoriate when i complain to her that i'm feeling very sian. Reason was i felt nelgected due to her work and she doesnt really make the effort to call me during lunch or dinner. Of course she did call once a while, but having a work which requires her to work the hours like she was having her final year exam, i felt there was a need for a more "quality" communication.
This week i was having my leave from monday to thursday. I told her why she couldnt be more "zhi dong" as in to come over to stay since we already have too little time for eachother. But as usual she will blow up and insist i dont understand her. What is the resonale behind this? I only ask her to be a little more zhi dong only to be slap across the face as branded as "not understanding " ? Am i asking her too much when time is the one that is drifting us part?
Thus, she quarrel with me all the time saying things like i dont trust her and i'm too immature becoz i cant understand what she is doing. But seriously, who in the world can tolerate when he can only phyically see his gf once a week and weekdays was like strangers?
She never think of giving in when she was the one who is giving so much absences. And always like to think she is not in the fault and keep aruging in loud volume that she has no choice and i dont trust her and dont understand her.
Since long ago, she started to take things for granted. She no longer take the iniative to meet me at mrts during going out and instead always insist me waiting for her at mrts. She no longer buy me stuff where she used to buy me cute toys and sweets and even i complain hungry in camp, she never even think of buying things for me to eat in there. She no longer give in during quarrel and always insist i'm the one at fault.
Today i spot check her handphone and find that there is tonnes of this fucker who keep feeding her with smses and phone call. When been asked who the hell is he, she immediately blow out, as if she kana slapped in the face.
Honestly, is this what a gf should behave? i really dont know. I started to feel drifted becoz we are having quarrel more frequently then having dinner together. Keep saying want to maintain relationship but yet have this kinda thing and expect me to cool off and be a man? -
have u Question her if she her feelings for u are present or starting to fade
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last time my SO also worry that
when i come out to work, things will change
coz got people to compare now
e.g. if my colleague's bf super rich, then i will think how come my bf can't give me such things
i think both party must work together lah
now i also very lazy to go out on weekend
so he has to make compromise loh
coz when i was studying, most of the time i go over to his place during weekend
so now, he comes over or we simply meet at night..drive out go eat something good.. -
Why must she go over to yr place? After working long hrs, she must be tired.
Be more understanding. If u miss her, go over to her place.
Also don't wait for her to sms u, put in more effort or u will lose her to someone else.
In a r/s, circumstances will change, u have to adapt to it. -
To 0lala:
I asked and she slapped me with dumb replies like "If i dont love you anymore, will i still be with you??"
Den what can i say? Obviously anyone who read this will think perhaps she might be stepping on 2 boat. But i trust her on this sentence, if not how to carry on a relationship?
But the fact is she is neglecting me and yet she keep saying it's not her fault and does nothing about it. How should i feel?
To BufPuf:
My gf is not that kind who goes for rich stuff becoz financially she is much better then me or if not, many of her other male colleagues, thus there's no problem over money.
Compromise as in what? I act like dont care even if she and the guy smses like no one's business?
I really dunno.. must until reach the point where they call each other darling then i can start to react ma?
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Seriously, with so little time and yet still wanna quarrel so often. I really felt like giving up but the thought of going through so much pain over the past 3 years really stop me.
I cannot give up, and i dont want to. But apparrently the way she does things really have no intention of making this relationship better. Everytime talks to her over it, and she will end up quarrel over it.
What can i do???? -
Yup i did.. initially. But for so long, i have been the one who is always doing the first step. Until last week, i finally gave up being the first to sms or call. It's like feeling how come only i'm the only who give in to the relationship and the other party does not?Originally posted by gerrykoh:Why must she go over to yr place? After working long hrs, she must be tired.
Be more understanding. If u miss her, go over to her place.
Also don't wait for her to sms u, put in more effort or u will lose her to someone else.
In a r/s, circumstances will change, u have to adapt to it.
Sorry if i didnt add that in, sometimes i go over and sometimes she comes over. But the fact is if i go over, there's no room for me, thus we have to sleep out in the living room which is rather uncomfortable and cold. Thus, it is been agreed that coming over to my house will be a wiser choice. You know? It's like your thought is always not appreciated and how will you feel? -
trusting on that sentence shows ur trust but sometimes do go beyond that and observe her actionsOriginally posted by SoonKeong:To 0lala:
I asked and she slapped me with dumb replies like "If i dont love you anymore, will i still be with you??"
Den what can i say? Obviously anyone who read this will think perhaps she might be stepping on 2 boat. But i trust her on this sentence, if not how to carry on a relationship?
But the fact is she is neglecting me and yet she keep saying it's not her fault and does nothing about it. How should i feel?
To BufPuf:
My gf is not that kind who goes for rich stuff becoz financially she is much better then me or if not, many of her other male colleagues, thus there's no problem over money.
Compromise as in what? I act like dont care even if she and the guy smses like no one's business?
I really dunno.. must until reach the point where they call each other darling then i can start to react ma?
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Seriously, with so little time and yet still wanna quarrel so often. I really felt like giving up but the thought of going through so much pain over the past 3 years really stop me.
I cannot give up, and i dont want to. But apparrently the way she does things really have no intention of making this relationship better. Everytime talks to her over it, and she will end up quarrel over it.
What can i do????
but Lets not cast the gloomy skies
long weeks in the camp and declien in the interaction between u both might have resulted in "loss of sparks?"
try to rekindle it by doing the usual stuff u did during honey moon and see what happens.
i strongly feel that communication is the key to this issue but bcuz u guys have been quarelling and abscent of one another for such long days in the week might lead to other 'complications' -
from your desciption, it's easy to see that she's matured a lot more since she started work. you need to grow up, when you have a career of your own you'll realised there are many things more important then puppy romance. you're very sticky and i wouldn't be surprised if she dumps you soon.
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Hmm.
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Not necessarily. When i first started my career, i had to work till 12 am almost every nite. But i made effort to have supper with my then bf at least a couple of times a week.Originally posted by countdracula:from your desciption, it's easy to see that she's matured a lot more since she started work. you need to grow up, when you have a career of your own you'll realised there are many things more important then puppy romance. you're very sticky and i wouldn't be surprised if she dumps you soon.
What i am saying is, everyone is different. Maybe i was more 'sticky' or 'attached' to my bfs. Lets not generalise and cause the threadstarter more doubts. -
Simply la
TS u juz go ahead improving the ties and surpisign her with small meaningful gifts but if hints are obviously that communication with u continues to fade then think throught bah
keep in mind ppl change -
Originally posted by SoonKeong:
Hi SoonKeong,
I'm currently having this relationship with my gf for 3 years. All have been fine until she started working as an engineer months ago. She start to work 9am to 9pm, mon to sat, which meant only sunday is free for me.
I'm serving my ns now, which meant most of the time, i can only be out during the weekends. I dont know about the others, but i firmly believe a relationship can only last when it is been maintain together, example is like physically meeting and not only chat on phone or smses.
Things started to detoriate when i complain to her that i'm feeling very sian. Reason was i felt nelgected due to her work and she doesnt really make the effort to call me during lunch or dinner. Of course she did call once a while, but having a work which requires her to work the hours like she was having her final year exam, i felt there was a need for a more "quality" communication.
This week i was having my leave from monday to thursday. I told her why she couldnt be more "zhi dong" as in to come over to stay since we already have too little time for eachother. But as usual she will blow up and insist i dont understand her. What is the resonale behind this? I only ask her to be a little more zhi dong only to be slap across the face as branded as "not understanding " ? [b]Am i asking her too much when time is the one that is drifting us part?
Thus, she quarrel with me all the time saying things like i dont trust her and i'm too immature becoz i cant understand what she is doing. But seriously, who in the world can tolerate when he can only phyically see his gf once a week and weekdays was like strangers?
She never think of giving in when she was the one who is giving so much absences. And always like to think she is not in the fault and keep aruging in loud volume that she has no choice and i dont trust her and dont understand her.
Since long ago, she started to take things for granted. She no longer take the iniative to meet me at mrts during going out and instead always insist me waiting for her at mrts. She no longer buy me stuff where she used to buy me cute toys and sweets and even i complain hungry in camp, she never even think of buying things for me to eat in there. She no longer give in during quarrel and always insist i'm the one at fault.
Today i spot check her handphone and find that there is tonnes of this fucker who keep feeding her with smses and phone call. When been asked who the hell is he, she immediately blow out, as if she kana slapped in the face. Honestly, is this what a gf should behave? i really dont know. I started to feel drifted becoz we are having quarrel more frequently then having dinner together. Keep saying want to maintain relationship but yet have this kinda thing and expect me to cool off and be a man?[/b]
I would like to offer some advice to you:
First of all,
Just remember that this relationship donÂ’t come easy and thus the more you should cherish it after 3 years of togethernessÂ… Life is never smooth sailing and is full of ups and downsÂ…
Perhaps you are very “used” to meeting her frequently before she started to work and you; serving your NS… Give yourself and her more space… you people need more “breathing space”… I do agreed with you that apart from quality time… you would also need quantity time especially when you are serving your NS now as it is like being tied up and you cannot look for her as and when you like during the weekdays…
DonÂ’t suffocate each otherÂ… DonÂ’t push her too hard else you would regret it after you had lose her... SometimesÂ… you just need to sit back and relaxÂ… maybe you can wait for her to look for youÂ… as you had been the one looking for her thus she might felt that she doesnÂ’t have a need to look you upÂ… thusÂ… Sometimes waiting for things to happen is the way to make things happenÂ…
Looking at her hectic scheduleÂ… she must be very tired thus be understanding towards her if you love herÂ… DonÂ’t care too much about who is looking up each otherÂ… all these will be very minor issuesÂ… Be more gentlemen and give in to her moreÂ…
Lastly, it is wrong to look at her handphone thus you have to stop doing thatÂ… what if she is the one doing thatÂ… wonÂ’t you be tired and piss offÂ…?
Love is not an investmentÂ… sometimesÂ… how much you invest is not equivalent to how you got back or how much you want it to beÂ… Buy the bookÂ… Men are from Mars and Women are from VenusÂ… after you have read the book then you would understand better how women thinksÂ…
Just sit back and think over your actions and her actionsÂ… communicate with herÂ… and let each other have more private time and spaceÂ… DonÂ’t kill off this relationship if you really love herÂ… If she leave you then you will never get to see her again as she might avoid you thusÂ… relaxÂ…
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this is a tradition of what NS guys go tru when they are in army.
i would choose to give up this relation and wait til u are out in the working environment, find urself a better parnter.
so what if its 3 yrs? its only a matter of time when u will recover from this.
exmaple here, in future when ur parents have died u will feel very sad cos u are so attached to them for soooo long liao. but still they have left u and u have to live with this fact. it hurts for some1 close to leave u but still ur live goes on.
theres many girls out there, if u cant find 1 in SG find 1 somewhere else. in life, theres always a some1 meant for u. so no worries, leave her and take it as an experience. -
ta juz leave gracefully
i said persistence leads to humiliation -
I think it is quite enough.Originally posted by 0lala:ta juz leave gracefully
i said persistence leads to humiliation
We'll let threadstarter think through and wait for his next reply ya? -
one week once is v gd liao.. for her bz schedule.. and u in NS.
be more tolerant ba.
it's tiring for her to work 12 hours liao.. how can u expect her to meet u after work right?
and then i feel that u are more like a girl.. where got guy expect gf to buy cute stuff for him wan?
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Well-said, you have put it so well. Totally agree.Originally posted by Beckhamagic:Hi SoonKeong,
I would like to offer some advice to you:
DonÂ’t suffocate each otherÂ… DonÂ’t push her too hard else you would regret it after you had lose her... SometimesÂ… you just need to sit back and relaxÂ… maybe you can wait for her to look for youÂ… as you had been the one looking for her thus she might felt that she doesnÂ’t have a need to look you upÂ… thusÂ… Sometimes waiting for things to happen is the way to make things happenÂ…
Looking at her hectic scheduleÂ… she must be very tired thus be understanding towards her if you love herÂ… DonÂ’t care too much about who is looking up each otherÂ… all these will be very minor issuesÂ… Be more gentlemen and give in to her moreÂ…
Lastly, it is wrong to look at her handphone thus you have to stop doing thatÂ… what if she is the one doing thatÂ… wonÂ’t you be tired and piss offÂ…?
Love is not an investmentÂ… sometimesÂ… how much you invest is not equivalent to how you got back or how much you want it to beÂ… Buy the bookÂ… Men are from Mars and Women are from VenusÂ… after you have read the book then you would understand better how women thinksÂ…
Just sit back and think over your actions and her actionsÂ… communicate with herÂ… and let each other have more private time and spaceÂ… DonÂ’t kill off this relationship if you really love herÂ… If she leave you then you will never get to see her again as she might avoid you thusÂ… relaxÂ… 
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guys cant like cute stuff meh?Originally posted by browniebaobao:one week once is v gd liao.. for her bz schedule.. and u in NS.
be more tolerant ba.
it's tiring for her to work 12 hours liao.. how can u expect her to meet u after work right?
and then i feel that u are more like a girl.. where got guy expect gf to buy cute stuff for him wan?
I adore mashimaro and hello kitty leh!
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Originally posted by 0lala:guys cant like cute stuff meh?
I adore mashimaro and hello kitty leh! 
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Originally posted by browniebaobao:
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Thanks blu_sky...Originally posted by blu_sky:Well-said, you have put it so well. Totally agree.
Anyway I just hope that all will go well for SoonKeong...
SoonKeong,
Cherish her while she is still with you and not after she had left you and move on... Advice will be Advice... think for youself and follow your heart...
Remember... meet too much = more chances of conflicts too... -
Originally posted by SoonKeong:
Hey guy, I know how you are feeling right now. All I can say is that she has fall out of love with you already.
I'm currently having this relationship with my gf for 3 years. All have been fine until she started working as an engineer months ago. She start to work 9am to 9pm, mon to sat, which meant only sunday is free for me.
I'm serving my ns now, which meant most of the time, i can only be out during the weekends. I dont know about the others, but i firmly believe a relationship can only last when it is been maintain together, example is like physically meeting and not only chat on phone or smses.
Things started to detoriate when i complain to her that i'm feeling very sian. Reason was i felt nelgected due to her work and she doesnt really make the effort to call me during lunch or dinner. Of course she did call once a while, but having a work which requires her to work the hours like she was having her final year exam, i felt there was a need for a more "quality" communication.
This week i was having my leave from monday to thursday. I told her why she couldnt be more "zhi dong" as in to come over to stay since we already have too little time for eachother. But as usual she will blow up and insist i dont understand her. What is the resonale behind this? I only ask her to be a little more zhi dong only to be slap across the face as branded as "not understanding " ? [b]Am i asking her too much when time is the one that is drifting us part?
Thus, she quarrel with me all the time saying things like i dont trust her and i'm too immature becoz i cant understand what she is doing. But seriously, who in the world can tolerate when he can only phyically see his gf once a week and weekdays was like strangers?
She never think of giving in when she was the one who is giving so much absences. And always like to think she is not in the fault and keep aruging in loud volume that she has no choice and i dont trust her and dont understand her.
Since long ago, she started to take things for granted. She no longer take the iniative to meet me at mrts during going out and instead always insist me waiting for her at mrts. She no longer buy me stuff where she used to buy me cute toys and sweets and even i complain hungry in camp, she never even think of buying things for me to eat in there. She no longer give in during quarrel and always insist i'm the one at fault.
Today i spot check her handphone and find that there is tonnes of this fucker who keep feeding her with smses and phone call. When been asked who the hell is he, she immediately blow out, as if she kana slapped in the face. Honestly, is this what a gf should behave? i really dont know. I started to feel drifted becoz we are having quarrel more frequently then having dinner together. Keep saying want to maintain relationship but yet have this kinda thing and expect me to cool off and be a man?[/b]
Listen: you made a lot of mistakes. Things dun go bad overnight. It's a gradual process. It's not because she started work as an engineer a few mths ago that she lost her feelings for you. All along, your own high feelings for her has blinded you and caused you to make a lot of mistakes in this r/s.
Yes you are right that a r/s shd be face-to-face and not through sms/phone. But why did you complain to her about you being insecure--you feeling sian, you feeling neglected. You have to take it easy and act like nothing at all. You are making all the complaints and has revealed your insecurities to her, which is a HUGE turn off.
Of cos you dun understand her. You dun even understand what you are doing is making her dislike you more. You mus understand women speak in secret language when they are slowly losing interest in you. That's why they dun make sense to you at all. She is losing interest in you, that's why she never gives in. One thing is also she has a headstrong attitude. You ask urself if u like that kind of girl. When she is in love with you, of course she will do a lot of things to make you happy. Then when you so happy, you were too blinded by ;ove and did a lot of things that you shdnt do. When women are in love they will try to make time for you.
You know why she never do all the loving stuff for you any more? That's because she is losing feelings for you. And to think you actually checked her handphone...of course she will blow up cos u tried to control her life which is wrong. Her feelings for you are dropping and the guy who is smsing her will soon replace you, no kidding. It's a matter of time. You must consider whether you want to withdraw gracefully and look for another gf... if u have the courage. Im not trying to be negative but the situation looks bad, guy.
Btw, what did the sms say? flirty? how did she reply ?
A girl in love will not quarrel with you. A girl in love will try to make you happy. That's the truth. Stop saying negative things to her and disappear from her for a while. -
Very grateful for those who actually gave thoughts of my situation before deciding your replies, from peeps like 0lala, blu_sky, Beckhamagic and boredandsleepy.
First of all, i will like to add on to what i iniaitely forgotten to add on.
Spot check on handphone is one usual stuff we do with eachother. As in, for me and her it's nothing wrong as we check on each other's hp message often. It's a belief that if this small simple stuff also cannot be make public to their partner, den what more can a relationship be carry on further?
Ok then let's bring over to today's issue. As usual i spot check on her handphone and found this guy whom keep smses and call her.
I will like to ask the guys out there: "if u see ur gf's handphone got so many of this ONE guy's sms and call history, will you not be on fire? Especially if she never told you about this guy before?"
Then when confronted her, she make a fuss and shout at me say there's nothing over them. Being shouted at, of coz i will feel angry and upset wad. Then naturally will shout back aint it? Not that i wanna compare or anything like that, as what blu_sky said, even if she work long hour, if she really wants to meet or to maintain the relationship, it is always possible de. Dont tell me having worked for 12 hours per day makes you the queen and expect everything to go your way? How i wish i could be so xiao sha. I'm this kind of guy who wants relationship to be on going, spend quality time and always have the spark going on. I had experiences of going into relationship and then things starts to gets very sian and no one makes the move to spark the relationship. Thus, i felt very sad and unappreciated when suddenly feeling for eachother gets less and less becoz of quarrel and less time together.
Sad to say, i talked to some of my best frens and most of them told me to break off. Since she already grow into such a state where she dont treasure the relationship anymore becoz she always quarrel and never really put in effort in this relationship. But deep down my heart, i really really dont wanna end it this way. Chasing her was already a feat and then for all those sacrifice and time loss for her, really se bu de to do anything. Tell me to relax give her more space, with only one day of meet up and very seldom communication, how much space can i still give her? -
To dokono:
Thanks for your reply and i seriously think you speak some really sense here. Her reply to that guy was very mandate. It was all about "polite replies", but does she really need to do that? I asked her to put in my situation and think.
If suddenly she sees my hp flooded with a gal's sms and call history, will she not get as mad as me? Somemore she never tell me about this guy before. Of coz i can also say it's nothing but just a stranger, but honestly speaking, if it's anyone of you here? will you think it's "nothing???" -
I can understand the threadstarter feeling..
being in NS, it gave him plenty of time to think.. but thinking too much is no good also..
its hard to understand the working life till u start to work urself, so cant really blame the gf for not sparing time.. i usually wanna sleep more than meet my gf after work..
its also wrong to look into the gf's HP without permission.. i believe by doing soon, u have just open a can of worms which will just eat away this relationship..
suggestion is have a good talk.. if it lead nowhere then its time to give up..
serving NS mean threadstarter is still quite young..
yes of cos u will be sad but its just a phrase.. it will become valuable experience for u in the future..