I Can't Get Over Her ???
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What i am feeling right now you guys must know it is like i have failed in my job as a friend and as a counseller so i am like trying to make amends you guys know it also right...
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Make amends? What's there to make amends for? You didn't do anything wrong and she doesn't like you, period. Persuading her to go back to you can't be considered making amends.
You didn't succeed in helping her get over addiction by yourself, so rope in someone better to take her into rehab FFS. -
I dunno i heard from my friends that she is still taking it but i wanna see it for myself and i wanna help her that of course includes taking her in i know.... even if i have top let her hate me for the rest of my life...
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i agree. one wont realise another suffering until he/she feel the pain himself/herself.Originally posted by Ito_^:"counsellor" oso human.
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So stop talking or even thinking about having her as your girlfriend again.Originally posted by tankh80:I dunno i heard from my friends that she is still taking it but i wanna see it for myself and i wanna help her that of course includes taking her in i know.... even if i have top let her hate me for the rest of my life... -
a girl who has a very bad perspective about men can have 20 bfs? take revenge by dating them?Originally posted by tankh80:She had a very bad past having being raped by 2 guys b4 1 is now in prison serving time and the other flee the country. I know what she is going thru right now and also she had 19 other boyfriends b4 me... the first 5 of them broke her heart since then she had a very bad perspective about men from what i can see, hear and gather she is like taking revenge on men and herself she won't listen to anyone not even her parents who time and again advice to get her back onto the right path but she just won't even give a damn...
During out times together I know that she is willing to change for me she try to quit glue for good by cutting down and spending a lot of time concentrating on other things i noticed that she is slowly changing for the better and among things she is like leaving her group of friends for good...
But after about 3 months she went back to her bad habits, i guess a leopard can never change its spots by then she was going out with this other guy when i was overseas training for abt 2 months..... This guy is like a typical ah beng, in lim chu kang camp..... i really dunno why my girlfriend would go with him just like that..... -
She is like dating them and and treating them like a fool and dumping them ...
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gettin urself killed over such a girl? no one is worthy for u to do so la...after NS, tanned and toned...girls will come flocking to u la...distract urself by having frens for company..in the end u just laugh at urself for the death thoughts.
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Right now i am not even looking forward to finishing my NS i just wanna end everything not that this will make her come back to me but i wanna forget everything and just dies do u guys get it... I am a total failure as u will call me...
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You are not a failure.Originally posted by tankh80:Right now i am not even looking forward to finishing my NS i just wanna end everything not that this will make her come back to me but i wanna forget everything and just dies do u guys get it... I am a total failure as u will call me...
U jus deserve someone better -
Guy it is very sad you will do this for a girl. Maybe I will say this to make you wake up. Do you seriously think the girl will want you to die? She wants you to live well as her counsellor. At least, live for her and be a success to her. At least she will be happy that you lived for her as much as possible. At some point in time you will realise something though. Your life is more important than anyone else's.Originally posted by tankh80:Right now i am not even looking forward to finishing my NS i just wanna end everything not that this will make her come back to me but i wanna forget everything and just dies do u guys get it... I am a total failure as u will call me... -
Seriously, get yourself some psychiatric help.Originally posted by tankh80:Right now i am not even looking forward to finishing my NS i just wanna end everything not that this will make her come back to me but i wanna forget everything and just dies do u guys get it... I am a total failure as u will call me... -
dont be so meanOriginally posted by Kuali Baba:Seriously, get yourself some psychiatric help. -
like most people said above, keep urself occupied. get involved in another relationship. I was in ur suituation a few mths back. I know how u feel. It is never easy to let go of someone whom u loved so deeply. But seriously lah, try getting into another relationship. Or at least find someone to go after. U're in NS, ur choices are limited cos u're in camp most of the time. But hey, u still have ur weekends off no?
Go have fun in a pub or disco. Go look ard and u will realise that there are more trees that are more worthy of ur time. Keep urself occupied and u will not think abt the girl anymore. -
Okay, I'll put it this way: If you kill yourself, there goes any chance of fate/God bringing both of you back together in a few years.
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tankh80, PLEASE READ THIS FIRST.
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
I think this is where the problem lies, if my guess is correct.
If my assumption was accurate, you went into a relationship with her, simultaneously acting as her counseller. Here, you are not only breaking the code of ethnics for a counsellor (fine, you are a volunteer), but this is also extremely unprofessional, to be romantically involved with your 'client'.
If I am wrong, kindly ignore the above statement.
*** There is this heavy mote of self pity and extremism in your post. You are trying to foster that knight in shinning armour phenomenon, thinking that your love for her will enable her to straighten her route to a brighter path. It can be incredibly noble for such self sacrificing ideals, but we must have a common understanding that your love is NOT a panacea to her addiction because your love is nothing more than a speck of whirling dust in her eyes; currently, your not the only man in her life my friend.
Please burn this theory in your mind: if you are in a relationship with someone of inferior esteem/mental state - if one cannot enlighten/evolve their partner to be positive/stronger mental state, your partner will influence you to become like themselves. Understanding this, your suicidal thoughts are probably the result of being with her and it has affected you at subconscious level.
To kick her addiction requires little of your love; what she needs is professional counselling or intervention of lawful organization... to learn the consequence of her own karma from the foolishness of her doing. I suggest you give up having that idea of changing her, via having a relationship with you - that sort of love is terribly narcissistic. If you truly love someone, you will do what is necessary for her to kick the addiction, [b]even if you are out of the picture. This is to the extend of her hating you for the rest of her life because true love will not allow you to haughtily see her engage in self destructive behaviour, if you had to power to do prevent it.
What is love to you? Just to have her by your side?
That's so fcuking self absorbed! Because ultimately, you will discover that the one you love the most is but yourself.
You would rather NOT incur her hatred by accepting her self destructive behaviour in a manner where you would try, in vain, to contain it yourself, than to risk this relationship/friendship with her by reporting it to organization that could actually help her, in their own ways, to break her chain of addiction.
The addiction and bad social influence she is being subjected to is beyond you - it has claimed her soul completely. If you wish to live in denial, thinking that your love could change her... would change her... alas... please wake up your idea cause I am saying it twice: it's beyond you.
The bottom of all; you attempt suicide. For gawd sake, if you think that she is the one engaging in self destructive behaviour and needs to evolve, I reckon you are also in need to change yourself because attempting suicide IS INDEED a form of self destructive behaviour.
Read what I had said or scroll through with selective perception - your choice.
Cheers [/b] -
tankh80, PLEASE READ THIS FIRST.
quote:Originally posted by Yunhaier:
Arrow I think this is where the problem lies, if my guess is correct.
If my assumption was accurate, you went into a relationship with her, simultaneously acting as her counseller. Here, you are not only breaking the code of ethnics for a counsellor (fine, you are a volunteer), but this is also extremely unprofessional, to be romantically involved with your 'client'.
If I am wrong, kindly ignore the above statement. Idea
***
Arrow There is this heavy mote of self pity and extremism in your post. You are trying to foster that knight in shinning armour phenomenon, thinking that your love for her will enable her to straighten her route to a brighter path. It can be incredibly noble for such self sacrificing ideals, but we must have a common understanding that your love is NOT a panacea to her addiction because your love is nothing more than a speck of whirling dust in her eyes; currently, your not the only man in her life my friend.
Please burn this theory in your mind: if you are in a relationship with someone of inferior esteem/mental state - if one cannot enlighten/evolve their partner to be positive/stronger mental state, your partner will influence you to become like themselves. Understanding this, your suicidal thoughts are probably the result of being with her and it has affected you at subconscious level.
To kick her addiction requires little of your love; what she needs is professional counselling or intervention of lawful organization... to learn the consequence of her own karma from the foolishness of her doing. I suggest you give up having that idea of changing her, via having a relationship with you - that sort of love is terribly narcissistic. If you truly love someone, you will do what is necessary for her to kick the addiction, even if you are out of the picture. This is to the extend of her hating you for the rest of her life because true love will not allow you to haughtily see her engage in self destructive behaviour, if you had to power to do prevent it.
What is love to you? Just to have her by your side?
That's so fcuking self absorbed! Because ultimately, you will discover that the one you love the most is but yourself.
You would rather NOT incur her hatred by accepting her self destructive behaviour in a manner where you would try, in vain, to contain it yourself, than to risk this relationship/friendship with her by reporting it to organization that could actually help her, in their own ways, to break her chain of addiction.
The addiction and bad social influence she is being subjected to is beyond you - it has claimed her soul completely. If you wish to live in denial, thinking that your love could change her... would change her... alas... please wake up your idea cause I am saying it twice: it's beyond you.
The bottom of all; you attempt suicide. For gawd sake, if you think that she is the one engaging in self destructive behaviour and needs to evolve, I reckon you are also in need to change yourself because attempting suicide IS INDEED a form of self destructive behaviour.
Read what I had said or scroll through with selective perception - your choice. Idea
Cheers
I know what i am doing it is like I have failed as a boyfriend and as a counseller i have totally FAILED i am a total failure that y i am choosing this route to end my life totally... -
You win some and you lose some. Did you know that Thomas Edison failed several thousand times before he succeeded in making a working lightbulb?
Don't be a bloody fool for ****'s sake. If you end your life now, you throw away any chance to help other troubled kids in the future, and you'll be labelled as a failure forever.
I've had a failed relationship with an ex before, and I've flunked F-Math and never got to grips with it, yet I'M STILL SITTING HERE TRYING TO TALK SOME SENSE INTO YOU.
The fact that you're still posting here shows you don't really want to meet your maker, that's why we still have hope that you'll come to your senses. Do you want to remembered as a weakling forever? -
Hi threadstarter,Originally posted by tankh80:Hi all I am a 21 years old NSF here recently my girlfriend just broke up with me she told me to face the harsh reality of she two-timing me. Really dunno how to get ovet this harsh times sometimes i really wanna get over with my life i try to take as much as 20 panandol with alcohol and still i am here talking to u guys, i try to commit suicide by standing in the middle of the road but the driver just manage to brake in time tell me guys am i seriously so stupid u must be thinking that i actually am right in actually fact i think i myself am very stupid why should i end my life just coz of a girl right but i really cannot get her out of my head i find that while i m driving outside i kind of like think of her suddenly and lost concentration on driving almost got into accident outside haiz sianz she is now with her new stead already and i also made a promise to her that i will wait for her to come back to me she knew about this and told me that she won't even come back to me anymore what to do man this is life anyway guys advice me on this really appreciate your help on this...
It is a waste to end your life this way. Because you have a greater commission to accomplish. You will have a career, the girl that God has prepared you for... do you think it'll be fair for this girl whom you've not yet met?
I advise you to widen your social circle. Get to know more girls as friends. If you're going for your uni after you ORD, it'll be a great opportunity for you. Else, you can join social activities amongst car outings. But open your eyes wider when dealing with girls who stick to the car/bike guys.
I bumped into my ex sec class mate after 7 years since we last met in 1996 when we went back for our O levels results. We're now married for 3years+
Had a number of gfs before and all ended up in tragedy. Did consider suicide. But now when I think back, how foolish and selfish I was to my wife whom I married years later.
Be strong & let nature pave the way for you. -
Originally posted by tankh80:I know what i am doing it is like I have failed as a boyfriend and as a counseller i have totally FAILED i am a total failure that y i am choosing this route to end my life totally... Why do you have to equate yourself as failure when she CHOOSE self destructive behaviour?
Please leh, you think you God? You think your death can cleanse her sins?
You kept harbouring the fact that you are unable to change her and stubbornly decide that it is a personal failure on your part; but the fact is that you tried what you could and if she still decide to engage in self destructive behaviour, it simply goes to show that you need more than just Love to keep her on the right track.
End life... end life... end life... is that all you can think of? Sheesh... your desire to end life is NOT because she is destroying herself - the real reason is because she two timed you and left you with an emotional mess. Please la, if the scenario is such that she choose to engage those activities, BUT if the relationship is still intact, you wouldn't even attempt suicide.
Therefore the variable is the relationship, full stop.
*** Should you even manage to end your life, two possible scenario will happen:
(I) She got so guilty that she further her self destructive behaviour. She will hit a serious crisis before she gradually evolve.
(II) You death did nothing; she just continue her way of life.
Regardless, one year down the road, you are forgotten and left abandon in some secluded corner of her mind, which she wouldn't even bring it up to think about.
I had a friend, who had a guy died for her.
In the end?
Some other guys later in her life made more impact and MEANING in her life and her love to them was much more than the poor lad who got himself killed. Apparently the poor guy was pretty much forgotten as well and nope, she never visit him at his tombstone after the funeral.
If you wanna follow his footstep, then go ahead. This poor guy deprive himself of life and better partner/s more WORTHY of his love and have himself killed for nothing.
Anyway, I am not here to dissuade you because ultimately, it's your life to govern. In this virtual space, if I can find sane people doing selective reading, I wouldn't even think you would actually read and absorb anything I would say with your current state of mind.
P.S: I don't usually do this (unlike the other resident advisors like MC and Devil), if you need me to speak to you, you can PM your contacts.
Cheers -
Go to a gym and whack yourself hard bro.
The best way is to live for her, if you can't live for yourself. Don't die for her, LIVE FOR HER! 10 years down the road, you see her and you picture yourself with this smoking hot chick as your wife and there she is alone. You, a person with a very successful career and a good future.
LIVE FOR HER! Allow her to be your main driving force for you to become successful. The future is bright.
doko -
Why should i ever live for her anyway ???
she make me feel so miserable i even went to almost every part of singapore to search for xiang si dou as i know she like them in the end she said that whatever i do she will not accept me again why i accept her past and i dun mind why does she mind anyway the past is the past the future is ours to mould... dun she understand all this ma ??? -
Hi, heard of the real case from my friend. One of his army friend committed suicide becos of a girl. I wun go much into details and some simple pointer for u to consider.
He was playing soccer with his camp mates and was very happy until next day, they receive news that he committed suicide. That guy's gf suffered from shock and her parents send her to other country to further her studies and to forget abt the past. After several years later, she came back, forget abt all the past, living happily, starting her career. Her ex was just another forgotten hero.
What am I driving at? If anything happens to you (touch wood), all of us may or will remember that such mishap happens to one of our forumnites. But as years goes by, you will eventually be forgotten. -
Sianz it is not that she is like she thinks that i mind her past but the truth is i dun even care abt her past i juz wanna create my future with her that's all juz carry on with out relationship isn't that too much to ask for ma...?????
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u mentioned creating ur future wif her..but she doesn't even like u anymore.Originally posted by tankh80:Sianz it is not that she is like she thinks that i mind her past but the truth is i dun even care abt her past i juz wanna create my future with her that's all juz carry on with out relationship isn't that too much to ask for ma...?????
how are u gonna carry on?
there's little u can do abt the r/s.why not move on?