I'm tired...
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Originally posted by SoonKeong:
if you think you've done all you could for the relationship, it is time to take the back seat. Relax a little. Don't look for her and 'press' her for more time. Don't complain that you feel neglected. Remember, no complaints. If she misses you, she will look you up and find time for you. If she doesn't, maybe she is never meant to be yours.
Very grateful for those who actually gave thoughts of my situation before deciding your replies, from peeps like 0lala, blu_sky, Beckhamagic and boredandsleepy.
First of all, i will like to add on to what i iniaitely forgotten to add on.
Spot check on handphone is one usual stuff we do with eachother. As in, for me and her it's nothing wrong as we check on each other's hp message often. It's a belief that if this small simple stuff also cannot be make public to their partner, den what more can a relationship be carry on further?
Ok then let's bring over to today's issue. As usual i spot check on her handphone and found this guy whom keep smses and call her.
I will like to ask the guys out there: "if u see ur gf's handphone got so many of this [b]ONE guy's sms and call history, will you not be on fire? Especially if she never told you about this guy before?"
Then when confronted her, she make a fuss and shout at me say there's nothing over them. Being shouted at, of coz i will feel angry and upset wad. Then naturally will shout back aint it?
Not that i wanna compare or anything like that, as what blu_sky said, even if she work long hour, if she really wants to meet or to maintain the relationship, it is always possible de. Dont tell me having worked for 12 hours per day makes you the queen and expect everything to go your way? How i wish i could be so xiao sha. I'm this kind of guy who wants relationship to be on going, spend quality time and always have the spark going on. I had experiences of going into relationship and then things starts to gets very sian and no one makes the move to spark the relationship. Thus, i felt very sad and unappreciated when suddenly feeling for eachother gets less and less becoz of quarrel and less time together.
Sad to say, i talked to some of my best frens and most of them told me to break off. Since she already grow into such a state where she dont treasure the relationship anymore becoz she always quarrel and never really put in effort in this relationship. But deep down my heart, i really really dont wanna end it this way. Chasing her was already a feat and then for all those sacrifice and time loss for her, really se bu de to do anything. Tell me to relax give her more space, with only one day of meet up and very seldom communication, how much space can i still give her?[/b]
Remember, relationship is like a bird in your bad. Squeeze too tightly, the bird will die. Hold to lightly, it will fly away.
Good luck dude! -
put in the cage
wun fly and wun die oso...got water and food -
oops... hand i mean.Originally posted by galfriend:if you think you've done all you could for the relationship, it is time to take the back seat. Relax a little. Don't look for her and 'press' her for more time. Don't complain that you feel neglected. Remember, no complaints. If she misses you, she will look you up and find time for you. If she doesn't, maybe she is never meant to be yours.
Remember, relationship is like a bird in your bad. Squeeze too tightly, the bird will die. Hold to lightly, it will fly away.
Good luck dude!
should read : "Remember, relationship is like a bird in your hand. Squeeze too tightly, the bird will die. Hold to lightly, it will fly away. -
Well maybe after experience...after pain...u will become better..
l learn sumtinz from my bad experience and writing my problem out at here, hear to the advice of the forumities...and l think l know more now...
l mean....maybe guys shld not behave to be so sticky and in need of ur gf to survive...or put them as ur main thing in ur life...
u still hav ur life and etc, and l think maybe u go busy with the other things in ur life, friends and etc..that is better bah
And if u wan make a clean break...it is better to be fast, rather than now having all sorts of negative thoughts in ur mind making u vexed, worry and etc...no point mah..sad is of coz sad...and ur r/s is 3 yrs....which l understand is more hard to put down when my was juz ard 5 mths plus...and l cnt accept the fact at 1st....u may think that wah..from couples, a person who is with me, accmpy me...suddenly will juz vanished away in ur life....like u and her are total stranger....kinda hard to accept it.... but the problem is....if l mean if she has lost the feeling for u...or the love is fading....no use rite to be together? -
Originally posted by SoonKeong:
thanks dude, it's because we are outsiders we can see the situation better. If she is not as loving as she shd be, then dun waste ur time anymore. Like what shev said, cut it clean fast, the sooner the better.
To dokono:
Thanks for your reply and i seriously think you speak some really sense here. Her reply to that guy was very mandate. It was all about "polite replies", but does she really need to do that? I asked her to put in my situation and think.
If suddenly she sees my hp flooded with a gal's sms and call history, will she not get as mad as me? Somemore she never tell me about this guy before. Of coz i can also say it's nothing but just a stranger, but honestly speaking, if it's anyone of you here? will you think it's [b]"nothing???"[/b]
so what did she say when u asked her?
and what was her facial expression like?
The most important thing is you learn to move on and learnt something from this r/s. -
Originally posted by SoonKeong:I'm currently having this relationship with my gf for 3 years. All have been fine until she started working as an engineer months ago. She start to work 9am to 9pm, mon to sat, which meant only sunday is free for me.
I'm serving my ns now, which meant most of the time, i can only be out during the weekends. I dont know about the others, but i firmly believe a relationship can only last when it is been maintain together, example is like physically meeting and not only chat on phone or smses.
Things started to detoriate when i complain to her that i'm feeling very sian. Reason was i felt nelgected due to her work and she doesnt really make the effort to call me during lunch or dinner. Of course she did call once a while, but having a work which requires her to work the hours like she was having her final year exam, i felt there was a need for a more "quality" communication.
This week i was having my leave from monday to thursday. I told her why she couldnt be more "zhi dong" as in to come over to stay since we already have too little time for eachother. But as usual she will blow up and insist i dont understand her. What is the resonale behind this? I only ask her to be a little more zhi dong only to be slap across the face as branded as "not understanding " ? [b]Am i asking her too much when time is the one that is drifting us part?
Thus, she quarrel with me all the time saying things like i dont trust her and i'm too immature becoz i cant understand what she is doing. But seriously, who in the world can tolerate when he can only phyically see his gf once a week and weekdays was like strangers?
She never think of giving in when she was the one who is giving so much absences. And always like to think she is not in the fault and keep aruging in loud volume that she has no choice and i dont trust her and dont understand her.
Since long ago, she started to take things for granted. She no longer take the iniative to meet me at mrts during going out and instead always insist me waiting for her at mrts. She no longer buy me stuff where she used to buy me cute toys and sweets and even i complain hungry in camp, she never even think of buying things for me to eat in there. She no longer give in during quarrel and always insist i'm the one at fault.
Today i spot check her handphone and find that there is tonnes of this fucker who keep feeding her with smses and phone call. When been asked who the hell is he, she immediately blow out, as if she kana slapped in the face. Honestly, is this what a gf should behave? i really dont know. I started to feel drifted becoz we are having quarrel more frequently then having dinner together. Keep saying want to maintain relationship but yet have this kinda thing and expect me to cool off and be a man? I guess this is like the final stage of 'cancer', preceding death. Telling you to input more trust into your relationship will probably not be able to salvage this Love as your relationship suffered more damages from constant quarrels and arguments.
The more logics you used to justify this series of quarrels, the more frustrated you become and the further she drifted away from you. Eventually, your potential 'competitor' appeared more attractive as your value slump. You may think that she has changed drastically; I am sure this feeling is mutual and this probably sets your relationship on declining mode.
You expect understanding from her, but at the same time, I don't think you have given the sort of understanding she seek. For example, checking of mobile phone is a blatant sign of mistrust. One may argue that being open is true honesty, but gnawing beneath that pseudo-honesty is great insecurity.
And like all insecure people - your need for control is overwhelming and when you exert control over your significant other, everything goes down from there onwards.
I believe you do understand that you cannot prevent love from slipping away, should she fly away one day.
Absence to a relationship is like what wind is to fire; extinguish the small and rekindle the great.
Cheers -
To put it simply: Women hate NEEDY guys. Girls, what are your opinions on this?
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Originally posted by SoonKeong:
okok relax... can you give me an example of the so-called replies? We really need to get down to the specifics here of her messages to that blocker.
To dokono:
Thanks for your reply and i seriously think you speak some really sense here. Her reply to that guy was very mandate. It was all about "polite replies", but does she really need to do that? I asked her to put in my situation and think.
If suddenly she sees my hp flooded with a gal's sms and call history, will she not get as mad as me? Somemore she never tell me about this guy before. Of coz i can also say it's nothing but just a stranger, but honestly speaking, if it's anyone of you here? will you think it's [b]"nothing???"[/b]
Remember, disappear from her for a while, seriously. It might even help save your r/s. -
A personal thought here..
as a third party.. i can safely say that the guy is quite selfish in his thinking..
I suggest that
1. try stepping in each other's shoes and look at the situation.. at the same time, think of a solution to the problem.
sometimes one can be too engrossed in his / her own thinking and miss the overall picture.
what u need is a solution and act upon it.
And not spending time and debate whose actions is right or wrong.
Cos this will not solve the problem. Only make things worse.
cheers~ -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:The more logics you used to justify this series of quarrels, the more frustrated you become and the further she drifted away from you. Eventually, your potential 'competitor' appeared more attractive as your value slump. You may think that she has changed drastically; I am sure this feeling is mutual and this probably sets your relationship on declining mode.
You expect understanding from her, but at the same time, I don't think you have given the sort of understanding she seek. For example, checking of mobile phone is a blatant sign of mistrust. One may argue that being open is true honesty, but gnawing beneath that pseudo-honesty is great insecurity.
And like all insecure people - your need for control is overwhelming and when you exert control over your significant other, everything goes down from there onwards.
Cheers
How profound & painfully accurate..... if only someone could have enlightened me earlier....
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Originally posted by SoonKeong:
hi,
I'm currently having this relationship with my gf for 3 years. All have been fine until she started working as an engineer months ago. She start to work 9am to 9pm, mon to sat, which meant only sunday is free for me.
I'm serving my ns now, which meant most of the time, i can only be out during the weekends. I dont know about the others, but i firmly believe a relationship can only last when it is been maintain together, example is like physically meeting and not only chat on phone or smses.
Things started to detoriate when i complain to her that i'm feeling very sian. Reason was i felt nelgected due to her work and she doesnt really make the effort to call me during lunch or dinner. Of course she did call once a while, but having a work which requires her to work the hours like she was having her final year exam, i felt there was a need for a more "quality" communication.
This week i was having my leave from monday to thursday. I told her why she couldnt be more "zhi dong" as in to come over to stay since we already have too little time for eachother. But as usual she will blow up and insist i dont understand her. What is the resonale behind this? I only ask her to be a little more zhi dong only to be slap across the face as branded as "not understanding " ? [b]Am i asking her too much when time is the one that is drifting us part?
Thus, she quarrel with me all the time saying things like i dont trust her and i'm too immature becoz i cant understand what she is doing. But seriously, who in the world can tolerate when he can only phyically see his gf once a week and weekdays was like strangers?
She never think of giving in when she was the one who is giving so much absences. And always like to think she is not in the fault and keep aruging in loud volume that she has no choice and i dont trust her and dont understand her.
Since long ago, she started to take things for granted. She no longer take the iniative to meet me at mrts during going out and instead always insist me waiting for her at mrts. She no longer buy me stuff where she used to buy me cute toys and sweets and even i complain hungry in camp, she never even think of buying things for me to eat in there. She no longer give in during quarrel and always insist i'm the one at fault.
Today i spot check her handphone and find that there is tonnes of this fucker who keep feeding her with smses and phone call. When been asked who the hell is he, she immediately blow out, as if she kana slapped in the face. Honestly, is this what a gf should behave? i really dont know. I started to feel drifted becoz we are having quarrel more frequently then having dinner together. Keep saying want to maintain relationship but yet have this kinda thing and expect me to cool off and be a man?[/b]
both u and ur gf does have a problem... u dun really understand what working life is like after 12hours of work and some did u try to go concern abt her work, maybe she is facing alot of problems in her work while she does want to let u noe as she doesnt wan to let u worry while u r in camp and as for her not to buys things or food for u is bcos she want to learn to take care of urself as inu r always in camp and she doesnt want to spoils u.. DID U TRY TO TALK TO HER??? maybe she her some surprise like taking leave to go pick her up after her works is done w/o her knowing it... try to be more understanding as you will nv know...maybe she is planning for the future, maybe she is too stress up in her work that's y she gets frustrated easily.... -
hmmm... half half lor..Originally posted by dokono:To put it simply: Women hate NEEDY guys. Girls, what are your opinions on this?
actually i think humans are funny n unpredictable creatures. the better u treat them, they will retreat. the worse u give them, they will 'charge' forward.
TS, dun think too much, wad we provide are just advices, end of the day, u r the one making the decision. but from gal's point of view, i think she has grown tired of the r/s, im not trying to wet blanket but speaking from experiences. if can, prepare for the worst?? good luck, bro..
time will wash away all ur troubles and sufferings. -
How old are you and how old is your gf?
She is working as an engineer and you are only in NS?! You need to be a degree holder to be an engineer.... If she already has her degree, why are u still in NS? unless she's like at least 2 years older than you...
Another possibility is that she's an assistant engineer... which means a diploma holder... you are also a diploma holder... after poly, she starts working and you start NS.... ahhhhh then your story makes sense.... -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
Touche! You make great sense, it is no wonder why so many people look up to you in the forums. Nice quote, btw.
Absence to a relationship is like what wind is to fire; extinguish the small and rekindle the great.
Anyway threadstarter, it's time to mature. You were a teenager when the relationship started, it's only understandable that as a couple, you guys did cute things like buying each other cute stuff, sending each other lovey dovey smses every night etc.
But as young adults now, learn that (sadly) love is not everything there is to your life. It takes more than just love to keep the world going, contrary to popular love dramas. Don't expect to be your SO's everything, because you are not.
Don't be desperate for her attention, show your understanding through words. Tell her to rest well if she's tired after work, don't complain that she has no time for you.
And, heed that quote.
PS: I assumed the teenager part, but you get the point anyway. -
Originally posted by SoonKeong:
oh man your live story was damn good it makes me feel guilty to my girl..tink i got to start cherish her from now on and treat her like my princess.
I'm currently having this relationship with my gf for 3 years. All have been fine until she started working as an engineer months ago. She start to work 9am to 9pm, mon to sat, which meant only sunday is free for me.
I'm serving my ns now, which meant most of the time, i can only be out during the weekends. I dont know about the others, but i firmly believe a relationship can only last when it is been maintain together, example is like physically meeting and not only chat on phone or smses.
Things started to detoriate when i complain to her that i'm feeling very sian. Reason was i felt nelgected due to her work and she doesnt really make the effort to call me during lunch or dinner. Of course she did call once a while, but having a work which requires her to work the hours like she was having her final year exam, i felt there was a need for a more "quality" communication.
This week i was having my leave from monday to thursday. I told her why she couldnt be more "zhi dong" as in to come over to stay since we already have too little time for eachother. But as usual she will blow up and insist i dont understand her. What is the resonale behind this? I only ask her to be a little more zhi dong only to be slap across the face as branded as "not understanding " ? [b]Am i asking her too much when time is the one that is drifting us part?
Thus, she quarrel with me all the time saying things like i dont trust her and i'm too immature becoz i cant understand what she is doing. But seriously, who in the world can tolerate when he can only phyically see his gf once a week and weekdays was like strangers?
She never think of giving in when she was the one who is giving so much absences. And always like to think she is not in the fault and keep aruging in loud volume that she has no choice and i dont trust her and dont understand her.
Since long ago, she started to take things for granted. She no longer take the iniative to meet me at mrts during going out and instead always insist me waiting for her at mrts. She no longer buy me stuff where she used to buy me cute toys and sweets and even i complain hungry in camp, she never even think of buying things for me to eat in there. She no longer give in during quarrel and always insist i'm the one at fault.
Today i spot check her handphone and find that there is tonnes of this fucker who keep feeding her with smses and phone call. When been asked who the hell is he, she immediately blow out, as if she kana slapped in the face. Honestly, is this what a gf should behave? i really dont know. I started to feel drifted becoz we are having quarrel more frequently then having dinner together. Keep saying want to maintain relationship but yet have this kinda thing and expect me to cool off and be a man?[/b] -
in a r/ship
there is no such thing as 'always making the first move'.
if wan to strike a balance, everythign 50-50, i think yr life sure very hard.
From what i read briefly, the main issue is not that she is meeting u less
It is more about the other guy. It is like a vicious cycle. New guy -> Meet less -> Msg Less
If she is the 1 for you, i think u shd really talk things over.
My guy now work till 10 or even 12pm. I can't expect him to come down and meet me for dinner every time. So I pick him up from work about 2-3 times a week. Go for dinner near his workplace then send him home.
Sometimes have to wait half hr to 1 hr for him coz he can't leave yet.
But weekend he will try to come over.
I understand in NS only weekend free.
Try not surrounding yr life around yr gf. NS got friends to go drinking, ktv etc etc mah. -
yeapyeapOriginally posted by dokono:To put it simply: Women hate NEEDY guys. Girls, what are your opinions on this? -
be extra nice to her and observe her reactions...
if she appreciates ur efforts she will be very happy.
if she appear distracted den maybe she is feeling guilty...
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she can dun eat , sure dieOriginally posted by 0lala:put in the cage
wun fly and wun die oso...got water and food
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SoonKeong... sadly i see the beginning of the end to your relationship.Originally posted by SoonKeong:I'm currently having this relationship with my gf for 3 years. All have been fine until she started working as an engineer months ago. She start to work 9am to 9pm, mon to sat, which meant only sunday is free for me.
I'm serving my ns now, which meant most of the time, i can only be out during the weekends. I dont know about the others, but i firmly believe a relationship can only last when it is been maintain together, example is like physically meeting and not only chat on phone or smses.
Things started to detoriate when i complain to her that i'm feeling very sian. Reason was i felt nelgected due to her work and she doesnt really make the effort to call me during lunch or dinner. Of course she did call once a while, but having a work which requires her to work the hours like she was having her final year exam, i felt there was a need for a more "quality" communication.
This week i was having my leave from monday to thursday. I told her why she couldnt be more "zhi dong" as in to come over to stay since we already have too little time for eachother. But as usual she will blow up and insist i dont understand her. What is the resonale behind this? I only ask her to be a little more zhi dong only to be slap across the face as branded as "not understanding " ? [b]Am i asking her too much when time is the one that is drifting us part?
Thus, she quarrel with me all the time saying things like i dont trust her and i'm too immature becoz i cant understand what she is doing. But seriously, who in the world can tolerate when he can only phyically see his gf once a week and weekdays was like strangers?
She never think of giving in when she was the one who is giving so much absences. And always like to think she is not in the fault and keep aruging in loud volume that she has no choice and i dont trust her and dont understand her.
Since long ago, she started to take things for granted. She no longer take the iniative to meet me at mrts during going out and instead always insist me waiting for her at mrts. She no longer buy me stuff where she used to buy me cute toys and sweets and even i complain hungry in camp, she never even think of buying things for me to eat in there. She no longer give in during quarrel and always insist i'm the one at fault.
Today i spot check her handphone and find that there is tonnes of this fucker who keep feeding her with smses and phone call. When been asked who the hell is he, she immediately blow out, as if she kana slapped in the face. Honestly, is this what a gf should behave? i really dont know. I started to feel drifted becoz we are having quarrel more frequently then having dinner together. Keep saying want to maintain relationship but yet have this kinda thing and expect me to cool off and be a man?
Just accept it my friend, you all have grown apart. She used to treat you like someone important to her and will go the extra distant for your sake. But now that she has come out to work, she is exposed to a whole new world of things... You have to accept it, you are no longer her priority.
You should stop holding to the pass, gone are the days when you both were still schooling... or hanging out more offen. Just face it, If you are still of importants to her, she will make the effort regardless of how busy she is. But unfortunately from your post it doesn't seem so.
Now she has so many new things on her plate, maybe like attending meeting, doing projects... and meeting new people all the time. She may have to work closely with some of them too and in the event, lose interest in you eventually.
Grow-up my friend, stop calling her and see if she will look you up herself. Don't be too upset over this kind of stuff while you are in NS. Don't put too much into this relationship anymore. Cos when you finish NS and come out to work, you may also have a different outlook to it.
In the meantime, Stay cool... with the guns.
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2 way ..
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Thanks for all your replies.
Yesterday night had a good talk with my gf over it. Both of us feel that we are both not giving in thus all this things happen. Both are at fault.
Oh well, everything turns out well and we sort out the things that we have not speak of last time.
Perhaps in love, we cant always expect things. The more we expect the more we will feel disappointed. And because i love her, thus i should keep on giving in.. -
Hmm...Originally posted by SoonKeong:Thanks for all your replies.
Yesterday night had a good talk with my gf over it. Both of us feel that we are both not giving in thus all this things happen. Both are at fault.
Oh well, everything turns out well and we sort out the things that we have not speak of last time.
Perhaps in love, we cant always expect things. The more we expect the more we will feel disappointed. And because i love her, thus i should keep on giving in..
All the best.
Please update us as much as possible k?
Cheers -
Yes, all the best! Keep as posted! Hope to hear good news from you the next time i see your nick!Originally posted by SoonKeong:Thanks for all your replies.
Yesterday night had a good talk with my gf over it. Both of us feel that we are both not giving in thus all this things happen. Both are at fault.
Oh well, everything turns out well and we sort out the things that we have not speak of last time.
Perhaps in love, we cant always expect things. The more we expect the more we will feel disappointed. And because i love her, thus i should keep on giving in..
Till then. -
gd to hear you and gf made up
always remember that when u love someone, no matter how strong your desire is, be patient to understand and accomodate her needs and wants.
even if u have 2 wait to see her face to face, its a worthwhile wait. cos the both of u will appreciate each other more
that's why me and my gf can be each other's significant other for so long