Help. I am in love with four women. (long post)
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Choose one: The one
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Well love goes both ways, since the OP can't cater for their wishes of being commited to just 1 and they can't abide to the OP having 4 girlfriends/wives in future.... I guess the answer is clearly shown here.
To the OP, imho you are in this dilemma is cuz... you bite off more than you can chew. Please commit to just 1 girl... and....this has nothing to do with your popularity at all or how good you are at socialising, don't go OOT :3 -
I find it very hard to believe this story.
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My sentiments exactly.Originally posted by vgal:I find it very hard to believe this story.
I'm Chinese btw, but when I read this story objectively as an impartial observer .. can't help but feel that the underlying purpose is to incite race/religion hate. -
At the age of 19, and such a wandering heart, what's makes you think you will stop at 4?
The problem isn't out there or with the girls. It is with your own heart.
I can confess that I was placed in a similar situation as yours before, although it was 2 girls. I dunno how you managed to handle 4 girls, 2 was already painful enough for me, in terms of emotional conflicts and wanting to be fair to everyone.
In hindsight, just make a decision to the person you will want to be with, and not look back. Everytime you want to think and imagine 'what if..', you plant seeds of doubt into your own current relationships.
I think you let your eyes and heart wander, and even your actions. You should be more careful on how you behave with other people.
Also, although Muslims are allowed to have up to 4 wives, you seldom see this happening in Singapore and even Malaysia. Ask yourself why men choose to be with one women at one time as their wife even though they can possibly have more than one. -
Cause the first wife kp until the man cannot take it?Originally posted by pwnz0r:At the age of 19, and such a wandering heart, what's makes you think you will stop at 4?
The problem isn't out there or with the girls. It is with your own heart.
I can confess that I was placed in a similar situation as yours before, although it was 2 girls. I dunno how you managed to handle 4 girls, 2 was already painful enough for me, in terms of emotional conflicts and wanting to be fair to everyone.
In hindsight, just make a decision to the person you will want to be with, and not look back. Everytime you want to think and imagine 'what if..', you plant seeds of doubt into your own current relationships.
I think you let your eyes and heart wander, and even your actions. You should be more careful on how you behave with other people.
Also, although Muslims are allowed to have up to 4 wives, you seldom see this happening in Singapore and even Malaysia. Ask yourself why men choose to be with one women at one time as their wife even though they can possibly have more than one.
Cheers -
how long did you manage to 2-time them without them knowing?Originally posted by pwnz0r:At the age of 19, and such a wandering heart, what's makes you think you will stop at 4?
The problem isn't out there or with the girls. It is with your own heart.
I can confess that I was placed in a similar situation as yours before, although it was 2 girls. I dunno how you managed to handle 4 girls, 2 was already painful enough for me, in terms of emotional conflicts and wanting to be fair to everyone.
In hindsight, just make a decision to the person you will want to be with, and not look back. Everytime you want to think and imagine 'what if..', you plant seeds of doubt into your own current relationships.
I think you let your eyes and heart wander, and even your actions. You should be more careful on how you behave with other people.
Also, although Muslims are allowed to have up to 4 wives, you seldom see this happening in Singapore and even Malaysia. Ask yourself why men choose to be with one women at one time as their wife even though they can possibly have more than one.
And if 4-time, how long do you think you can keep the fire under the paper? -
It was not two timing, but the choice of 2 girls at the same time. Both were on the verge on a serious relationship. The emotional anguish was already bad enough, to even consider being in a relationship with 2 at one time.Originally posted by vgal:how long did you manage to 2-time them without them knowing?
And if 4-time, how long do you think you can keep the fire under the paper?
I can only conclude that TS is a heartless and gives no thought to the feelings of other girls, if he can have relationships with 4 girls at one time. -
Noted.Originally posted by pwnz0r:It was not two timing, but the choice of 2 girls at the same time. Both were on the verge on a serious relationship. The emotional anguish was already bad enough, to even consider being in a relationship with 2 at one time.
I can only conclude that TS is a heartless and gives no thought to the feelings of other girls, if he can have relationships with 4 girls at one time.
The keyword is, over a time of TWO years. Would you be able to take 2 years to decide on which gal to choose?
Personally, i had been in such a situation everyby i didnt know who to choose. Honestly, 2 weeks felt like 2 mths.
And how to allocate the TS' time to the 4 gals? each week there is only one sat and one sun. How to allocate weekends to the 4 gals without arousing their suspicion? And the TS could do it over 2 years!?
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Originally posted by Blahhh:
one love.
[b]Note: All names are made up for reason of personal interests
I am 19 years old. I am facing a problem, which not many people have. This frustrates me seeing that limits to the amount of people I can turn to. Thus, as my last resort, I come to you.
Two years ago, I met a wonderful girl named Rachael. She is very sweet, rarely cuss at all and cares a lot about her family. I seen a lot of girls showing disrespect to their parents and siblings nowadays, but not her. She is very intelligent, one of the smartest girl I met. Her looks are very alluring and she never fails to make me go into “the mood”.
At the same time I met Rachael, I met Wendy. She isnÂ’t as alluring compared to Rachael in the looks side. In fact, I donÂ’t find her sexually attractive at all. We first started out as normal friends. Eventually, I got to learn more about her personality and quite frankly, I am impressed. My heart just grew for her.
Wendy is an independent woman. She doesnÂ’t need a guy to tell her what to do. She has a mind of her own. She is no older then me, yet she works part time to help SUPPORT her family. She even knows how to cook great meals. Compared to Rachael, sheÂ’s lacking in book smarts, but her street smarts are brilliant.
In short, Wendy is the kind of girl that a family man needs.
Two years later – today. The year has been quite good for me. I started a new leaf in life and certain areas of my life have drastically improved. And I met two ladies.
Whitney and Jamie are their names. Whitney has my eyes the moment I laid them on her. Her personality is that of an ah-lian, but such attitudes donÂ’t scare me. SheÂ’s quite sweet and dropped her ah lian personality once we get to know each other. I think the only reason I am remotely interested in her is because sheÂ’s very hot. I even warned her that if we were ever alone in a room, things are GONNA happen.
I guess the only reason that I like her is because she's attractive.
Unlike Whitney, Jamie’s looks don’t interest me at all. She got into the “plain Jane” list the moment I laid eyes on her.
Jamie didn't liked me at first. The feeling was mutual. We were "enemies" within the first week we met.
Circumstances changed and we began talking. I figured itÂ’s better to have more friends then enemies, so I happily started socializing with her. Eventually, I started to learn more about her personality.
Jamie is most probably, the sweetest girl I have ever met. She doesn't drink, she doesn't smoke and the best part, she actually behaves like a lady. A GREAT change of scenery from all the other girls who tries desperately to imitate Paris Hilton. She has both book and street smarts. I enjoyed reading between the lines whenever I talk to her and it seem she had bad experiences with men (which explains her defensive stance against me when we first met).
That basically summarized all the ladies so far in my life. I love them all and they love me too.
Singapore is a small place. Eventually, they learnt of each other existence. I canÂ’t even go out with them nowadays, without being blasted with commitment issues. Frankly, I am getting very annoyed and pissed off by it.
I practice the Islamic faith. According to the religion, a Muslim man can marry up to four women. I figured out that applies to courtship as well. So, I don't really see a problem in having four girlfriends.
The problem for me now is choice. They want me to choose. I canÂ’t do that, dammit. From my POINT OF VIEW, itÂ’s either I am with all 4 of them, separating myself fairly, or I go back to singlehood and casual dating with random girls again.
State your opinions and advice. Greatly appreciated.
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Originally posted by Blahhh:
we are angry.
Ok. I expected others to be very angry and skeptical. I am right. So let me talk a little bit about myself(my favourite topic).
I was [b]nothing at 15 years old. No friends, no girlfriend, nothing. My dad is different. When he got hospitalized for a minor heartattack, flocks of people came to visit him. It even impressed the nurses there.
My dad emphasized the importance of having the ability to make others feel for you. Basically, he just told me I need to bulk up on my social skills. So he taught me stuff like eye contact, remembering peopleÂ’s names, having a good listening ear, making others feel important while showing them I am of high status myself and so on. Those are just the basics that most people learn as they get older. The old man taught me more. His teaching, time and me going out experimenting all over the place, gained me much wisdom. I got to know many people who otherwise, be total strangers in my life.
ItÂ’s a natural flowÂ… my social skills became more polished, I started mixing with the opposite sex and I keep learning.
There are many dudes with GREAT social skills. You think that fat ah beng got his chio girlfriend by luck izzit? There are many guys who go clubbing solely to pick up women for an ONS... and they are very SUCESSFUL
I look very average. I am not working and I the only vehicle I have isnÂ’t a Ferrari. ItÂ’s not even 4 wheeled. I am currently riding a 200cc bike with a p-plate still on. So how? Those things are just added bonuses. WhatÂ’s important isnÂ’t an expensive car, a whole line of credit cards, nice condominium or good looks (but it helps). WhatÂ’s important is you having a great personality.
ThatÂ’s why I always tell my friends who have problems getting a girl to like him to work on their social skills first. [/b]
or the guys are angry, NOT because tt we sux in socialising..
we blushes like fcuk when we talk to members of opposite sex.. and we cannot look into ppl's eye when you talk.
what makes you think u are more wanted than us here.
you pig, male chauvanistic one.
we are angry, because your beliefs of having all 4 is an insult to us.
insult to ppl who actually believes in one love, one lifetime.
i may sound unrealistic as many can feel, but at least keep it as one as a time!
your comment made me wonder, if the female gender in general, is a commodity, tt you can 'purchase' using your self-acclaimed superb 'socialising' skills. the thought of it alone, disgust me.
the ability to socialise itself shld be a channel, for you to present urself more confidently and nicely to members of the opp. gender. not as part of a coinage system which u can 'buy' women over.
i am now asking you ONCE MORE.
can your partner 4-time u? as in having 3 other males together in a marriage. and you can only share with other men.
PLUS, you not supposed to have someone else.
please use your brain.
even though it may be one of a chauvanistic pig, a male one, i meant. -
This reminds me of a funny story.
I once knew a lady - young, smart and pretty - she made partner in a very reputable firm at just over 26 years of age.
One day, she met a Malay man (note: the emphasis on race is not to incite hate - but it is important for what is to come). He was a musician - charming, arguably talented and was very sweet to her.
When they were dating, he wrote her songs, poems and did everything that prince-charming-in-movies would have. They got married. She naturally paid for everything, being the sole breadwinner (he was earning peanuts playing "gigs" ) - the condo, the wedding, his car. She had to, and did convert to Islam (nothing wrong with that), breaking her mother's heart in the process (her mom brought her up single handedly, raising her in another very prominent religion).
Three years went by and along came two kids. By the fourth year, he told her out of the blue, "I'm taking a second wife" -> this was not a suggestion nor a question, it was a statement.
Devastated as she was, she decided that since she had already given up so much, she would just accept it quietly with dignity, crying every night while her husband went out with his other wife. FYI, she paid for their wedding (albeit it was very cheap).
Once every now and then, I see her and I see the strain in her eyes.
Once every now and then, I see her husband, and his wife, but it's not the wife that he should be with.
I guess the moral of the story is, F*U TS - you're gonna end up hurting everyone. Don't be selfish - if you can't keep it in your pants, then keep it to your hands. -
If the above is a true story:Originally posted by rmyfrm:This reminds me of a funny story.
I once knew a lady - young, smart and pretty - she made partner in a very reputable firm at just over 26 years of age.
One day, she met a Malay man (note: the emphasis on race is not to incite hate - but it is important for what is to come). He was a musician - charming, arguably talented and was very sweet to her.
When they were dating, he wrote her songs, poems and did everything that prince-charming-in-movies would have. They got married. She naturally paid for everything, being the sole breadwinner (he was earning peanuts playing "gigs" ) - the condo, the wedding, his car. She had to, and did convert to Islam (nothing wrong with that), breaking her mother's heart in the process (her mom brought her up single handedly, raising her in another very prominent religion).
Three years went by and along came two kids. By the fourth year, he told her out of the blue, "I'm taking a second wife" -> this was not a suggestion nor a question, it was a statement.
Devastated as she was, she decided that since she had already given up so much, she would just accept it quietly with dignity, crying every night while her husband went out with his other wife. FYI, she paid for their wedding (albeit it was very cheap).
Once every now and then, I see her and I see the strain in her eyes.
Once every now and then, I see her husband, and his wife, but it's not the wife that he should be with.
I guess the moral of the story is, F*U TS - you're gonna end up hurting everyone. Don't be selfish - if you can't keep it in your pants, then keep it to your hands.
Divorce the man and bring the children with her..?
Why keep hurting herself??
Anyway..
To the topic starter: Just make up ur mind, Stop being flicker minded!!! -
It is - I don't post crap. I am very sure it's not the only "ARGH" story around.Originally posted by C-100:If the above is a true story:
Divorce the man and bring the children with her..?
Why keep hurting herself??
Anyway..
To the topic starter: Just make up ur mind, Stop being flicker minded!!!
As I stated, she felt that she had given up too much to leave him - too many considerations to even begin listing - but mostly because she wanted the kids to have a "whole" family because she never saw her dad and didn't want her kids to grow up feeling the way she did (as stated, her mom brought her up single-handedly) -
i guess she wont leave the rs. Investmet cost is too high.Originally posted by rmyfrm:It is - I don't post crap. I am very sure it's not the only "ARGH" story around.
As I stated, she felt that she had given up too much to leave him - too many considerations to even begin listing - but mostly because she wanted the kids to have a "whole" family because she never saw her dad and didn't want her kids to grow up feeling the way she did (as stated, her mom brought her up single-handedly) -
Generalisation, generalisation, generalisation!!!!Originally posted by rmyfrm:This reminds me of a funny story.
I once knew a lady - young, smart and pretty - she made partner in a very reputable firm at just over 26 years of age.
One day, she met a Malay man (note: the emphasis on race is not to incite hate - but it is important for what is to come). He was a musician - charming, arguably talented and was very sweet to her.
When they were dating, he wrote her songs, poems and did everything that prince-charming-in-movies would have. They got married. She naturally paid for everything, being the sole breadwinner (he was earning peanuts playing "gigs" ) - the condo, the wedding, his car. She had to, and did convert to Islam (nothing wrong with that), breaking her mother's heart in the process (her mom brought her up single handedly, raising her in another very prominent religion).
Three years went by and along came two kids. By the fourth year, he told her out of the blue, "I'm taking a second wife" -> this was not a suggestion nor a question, it was a statement.
Devastated as she was, she decided that since she had already given up so much, she would just accept it quietly with dignity, crying every night while her husband went out with his other wife. FYI, she paid for their wedding (albeit it was very cheap).
Once every now and then, I see her and I see the strain in her eyes.
Once every now and then, I see her husband, and his wife, but it's not the wife that he should be with.
I guess the moral of the story is, F*U TS - you're gonna end up hurting everyone. Don't be selfish - if you can't keep it in your pants, then keep it to your hands.
This is probably a one in a million story.
I'm Malay and I hardly encounter this kind of story.
This story is more of an exception than a norm.
Some ppl tend to think tt Muslims live in a totally different world altogether with different rules, but seriously, we are no different from you guys. -
Don't get me wrong, I'm not generalising.Originally posted by Jerina:Generalisation, generalisation, generalisation!!!!
This is probably a one in a million story.
I'm Malay and I hardly encounter this kind of story.
This story is more of an exception than a norm.
Some ppl tend to think tt Muslims live in a totally different world altogether with different rules, but seriously, we are no different from you guys.
It's definitely not the norm, but I definitely do not rule out the possibility that it is more than a mere once-off occurence - I reckon the TS definitely makes a pretty good example of my point.
In any case, it's just a story to think about in light of the TS and his bsh*t. -
Investment cost is too high to leave the relationship? Please bear in mind that whatever cost already invested are sunk costs! They should not have a bearing on decisions that affect the future!Originally posted by alexkusu:i guess she wont leave the rs. Investmet cost is too high.
For the sake of the children. Would she want her daughters to grow up thinking it is ok for their husbands to have more than 1 wife? Would she want her sons to grow up thinking it is ok for them to have more than 1 wife, and thereby possibly hurt their wives?
If the answers are no, then she should stand firm and the least she could do is to REFUSE to pay for the wedding of the 2nd wife.
Yes, she is suffering in silence. Silence indeed. She did not even fight for her rights or her children's rights. Who is goin to help her fight for her rights when she silently (denote: willingly) gave it up. By paying for it, she is endorsing her husband's marriage to the second wife. Who can she blame after she has endorsed it? -
eh kiddo, i suggest u hid Yunhaier's advise lah.. stop making urself so cheap.Originally posted by Yunhaier:
It's not about your faith nor the women; it's about your commitment.
I believe you are not ready for commitment; this commitment issue will hit a climax later in your life, should you continue such lifestyle and mindset.
Short-term fling or relationship shouldn't be a problem - of course, you won't be able to maintain them for long. When you scatter your energies, your focus is weak.
P.S: when you chase two rabbits, you lose both - what's more there are four in the story.
John Tucker must die?
Cheers
n its not abt us being skeptical lor.. there's ntng to be skeptical abt. n u r only freak 19 yrs old lor... kiddo... -
I think you are juz lack of love... tat is why you see one gal, like one gal.... or is it u watch too much of those idol drama... but have u ever wonder.... u realli luv them or is it juz admire... u muz know, luv and admire is different....
one day if 4 of them jump into the sea, who will u save first? u might feel u luv them but u r not... hw could a person like 4 women at a time? maybe u are juz like idolize them?
but u r juz 19 yrs old... i dun think u know wat is true luv... some more guys maturity is slower than women maturity.... u betta have to understand ur true feeling to them.... ppl might find u r juz a flirt or despo...
you are selfish to the gals also.... u tell them u luv them and they also luv u... but does they know u still luv other gal? in the end, if they know the truth, u r juz hurting urself.... -
omg lols what should i say.......
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You shouldn't?Originally posted by Komon:omg lols what should i say.......
You should concentrate on your own issue.
Cheers -
You may have a great personality in attracting people and you treasure that skill. But how u commit and behave in the long term is what makes a long lasting and true relationship. You may be the envy of many teenagers and young adults around you but as an adult I will tell that you heading for disaster in finding your right partner who can live happily with you till old age.
You got to be realistic Mr. Attractive. Your inability to rationalise shows there is much for u to learn and understand about life and your own abilities. A simple question is do you think you can mentally, emotionally, physically and very importantly financially satisfy 4 girls + yourself! You will probably end up hurting everybody including yourself. -
I've talk to my dad. Told him bout the girls. No advice, but reminded that it's my problem and only I can find the answer. But he gave me a VERY frightening comment. It's right on the bulleyes. He can read me like a book. I'll post bout it later when I feel like it.
An update. Got into tons of arguements. Inevitable, nothing I couldn't handle, so it's not serious.
Whitney & Jamie studies at the same place as I do. Both are aware of each other existence as I'am not those who hide things. I try to treat them equally. If I don't spend the day with Whitney, I would spend it with Jamie. No such thing as spending time with both. If they both are busy, I'd just spend time with the other girls I know in the campus. (I don't spend much time with the guys; all my buddies outside are 25-30 years old... get the drift?)
About girls maturing faster then guys, jackpot. Let's talk about the two older girls. One of them has a mutual understanding. I allow her to see other guys, in return, she allow me to see other girls. The relationship was great with alot of loving, but it's dying down. It's like a couple getting married, years old, relationship just get into a plateau. I think we're together is because we enjoy each other company. We know each other inside out. I guess, that just means, we're just friends with benefits.
The final one started working a month back and met other older guys. She told me she's feeling attraction for one of them. I felt jealous, but I let go of it. She tried to run, but after seeing me reacting the "same", I guess that drew her back closer. All of this is a game. She's trying to break away. If I play my cards right, I can get her back. I am starting to think she's just better off with some other dude like you all suggested.
More of this later. -
hm... did u watch the movie ---> John tucker must die...
i think u are a bit like him...
heehee!!
anyways , maybe u can hint to the girls and chose the best that make ur day. Ask them whether they like to be gf with u or just friends..