forumites, help needed on uncertain things.
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I have no idea what she wantsOriginally posted by Rock^Star:Nerd, u think she's trying to test u? -
I guess u feel very lost. Again, imo, gals do test guys but only to a very limited extent. They will not test the guy very much if they like him.Originally posted by contagious-nerd:I have no idea what she wants
It's not like they have to put u thru some Indiana Jones adventure so as to prove the guy's love. And u guys are not even in love yet. -
Yes, very lost. Dont know how to continue from here.Originally posted by Rock^Star:I guess u feel very lost. Again, imo, gals do test guys but only to a very limited extent. They will not test the guy very much if they like him.
It's not like they have to put u thru some Indiana Jones adventure so as to prove the guy's love. And u guys are not even in love yet.
I AM SO STUCK -
Originally posted by contagious-nerd:
Most prob, she is not testing u. Trust me, heed my advice if u dare. I have been thru a thousand rejections before I'm with my gf of 4 years.
Yes, very lost. Dont know how to continue from here.
[b]I AM SO STUCK[/b]
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Originally posted by Yunhaier:Ren ai zhe you li, ai ren zhe you yong. (MCsquare - correct me if I am wrong).
Cheers
"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage."
Why would anyone fall in love with someone knowing that WILL be no future? Regardless of what future meant to you. Because the intensity of Love creates that vehement drive that even LOGICS have to bend to accommodate those raging emotions. - Yunhaier.
This passage have yet to be discussed in depth yet.
But for the sake of our threadstarter. Here's the read.
Cheers -
what advice?Originally posted by Rock^Star:Most prob, she is not testing u. Trust me, heed my advice if u dare. I have been thru a thousand rejections before I'm with my gf of 4 years. -
Pg 1?Originally posted by contagious-nerd:what advice? -
Originally posted by M©+square: "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage."
Why would anyone fall in love with someone knowing that WILL be no future? Regardless of what future meant to you. Because the intensity of Love creates that vehement drive that even LOGICS have to bend to accommodate those raging emotions. - Yunhaier. This passage have yet to be discussed in depth yet.
But for the sake of our threadstarter. Here's the read.
Cheers
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Do you have any idea of what you want?Originally posted by contagious-nerd:I have no idea what she wants -
notedOriginally posted by Rock^Star:Pg 1? -
notedOriginally posted by Rock^Star:Pg 1? -
concentrate on being closer friends, no steady first. I think we need more time.Originally posted by M©+square:Do you have any idea of what you want? -
You want to be friends or steady? It's not wrong for guys to go after girls. If you just want to be friends then all of a sudden you want to change to a r/s direction, it is not going to be easy for the girl. If you just want to be friends with her so that you can be steady with her, you are making one huge round just to close the deal. Why don't you make your intentions clear from the start? Not asking you to say "You love her" so fast but just ask her out first on a date. Women want a real man, period. That's all.Originally posted by contagious-nerd:concentrate on being closer friends, no steady first. I think we need more time. -
Originally posted by contagious-nerd:It is not exactly six years that i like her, i mean she, i can see is the one that will last long if i get her. But i never really go try(cause i know its impossible) until recently(2-3months) we somehow got closer and i dont want to miss the opportunity, taking steps by steps, trying to prevent any wrong moves. Has been very cautious. She's just has this very attractive personality that make me so happy everytime i get in contact with her. So its not really 6years and notthing happened, or should i say, 6 years but only 2-3months back that i got close to her, for the past 5 years 9months, we just catch up sometimes. I only got my feel when we got close
There is still much fear... so cautious... so careful... like a delicate glass.....In the end i know its awkard that she didnt want to answer me, like "i'll let you know again?" then i'll just reply her that we cancel today before she denys me
Your micro-control of situation revealed more fear; you set judgment just because you think she might be awkward... but it may not be that case? And unknowingly, you might be eliminating yourself due on fear?
Impossible in the past but ok now? You probably meant impossible in the past but when you got close to her, this mission impossible seemed possible now? Which might inevitably reveal how passive it could be on your side to inculcate constant, good friendship (even if there might be the boyfriend-factor, which might hinder you in the past)?
The reason why i am saying all this is because I sense fear in your post and to love is to be fearless... not fearful. You may think that your woman is capricious, but she might have pick up those little subconscious messages from your dealings with her, which may cause her to behave in that shifty manner. She is hesitating because something is missing. Something about you...which causes her uncertainty.
If she is uncertain, you must present a constant message about your intent (law of consistency), and not returning one step back on your chase, with every step forward just because your fear reminded you of your need to be caution. You put two uncertain people together, whatever budding love might die of 'natural death'.
I reckon you are afraid to break your one chance and shatter that fantasy of six years forever, like facing rejection face on and not being able to take it.
P.S: Sometimes, we just have to accept some risk in our chase. Perhaps it could be the time where we abandon the facade of a friendship and gradually reveal our interest in somebody. There is a difference between dating with an interest and dating hiding behind the facade of a friendship. The former presents a possibility, while the latter waits for a possibility.
Cheers -
Originally posted by contagious-nerd:
You said you went out? Alone with her or with someone else? Let me give you an advice: Destroy that mental state of desperation within you. Just have fun when you are with her.
some uncertainty, doubts.
[b]brief background
know her for a long time, since secondary, only got close recently.
positive signals
she goes out with me, like the two of us.(not always though)
(she's selective when going out with boys, she dont go out with all boys)
she dont really fancy watching movies, i love watching movies.
(but after we got "close", she started asking for movies)
on the negative side
she sometimes rejects me when i ask her out
(why?)
feel that she's avoiding me
(slow msn reply all of a sudden when i ask her out/ask to talk on phone)
at first it was rocky. We then got close and slowly started going out, having long chats on msn. Now the situation changed again, somehow avoiding me.(just feeling that it is) but sometimes she does talk to me in sucha way that we are more that just friends.
whats wrong?
p.s its just a brief description, i can elaborate even further if you need on some parts you dont understand/ need more explanation before evaluating.
cheers.
[/b]
A piece of warning: she rejected your invitation--that is a big deal. She could also be just playing with you. -
Yes my thoughts may be childish. thank you, will heed your advice
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I will try my best.Originally posted by dokono:You said you went out? Alone with her or with someone else? Let me give you an advice: Destroy that mental state of desperation within you. Just have fun when you are with her.
A piece of warning: she rejected your invitation--that is a big deal. She could also be just playing with you. -
You understand my whole situation, i thank you so much.Originally posted by Yunhaier:Your micro-control of situation revealed more fear; you set judgment just because you think she might be awkward... but it may not be that case? And unknowingly, you might be eliminating yourself due on fear?
Impossible in the past but ok now? You probably meant impossible in the past but when you got close to her, this mission impossible seemed possible now? Which might inevitably reveal how passive it could be on your side to inculcate constant, good friendship (even if there might be the boyfriend-factor, which might hinder you in the past)?
The reason why i am saying all this is because I sense fear in your post and to love is to be fearless... not fearful. You may think that your woman is capricious, but she might have pick up those little subconscious messages from your dealings with her, which may cause her to behave in that shifty manner. She is hesitating because something is missing. Something about you...which causes her uncertainty.
If she is uncertain, you must present a constant message about your intent (law of consistency), and not returning one step back on your chase, with every step forward just because your fear reminded you of your need to be caution. You put two uncertain people together, whatever budding love might die of 'natural death'.
I reckon you are afraid to break your one chance and shatter that fantasy of six years forever, like facing rejection face on and not being able to take it.
P.S: Sometimes, we just have to accept some risk in our chase. Perhaps it could be the time where we abandon the facade of a friendship and gradually reveal our interest in somebody. There is a difference between dating with an interest and dating hiding behind the facade of a friendship. The former presents a possibility, while the latter waits for a possibility.
Cheers
cheers -
Real men don't try. They do it.Originally posted by contagious-nerd:I will try my best.
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Originally posted by dokono:Real men don't try. They do it.
THANKS, i need it -
I agree with everything that u've said, except for the above. "Two steps forward, one step back" should be the way. U pull a string too tight, it breaks, gotten loosen it every now and then.Originally posted by Yunhaier:If she is uncertain, you must present a constant message about your intent (law of consistency), and not returning one step back on your chase, with every step forward just because your fear reminded you of your need to be caution. You put two uncertain people together, whatever budding love might die of 'natural death'. -
She'll love you for being a real man.Originally posted by contagious-nerd: THANKS, i need it -
I've learnt alot from you guys. I sincerely thank you all for the advices.Originally posted by Rock^Star:I agree with everything that u've said, except for the above. "Two steps forward, one step back" should be the way. U pull a string too tight, it breaks,
gotten loosen it every now and then.
Its not the end though, i may need help anytime soon. Again, i hope you guys will stay attentive to this post as i may need help anytime.
Cheers -
One thing I would like to point out to you is that every guy has his own style of chasing a girl. As long as you play to your own strengths, advices are merely advices. They are just guidelines. Experiences matter most. Take what you think is useful and develop your own style.Originally posted by contagious-nerd:I've learnt alot from you guys. I sincerely thank you all for the advices.
Its not the end though, i may need help anytime soon. Again, i hope you guys will stay attentive to this post as i may need help anytime.
Cheers -
Originally posted by Rock^Star:I agree with everything that u've said, except for the above. "Two steps forward, one step back" should be the way. U pull a string too tight, it breaks, gotten loosen it every now and then. You see, I understand that kite flying technique as well and I wholly agrees with you.
But we have to recognise different people have different lessons to grasp.
Telling someone, who has display signs of passiveness, about taking it slow is just reinforcing their idealogy that slow is good and whatever passiveness they have been exuding for all these years are the 'right' way.
If it was right, why have they not achieve result?
P.S: Impart initiative to those who are passive and teach patience to those who are hasty. Different theories applies to different people.
Cheers