What is the hurry?
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Juz got to know this guy for coming a month, actually only 3 weeks to be precise. He has been goin after me since we first met. Treats me pretty well, but he is perpetually hurrying me into a relationship. He said he likes me alot and im the gal he has been looking for all his life. Told him more than 10 times, or is it 20 times, that we need more time to know each other. after telling him many times, he finally 'accepts' it but he is still talking about it all the time.
Hey, we juz got to know each other! 3 or 4 weeks? and he is not staying in spore. he does visit me every weekend (ie that is only 3 weekends so far). Yes we do talk over the phone for hours every nite, but so wat? can knowing and understanding process be expedited? Ya, then move on to the next stage already then wat? he is still goin to stay there, or at least at the moment untill next year (he said he is planning to relocate to singapore next year). So wat is the hurry?!
This is getting so infuriating!
He juz send me a sms about 'moving on to next stage' jokingly. Gosh! this is realli getting to me.
yes, we are not getting any younger. He is 36 and im 32, but so what? Honestly, what is the hurry? -
he's 36.
that's the hurry
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tell him you would like to take your time and if he cannot compromise, just dun need to answer his calls anymore
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if you do not feel confortable ... it will be hard to progress on..
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Ya! im 32 too, and im a gal. im not so gan chiong as to compromise knowing each other and rush into a relationship.Originally posted by kopiosatu:he's 36.
that's the hurry
All the more cos im 32, im wiser not to rush into it. no?
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It's so easy to fall into the 'trap', getting exciting too easily and freaking out your prince or princess charming..
Whether is 36 or 26 doesnt matter, he's excited about this relationship, and maybe you just need to rein him in and say you're not ready for just quick progress? Take it one step at a time if you must. Remember the feeling must be mutal.
Good luck
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Seems to me this guy is very anxious but naive.
No question that he has a huge crush on you from the way his feelings for you r probably very intense.........
In relationships, guys are usually the ones initiating +proposing things while gals r the ones controlling the pace the r/s progresses.
Here, u r right to exercise caution as the r/s is a very young one.
The guy's very anxious mebbe because he's never been in a real r/s or just that he wants to get into your pants.......! -
sorry, would you please elaborate?Originally posted by mistyblue:if you do not feel confortable ... it will be hard to progress on.. -
Ask yourself: How do you feel about him?Originally posted by ladie:Juz got to know this guy for coming a month, actually only 3 weeks to be precise. He has been goin after me since we first met. Treats me pretty well, but he is perpetually hurrying me into a relationship. He said he likes me alot and im the gal he has been looking for all his life. Told him more than 10 times, or is it 20 times, that we need more time to know each other. after telling him many times, he finally 'accepts' it but he is still talking about it all the time.
Hey, we juz got to know each other! 3 or 4 weeks? and he is not staying in spore. he does visit me every weekend (ie that is only 3 weekends so far). Yes we do talk over the phone for hours every nite, but so wat? can knowing and understanding process be expedited? Ya, then move on to the next stage already then wat? he is still goin to stay there, or at least at the moment untill next year (he said he is planning to relocate to singapore next year). So wat is the hurry?!
This is getting so infuriating!
He juz send me a sms about 'moving on to next stage' jokingly. Gosh! this is realli getting to me.
yes, we are not getting any younger. He is 36 and im 32, but so what? Honestly, what is the hurry?
Ask him: Why is there a rush to bring it to the next level?
Whether to bring the relationship to the next level definitely is not based on how much of communications have been established, but more importantly on how much you understands him and he understands you...
Also you need that trust factor to bring things further... Especially in your situation, he's not a local? It might appear that he could be a love scammer who is out to prey for victim for sex that's all...
Me agree that you are not young at 32, but you are wise to make that choice... -
Yes!!! Trust factor. You spoke my mind! He is a foreigner. for all you know, he could even be married in his country! We need time to establish a lot of things, thereby build trust, no? Sorry, that is the skeptical and irritated me talking. Im so irritated and this is realli getting to me.Originally posted by dork3d:Ask yourself: How do you feel about him?
Ask him: Why is there a rush to bring it to the next level?
Whether to bring the relationship to the next level definitely is not based on how much of communications have been established, but more importantly on how much you understands him and he understands you...
Also you need that trust factor to bring things further... Especially in your situation, he's not a local? It might appear that he could be a love scammer who is out to prey for victim for sex that's all...
Me agree that you are not young at 32, but you are wise to make that choice...
Yes, i do feel positively towards him. But can you be cornered and rushed every day or every other day!?!? How much positive feelings can withstand such pressure and annoyance?
I did ask him that question. He said cos he liked me so much. And i do have many guys goin after me, being together will give him sense of security cos im the faithful type when im in a relationship. Aiya, i think it is juz a guy's thing to want to shorten the courtship process, cos in a relationship, guys need to do less work and enjoy the security and of cos, intimacy. -
did you ask him what he meant by next stage?
se x or marriage?
you will have a clearer picture by then.
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we are friends now, and next stage would mean relationship, marriage would be skipping relationship stage already rite?Originally posted by dragg:did you ask him what he meant by next stage?
se x or marriage?
you will have a clearer picture by then.
relationship would include intmacy like holding hands, hugs and of cos sex (juz a matter of time rite?) -
ya, he says he can compromise, but keep asking me everyday, joking about it everyday, and verbalising his thoughts about it everyday.Originally posted by rainee:tell him you would like to take your time and if he cannot compromise, just dun need to answer his calls anymore
and when i get pissed off, then apologised and said he wasnt tryin to pressure or rush me. -
Have you done a background check on that guy?
It might be he is looking to settle down fast. However, most guys with the means to settle down for a family, prefers the female to settle down with him at his chosen country. Least likely at the females choice of country.
Make sure at least that he can instead bring you over to his choice of country to live before you make a commitment.
Check his finances and his actual ability to start a family. Dont take a vague, I love you blah blah at its face value.
He might just be using you as an excuse. And when things go wrong, he can simply just say its your fault that he sacrifice blah blah blah and he wants out. These kinda guys just tend to try to push blames to everyone else but himself. -
Since both of u are in the 30's, maybe he thinks you too are wanna get marry ASAP. However, men will alway treats a gal very well when they are dating or trying to get to know a gal. Dun rush, most important is to find out more about his family, get to know each other more, his likes and dislikes, character and lastly his $$$$.
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Different people got different personalities... Can't really blame him though...
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How to do a search? we dun realli have any common friends.Originally posted by viciouskitty74:Have you done a background check on that guy?
It might be he is looking to settle down fast. However, most guys with the means to settle down for a family, prefers the female to settle down with him at his chosen country. Least likely at the females choice of country.
Make sure at least that he can instead bring you over to his choice of country to live before you make a commitment.
Check his finances and his actual ability to start a family. Dont take a vague, I love you blah blah at its face value.
He might just be using you as an excuse. And when things go wrong, he can simply just say its your fault that he sacrifice blah blah blah and he wants out. These kinda guys just tend to try to push blames to everyone else but himself.
Yes, he wants to settle down, accordingly. His work allow him to travel alot, so he is thinking of relocating to spore cos im here (he is planning is work such that that can be achieved next year, according to him).
He had talked about it too, if all things progress well, he will like to be with me and maybe get married by next year end.
But hey! wats the hurry now? it is only 3 weeks!!! -
hes rushing cos he wants to see fast and good reurns for his investments so far b4 he invests some more.
it could be that so far you have been giving the signal that you dun wanna move on(yes you prob said that you were just not ready yet, btu then again we all know that can be a convenient excuse even if you really mean it in this case). at 36 he no time to waste le mah, plus the effort; so if you jsut playing wth him to get hte attention and company then faster find out lor. -
he want kids
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i think guys with such thinking oso needs to see things from their 'investee's' point of view. Im 32, most ladies in 30s are usually looking at settling down cos it is really not that young. As for playing with him to get his attention? ermm..... honestly, i've got enough on my plate to 'use' guys to waste my time. And this, he knows that.Originally posted by hisoka:hes rushing cos he wants to see fast and good reurns for his investments so far b4 he invests some more.
it could be that so far you have been giving the signal that you dun wanna move on(yes you prob said that you were just not ready yet, btu then again we all know that can be a convenient excuse even if you really mean it in this case). at 36 he no time to waste le mah, plus the effort; so if you jsut playing wth him to get hte attention and company then faster find out lor. -
hard to say what pple think. like you say you dunno why he is rushing, its jsut a theory i'm proposing.Originally posted by ladie:i think guys with such thinking oso needs to see things from their 'investee's' point of view. Im 32, most ladies in 30s are usually looking at settling down cos it is really not that young. As for playing with him to get his attention? ermm..... honestly, i've got enough on my plate to 'use' guys to waste my time. And this, he knows that.
sometimes the refusal to commit can be taken as a rejection if often enuff. maybe his timeframe is jsut different from yours. anyway on the brigth side hes really commited to the relationship? -
When you feel pressured into something before you are ready, you would not be in the right mindset to deal with the situation. Usually people will bail out of the situation - for some at least.Originally posted by ladie:sorry, would you please elaborate?
But it depends on situation. Some how you are still measuring him up. And being wiser, you might be seeing beyond all the good treatment and trying to suss out more of what kind of a person he is and can you click with him and such. Because you are looking for long term basis, short term trial. For long term, the criteria would be different and these are weighted against your current freedom, space, friends and other opportunity you are giving up just to with this person. Besides, you do not know much more about a person in a couple of weeks. In addition, you can wait 30 plus years, a couple of months is nothing. But is section here is based on generalising... so it might not apply to you...
If he keeps pressing, and making you feel uncomfortable, he might back fire.
But if all he wants is short term, perhaps this technique worked on younger girls who like to be chased and he got to bang them before moving on. So now he is using the same technique on you... but anyways, just use your judgement... to me, personal happiness is something to strive for, with or without a partner by my side... I am not sure about yours but I wish you luck -
Yes, refusal to commit can be taken as a rejection if often enuff.Originally posted by hisoka:sometimes the refusal to commit can be taken as a rejection if often enuff. maybe his timeframe is jsut different from yours. anyway on the brigth side hes really commited to the relationship?
But surely, if you know a gal for 3 weeks and ask her to go into a relationship and she said she is not ready, she is likely to quote the same reply when you ask her on the 3 week +1 day or 3 week +2days rite?
Why ask everyday? -
cos hes impatient haha he wants to be still active when the kid is 20Originally posted by ladie:Yes, refusal to commit can be taken as a rejection if often enuff.
But surely, if you know a gal for 3 weeks and ask her to go into a relationship and she said she is not ready, she is likely to quote the same reply when you ask her on the 3 week +1 day or 3 week +2days rite?
Why ask everyday? -
Me's not sure whether if you would really thinking of having sex as a consideration...
Me seen quite a few foreigners who had came in, knew girls over short time, screwed them as they liked, and disappeared from the girls' lives after sick of it...
His words of being crazy over you might not be of heavy substance, they are just words spoken... Being 36, and from the way you mentioned, to me, he's just getting over with it and move on...
You are not short of suitors, so you have to consider and being 32 isn't really that old...