I Can't Get Over Her ???
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Threadstarter, this is only your wishful thinking and assumption, to understand her and thinking she would change, me think it's not up to you to do it on her anymore...Originally posted by tankh80:Maybe i think i will report her to the authorites but she won't be doing this if she didn't mix around with the wrong company of friends from what i know she is hanging around with those friends which i deem undesirable as in the so called tom dick and harry or in hokkien ah beng and seng i am sure you get what i mean here... so i juz wanna her to comew back to me so that i can changed her for the better and also i know that in her heart i do still stand a place...
Being a counsellor, you can't get a grip on yourself on emotions... You have mixed the line of concern and confidence... -
what do u mean ? do u mean to said that there is a limit as to where we can help her...
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can't help ppl who dun help themselves.Originally posted by tankh80:what do u mean ? do u mean to said that there is a limit as to where we can help her... -
You are slowly getting it...Originally posted by tankh80:what do u mean ? do u mean to said that there is a limit as to where we can help her... -
maybe ba but i make a vow to her that i never want to break i promise her tht we will be together no matter what even if we are not together again...
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forget abt getting her back cos she reali dun wan u... dun force things cos it wun hv a happy ending... as for the whole drug thing, report wat u know n see is the way to help her...Originally posted by tankh80:maybe ba but i make a vow to her that i never want to break i promise her tht we will be together no matter what even if we are not together again... -
Hate to say this, but you are being selfish here. The girl wants to find her love, let her go. Being together is what you want, but is that what she wants?Originally posted by tankh80:maybe ba but i make a vow to her that i never want to break i promise her tht we will be together no matter what even if we are not together again...
Instead, you should keep your part of the bargain and do what is necessary to help her get rid of her glue sniffing habit. -
But what can i do now she choose to be with the bad company of friends this is what she want to do i let her be but what can i do now report her ma..... i dun dare to do it coz this way she will hate me forever and my chances of getting back to her will be more lesser i am sure u guys get what i mean ba.....
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Why can't you just understand? Im going to be crude here.Originally posted by tankh80:But what can i do now she choose to be with the bad company of friends this is what she want to do i let her be but what can i do now report her ma..... i dun dare to do it coz this way she will hate me forever and my chances of getting back to her will be more lesser i am sure u guys get what i mean ba.....
You can't get her back once a girl dumps you. She does not like you and she is not good for you. Can you imagine yourself suffering over this girl while she does not care about you? You are a mentally weak person. You allow a girl control your emotions. When you are like that, it is such a huge turn off.
Girls are not attracted to this. It's not manly. She left you because the other guy was more fun/manly/whatever. The fact that you tried all means to win her back showed you are not in control of yourself, rather she is the one in control. Work on that. Work on being the one in control.
Learn not to take girls personally. This girl is nuts and she doesn't like you. She is not good enough for you, short-term or long-term. YOU DESERVE BETTER. Think of yourself as David Beckham. So many girls are waiting in line for your attention. Give them the chance. This girl is out. She failed you. -
Let's look at it this way.Originally posted by tankh80:But what can i do now she choose to be with the bad company of friends this is what she want to do i let her be but what can i do now report her ma..... i dun dare to do it coz this way she will hate me forever and my chances of getting back to her will be more lesser i am sure u guys get what i mean ba.....
Assuming that her habits have reached to a limit where she needs more dosage. And she is in danger of being killed by the effects of glue-sniffing or indirectly, accidents or from a fall.
Knowing that this is what she wants to do and she knows the danger as well.
Knowing that she have shut off from you. You see the danger she is going through.
Which would you consider?
1) You will do your part as a counsellor. Report.
2) You will continually try to persuade her not to repeat the same mistakes. Don't report and do your best.
You will choose 1 or 2? -
Originally posted by tankh80:hey thanks a lot man io read over all your post already fact is i try committing suicide in camp in the end one of my seageants stop me from doing it by informing my BOS sianz any can't they let me go and die i juz wanna end all my misery she is a bloody glue sniffer whereas i am a bloody CNB volunteer counseller i feel that i aren't doing enough to help her kick the habit when we were together also the guilt i got from her the feeling i know is true when we were together..... that's y i wan her to patch up with me so badly and the reason why i am willing to wait for her...
I think this is where the problem lies, if my guess is correct.
If my assumption was accurate, you went into a relationship with her, simultaneously acting as her counseller. Here, you are not only breaking the code of ethnics for a counsellor (fine, you are a volunteer), but this is also extremely unprofessional, to be romantically involved with your 'client'.
If I am wrong, kindly ignore the above statement.
*** There is this heavy mote of self pity and extremism in your post. You are trying to foster that knight in shinning armour phenomenon, thinking that your love for her will enable her to straighten her route to a brighter path. It can be incredibly noble for such self sacrificing ideals, but we must have a common understanding that your love is NOT a panacea to her addiction because your love is nothing more than a speck of whirling dust in her eyes; currently, your not the only man in her life my friend.
Please burn this theory in your mind: if you are in a relationship with someone of inferior esteem/mental state - if one cannot enlighten/evolve their partner to be positive/stronger mental state, your partner will influence you to become like themselves. Understanding this, your suicidal thoughts are probably the result of being with her and it has affected you at subconscious level.
To kick her addiction requires little of your love; what she needs is professional counselling or intervention of lawful organization... to learn the consequence of her own karma from the foolishness of her doing. I suggest you give up having that idea of changing her, via having a relationship with you - that sort of love is terribly narcissistic. If you truly love someone, you will do what is necessary for her to kick the addiction, even if you are out of the picture. This is to the extend of her hating you for the rest of her life because true love will not allow you to haughtily see her engage in self destructive behaviour, if you had to power to do prevent it.
What is love to you? Just to have her by your side?
That's so fcuking self absorbed! Because ultimately, you will discover that the one you love the most is but yourself.
You would rather NOT incur her hatred by accepting her self destructive behaviour in a manner where you would try, in vain, to contain it yourself, than to risk this relationship/friendship with her by reporting it to organization that could actually help her, in their own ways, to break her chain of addiction.
The addiction and bad social influence she is being subjected to is beyond you - it has claimed her soul completely. If you wish to live in denial, thinking that your love could change her... would change her... alas... please wake up your idea cause I am saying it twice: it's beyond you.
The bottom of all; you attempt suicide. For gawd sake, if you think that she is the one engaging in self destructive behaviour and needs to evolve, I reckon you are also in need to change yourself because attempting suicide IS INDEED a form of self destructive behaviour.
Read what I had said or scroll through with selective perception - your choice.
Cheers -
U can only depend on yourself to overcome this period. Dudex you are not the one who have to face this type of reality. I too also have my fair share of breakup. There no doubt, that you will be feeling very depressed and sad too. But never ever think of commit suicide, it the most stuipd thing ever. Find some stuff to do. Example, go out more with friends? find some activity to do to keep your mind busy.Originally posted by tankh80:Hi all I am a 21 years old NSF here recently my girlfriend just broke up with me she told me to face the harsh reality of she two-timing me. Really dunno how to get ovet this harsh times sometimes i really wanna get over with my life i try to take as much as 20 panandol with alcohol and still i am here talking to u guys, i try to commit suicide by standing in the middle of the road but the driver just manage to brake in time tell me guys am i seriously so stupid u must be thinking that i actually am right in actually fact i think i myself am very stupid why should i end my life just coz of a girl right but i really cannot get her out of my head i find that while i m driving outside i kind of like think of her suddenly and lost concentration on driving almost got into accident outside haiz sianz she is now with her new stead already and i also made a promise to her that i will wait for her to come back to me she knew about this and told me that she won't even come back to me anymore what to do man this is life anyway guys advice me on this really appreciate your help on this...
There no such thing call undying love. Soon u will get over her and than u know how stuipd u really are..during this period of time. Do thing think carefully. -
You're just 21 dude...and she's already made up her mind. She coming back to you won't gurantee she's gonna stick to you for all eternity. Move on, you got your life and shes chosen hers, take it as one of life's experience..there's still so much more out there for you to see and discover.Originally posted by tankh80:Maybe i think i will report her to the authorites but she won't be doing this if she didn't mix around with the wrong company of friends from what i know she is hanging around with those friends which i deem undesirable as in the so called tom dick and harry or in hokkien ah beng and seng i am sure you get what i mean here... so i juz wanna her to comew back to me so that i can changed her for the better and also i know that in her heart i do still stand a place...
I got two timed once by one of my ex gf when i ws young, upset and depressed as you were, but i moved on and i'm glad i did...
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This is part of life, I have tried to finish my life before. That was 10 years back when I lost my good and bright career due to leg injury. I believe that you have never suffer in your whole life like most Singaporean.
If you do have a chance, pay a visit to a 3 world country, stay in a village with them for a month (if you can take the hardship), than you will know that how lucky you are to be a Singaporean and still have the spare time to try killing yourself just beacause of a gal.
Maybe you are still young, once you have completed your NS, start working in the soceity, you will understand that you are not just living for love, there are still many thing for you to think of in life.
After going through many incidents and learning for the past 10 years, I will never ever end my own life and whatever happend to me, I will continue to live on.
In the end, only the "Hand of God" will be able to end by life.
Take care brother!!! -
actually relationships problems are just some of the small little problems that everyone has in their lives.Originally posted by tankh80:Hi all I am a 21 years old NSF here recently my girlfriend just broke up with me she told me to face the harsh reality of she two-timing me. Really dunno how to get ovet this harsh times sometimes i really wanna get over with my life i try to take as much as 20 panandol with alcohol and still i am here talking to u guys, i try to commit suicide by standing in the middle of the road but the driver just manage to brake in time tell me guys am i seriously so stupid u must be thinking that i actually am right in actually fact i think i myself am very stupid why should i end my life just coz of a girl right but i really cannot get her out of my head i find that while i m driving outside i kind of like think of her suddenly and lost concentration on driving almost got into accident outside haiz sianz she is now with her new stead already and i also made a promise to her that i will wait for her to come back to me she knew about this and told me that she won't even come back to me anymore what to do man this is life anyway guys advice me on this really appreciate your help on this...
It depends on how you look at it.
If you are wondering why you gf left you, perhaps it's time to think and understand why she left you for another guy?
Many mature ladies are looking for security and financially stable guys when looking for life-time partner.
Just because this ex-gf of yours left, than the more you should work harder, be successful and prove it to your family and her that you are someone who is dependable on for life.
So instead of trying to commit suicide and stuffs like thinking negative things, go ahead with your own life, improve yourself, make yourself a good candidate for ladies.
Just having a failed relationship doesn't means that you need to end your life.
Why we need to cherish our own life is to repay our parents and to make them and ourselves proud. So that they feel happy.
If there's any problems you can always find some trust-worthy friends or soul-mate to share your woes and stuffs like that.
I personally also hang out with friends or alone when there's a need.
If you like to spend some time alone, or for a talk perhaps, i might be able to help.
For i personally had my own share of negative experiences with studies work and relationship problems, if you like to chat or anything, just PM me will do.
I'll see how i can help you.
For i once also try to like commit suicide la, but at that time, i had some thoughts which made me change for the better
If you need any help, just let me know.
I'll try the best of my knowledge to help if posssible.
Regards,
the_fallen -
Many people struggling fighting just for their life and here you want to throw away your life reason because of a GIRL
Why can't you just learn to cherish your own life?
Even if she back to your side do you think you will be happier?
Your only 21, a long way to go. There still many girls out there.
Move on! -
hey, get a hold of urself. she aint isnt the onli girl in your life. since she confessed on 2 timing u, trust mi, she aint the right girl for u.Originally posted by tankh80:Hi all I am a 21 years old NSF here recently my girlfriend just broke up with me she told me to face the harsh reality of she two-timing me. Really dunno how to get ovet this harsh times sometimes i really wanna get over with my life i try to take as much as 20 panandol with alcohol and still i am here talking to u guys, i try to commit suicide by standing in the middle of the road but the driver just manage to brake in time tell me guys am i seriously so stupid u must be thinking that i actually am right in actually fact i think i myself am very stupid why should i end my life just coz of a girl right but i really cannot get her out of my head i find that while i m driving outside i kind of like think of her suddenly and lost concentration on driving almost got into accident outside haiz sianz she is now with her new stead already and i also made a promise to her that i will wait for her to come back to me she knew about this and told me that she won't even come back to me anymore what to do man this is life anyway guys advice me on this really appreciate your help on this...
now u nid some time for urself, get a life. ask ur frends out and its time for u to pay more attention to ur frends since u got no gf now. time will help u heal ur wounded heart.
if committing suicide makes u feel better, i tink u haf to think a few more times. not onli ur frends will be devastated, u are also letting ur family members down. ur parents brought u up to wad u are today now, and becoz of a girl, u wanna gif up ur life. dunch u feel its aint fair to them.
its juz a girl, its not worth ending ur life for her. u nid to get over her slowly. cheers, i know its tough but dont give up. there is so much better things on earth tht u have not seen it. -
The fact is i am a counseller but i know her outside one of my friends actually introduce me to her but i find out about her problems myself...
She had a very bad past having being raped by 2 guys b4 1 is now in prison serving time and the other flee the country. I know what she is going thru right now and also she had 19 other boyfriends b4 me... the first 5 of them broke her heart since then she had a very bad perspective about men from what i can see, hear and gather she is like taking revenge on men and herself she won't listen to anyone not even her parents who time and again advice to get her back onto the right path but she just won't even give a damn...
During out times together I know that she is willing to change for me she try to quit glue for good by cutting down and spending a lot of time concentrating on other things i noticed that she is slowly changing for the better and among things she is like leaving her group of friends for good...
But after about 3 months she went back to her bad habits, i guess a leopard can never change its spots by then she was going out with this other guy when i was overseas training for abt 2 months..... This guy is like a typical ah beng, in lim chu kang camp..... i really dunno why my girlfriend would go with him just like that..... -
In situation like this, perhaps you might want to transfer her case to a more experienced counsellor. Perhaps to a female counsellor. I think that's the best thing to do for her, because you have done your best already.
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Yunnie, he just missed your post.
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hmmm
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A little correction?Originally posted by Xmimi:Even if u die. It will never mean a thing to your ex gf. She will still enjoy life like ever before. While you sacrifice your life for nothing. Life is precious. Please take good care of yourself. Think of ppl who love you. Your friends and family and anyone else. Even if u dun live for them. Live for yourself. There are still many things out there for u to do. She is not worth for u to die for.
Meet more ppl. Know more friends. Join more activities. I am sure you can find someone better. Have confidence. Have faith. You can get over her but it takes time. Time will heal you.
Time cannot heal a person.
Only the decision to let go allows healing process, with time.
Cheers -
lan lan suck thumb ?
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Probably you are in too deep yourself. You are giving yourself out and not acting objectively as a counseller.Originally posted by tankh80:..During out times together I know that she is willing to change for me she try to quit glue for good by cutting down and spending a lot of time concentrating on other things i noticed that she is slowly changing for the better and among things she is like leaving her group of friends for good...
..But after about 3 months she went back to her bad habits, i guess a leopard can never change its spots by then she was going out with this other guy when i was overseas training for abt 2 months..... This guy is like a typical ah beng, in lim chu kang camp..... i really dunno why my girlfriend would go with him just like that.....
Guess you can't make her see the WAY you want her to.
There's just some things in life that she gotta realise it on her own.
You think that love can change all? It only WORKS If she accepts you.
Your love & concern is not the type she's seeking for.She rejected your love.
Maybe you feel genuinely for her.. just like those Nth boyfriends she had, thru good or/and bad times. She wont know & probably dun care. -
dude, im sure most of us here have exp b4 breakups. Initially, we will feel sad and mayb sucidal. Thats normal, cuz we love them too much. Too dependent sometimes.
Time will heal, thats a fact. She dont love you no more, no pt waiting like a fool. Keep yourself occupied. Theres someone else better out there.
Most girls dont keep their promises. Dont believe 100% during relationship when they promise you forever. Dude, ive heard this somewhere b4. The lady is never your wife until she die.
b4 im wit my current gf (she in uk studying), im wit my ex who 2 time me. Im damn sad i went to shave my beloved head botak. Went to her working place , buy her dozen blue roses and beg her come back. You prolly think tt doing extreme stuff wit make their heart soften. But nowadays, girls are not like this anymore. In the end, i can only watch her being lovely with her bf and walk away.
When the time comes when u got a new girl, u think back, u prolly will c ur past as a lesson learn. Chill around for time being, give yourself a rest.
Move along...