A r/s problem.. any solutions?
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Boring in the sense as i wanna stay out more with him.. while he prefer to go home early...Originally posted by moongster:Be careful doing things that cause you to build up resentment. If you want to further upgrade yourself, first of all, you must like what you're doing. Otherwise, frustration will build up and affect the relationship.
Unconsciously, you are expecting him to make the relationship more exciting because for your part, you are doing something that you don't really enjoy in an attempt to match his intellectual level (this is what you perceive). So, you feel kind of difficult to keep up.
When you say boring, does it mean that you like to go clubbing, while he prefers a quiet evening? Is this the kind of difference in appreciation and enjoyment in life or something else?
Some people find a quiet walk in the park is romantic. Others think it's the most boring thing. So, it really differs from people to people.
If you are really disturbed, maybe can try talking to him about how you feel. Then again, you have to decide if he is understanding or not, or whether it's a good time, for example, talking about this when his exams are coming is definitely not a good time.
Perhaps, the most important thing is not to try too hard. It will only build up frustration when expectation is not met. Sometimes, one is not aware of the expectation consciously.
Take it easy.
no choice he's a home boy.. wad to do... i don't go clubs but pubs.. parks is fine with me.. he's open with me.. but we had lots of discussions in going home early lol... so i gave up already.. no point in forcing him to stay out.. so i chose to watch movies alone or go out wif my friends after i went out with him.. so i always prefer to have lots n tons of friends to accompany me when he's nt around.. cos i hate to be alone n lonely...
i won't be so stupid to approach him during exam time.. its a big NO NO.. haha.. no worries.. i will slack now and then thus no frustrations has been build.. in fact i am fully aware wad are my expectations..
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another L.. wah.. in fact lysa not my name.. short form of someone i miss then.. hey ppl do change.. from wad i see here.. u hv changed to become more intellectual... sometimes i just can't stand guys pretend to think so hard kind of like girls.. sianzzz... (it's like kind of ai yan..) means love to act a lot.. that kind of guy when i see it.. feel like giving him a punch in the eye..Originally posted by 'L':hi lysa, my name's 'L'.. hab some advice for ya, hope it helps
im oso an intellectual person, like ur bf. as wad u hab said, nt all intellectual guys r boring. in fact, i hab some parts like ur past, i hab ur flirt characteristics, though i nv specially go n learn or to gain exp from, it juz happen in mi. i oso can b v quiet n reserved, or i can crap ard n nt care abt wad other people tink abt mi, quite often i tend to attract gers easily.
sumtimes when ur bf is v quiet or alwaes hab tinks on his mind, dat's nt wad he wans to behave. he may hab many tinks he wanna understand, or to find solutions or answers to wadever he is interested in. he likes to noe abt as much tinks as he can. life to him may be to explore everything in this lifespan. if u can do sumtink different or unique to attract his attention, perhaps u will trigger him to become puzzled n become more keen in wad u'r doin. though u no longer a flirt, at times u can flirt wif him a little to make him start tokin, to bring out the romantic side of him. he may hab parts of him which he dun feel @ ease to bring it out to the world, as intellectuals tend to spend more time tinkin b4 they react. who noes, he may enjoy it ^_^
to mi, flirt is a way for understandin sum1 within the shortest time, to noe more abt the person's personality, likes & dislikes etc. as long as both parties enjoy usin flirtin as a means of communication, most of the barriers will b overcome, thus creating more comfort n ease relating wif each other. when more information is exchanged between them, familiarly develops. dat's wher chemistry come in
For me personally i didnt go n know ppl n gain more experience.. its guys coming to me n wants to know me.. if nt i will just casual chat with them... being quiet n reserved is past me but not present me... like u too.. i often attract attention may it be bad or good.. that's why my sister said i can go n be any events manager already..
haha..
i guess guys by nature around his age probably likes to think a lot... but sometimes when one thinks too much will get even more frustrated.. your idea not bad eh.. n i think that's a great idea to get his attention.. waaah... will try it out.. muhahahaaha!!!
wow.. i like ur theory as in flirt is a way of knowing ppl... but my bf will never agreed to that.. haha.. great minds think alike.. but gotta preach wad i practise as in will never flirt again with another guy bcos of his loving care n concern if nt i felt as if i am letting him down.. he's precious to me i guess..
Thanks for ur good ideas!!!
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*Double Post*
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Too much Death Note la!Originally posted by 'L':hi lysa, my name's 'L'.. hab some advice for ya, hope it helps
im oso an intellectual person, like ur bf. as wad u hab said, nt all intellectual guys r boring. in fact, i hab some parts like ur past, i hab ur flirt characteristics, though i nv specially go n learn or to gain exp from, it juz happen in mi. i oso can b v quiet n reserved, or i can crap ard n nt care abt wad other people tink abt mi, quite often i tend to attract gers easily.
sumtimes when ur bf is v quiet or alwaes hab tinks on his mind, dat's nt wad he wans to behave. he may hab many tinks he wanna understand, or to find solutions or answers to wadever he is interested in. he likes to noe abt as much tinks as he can. life to him may be to explore everything in this lifespan. if u can do sumtink different or unique to attract his attention, perhaps u will trigger him to become puzzled n become more keen in wad u'r doin. though u no longer a flirt, at times u can flirt wif him a little to make him start tokin, to bring out the romantic side of him. he may hab parts of him which he dun feel @ ease to bring it out to the world, as intellectuals tend to spend more time tinkin b4 they react. who noes, he may enjoy it ^_^
to mi, flirt is a way for understandin sum1 within the shortest time, to noe more abt the person's personality, likes & dislikes etc. as long as both parties enjoy usin flirtin as a means of communication, most of the barriers will b overcome, thus creating more comfort n ease relating wif each other. when more information is exchanged between them, familiarly develops. dat's wher chemistry come in
P.S: Forget to mention, my secondary nick is Kira.
Cheers -
hi kira, we r frens hur? ^^ n u'r another handsome guy ^_x" -
the fact that you asked someone to spy on him is enough.
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Don't think this relationship is going to last.
The lack of trust from the start of the relationship, if it's even call a start, already breeds trouble for the future.
People may change for love. But to what extend can one change without feeling uneasy and uncomfortable? Just ask yourself if you're willing to change and you'll know the answer. -
Have you heard of time will build up trust... i am all willing to change... from wad i perceive here.. u ain't experience enough to give ur ideas... thanks anyway..Originally posted by Parka: Don't think this relationship is going to last.
The lack of trust from the start of the relationship, if it's even call a start, already breeds trouble for the future.
People may change for love. But to what extend can one change without feeling uneasy and uncomfortable? Just ask yourself if you're willing to change and you'll know the answer.
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all i want is to get to know his past n present.. all bcos he's a quiet tight lip guy.. i have my ways to deal with him...Originally posted by buses_galore:the fact that you asked someone to spy on him is enough. -
Since you've got your own circle of friends and your own life, I think it's really quite cool for now... Especially if it's not bothering him at all....?Originally posted by lysa:Boring in the sense as i wanna stay out more with him.. while he prefer to go home early... no choice he's a home boy.. wad to do... i don't go clubs but pubs.. parks is fine with me.. he's open with me.. but we had lots of discussions in going home early lol... so i gave up already.. no point in forcing him to stay out.. so i chose to watch movies alone or go out wif my friends after i went out with him.. so i always prefer to have lots n tons of friends to accompany me when he's nt around.. cos i hate to be alone n lonely...
i won't be so stupid to approach him during exam time.. its a big NO NO.. haha.. no worries.. i will slack now and then thus no frustrations has been build.. in fact i am fully aware wad are my expectations..
But ultimately, you'll still have to know what you love him for.... And his character... Though no one's really that 'perfect' but is the type you would like to spend your life with...? One thing not too nice to hear maybe... But if he's not fulfilling your life or spending time with you in certain fulfilling ways, then what could he be there for? If he is and you think that's enough for you (be truthful to yourself)... Then appreciate him for who he is... -
All r/s have problems... and itz up to both parties to solve the problem together... thats what make a real r/s last after all
If u two cant really work together to solve this problem... i suggest u two need some time for each other to cooldown before making a decision whether to stick together onot -
of course that won't bothered him...Originally posted by Devil1976:Since you've got your own circle of friends and your own life, I think it's really quite cool for now... Especially if it's not bothering him at all....?
But ultimately, you'll still have to know what you love him for.... And his character... Though no one's really that 'perfect' but is the type you would like to spend your life with...? One thing not too nice to hear maybe... But if he's not fulfilling your life or spending time with you in certain fulfilling ways, then what could he be there for? If he is and you think that's enough for you (be truthful to yourself)... Then appreciate him for who he is...
yup.. will make a decision soon whether to continue or will put it a stop.. thank you for ur ideas.. -
you are right.. will come to a decision soon..Originally posted by Snowsaint:All r/s have problems... and itz up to both parties to solve the problem together... thats what make a real r/s last after all
If u two cant really work together to solve this problem... i suggest u two need some time for each other to cooldown before making a decision whether to stick together onot -
Different lifestyle.Originally posted by lysa:Boring in the sense as i wanna stay out more with him.. while he prefer to go home early... no choice he's a home boy.. wad to do... i don't go clubs but pubs.. parks is fine with me.. he's open with me.. but we had lots of discussions in going home early lol... so i gave up already.. no point in forcing him to stay out.. so i chose to watch movies alone or go out wif my friends after i went out with him.. so i always prefer to have lots n tons of friends to accompany me when he's nt around.. cos i hate to be alone n lonely...
i won't be so stupid to approach him during exam time.. its a big NO NO.. haha.. no worries.. i will slack now and then thus no frustrations has been build.. in fact i am fully aware wad are my expectations..