An abusive husband...
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Dont worry too much, I think you're a good man basically. You already realize it's wrong to hit her, and you come here to ask for advice. Im sure you won't hit her again. Just remember my pointers above.
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AS above
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Thanks for ur advices,I've contacted the family services 2day, they'll get back to me within 3 days for counselling. I really hope it helps. Going into a marriage is not easy, I wouldnt want it to end just like that. I've always been trying to give in,maybe it's just happen when so many things comes all together...
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Originally posted by md_hate:Thanks for ur advices,I've contacted the family services 2day, they'll get back to me within 3 days for counselling. I really hope it helps. Going into a marriage is not easy, I wouldnt want it to end just like that. I've always been trying to give in,maybe it's just happen when so many things comes all together...
The point of salvation is when you realise that something is wrong and you humble yourself to evolve.
I don't know if a crisis actually did happen before you resort to seeking help; however, every little step done to improve ourselves will never go to waste.
Mis-managing of anger is a product of afflicted Mars.
P.S: Are you Aries or Scorpio?
Cheers -
Er yes. Got such a friend with the same problem as you do.Originally posted by md_hate:I think i would be a loser if i carry on like this,thats why i'm looking for help bro crossover. U can call me anything u like, wait till u get a wife who verbally abuses u. I'm hoping 2 find a way 2 stop all these and seriously,your post doesn't help. if thats the case, can i sincerely invite u not 2 post any comments here.thanks
And yes. They have a son, now 1 year old.
So far, it was the wife that has been consistently verbally abusing him as well as voicing her complaints to her family members and even his friends.
With his big size, he could have easily take one swing and sent wife flying but he has been keeping control by leaving the house early and going home late.
We suspect the wife is still sort of suffering from Post natal blues and frustrated at the lack of $$$.
Most dissatisfaction between spouces is due to money. how about following my firends example? Go out, do some part time work and keep yourself busy. -
First just listen first ...
if you find its repeating the same issue then try to divert to topic to some other less important topic to avoid arguement ...
if this carry on ... take a few deep breath to ease the tense ... if still cannot ... go out side ...
I hope this method can help too ... husband and wife see each other everyday one u know .... -
Not a permanent solution?Originally posted by viciouskitty74:Er yes. Got such a friend with the same problem as you do.
And yes. They have a son, now 1 year old.
So far, it was the wife that has been consistently verbally abusing him as well as voicing her complaints to her family members and even his friends.
With his big size, he could have easily take one swing and sent wife flying but he has been keeping control by leaving the house early and going home late.
We suspect the wife is still sort of suffering from Post natal blues and frustrated at the lack of $$$.
Most dissatisfaction between spouces is due to money. how about following my firends example? Go out, do some part time work and keep yourself busy. -
Nothing is permanent. Never says Never. Lightning does strike thrice.Originally posted by Devil1976:Not a permanent solution?
A permanent solution is of course for both spouse to seek counselling. Not just one party.
With sg laws protecting minors and women. It might tilt the situation where the 'abusive' husband might be at a disadvantage.
A cool off period, away from each other presence usually gives both parties to think out of the box and reflect on their behaviours and desires to abuse. It also open up their circle to find opportunities and refresh their perspective in life.
Like my friend, after spending time away from home, occupying his time with friends, sports and meeting new friends. He was more able to seek more growth in terms of his career. -
The fact that you raised it up and show remorse for doing what you did is already good enough for me. I respect you for that.
Because when you have the courage to do that, it's telling me that you are not a abusive jerk that abuses your spouse for the sadistic fun or what not.
But like you said.. an act of impulse when you can't control your temper.
So you should take things from where they are.. apologize to your wife.. and admit to her the problems you're facing and that you couldn't control your temper and you don't mean to hurt her.
Then you can seek professional help on relieving your pent-up stress and some anger-management.
You'll be fine. -
That's just how your friend is thinking... How would his wife be thinking...? Especially if she's a negative person...?Originally posted by viciouskitty74:Nothing is permanent. Never says Never. Lightning does strike thrice.
A permanent solution is of course for both spouse to seek counselling. Not just one party.
With sg laws protecting minors and women. It might tilt the situation where the 'abusive' husband might be at a disadvantage.
A cool off period, away from each other presence usually gives both parties to think out of the box and reflect on their behaviours and desires to abuse. It also open up their circle to find opportunities and refresh their perspective in life.
Like my friend, after spending time away from home, occupying his time with friends, sports and meeting new friends. He was more able to seek more growth in terms of his career.
Not saying that your friend shouldn't 'hide away' from the problem and avoid the conflicts... But like they've always said... You can't hide forever? Shouldn't he be having other more practical plans at the same time...? Or at least take some time off to come out with one rather then just 'enjoying life of his own'...?
No offence, but seems to me like your friend has more given up on the relationship already and just waiting for it to die a natural death than anything much else...? Or perhaps he's just 'leaving things to fate'...? To chance? Now with his current acts and his wife's mentality, how far is that likely to get him..?
Could it possibly make things even more complicated and tied up as the situation slips even DEEPER into a new edge
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anger management psychologist (or psychiatrist? i dunno the diff between them)
sometimes it's too much stress and all that. -
Hiding doesnt solve any problem,it will just make it worst. I am lucky to have supportive friends and you guys(and ladies) to share my problem with. I really hope that guys out there having the same/similar problems will get some help before anything nasty were to happen. I will definitely share my story after things gets better. Sometimes it's just easier said than to be done but Always remember that on that day we have made our promises to love each other,cherish each other,in sickness or in health. This promise never fails to keep me going...
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I didnt see how he was hiding away from the problem when they are still married at this moment.Originally posted by Devil1976:That's just how your friend is thinking... How would his wife be thinking...? Especially if she's a negative person...?
Not saying that your friend shouldn't 'hide away' from the problem and avoid the conflicts... But like they've always said... You can't hide forever? Shouldn't he be having other more practical plans at the same time...? Or at least take some time off to come out with one rather then just 'enjoying life of his own'...?
No offence, but seems to me like your friend has more given up on the relationship already and just waiting for it to die a natural death than anything much else...? Or perhaps he's just 'leaving things to fate'...? To chance? Now with his current acts and his wife's mentality, how far is that likely to get him..?
Could it possibly make things even more complicated and tied up as the situation slips even DEEPER into a new edge
Its about avoiding the conflict and improving the situation where the root cause is about money.
Sitting down, talk talk talk.....does it solve the problem?
The wife needed less aggravation on seeing her 'useless' husband. The husband needed to get away from situations where he might use his hands on a quarralsome wife.
Yes, you are rite to mention that the wife may be negative. The female friends among us all networked together and refused to keep him company. We rallied male friends to keep him occupied instead.
At times like this. where the guy is most vunerable, he may start any affair which may ruin his marriage. But he manages not to, as yet.
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If he has the mind to, affair can be from anywhere..Originally posted by viciouskitty74:I didnt see how he was hiding away from the problem when they are still married at this moment.
'Still married' as compared to...? So what value would the marriage takes, even if they're 'still married' at this point...?
Its about avoiding the conflict and improving the situation where the root cause is about money.
Sitting down, talk talk talk.....does it solve the problem?
True... When comes to issues with money, talking alone probably won't go very far... So long as he's having more concrete and practical plans... But I would still insist that taking 'avoidance' though might help him bring down conflicts for a while... It'll probably cost him some 'snowball effects' too...?
The wife needed less aggravation on seeing her 'useless' husband. The husband needed to get away from situations where he might use his hands on a quarralsome wife.
So it would be better for 2 people in a marriage to avoid each other to cut down conflicts?
Yes, you are rite to mention that the wife may be negative. The female friends among us all networked together and refused to keep him company. We rallied male friends to keep him occupied instead.
At times like this. where the guy is most vunerable, he may start any affair which may ruin his marriage. But he manages not to, as yet. 
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My 1st appt. Was taught 2 1st control my thoughts->emotions->action. It's actually a cycle.It directly affects each other.
Learn how 2 cool down even b4 starting to be angry. In a quarrel, it always begin with pointing finger/blaming the other party. It worked so far for me.
3 ways to control anger
1. Take deep breaths. Inhale slowly thru the nose as much as u can hold and exhale slowly thru the mouth fully. Do this for 5 mins.
2. Replaced the -ve thoughts with +ve ones. Requires alot of practising. Think about something nice which we've done b4.
3.Always remind urself that u're the best,don't self blame. eg.I'm a good husband and I love my wife. Cause when u self blame,it tends to make u have 'hot' emotions which will in turn make u have hot actions. -
True, and friends who supports is better then friends who intro this kinda affairs.Originally posted by Devil1976:If he has the mind to, affair can be from anywhere..
I've known of folks who prefer to tell this guy> Aiyah. Go lah, have some fun outside...
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Originally posted by viciouskitty74:True, and friends who supports is better then friends who intro this kinda affairs.
I've known of folks who prefer to tell this guy> Aiyah. Go lah, have some fun outside... -
consult a specialist..u really need one. ask your wife along so that it will help her to understand better of u also and tat u meant to change..Originally posted by md_hate:Hi all,was wondering if there's anyway i can get help. Recently i've been unable to control my temper and venting my anger on my spouse. I would hit her but regretted it after that. Anyone can help me? I wouldn't want to hurt my beloved wife. It's really hard to control.