A r/s problem.. any solutions?
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in some way but in another... i am so called trying not to be so clingy...Originally posted by dokono:sounds like you are trying to fight for his attention? I suppose it's good for the r/s in a way.
doko -
if you want to understand ur current boyfriend more, need not go to the extent of understanding what major ur friend is studying at, but just know and understand what ur bf is thinking, usually guys in uni, shld be either thinking/worrying bout what they work as after uni, they life ahead of them or family stuffs, how to live a life etc..Originally posted by lysa:qing chang gao shou lol... heavy flirting but not bed any guy ...
checked once.. no point checking so many time...
its nt a matter of insecurity.. its my god bro who wants to check.. i have no reasons to reject him then which i thought..
no past n present that i find its disturbing except he's boring..
all becos i let go of the past...
he knew that i am a player but he trusted me completely as i am his first love n all he knew i am truthful to him...
of course he doesn't know i wrote everything here.. if not i will be in deep trouble... i did told him both of us are not on par but he said let's give it a try before one give up till today i don't wish to give up becos i really love him... have done researches in all his studies n catch up all the stuff he's studying all in all just to give him a helping hand in his studies...
a serious r/s that's why i gave up flirting n be serious with him if not wads the point of me coming here n asking u guys for advice eh?
truth is i have gotten tired of these 2 yrs r/s wif a 16 year guy... not mature... n ill-treated me... so i knew it will be painful... but i still chose to give it up n be with my 23 bf now...
i am sure i won't dump him bcos i knew he's serious with me... if not i would have dump him earlier on...
i have clean forgotten my ex cos he's a fcuKer... like i said... i am qing chang gao shou... the day when i decided to break wif my ex.. i am prepared to accept new bf which is e current one..
2 years of memories faded becos all of that have no worth of any remembrance at all... simple as that.. this point i guess i am pretty ruthless...
I wasn't fooling wif my ex-guy for two year too... i wish to be with him till the end but from the way he treated me... that bloody fellow.. he doesn't deserve me at all.. so i gave me the break...
i ain't playing with my current bf... i am dead serious being with him..
he don't really mind my education level...
hey guy.. i guess only u are thinking... haha..
just think in line of these general stuffs will do.. so that he will not think that your childish. -
the checking was...
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Can't players be repentant? if everyone is like u so critical n condemning... wad abt those jail birds is released from prison.. everyone should be given a chance...Originally posted by 0lala:players deserve nothing
believe it or flame it,either way ur mark ass readed it -
Just give him space. I know you have feelings. Don't try to control him. See each other less. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.Originally posted by lysa:in some way but in another... i am so called trying not to be so clingy...
doko -
wow.. another fantastic opinion.. thank you friend..Originally posted by the_fallen:if you want to understand ur current boyfriend more, need not go to the extent of understanding what major ur friend is studying at, but just know and understand what ur bf is thinking, usually guys in uni, shld be either thinking/worrying bout what they work as after uni, they life ahead of them or family stuffs, how to live a life etc..
just think in line of these general stuffs will do.. so that he will not think that your childish. -
yup i know.. feelings are hard to control... will keep that in mind..Originally posted by dokono:Just give him space. I know you have feelings. Don't try to control him. See each other less. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
doko -
u're welcomeOriginally posted by lysa:wow.. another fantastic opinion.. thank you friend..
another advice..
in a relationship
it's not possible to understand each other inside out..
coz different gender can really understand, just know how to keep the spark of flame still burning can liao.
don't complicate a relationship if not it will only make things worse.
i hope you bear it in mind
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Originally posted by lysa:Hi everybodyÂ… I got a problem to shareÂ….
I am an 18 year old girl and got a 23 year old guy for a boyfriendÂ…
I got a nice boyfriendÂ… the age gap between is 5 yearsÂ… to me is a little too bigÂ… to him I am childishÂ… whereas I could say that I knew lots of things which he doesnÂ’tÂ… he didnÂ’t know I have got someone to spy on him and from there I knew a lot about his past and present. The report I gotten was a beautiful oneÂ…to be frank, I admit that I am unscrupulous in certain other ways in handling people which he doesnÂ’t know at allÂ…
To him I am not that mature to make it sounds nice to me he said thatÂ… I was wondering if I am not matureÂ… whatÂ’s the point of him being with me in the first place... we knew each other earlier this year at our workplaceÂ…
He needs a girl that is able to talk to him about intellectual stuff… but in some or another way I think I ‘failed’ because he said I should give myself a little bit more time. But I am able to support him emotionally and physically but not intellectually… he’s a currently studying a University whereas I am studying at ITE. The difference is rather big…but I know I will make it there some day… I tried reading lots of newspaper and discuss with him some intellectual stuff but I find it very hard to keep on reading on and on… I find it tiring…
HeÂ’s the best that ever could happen to me but I just felt that we are out of range no doubt initially the chemistry between was all right but not fantastic.
I am trying real hard to be intellectually on par with him and I do lots of research in the subjects heÂ’s majoring in. I done all that all in the hope that I will be able to help him academically.
Nowadays I find it boring to go out with him and a hassle to call or message him, all bottoms to the fact that he donÂ’t like to message me or call me much but he wonÂ’t go MIA for sureÂ… sometimes heÂ’s really a mood spoilerÂ… I donÂ’t know what to sayÂ…
I got to say that heÂ’s a lot of different in other guys I knew, heÂ’s not a flirt and doesnÂ’t like to talk to girls except work stuff or school workÂ… but I am differentÂ… I am a big time flirt and a player. Find it rather hard to go out with himÂ… heÂ’s boring! Guys out there.. any idea to spice up this r/s?
At times, I felt he came at the wrong time and truth to be toldÂ… he came at the wrong place tooÂ… because of him I broke up with my guy whom I have been dating for the past 2 yearsÂ… sometimes I think back, I regretted my decision. But with my current bf, I learnt lots of things which I havenÂ’t with my ex.
Okay, I will write till hereÂ… any experienced ones do give me your two cents worthÂ… do write to meÂ… thxÂ… :>
It's the time where you have decide to explore new route in love, in exchange for something vastly different; may or may not expected it, your boyfriend is certainly a different league outside that of your previous relationship/s and you, hoping that by engaging a relationship with an older guy, things may be turn out well for once.
I feel that you do not classify yourself as a classic player; the crux of your volatile passion lies in your highly mutable (Worst if you are Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius or Pisces) nature in love, where your attention span is easily dissipated and it takes much to capture your soul. I do not doubt your innate ability as a player, but a classic player usually wouldn't envision anything other than a myopic view of any particular relationship, living for the moment more than making plans or doing the 'right' thing.
Somehow you demonstrate your own version of loyalty (via length of relationship) and even sustain a bad relationship for two years. In fact, classic players loved themselves far too much to allow themselves to be manipulated in that kind of karmic manner. Classic players understand the game of love... to the point of arrogance that they knew they could get anyone they set their eyes onto and there is no reason why they should ever suffer in a karmic relationship, which contribute partially why they are are often seen fleeing from relationship to relationship.
When the spell is broken, reality fills in the void.
I believe you are overwhelmed by fatigued... tired of trying to build the persona you know man will love you for. Perhaps this is how you have been leading your BGR or sub rosa relationship; you create the phantasmal image of what you reckon your man likes, by understanding him and trying fit the perfect piece in the puzzle.
The energy exchange of this deal is when your flings showered you with love, care and attention (perhaps lovely gifts as well). But you arenÂ’t willing to trade anything else (sex was never part of this deal) and of course, when you have decided that the result was gradually getting lacklustre, you eliminate those flings and seek for newer pasture.
The other guys is your life are like simple arithmetic question while your boyfriend posted a real challenge to your seduction because somehow, it wasn't wholesome and you conclude that to be the intellectual aspect of him. I see the way you phrase your post and it just flashes to me that you are just not satisfied with owning him physically and emotionally - you want see your man surrendering to your love completely, which is why you tried to keep up with him in a realm totally alien to you.
This building of persona/facade has evolved into a modus operandi in your methodology of relationship - that you will subconsciously find yourself trying to force a piece into the puzzle, even if it's just not you. How tiring could it be, if we allow ourselves to keep doing something that is so not us?
Never enter into a relationship, knowing fully well that someone is 'nothing' and you want to breed 'something' into him/her because if you desire that 'something', you should find someone that is already well equipped with that 'something'. A fine example would be if one terribly desired a romantic partner, never choose square-down-to-earth man that cannot give you the kind of romance you crave and attempt to induce romance out of the poor guy. For your sake, he may do it and think of new ideas to appease your needs, but gradually, he will become exhausted and jaded because he will realise that is just not him.
You could be suffering from this phenomenon - your enervated emotions after long period of persona building. Or perhaps the reason why you are so keen in trying to keep up with his intellectual capacity is because you want to minimize the existing chasm that divides his world and your world.
*** After understanding what I have written above, I wouldn't suggest attempting to suit and accommodate entirely into his world because the transformation will eradicate the ORIGINAL reason why he fell in love with you (the exception is evolving; but if you have evolve into that new form, you will never feel tired nor fatigued walking in those new shoes. I mean it's noble to be wanting to be some form of support in his career, but then again, if you have blister walking in those new shoes, it probably suggested that those shoes doesn't suit you).
If your man wants an intellectual woman and views that quality as critical, he wouldn't even be with you in the first place because he would probably choose some other woman with that mental capacity. If you sacrifice much of yourself and try to fit yourself unrealistically into that frame, you will probably be a 2nd grade version and simultaneously, lose the ORIGINAL reason why he fell in love with you.
We must recognise that everyone is unique - even if we come together in a relationship, that fact remains largely the same.
He's a boring chap because you haven't enlightened him on proper social technique/skills to date and please a woman. He may be intellectually superior to you, but you emotionally superior to him. You may have done much to understand his world, but has he been taught to understand yours?
Share your strength with one another - you will find greater joy in your relationship when the gap is narrowed through intensive effort contributed from the both of you.
Cheers -
a big flirt... qing chang gao shou but never sleeps around for anythg...Originally posted by Devil1976:What sort of 'player' are you? -
Be yourself gal.
True love shouldn't be so tough. It is good that you are trying to understand more of his world, to bridge the differences, but don't wear yourself out in the process.
*pats -
Since he already know... So long as you know what you're doing and know how to control yourself, I don't think that might be a serious problem for now....?Originally posted by lysa:a big flirt... qing chang gao shou but never sleeps around for anythg... -
Both of you are unique in your own ways... Learn to appreciate that...Originally posted by lysa:a big flirt... qing chang gao shou but never sleeps around for anythg... -
lysa
You probably feel that you're ready for this type of guy (stable, mature, etc) but maybe mentally and emotionally you're just not ... and you can't force such things. Despite your past experience , 18 is still very young. -
yup... no serious problem.. except i find him boring... probably we met too earlier... if him and i meet at a later stage of my life... u are right.. both of us are unique in different ways.. i will learn hw to appreciate....Originally posted by Devil1976:Since he already know... So long as you know what you're doing and know how to control yourself, I don't think that might be a serious problem for now....? -
u are partially right... i won't force things don't worry... in fact, i have tons n tons of experience but at times there are still things which i don't understand.. pls give me more advice.. thx thx...Originally posted by choco B:lysa
You probably feel that you're ready for this type of guy (stable, mature, etc) but maybe mentally and emotionally you're just not ... and you can't force such things. Despite your past experience , 18 is still very young. -
When you have tons and tons of experience. Then you don't need advice.Originally posted by lysa:u are partially right... i won't force things don't worry... in fact, i have tons n tons of experience but at times there are still things which i don't understand.. pls give me more advice.. thx thx...
When you need advice, you may not have tons of it?
Just kidding
Arh neh -
thank u for ur reply... i will not wear myself out..Originally posted by blu_sky:Be yourself gal.
True love shouldn't be so tough. It is good that you are trying to understand more of his world, to bridge the differences, but don't wear yourself out in the process.
*pats -
yaya... u are a joker ah... thx to u too.. shhh.. no advice so keep quiet kk.. haha.. jkjk...Originally posted by M©+square:When you have tons and tons of experience. Then you don't need advice.
When you need advice, you may not have tons of it?
Just kidding
Arh neh -
Hey girl.. love ur guy as it is... i salute u for being able to forget ur ex-guy so fast.. you are my idol!!!!Originally posted by lysa:Hi everybodyÂ… I got a problem to shareÂ….
I am an 18 year old girl and got a 23 year old guy for a boyfriendÂ…
I got a nice boyfriendÂ… the age gap between is 5 yearsÂ… to me is a little too bigÂ… to him I am childishÂ… whereas I could say that I knew lots of things which he doesnÂ’tÂ… he didnÂ’t know I have got someone to spy on him and from there I knew a lot about his past and present. The report I gotten was a beautiful oneÂ…to be frank, I admit that I am unscrupulous in certain other ways in handling people which he doesnÂ’t know at allÂ…
To him I am not that mature to make it sounds nice to me he said thatÂ… I was wondering if I am not matureÂ… whatÂ’s the point of him being with me in the first place... we knew each other earlier this year at our workplaceÂ…
He needs a girl that is able to talk to him about intellectual stuff… but in some or another way I think I ‘failed’ because he said I should give myself a little bit more time. But I am able to support him emotionally and physically but not intellectually… he’s a currently studying a University whereas I am studying at ITE. The difference is rather big…but I know I will make it there some day… I tried reading lots of newspaper and discuss with him some intellectual stuff but I find it very hard to keep on reading on and on… I find it tiring…
HeÂ’s the best that ever could happen to me but I just felt that we are out of range no doubt initially the chemistry between was all right but not fantastic.
I am trying real hard to be intellectually on par with him and I do lots of research in the subjects heÂ’s majoring in. I done all that all in the hope that I will be able to help him academically.
Nowadays I find it boring to go out with him and a hassle to call or message him, all bottoms to the fact that he donÂ’t like to message me or call me much but he wonÂ’t go MIA for sureÂ… sometimes heÂ’s really a mood spoilerÂ… I donÂ’t know what to sayÂ…
I got to say that heÂ’s a lot of different in other guys I knew, heÂ’s not a flirt and doesnÂ’t like to talk to girls except work stuff or school workÂ… but I am differentÂ… I am a big time flirt and a player. Find it rather hard to go out with himÂ… heÂ’s boring! Guys out there.. any idea to spice up this r/s?
At times, I felt he came at the wrong time and truth to be toldÂ… he came at the wrong place tooÂ… because of him I broke up with my guy whom I have been dating for the past 2 yearsÂ… sometimes I think back, I regretted my decision. But with my current bf, I learnt lots of things which I havenÂ’t with my ex.
Okay, I will write till hereÂ… any experienced ones do give me your two cents worthÂ… do write to meÂ… thxÂ… :> -
i think u still need to sort out ur feelings first. do u LOVE him?
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yup of cos... but its e intellectual lvl difference u see.. u read e whole story or selective reading eh.. haha... so guess ur problems are solved which i read previously abt ur story... that's why u are here to give me advice too? hehe...Originally posted by silent_lamb:i think u still need to sort out ur feelings first. do u LOVE him? -
BAD idea!!!! nono...Originally posted by Bontakun:Tell him what you put in here. -
Be careful doing things that cause you to build up resentment. If you want to further upgrade yourself, first of all, you must like what you're doing. Otherwise, frustration will build up and affect the relationship.
Unconsciously, you are expecting him to make the relationship more exciting because for your part, you are doing something that you don't really enjoy in an attempt to match his intellectual level (this is what you perceive). So, you feel kind of difficult to keep up.
When you say boring, does it mean that you like to go clubbing, while he prefers a quiet evening? Is this the kind of difference in appreciation and enjoyment in life or something else?
Some people find a quiet walk in the park is romantic. Others think it's the most boring thing. So, it really differs from people to people.
If you are really disturbed, maybe can try talking to him about how you feel. Then again, you have to decide if he is understanding or not, or whether it's a good time, for example, talking about this when his exams are coming is definitely not a good time.
Perhaps, the most important thing is not to try too hard. It will only build up frustration when expectation is not met. Sometimes, one is not aware of the expectation consciously.
Take it easy.
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hi lysa, my name's 'L'.. hab some advice for ya, hope it helps
im oso an intellectual person, like ur bf. as wad u hab said, nt all intellectual guys r boring. in fact, i hab some parts like ur past, i hab ur flirt characteristics, though i nv specially go n learn or to gain exp from, it juz happen in mi. i oso can b v quiet n reserved, or i can crap ard n nt care abt wad other people tink abt mi, quite often i tend to attract gers easily.
sumtimes when ur bf is v quiet or alwaes hab tinks on his mind, dat's nt wad he wans to behave. he may hab many tinks he wanna understand, or to find solutions or answers to wadever he is interested in. he likes to noe abt as much tinks as he can. life to him may be to explore everything in this lifespan. if u can do sumtink different or unique to attract his attention, perhaps u will trigger him to become puzzled n become more keen in wad u'r doin. though u no longer a flirt, at times u can flirt wif him a little to make him start tokin, to bring out the romantic side of him. he may hab parts of him which he dun feel @ ease to bring it out to the world, as intellectuals tend to spend more time tinkin b4 they react. who noes, he may enjoy it ^_^
to mi, flirt is a way for understandin sum1 within the shortest time, to noe more abt the person's personality, likes & dislikes etc. as long as both parties enjoy usin flirtin as a means of communication, most of the barriers will b overcome, thus creating more comfort n ease relating wif each other. when more information is exchanged between them, familiarly develops. dat's wher chemistry come in