2 months before wedding and ...
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Once, there is this guy A (33) , and this gal B (29). Gal B is a very sporty type, enjoy outdoor, the sun. Guy A is an indoor type, likes to stay at home and relax.
Guy is first bf for Gal. Gal is 2nd for Guy.
They are together for 2 years, before getting ROM. Before the ROM, the gal kick up a fuss and pick problems with the guy. All in the hope that the guy will find the gal irritating, and call off the ROM. After the ROM, the gal became havoc and stay out with frens, wanted to have fun. The guy kept quiet and the gal told the guy she regretted doing the ROM. The guy wore the wedding ring, the gal didn't. She still introduce the guy as "boyfriend". A month or so later, the guy stopped wearing the ring.
Some months later, they became ok, and they got a HDB. The guy took care of the reno, while the gal worked till late at night. They moved in together. After 1 year, the guy requested to have a traditional wedding dinner. The gal, fearing the same thing happen during ROM, would not like to have it. She needed more time for convincing herself. So, they had a quarrel over it. The guy relented and did not push further.
3 years have gone. Guy called the gal "Wife". Gal called guy "Hubby". In the 3 years, they went travel yearly, had fun doing stuffs together. Both had change for each other, guy became more outdoor, and gal loves to be with the guy. During this time, there are no big arguments or quarrels.
Gal went searching for wedding venues, and showed to the Guy. The guy wasof cos, very happy. They went and decided on the venue, and got the wedding package. They had a great day with the photoshoot. Inivitations were printed as well.
2 months before wedding. Gal went for a night outing with frens, and the Guy called her a few times to return as it is late (11pm ~ 3am). The gal became angry. They quarrel. The gal wanted to call off the wedding dinner. The guy knew she is purposely doing the same thing so as to call off the dinner. Guy asked her. She said she is still not committed. She is not sure He is the one. She feels something missing, as if waiting for another guy to appear.
Now, both guy and gal is feeling miserable. Gal wanted to have sometime alone to think about what she really wants. Guy is waiting. There are options :
a) Wait for Gal to be ready for traditional wedding dinner, could be 1 year, 2 year, never?
b) Forget about the wedding dinner. (Guy want dinner, think parents (both) also)
c) Go for counselling (Guy suggest)
d) Divorce for Gal freedom. She can goes to search for her perfect husband.
What do you think? -
Can summarize in less than 10 words?
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is she in bad mood and just trying to spite u by threatening to call off the wedding?
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it would be best to go for option d but it would also mean giving her the alimony fees.
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counselling.
if it fails, then remain the same, OR divorce.
better divorce if no kids........YET. -
on second time read,u actually haven't married her yet(how i noe its u?look at the age u state in ur profile.)
in that case,let her go.
she isn't rdy for marriage yet..not that she isn't committed to u.
time will help her decide.
best for both u and her. -
opinion said here is nothing about the wedding, its about the girl not willing to commit in fact, there is a question of the girl using the guy till she finds a better guy - perhaps. She might not really love the guy in the first place. The guy expecting the girl to change? How? How long?
Read "Gone With the Wind"? How much abuse can a person take from another person. She might be there for the good times as long as there is zero responsibilities. She will run when she is pressured. When push comes to shove, the guy takes the whole load, the girl wait for things to be solve. Is this the kind of relationship that will last? How long does the guy want to wait around for the girl to have a change of heart?
Would you be happier apart?
Your Questions/Choices:
a) Wait for Gal to be ready for traditional wedding dinner, could be 1 year, 2 year, never?
b) Forget about the wedding dinner. (Guy want dinner, think parents (both) also)
c) Go for counselling (Guy suggest)
d) Divorce for Gal freedom. She can goes to search for her perfect husband.
What do you think?
Would both parties willing work for the relationship?
Would you want to fool yourself and live with it?
Would you want to find out why is she so resistant?
Would you want to search in yourself the truth about this relationship?
Its all choices. One thing is known is that the girl does not seem to settle down and seem to have many minds about it. If there is any uncertainty, you are putting yourself up to be burnt because both person are on different channels.
Wedding is a small thing compared to living together as partners over many many years. -
Waits for bbb....
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wait..Originally posted by M©+square:Waits for bbb....
where is Ur reply?
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Threadstarter have thought up a few options on his own.Originally posted by yuko-ogura:wait..
where is Ur reply?
Do you think he does not have the answer?
Let the rest do the pushing.
He haven't shared certain things which i'm waiting for other forumers to ask.
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ahh...very enlightening indeed.Originally posted by mistyblue: -
Originally posted by mistyblue:
M© siams....push the spotlight to OutOfIdeasHusband -
good things need to be shared.Originally posted by M©+square:
M© siams....push the spotlight to OutOfIdeasHusband
MC post quality stuff mah... -
Guy might tried too hard in pleasing Gal. Fetch Gal home daily. Mostly, Guy don't talk much, while Gal will shared what happen to her in the day.
No point blaming whose fault. Guy is thinking how to remedy the situation. -
fixing the situation is one thing, but the darn thing is cripple. How to fix also cripple.
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conseling.
there must be something for them to stay together for so many years.
den if all else fails, divorce, before having kids. kns one, not sure still go ROM, buy HDB, etc. scarly have kids den she suddenly say, she not sure again, how? -
it's already over .... gal is just waiting for someone else (read: "better") ...
so what if you can get the gal to go through the whole thing ? ... the heart doesn't belong to the chap ....
first time another guy comes along that catches her eyes, she'll stray .... is there trust ? ... or even love ? ....
cut your losses and move on bro .... some women are just not worth it .... -
Guy is hoping thru the counselling, Gal will know what she really want. be it separate, or whatever.Originally posted by mistyblue:fixing the situation is one thing, but the darn thing is cripple. How to fix also cripple.
During the 3 years of staying together, Gal did not display any wierd behaviour. Neither before the 2 years before ROM. Its only when the date of ROM and date of wedding dinner comes nearer, Gal suddenly become like that.
To the guy, gal may be afraid of the commitment (as gal admitted). Gal may not like the idea of "Wife of somebody". In any case, it might be the Guy failed to give the Gal a sense of security? -
bro ... I feel for you, I really do ... it's not easy to cut your losses after you've given out so much of your heart and youth eh ....Originally posted by OutOfIdeasHusband:Guy is hoping thru the counselling, Gal will know what she really want. be it separate, or whatever.
During the 3 years of staying together, Gal did not display any wierd behaviour. Neither before the 2 years before ROM. Its only when the date of ROM and date of wedding dinner comes nearer, Gal suddenly become like that.
To the guy, gal may be afraid of the commitment (as gal admitted). Gal may not like the idea of "Wife of somebody". In any case, it might be the Guy failed to give the Gal a sense of security?
but are you trying to get some affirmation from a course you've already decided to take ? ....
what I said may not be what you'd like to hear ... but honestly ... I don't think she's just a commitment-phobe ... but she doesn't think of you as the "ONE" ... are you willing to live out the rest of your life on this status quo ? ... would you like to have children ? ... grow old together ? .... -
There are details unrevealed so I cannot say much.Originally posted by OutOfIdeasHusband:Guy is hoping thru the counselling, Gal will know what she really want. be it separate, or whatever.
During the 3 years of staying together, Gal did not display any wierd behaviour. Neither before the 2 years before ROM. Its only when the date of ROM and date of wedding dinner comes nearer, Gal suddenly become like that.
To the guy, gal may be afraid of the commitment (as gal admitted). Gal may not like the idea of "Wife of somebody". In any case, it might be the Guy failed to give the Gal a sense of security?
Counselling also depend on whether the girl want to go and want to spend the effort or not to fix the problem
When 2 person are in different channels, there is only so far that they can move along together.
Experience tells me that when a peron is not willing to commit, the relationship usually bound to fail
When a person threatens to call off ROM, Wedding and feels regret and refuse to wear ring or address husband accordingly, then there is really not much hope.
But I might be wrong. Because there is always more than meets the eye -
The biggest mistake you can make is you propose to her first Am I wrong that you proposed to her first or is it the other way round?Originally posted by OutOfIdeasHusband:Once, there is this guy A (33) , and this gal B (29). Gal B is a very sporty type, enjoy outdoor, the sun. Guy A is an indoor type, likes to stay at home and relax.
Guy is first bf for Gal. Gal is 2nd for Guy.
They are together for 2 years, before getting ROM. Before the ROM, the gal kick up a fuss and pick problems with the guy. All in the hope that the guy will find the gal irritating, and call off the ROM. After the ROM, the gal became havoc and stay out with frens, wanted to have fun. The guy kept quiet and the gal told the guy she regretted doing the ROM. The guy wore the wedding ring, the gal didn't. She still introduce the guy as "boyfriend". A month or so later, the guy stopped wearing the ring.
Some months later, they became ok, and they got a HDB. The guy took care of the reno, while the gal worked till late at night. They moved in together. After 1 year, the guy requested to have a traditional wedding dinner. The gal, fearing the same thing happen during ROM, would not like to have it. She needed more time for convincing herself. So, they had a quarrel over it. The guy relented and did not push further.
3 years have gone. Guy called the gal "Wife". Gal called guy "Hubby". In the 3 years, they went travel yearly, had fun doing stuffs together. Both had change for each other, guy became more outdoor, and gal loves to be with the guy. During this time, there are no big arguments or quarrels.
Gal went searching for wedding venues, and showed to the Guy. The guy wasof cos, very happy. They went and decided on the venue, and got the wedding package. They had a great day with the photoshoot. Inivitations were printed as well.
2 months before wedding. Gal went for a night outing with frens, and the Guy called her a few times to return as it is late (11pm ~ 3am). The gal became angry. They quarrel. The gal wanted to call off the wedding dinner. The guy knew she is purposely doing the same thing so as to call off the dinner. Guy asked her. She said she is still not committed. She is not sure He is the one. She feels something missing, as if waiting for another guy to appear.
Now, both guy and gal is feeling miserable. Gal wanted to have sometime alone to think about what she really wants. Guy is waiting. There are options :
a) Wait for Gal to be ready for traditional wedding dinner, could be 1 year, 2 year, never?
b) Forget about the wedding dinner. (Guy want dinner, think parents (both) also)
c) Go for counselling (Guy suggest)
d) Divorce for Gal freedom. She can goes to search for her perfect husband.
What do you think?
The girl has so much feelings for the guy that she ''regretted'' marrying the guy? I really suspected the girl's feelings for you. It's a big fat warning sign to you already. You either married someone who has low feelings for you or someone who is hardheaded or both.
Things were never ok after that. It seems that when near important events the girl would just freak out, as one someone has pointed out. And as someone has also pointed out, there are not enough details that lead to the result of today.
She said she is still not committed. She is not sure He is the one. She feels something missing, as if waiting for another guy to appear.
The above statement made me suspect she has low feelings for you before the ROM. Worse, she doesn't know it and confused you in the process. During the dating phase, we do not know what you have done that has turned her off. That's why she wanted to make you feel irritated so you can call off the ROM event or even break up with her.
Are you someone who comes from a well-to-do family?
My suggestion: Give her time first. Don't pressurise her. Don't talk to her about this until she brings it up herself. This way, she will be sure of her own decision.
If it appears unavoidable that divorce is the only solution, then go with it. Divorce is not the first solution, especially when you have kids. It should be the last solution. -
I don't want to be negative here but in my opinion, there is really not much hope when she said ''she is not sure he is the one''.Originally posted by mistyblue:There are details unrevealed so I cannot say much.
Counselling also depend on whether the girl want to go and want to spend the effort or not to fix the problem
When 2 person are in different channels, there is only so far that they can move along together.
Experience tells me that when a peron is not willing to commit, the relationship usually bound to fail
When a person threatens to call off ROM, Wedding and feels regret and refuse to wear ring or address husband accordingly, then there is really not much hope. -
Pull the plug. First, she was never into the idea in the first place, so God knows why she went for it. Second, if things are that FUBAR after all this time, you've got bugger-all chance of things getting better in the long term. At best it'll be a temporary respite before things boil over and come back with a vengance. Play it smart and cut your losses - life's too short to be tied to an albatross.
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Traditional-style wedding dinner = ZZZZ...