To let go, Not to let go...
-
I hope no one involved in the following reads what I'm gonna write...
I've just broken up with my girl of 6 years. We've been thru a lot of things in these past 6 years. Things like deaths of close relatives, sickness, my NS life and much more drama. We have always been there for each other in times of need. The bond we share is remarkable. Everyone who knows abt us thinks that we will be together and ever, happily ever after. I thought so too...
Things got rocky recently. An idiot (A) tried to go after my ex, knowing that she's attached with a BF of 6 yrs. Stirred up plenty of shit, did not have the guts to admit to his mistakes, got his friend (B)to stand up for him. Is a very long story, I'll just cut everything short.
My ex broke up with me 2 mths ago. But 1 mth after that break up, we still behaved like a couple. I was trying to win back the confidence she had in me. Then 2 weeks ago, she called me and told me that we should draw a line, she needed to find herself back and think what she really wanted. I agreed. The next day while I was with her, her HP rang. Caller ID showed "BB". I knew something was wrong so i questioned her. She finally admitted that she's attached now, with (B)! I was very heart broken, this is the first time in 6yrs she had ever lied to me.
The reason why we broke up is because she feels that I don't give her enough concern and love. And I've been a great disappointment to her, which is kinda true. I'm 24 this yr and I'm still studying for a diploma. She feels neglected and thinks that I'm not making effort for myself and her.
The problem now is, my friends have heard my story and are asking me to move on. But there's a part inside me that refuses to let go... I do not know if she really do love him. She did mentioned that she might be accepting this guy now cause she's been really hurt by me, but she also mentioned that at least she feels happy and treasured now.
I have so many plans of the future involving her. I do not know if she's really in love with him or not. Another concern is, even if she doesn't come back to me anymore, I do not wish to see her get hurt by this guy again. She's been hurt by me bad enough already. This guy is a hypocrite. Everyone know that. If u guys are interested, I'll go on to tell the story abt him.
Im really confused. Should I let go or not? I know from the bottom of my heart, that I really still love her very much. And she IS the one for me....
ps: sorry bout the super long story.... -
does she still love u?
-
since she is with him, theres nothing u can do abt it until she see the bad side of him herself... even so, u failed liao so u should learn from urmistake and go for a gal who understand ur situation and sarpot u from behind... tink abt it, she left u cos u cant give her wat she wan, so no use keep on diedie put all ur $$$ on the line jz to fulfill her... mianqiang shi mei you xing fu de.... u still young, get ur diploma and find the better gal...
-
Sorry about what happened to you, sounds like a really unfortunate case, but i think you have to move on... I don't see why not you can't have a better gf in the future... You are still young, there's no need to go into self pity or self sympathy. There's so many wonderful years ahead of you... I can see that you really really adore this girl so all the more you should learn to let it go, if that's what she truly wants and if that's what is going to make her happier, you should learn to let it go. I mean that's what I would do if I were you, but I've been wrong before, I just want to say that love can't be forced. I'm sorry mate, I feel for you really, I know how painful it feels and I can't imagine you having to go through all of this. -
wow, i wasn't expecting a reply until tmr afternoon wor ^^;
No, pls dun mistake her for a materialistic girl cos she ain't one ^^ If she is, she would've left me loooooooooooooooong ago lol. And she did sarported me... all the past 6 yrs. In fact, she has been supportive of my all these while.. until she started her current jobs. She did told me that that guy did speak abt bad things about me. Althought she says she's not affected by what people say, I guess the damage is more or less done... right?[/u]Originally posted by BrUtUs:since she is with him, theres nothing u can do abt it until she see the bad side of him herself... even so, u failed liao so u should learn from urmistake and go for a gal who understand ur situation and sarpot u from behind... tink abt it, she left u cos u cant give her wat she wan, so no use keep on diedie put all ur $$$ on the line jz to fulfill her... mianqiang shi mei you xing fu de.... u still young, get ur diploma and find the better gal... -
move on. but hold on. if she is indeed attached because of the need to feel treasured and cherished, there is a chance those feelings will fade. also since she doesnt know B that well as in long long well, there is also a chance that the bad side might repulse her. so move on, if in time should she become available again, and feelings are present, you can try to get her to be with you again by rekindling the flames. or if at anytime a better girl appears then go after her. of course the latter does not need to be made known to the former.
but for now, take it as a test of time. if she really is happy and attached for like a long time, then good luck to you. 6 years is not a short time. -
How old is ur ex?
From what i see, the rival is someone that knows you.
From what i think, if she already got the intention to leave u, there is no point in keeping her by ur side anymore.
The truth is many people likes new stuff, u get sick and tired of old one... relationship is more or less the same.
I got a friend who is wif his GF for the 7 years now... keep complaining to me that how sick and tired he is wif her now.. but they are still together now. BUT he won't say this infront of his GF...
so... maybe ur ex is the type that are more decisive... THIS IS JUST WHAT I THINK. she might not be what i say she is. (cos i dunno her)
So, i would suggest that you just move on...
If u still die die wan to be wif her if not the earth will not turn or u will like die immediately... then go for it -
Decisive? i think not. More of a case of jumping ship.Originally posted by 3strips:I got a friend who is wif his GF for the 7 years now... keep complaining to me that how sick and tired he is wif her now.. but they are still together now. BUT he won't say this infront of his GF...
so... maybe ur ex is the type that are more decisive... THIS IS JUST WHAT I THINK. she might not be what i say she is. (cos i dunno her) -
Move on. According to Cloudism theory...you are looking back and she is moving forward.
If you wish to dwell in this any longer, you will probably become stagnant, while she enjoyed her new path in life. It may not necessary be a fulfilling relationship, but certainly, it will bring her new destination in love and life.
-
Sorry it's game over for you. She is not the one for you because she doesn't love you anymore. She is trying to confuse you because she herself is confused also. But she is not confused because the guy has replaced you to become no.1 and you are no.2. And there is no way you can climb back to no.1 The only way is to get a new girl and go ahead with your plans and show ur ex(whenever the chance arises) about your new gf. Other than that, you dun give your ex any more attention.Originally posted by Haoz30:I hope no one involved in the following reads what I'm gonna write...
I've just broken up with my girl of 6 years. We've been thru a lot of things in these past 6 years. Things like deaths of close relatives, sickness, my NS life and much more drama. We have always been there for each other in times of need. The bond we share is remarkable. Everyone who knows abt us thinks that we will be together and ever, happily ever after. I thought so too...
Things got rocky recently. An idiot (A) tried to go after my ex, knowing that she's attached with a BF of 6 yrs. Stirred up plenty of shit, did not have the guts to admit to his mistakes, got his friend (B)to stand up for him. Is a very long story, I'll just cut everything short.
My ex broke up with me 2 mths ago. But 1 mth after that break up, we still behaved like a couple. I was trying to win back the confidence she had in me. Then 2 weeks ago, she called me and told me that we should draw a line, she needed to find herself back and think what she really wanted. I agreed. The next day while I was with her, her HP rang. Caller ID showed "BB". I knew something was wrong so i questioned her. She finally admitted that she's attached now, with (B)! I was very heart broken, this is the first time in 6yrs she had ever lied to me.
The reason why we broke up is because she feels that I don't give her enough concern and love. And I've been a great disappointment to her, which is kinda true. I'm 24 this yr and I'm still studying for a diploma. She feels neglected and thinks that I'm not making effort for myself and her.
The problem now is, my friends have heard my story and are asking me to move on. But there's a part inside me that refuses to let go... I do not know if she really do love him. She did mentioned that she might be accepting this guy now cause she's been really hurt by me, but she also mentioned that at least she feels happy and treasured now.
I have so many plans of the future involving her. I do not know if she's really in love with him or not. Another concern is, even if she doesn't come back to me anymore, I do not wish to see her get hurt by this guy again. She's been hurt by me bad enough already. This guy is a hypocrite. Everyone know that. If u guys are interested, I'll go on to tell the story abt him.
Im really confused. Should I let go or not? I know from the bottom of my heart, that I really still love her very much. And she IS the one for me....
ps: sorry bout the super long story....
So what if it's 6 years? It means nothing to her. The woman only cares abt her own feelings towards you and apparently she doesn't have much feelings for you as compared to before. She cheated on you. She is unfaithful and you still want to get married with her!? You shd count yourself damn lucky. If not you will be marrying someone who doesn't like you? Hello!?
Things did not get rocky recently. It had already begun a few years ago when you showered too much concern for her. She is trying to give you an excuse and throw smoke at you la. She became bored of you. That's why the new guy came along and she broke up with you 2 mths ago. At that time when she became bored of you, she has already started to look for a new guy already. Nice timing huh?
And she lied to you. You want to marry a liar?! What do you mean you treat her badly? I thought you said you din shower enough concern for her? Is that treating her badly? Again she's not the girl for you. To her, the new guy is the one for her.
Stop being confused any more. Ur own ego and love for her has been blinding you all the time. -
During the past 6 years how have you been treating her? The guy has nothing to do with all these. All it matters is how you treat her only.Originally posted by Haoz30:wow, i wasn't expecting a reply until tmr afternoon wor ^^;
No, pls dun mistake her for a materialistic girl cos she ain't one ^^ If she is, she would've left me loooooooooooooooong ago lol. And she did sarported me... all the past 6 yrs. In fact, she has been supportive of my all these while.. until she started her current jobs. She did told me that that guy did speak abt bad things about me. Althought she says she's not affected by what people say, I guess the damage is more or less done... right?[/u] -
Bro I know exactly how u feel. mine was 28 months your's 6 years its a long long time and the things you two have been through were really alot. But trust me no matter how hard it is, if you really love her let her go and let nature take it's course and believe in fate. . . treat her normally and see what comes your way. . and never erase your memories you had with her always keep her in a special place in your heart.
Good luck bro~~!! may god bless you always too =)
-
her heart has changed. It was not what it used to be... she had moved on...
You need a closure and move on too..
Once that is done, whatever happens to her, she needs to be responsible and you cannot be held accountable for her future life she chose.
You need to move on slowly and gentle. You also need to know that life is still ahead of you and there are many opportunities to meet people and perhaps find a girl in future. But be fair to yourself and your new girl because without closing this relationship, things that happen in this relationship will spill over to the next making you miserable and complicating your life further. -
The main thing now you should do is to concentrate on your dip. As for yr ex, when she's in troubled or moody, you will be the first she will contact (If she really loves you). Build your career, earn $$$$$ is more important. When 2 C, then you will have more chance to win yr ex back, but provided she's not married to that XYZ guy.
Just concentrate on yr Dip and get updates of how yr ex and that jerk relationship is going on. Time will heal yr heart, maybe after 1 or 2 years, you maybe find another girl much better than your ex. Good Luck. -
tat gf stealer will get his retribution. karma. wad goes round comes round. i think even ur ex n u have broken up, u shdnt stop ur care n concern for her. let her know that u truly love her til the very day, and if she has a heart or feeling for u, she will come back. at the same time, stay strong. a bad break up is the worst thing one would ever want.
-
I wouldn't say I'm doing my best to show her my love and concern. I'm not the mushy wushy type, and I'm not good at expressing myself. Maybe that's the reason why she feels that that she's not treasured and loved. But in times of needs, I have always been there for her... Maybe things aren't meant to work out in the first place.Originally posted by dokono:During the past 6 years how have you been treating her? The guy has nothing to do with all these. All it matters is how you treat her only.
Thanks to everyone who took the time to reply.
Time can heal some things, but not everything. I do not know how much time I will take to hurt this deep wound. Life without her sure does seems aimless. Thanks for the advices guys 
-
She didn't exactly turned unfaithful. We did broke up, then she found herself a new guy. It's just that she chose to lie to me abt wanting to find herself rather than telling the truth abt having a new guy.Originally posted by dokono:Sorry it's game over for you. She is not the one for you because she doesn't love you anymore. She is trying to confuse you because she herself is confused also. But she is not confused because the guy has replaced you to become no.1 and you are no.2. And there is no way you can climb back to no.1 The only way is to get a new girl and go ahead with your plans and show ur ex(whenever the chance arises) about your new gf. Other than that, you dun give your ex any more attention.
So what if it's 6 years? It means nothing to her. The woman only cares abt her own feelings towards you and apparently she doesn't have much feelings for you as compared to before. She cheated on you. She is unfaithful and you still want to get married with her!? You shd count yourself damn lucky. If not you will be marrying someone who doesn't like you? Hello!?
Things did not get rocky recently. It had already begun a few years ago when you showered too much concern for her. She is trying to give you an excuse and throw smoke at you la. She became bored of you. That's why the new guy came along and she broke up with you 2 mths ago. At that time when she became bored of you, she has already started to look for a new guy already. Nice timing huh?
And she lied to you. You want to marry a liar?! What do you mean you treat her badly? I thought you said you din shower enough concern for her? Is that treating her badly? Again she's not the girl for you. To her, the new guy is the one for her.
Stop being confused any more. Ur own ego and love for her has been blinding you all the time. -
Im really confused. Should I let go or not? I know from the bottom of my heart, that I really still love her very much. And she IS the one for me....
Hey bro, wad's over is over... no point going after her again... u really deserve someone better but she's not the one for u cos she 'dump' u or jump boat to another one... she by doing that is already unfaithful to u..... wake up bro... set off for a new journey with someone special but not her... take care -
hehehe, she didnt dump me for that guy. We broke up, then she got together with that guy. When i found out abt the relationship, they just got together for less than a week.
So she didn't really become unfaithful. She merely "found someone to cushion" her fall. Well... that's what I feel. Or i chose to to look at it from that POV... -
Again you are just like other guys who lost their girl but still protect them because you still love them too much. You are just giving your girl excuse. She is not willing to stick through thick and thin with you. You called that the ONE for you? Whether it's one week or one year that they just got together, the fact is that she found the guy to replace you. She did not find someone to cushion that fall. She did not even fall. You are the one who needs the cushioning and you are still protecting her.Originally posted by Haoz30:hehehe, she didnt dump me for that guy. We broke up, then she got together with that guy. When i found out abt the relationship, they just got together for less than a week.
So she didn't really become unfaithful. She merely "found someone to cushion" her fall. Well... that's what I feel. Or i chose to to look at it from that POV... -
actual i mean 101% time n effort here...Originally posted by Haoz30:wow, i wasn't expecting a reply until tmr afternoon wor ^^;
No, pls dun mistake her for a materialistic girl cos she ain't one ^^ If she is, she would've left me loooooooooooooooong ago lol. And she did sarported me... all the past 6 yrs. In fact, she has been supportive of my all these while.. until she started her current jobs. She did told me that that guy did speak abt bad things about me. Althought she says she's not affected by what people say, I guess the damage is more or less done... right?[/u] -
Originally posted by Haoz30:I hope no one involved in the following reads what I'm gonna write...
I've just broken up with my girl of 6 years. We've been thru a lot of things in these past 6 years. Things like deaths of close relatives, sickness, my NS life and much more drama. We have always been there for each other in times of need. The bond we share is remarkable. Everyone who knows abt us thinks that we will be together and ever, happily ever after. I thought so too...
Things got rocky recently. An idiot (A) tried to go after my ex, knowing that she's attached with a BF of 6 yrs. Stirred up plenty of shit, did not have the guts to admit to his mistakes, got his friend (B)to stand up for him. Is a very long story, I'll just cut everything short.
My ex broke up with me 2 mths ago. But 1 mth after that break up, we still behaved like a couple. I was trying to win back the confidence she had in me. Then 2 weeks ago, she called me and told me that we should draw a line, she needed to find herself back and think what she really wanted. I agreed. The next day while I was with her, her HP rang. Caller ID showed "BB". I knew something was wrong so i questioned her. She finally admitted that she's attached now, with (B)! I was very heart broken, this is the first time in 6yrs she had ever lied to me.
The reason why we broke up is because she feels that I don't give her enough concern and love. And I've been a great disappointment to her, which is kinda true. I'm 24 this yr and I'm still studying for a diploma. She feels neglected and thinks that I'm not making effort for myself and her.
The problem now is, my friends have heard my story and are asking me to move on. But there's a part inside me that refuses to let go... I do not know if she really do love him. She did mentioned that she might be accepting this guy now cause she's been really hurt by me, but she also mentioned that at least she feels happy and treasured now.
I have so many plans of the future involving her. I do not know if she's really in love with him or not. Another concern is, even if she doesn't come back to me anymore, I do not wish to see her get hurt by this guy again. She's been hurt by me bad enough already. This guy is a hypocrite. Everyone know that. If u guys are interested, I'll go on to tell the story abt him.
Im really confused. Should I let go or not? I know from the bottom of my heart, that I really still love her very much. And she IS the one for me....
ps: sorry bout the super long story.... 
If a man is able to slip into her life effortlessly and managed to wreck so much havoc in your relationship, it probably means that your relationship isn't very stable as you previously thought it to be. Six years? So what? In the end, its very defeat was exploited through various vulnerabilities this love had in the first place and abnegate your royal throne.
You provided an excellent reasoning for yourself to retain in the past, hoping to get her back - you believed that it was a moment of folly for her and one day she will return.
I cannot be sure about her returning, but I am sure that even if the woman should return, nothing will be the same anymore.
In the end, although you can be sure that she is THE ONE for you, but you can never be sure if you are THE ONE for her.
I am not saying that the other man is a better alternative to you, but a truly satisfied woman cannot be seduced. A long, drudgery relationship will wear and tear eventually... especially when love dissolved into habits. We always thought that things are going well, until when catalysis is introduced, we realise our anaemic our relationship is.
P.S: Should you not let go, you action doesn't stop her from moving on in life. And quoted by Alexkusu, (and I believe he quote my past reply):
CheersOriginally posted by Yunhaier:...If you wish to dwell in this any longer, you will probably become stagnant, while she enjoyed her new path in life. It may not necessary be a fulfilling relationship, but certainly, it will bring her new destination in love and life. -
YOU HAVE TO LET go dude
n find another girl -
Hmm.
-
Late again???Originally posted by Devil1976:Hmm.