What is the hurry?
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Originally posted by mistyblue:When you feel pressured into something before you are ready, you would not be in the right mindset to deal with the situation. Usually people will bail out of the situation - for some at least. ---> yes, all this consistent and continuous pressure is causing me to juz bail out. It is so hard to progress naturally in this relationship anymore. I feel so pressurized.
But it depends on situation. Some how you are still measuring him up. And being wiser, you might be seeing beyond all the good treatment and trying to suss out more of what kind of a person he is and can you click with him and such. Because you are looking for long term basis, short term trial. ---> Totally agree. For long term, the criteria would be different and these are weighted against your current freedom, space, friends and other opportunity you are giving up just to with this person. Besides, you do not know much more about a person in a couple of weeks. In addition, you can wait 30 plus years, a couple of months is nothing. Precisely. I rather spend a few months knowing a person then get into a relationship, than to go into a relationship with a wrong person and waste a few years. But is section here is based on generalising... so it might not apply to you...
If he keeps pressing, and making you feel uncomfortable, he might back fire. ----> And of cos it is back firing now. Badly back fired.
But if all he wants is short term, perhaps this technique worked on younger girls who like to be chased and he got to bang them before moving on. So now he is using the same technique on you... but anyways, just use your judgement... to me, personal happiness is something to strive for, with or without a partner by my side... I am not sure about yours but I wish you luck -
Originally posted by ladie:Juz got to know this guy for coming a month, actually only 3 weeks to be precise. He has been goin after me since we first met. Treats me pretty well, but he is perpetually hurrying me into a relationship. He said he likes me alot and im the gal he has been looking for all his life. Told him more than 10 times, or is it 20 times, that we need more time to know each other. after telling him many times, he finally 'accepts' it but he is still talking about it all the time.
Hey, we juz got to know each other! 3 or 4 weeks? and he is not staying in spore. he does visit me every weekend (ie that is only 3 weekends so far). Yes we do talk over the phone for hours every nite, but so wat? can knowing and understanding process be expedited? Ya, then move on to the next stage already then wat? he is still goin to stay there, or at least at the moment untill next year (he said he is planning to relocate to singapore next year). So wat is the hurry?!
This is getting so infuriating!
He juz send me a sms about 'moving on to next stage' jokingly. Gosh! this is realli getting to me.
yes, we are not getting any younger. He is 36 and im 32, but so what? Honestly, what is the hurry?
I will copy and paste what I said to aprilx on 30 Sep 06 as this is applicable here as well:Originally posted by Yunhaier:
It's probably the 'faster-see-ok-then-faster-book-first' kind of mindset. He is not looking at love geniunely, more than social pressure to be attached and eventually get married because of chronological age. People like him probably believes that love can be developed in the relationship, therefore sign the 'contract' first - anything else, later then talk. Always be wary of haste. Relationship built upon haste will usually crumble into dust (just as quickly) because the foundation of love is always wobbly.
Love is like wine; it gets better with age. Learn to appreciate the finest aspects of love and not resort to rushing. You do not revel in good food by gobbling everything up; you will probably end up with a bad stomach.
Love is such beautiful thing; as what Guess commercial would tell you ...take your time....' There is no rush if he's truly the one for you, but definitely, there would be a need for haste if he isn't - so that you could make indecisive judgement before you get to see the real him.
P.S: All hasty relationships are Uranus-influenced - very sudden and usually not substantial.
Cheers
In sales, we call this hard selling.
And too much hard selling puts people off.
Cheers -
Originally posted by blowfish:he want kids
No, he does not want to have kids.Originally posted by hisoka:cos hes impatient haha he wants to be still active when the kid is 20
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I think you've more or less figured it yourself?Originally posted by ladie:Juz got to know this guy for coming a month, actually only 3 weeks to be precise. He has been goin after me since we first met. Treats me pretty well, but he is perpetually hurrying me into a relationship. He said he likes me alot and im the gal he has been looking for all his life. Told him more than 10 times, or is it 20 times, that we need more time to know each other. after telling him many times, he finally 'accepts' it but he is still talking about it all the time.
Hey, we juz got to know each other! 3 or 4 weeks? and he is not staying in spore. he does visit me every weekend (ie that is only 3 weekends so far). Yes we do talk over the phone for hours every nite, but so wat? can knowing and understanding process be expedited? Ya, then move on to the next stage already then wat? he is still goin to stay there, or at least at the moment untill next year (he said he is planning to relocate to singapore next year). So wat is the hurry?!
This is getting so infuriating!
He juz send me a sms about 'moving on to next stage' jokingly. Gosh! this is realli getting to me.
yes, we are not getting any younger. He is 36 and im 32, but so what? Honestly, what is the hurry? -
Yes i do. I think gals should know how to protect themselves, emotions and body.Originally posted by dork3d:Me's not sure whether if you would really thinking of having sex as a consideration...
Me seen quite a few foreigners who had came in, knew girls over short time, screwed them as they liked, and disappeared from the girls' lives after sick of it...
His words of being crazy over you might not be of heavy substance, they are just words spoken... Being 36, and from the way you mentioned, to me, he's just getting over with it and move on...
You are not short of suitors, so you have to consider and being 32 isn't really that old... -
I'm not sure if it is due to the ticking of the biological clock. If it is, i should be the one feeling pressured and tryin to rush things, aint it? After all, im a gal, not getting any younger and gals do have shelf lives, yes?Originally posted by Yunhaier:It's probably the 'faster-see-ok-then-faster-book-first' kind of mindset. He is not looking at love geniunely, more than social pressure to be attached and eventually get married because of chronological age. People like him probably believes that love can be developed in the relationship, therefore sign the 'contract' first - anything else, later then talk.
In sales, we call this hard selling.
And too much hard selling puts people off.
Cheers
I do agree with your analyses of "'faster-see-ok-then-faster-book-first' kind of mindset" and "sign the 'contract' first - anything else, later then talk." observation. Been seeing alot of such guys. Dunno what is wrong with them. Had encountered guys who asked me to be gf on 2nd date and start talking about marriage plan on 2nd date! Sometimes i wonder if im taking it too easy despite my biological clock ticking yet still taking my own sweet time or they are juz weird.
And yes, too much hard selling certainly put people off. -
Somehow....Originally posted by Devil1976:I think you've more or less figured it yourself? -
erm guys dun have biological clock, we only have the mental hurdle to overcome of seeing our young kid & still schooling when we have afew years to retirement.Originally posted by ladie:I'm not sure if it is due to the ticking of the biological clock. If it is, i should be the one feeling pressured and tryin to rush things, aint it? After all, im a gal, not getting any younger and gals do have shelf lives, yes?
I do agree with your analyses of "'faster-see-ok-then-faster-book-first' kind of mindset" and "sign the 'contract' first - anything else, later then talk." observation. Been seeing alot of such guys. Dunno what is wrong with them. Had encountered guys who asked me to be gf on 2nd date and start talking about marriage plan on 2nd date! Sometimes i wonder if im taking it too easy despite my biological clock ticking yet still taking my own sweet time or they are juz weird.
And yes, too much hard selling certainly put people off.
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Me beg to differ on the 'shelf life' of girls...Originally posted by ladie:I'm not sure if it is due to the ticking of the biological clock. If it is, i should be the one feeling pressured and tryin to rush things, aint it? After all, im a gal, not getting any younger and gals do have shelf lives, yes?
I do agree with your analyses of "'faster-see-ok-then-faster-book-first' kind of mindset" and "sign the 'contract' first - anything else, later then talk." observation. Been seeing alot of such guys. Dunno what is wrong with them. Had encountered guys who asked me to be gf on 2nd date and start talking about marriage plan on 2nd date! Sometimes i wonder if im taking it too easy despite my biological clock ticking yet still taking my own sweet time or they are juz weird.
And yes, too much hard selling certainly put people off.
Personally me find girls having more feminine and subtle as the age goes... In my opinion, we shouldn't put the shelf life as the primary concern... Afterall, we are talking about a soul partner that we are going to spend our lives together with... The primary concern is now you are been 'pressurized' into relationships by the guy, something that ain't strong and superficial as it's only three week long...
Everyone has a different perspective in life, and maybe your perspective is to build on the trust and understanding in relationships... Give yourself some time to see if he's really ready to take thing at the next level... Get him to 'disclose' himself naturally with his perspectives, character and trust...
Me trust you will make a very good choice, given with your diligence... -
he wants to get a RP or citizenship here ?
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to do some business here...Originally posted by pqr:he wants to get a RP or citizenship here ? -
Originally posted by ladie:I'm not sure if it is due to the ticking of the biological clock. If it is, i should be the one feeling pressured and tryin to rush things, aint it? After all, im a gal, not getting any younger and gals do have shelf lives, yes?
I do agree with your analyses of "'faster-see-ok-then-faster-book-first' kind of mindset" and "sign the 'contract' first - anything else, later then talk." observation. Been seeing alot of such guys. Dunno what is wrong with them. Had encountered guys who asked me to be gf on 2nd date and start talking about marriage plan on 2nd date! Sometimes i wonder if im taking it too easy despite my biological clock ticking yet still taking my own sweet time or they are juz weird.
And yes, too much hard selling certainly put people off. Man are different because man invest differently from woman in a relationship.
Woman are usually afraid of marrying a wrong man, while man are usually more afraid of being the 40-years old virgin.
I could see that your need for security rank high in your priorities and anyone who doesn't give you that level of comfort and security will not make it, which may probably be the reason why you are still single, as you eliminated those potential because all the man in your life doesn't give you the time/chance needed for you to 'check goods' thoroughly and agree... for you to be able to give up current security and venture into a new realm - namely a relationship.
I believe that you are open for choices, but not to the extend of desperation. But I also hope that the deliberate time-taking isn't a byproduct of a bad BGR past, which hoist the level of scrutinizing in your search for your other half because having one bad experience doesn't equate bad destiny. Or if you have very empty/clean/clear history in BGR, may I encourage you take calculated risk to learn more about Love in a relationship and not first looking for what you reckon as a decent/perfect mate before having that setting to understand Love.
Moreover, BGR is still a knowing-each-other phrase - you can still back out if someone isn't suitable.
P.S: Sadly, love business has transformed into a buffet-rush-style and not the intended wine-appreciation session. Perhaps people are too pre-occupied with societal pressure of avoiding being a bachelor/bachelorette when they are of marriageable age. Some people worries about the age-kids factor, but I hope to remind everyone that when you say your marriage vow, this vow is only between a husband and a wife - everything else is extraneous.
Because everyone else will leave you someday, during different phrase of your living life, but only your eventual significant other will stay with you until your life expire and on your way to meet God.
I remember fondly about my friend's dad (now living in Aussie) demanded one day specially, just wanting to spent time with his wife and his wife threw in the kids factor.
'You are married to me; you aren't married to the kids!'
Therefore in a marriage, it's not a question of age, kids, parents, religion, race, distance or whatever - it's a question of Love.
Cheers -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
hmmz yeah i forgot to say that. Man are different because man invest differently from woman in a relationship.
Woman are usually afraid of marrying a wrong man, while man are usually more afraid of being the 40-years old virgin.
I could see that your need for security rank high in your priorities and anyone who doesn't give you that level of comfort and security will not make it, which may probably be the reason why you are still single, as you eliminated those potential because all the man in your life doesn't give you the time/chance needed for you to 'check goods' thoroughly and agree... for you to be able to give up current security and venture into a new realm - namely a relationship.
I believe that you are open for choices, but not to the extend of desperation. But I also hope that the deliberate time-taking isn't a byproduct of a bad BGR past, which hoist the level of scrutinizing in your search for your other half because having one bad experience doesn't equate bad destiny. Or if you have very empty/clean/clear history in BGR, may I encourage you take calculated risk to learn more about Love in a relationship and not first looking for what you reckon as a decent/perfect mate before having that setting to understand Love.
Moreover, BGR is still a knowing-each-other phrase - you can still back out if someone isn't suitable.
P.S: Sadly, love business has transformed into a buffet-rush-style and not the intended wine-appreciation session. Perhaps people are too pre-occupied with societal pressure of avoiding being a bachelor/bachelorette when they are of marriageable age. Some people worries about the age-kids factor, but I hope to remind everyone that when you say your marriage vow, this vow is only between a husband and a wife - everything else is extraneous.
Because everyone else will leave you someday, during different phrase of your living life, but only your eventual significant other will stay with you until your life expire and on your way to meet God.
I remember fondly about my friend's dad (now living in Aussie) demanded one day specially, just wanting to spent time with his wife and his wife threw in the kids factor.
'You are married to me; you aren't married to the kids!'
Therefore in a marriage, it's not a question of age, kids, parents, religion, race, distance or whatever - [b]it's a question of Love.
Cheers [/b]
hes jsut asking to go into a relationship?? meaning not like askign you for sex now or marraige?? you get to know the person more during the relationship right? and not like get a complete investigation then get involved. of course thats more for ht initial stages of the relationship -
eh.... you think if a man can be so pushy to get into a relationship, he wont be so pushy for intimacy or sex when in a relationship?Originally posted by hisoka:hmmz yeah i forgot to say that.
hes jsut asking to go into a relationship?? meaning not like askign you for sex now or marraige?? you get to know the person more during the relationship right? and not like get a complete investigation then get involved. of course thats more for ht initial stages of the relationship -
Yes, it is indeed sad that with the fast pace of our lives, everyone has plunged into a instant relationship age. Everyone wants relationship on the table as fast as they want instant noodles to be served at the snap of fingers. But relationships are like good soup. Good soup needs time to brew.Originally posted by Yunhaier:I could see that your need for security rank high in your priorities and anyone who doesn't give you that level of comfort and security will not make it, which may probably be the reason why you are still single, as you eliminated those potential because all the man in your life doesn't give you the time/chance needed for you to 'check goods' thoroughly and agree... for you to be able to give up current security and venture into a new realm - namely a relationship.
I believe that you are open for choices, but not to the extend of desperation. But I also hope that the deliberate time-taking isn't a byproduct of a bad BGR past, which hoist the level of scrutinizing in your search for your other half because having one bad experience doesn't equate bad destiny. Or if you have very empty/clean/clear history in BGR, may I encourage you take calculated risk to learn more about Love in a relationship and not first looking for what you reckon as a decent/perfect mate before having that setting to understand Love.
Moreover, BGR is still a knowing-each-other phrase - you can still back out if someone isn't suitable.
P.S: Sadly, love business has transformed into a buffet-rush-style and not the intended wine-appreciation session. Perhaps people are too pre-occupied with societal pressure of avoiding being a bachelor/bachelorette when they are of marriageable age. Some people worries about the age-kids factor, but I hope to remind everyone that when you say your marriage vow, this vow is only between a husband and a wife - everything else is extraneous.
Cheers
I'm not an amateur in relationships. Yes, i have had my fair share of bad relationships, i rushed into relationships when i was young. So i've learned to know more about the person before committing. And surely, i think using a couple of months, say 3-4 months (juz a figure of speech. of cos you cant measure understanding using time). to know a person before committing is not excessive, is it?
Yes, i know that after getting into a relationship i can still back out, but with emotions attachment and intimacy, is it still so easy to leave unscath? why not take a little more time (like i said, say a couple of months) to know the person before committing? And this is what i call calculated risk.
Cheers -
what i am saying is that it may not really be toosoon to get into a relationship cos you dun have to know everything b4 getting into one not to mention time passed is not a good indication.Originally posted by ladie:eh.... you think if a man can be so pushy to get into a relationship, he wont be so pushy for intimacy or sex when in a relationship?
you can reject him or slow down when he wants those
but then if you can't take his efficient nature then i guess it might be better to stop now??? -
It's really not as complicated as you are...?Originally posted by ladie:Somehow.... -
Care to elaborate?Originally posted by Devil1976:It's really not as complicated as you are...? -
Honestly, If I were you, I would also blast this guy. Ya seriously, what's the rush? Girls like to take it slow and steady. Come on guys, take it slow and steady. Step by step and make the r/s more enjoyable. Don't blame Singaporean girls( Are you Singaporean?). Be patient and let the woman come on to you slowly. Love is about respecting each other and at the same time enjoying each other's company.Originally posted by ladie:Juz got to know this guy for coming a month, actually only 3 weeks to be precise. He has been goin after me since we first met. Treats me pretty well, but he is perpetually hurrying me into a relationship. He said he likes me alot and im the gal he has been looking for all his life. Told him more than 10 times, or is it 20 times, that we need more time to know each other. after telling him many times, he finally 'accepts' it but he is still talking about it all the time.
Hey, we juz got to know each other! 3 or 4 weeks? and he is not staying in spore. he does visit me every weekend (ie that is only 3 weekends so far). Yes we do talk over the phone for hours every nite, but so wat? can knowing and understanding process be expedited? Ya, then move on to the next stage already then wat? he is still goin to stay there, or at least at the moment untill next year (he said he is planning to relocate to singapore next year). So wat is the hurry?!
This is getting so infuriating!
He juz send me a sms about 'moving on to next stage' jokingly. Gosh! this is realli getting to me.
yes, we are not getting any younger. He is 36 and im 32, but so what? Honestly, what is the hurry?
If I were you, I would have told him I would not date him if he continues to be like this. -
better know him better then to take risk.. guys are hard to predict so take your time. Tell him if he cannot wait, pls leaveOriginally posted by ladie:Juz got to know this guy for coming a month, actually only 3 weeks to be precise. He has been goin after me since we first met. Treats me pretty well, but he is perpetually hurrying me into a relationship. He said he likes me alot and im the gal he has been looking for all his life. Told him more than 10 times, or is it 20 times, that we need more time to know each other. after telling him many times, he finally 'accepts' it but he is still talking about it all the time.
Hey, we juz got to know each other! 3 or 4 weeks? and he is not staying in spore. he does visit me every weekend (ie that is only 3 weekends so far). Yes we do talk over the phone for hours every nite, but so wat? can knowing and understanding process be expedited? Ya, then move on to the next stage already then wat? he is still goin to stay there, or at least at the moment untill next year (he said he is planning to relocate to singapore next year). So wat is the hurry?!
This is getting so infuriating!
He juz send me a sms about 'moving on to next stage' jokingly. Gosh! this is realli getting to me.
yes, we are not getting any younger. He is 36 and im 32, but so what? Honestly, what is the hurry? -
tell him if he keep pestering u about that again, u will change all ur contact numbers and go missing in action.
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i think he wants a baby.
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Threadstarter has mentioned that the guy doesn't want kids...Originally posted by dragg:i think he wants a baby. -
hmmm does not want baby then what
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Oh my....please tell me he is not indian or south african...Originally posted by ladie:to do some business here...